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How to Love My Annoying Partner

As a nationally certified and licensed professional counselor, Janis helps her clients resolve relationship conflicts and trust issues.

Loving Her Spouse Despite His Quirky Ways

She loves her man unconditionally even if his quirkiness is irritating.

She loves her man unconditionally even if his quirkiness is irritating.

"I Do Love My Spouse, I Do Love My Partner"

There's a bible scripture that says marriage is a mystery. Statistics tell us that marriages end in divorce fifty percent of the time. It's likely that part of this is due to the reality of the individual differences two people bring, attempting to coexist in one place.

It's not easy for two individuals, with all of their differences, to actually live happily ever after once they get to know each other.

Of course, most marriages which end prematurely have much bigger issues than individual differences that make sharing the same space intolerable. But it's sometimes the little annoyances that add up, tip the scale, and create conflict and distance.

Those little annoyances, often referred to as "quirks," can make living with your spouse or partner a bit of a challenge. These oddities or foibles endear us to them but can also cause them to get on our last nerve.

Your Spouse's Little Quirks

"I Hate Those Annoying Quirky Behaviors"

A quirk is defined as an idiosyncrasy or deviation. The interesting thing is that each spouse's quirk is defined through the eyes of the other spouse. The offending spouse may not see the behavior as a problem at all.

The poem below, "Don't Change," speaks to the marriage mystery of living with the quirks, endured by many spouses after years of wedded bliss. Regardless of how loudly those quirks cause the rattled spouse to scream, the acceptance of the person and unconditional love keeps the couple together.

Annoying Hygiene Habits

Does it really take more than two minutes to brush teeth? The fight over time in the bathroom is a common conflict.

Does it really take more than two minutes to brush teeth? The fight over time in the bathroom is a common conflict.

Quirky Behaviors Seen From Your Perspective

Your spouse's quirky ways are seen as "deviations" from the norm based on your perspective. These deviations make you less and less tolerant of your spouse over time. Quirky behaviors in a marriage relationship can include, but are not limited to:

  • Eating Habits
  • Physical Hygiene
  • Compulsive Behaviors
  • Laundry Habits
  • Household Chores
  • World Views, Values, and Beliefs
  • Cooking Styles
  • Dishwashing Habits
  • Sleep Habits
  • Bathroom Habits
  • Speech and Diction
  • Driving Techniques

Eating Habits of Spouses and Partners

Lack of home training can create quirks ways, some of which are displayed in public.

Lack of home training can create quirks ways, some of which are displayed in public.

Accepting Partner's Habits with Unconditional Love

Read the poem and take a moment to look at your spouse or partner with new eyes. Count the blessings of your marriage and the positive attributes of your marriage mate. Ask yourself if the good, most of the time, outweighs that which gets under your skin.

Try a couple's exercise to identify attributes and quirky behaviors. Write down two quirks you hate and two things your spouse does that you love. Laugh at each other's quirky ways and praise each other's positive qualities, affirming your unconditional love for and acceptance of the total person.

When you feel like you want to throw a plate at your spouse as he continues to chew with open mouth, take a deep breath. Put the plate down and say, "Honey, even though your chewing gets on my last nerve, it's just one quirk that makes you who you are. I'm lucky to have someone to share a meal with me."

That type of exchange will increase his awareness and make him chew a little quieter next time.

Quirkiness is a Lovable Trait of Your Partner

Loving the goofiness in your partner means loving the whole person.

Loving the goofiness in your partner means loving the whole person.

"Don't Change"


Those quirks that live under my skin,

I willingly let them in.


Like that great novel

With the lull in the dullness of Chapter Six,

I still want to read more about you.


You're like an old shoe that needs replacing,

But still able to hold me snug in comforting caress.


Even as I feel the occasional sting of your words,

I love to hear the mellow sound of your voice.


Enjoying the peace that comes with your absence,

I long for the embrace of your return.


Cringing at the sound of your chew,

I look forward to our next dinner together.


Listening to your sideways points of view,

I dance with you in two-step conversation.


Falling deeper inside my unconditional love for all parts of you,

Accepting the package deal,

Wishing you'd change,

Hoping that you never will.

Beyond the Annoyances, Unconditional Love Lasts Forever

Seeing past her quirky ways will lead to a happily ever after marriage.

Seeing past her quirky ways will lead to a happily ever after marriage.

The Qualities That Really Matter

We know that marriage is not easy. It is amazing to hear that some last for 25, 40, or even 65 years. It seems that the happiest couples find a way to minimize the little annoyances and cherish the things that really matter.

Couples learn to live with the quirks and differences between them, strengthened by an endurance that promises the greater gains, benefits, and long-term companionship offered by the marriage relationship.

Information on Living with a Quirky Partner

  • The Mindful Couple: Quirks
    The difficulty with quirks in a partner is that, by definition, they are peculiar and idiosyncratic and not commonly shared.

"No Body Does It Better" . . . Than Your Partner.

© 2013 Janis Leslie Evans

Comments

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 26, 2020:

Thank you so much, Tim, for your thoughtful comments. Your wife is very lucky. Blessings to both of you, too.

Tim Truzy from U.S.A. on September 25, 2020:

My spouse's annoying habits I've come to cherish. As people realize everyone is not the same, compassion flows forth. Truly, if we could love unconditionally so easy, He wouldn't have sent so many teachers to us over our existence as mortals. My wife is the part of me making life an adventure. Intriguing and thoughtful article. Blessings.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 06, 2014:

Yes, newjerusalem, true love will last beyond the annoyances. I think you hit the secret, to keep writing. Also, keep trying to improve your strategies about how to get traffic and how to use social media. The other secret is to know what people are looking for, what bothers them regularly, and what answers they are looking for, even if the situation they are in doesn't change. People just want validation, for someone to speak to their heart's desires.

victor from India on June 06, 2014:

Yes, it's true "beyond all annoyances the unconditional lasts forever"

I want know the secret of scoring 100 in hubpages......

Keep writing

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on February 10, 2014:

You said it well, chef-de-jour. Thank you for coming by to read this one, glad you liked the poem.

Andrew Spacey from Near Huddersfield, West Yorkshire,UK on February 10, 2014:

I like the way you embed a meaningful poem into your article, enhancing the whole experience.

My long term partner is from the Netherlands - she's dutch - and they're very quirky people! Ooops, didn't mean to lump them all as one.

Learning how to be tolerant is a big challenge for some in these days of instant gratification and low tolerance thresholds.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 21, 2013:

Not at all, Michele. The love for your daughter makes loving each other easier and lessens the annoyances. She is the glue. I'm glad you liked this hub. Thanks for those comments.

Michele Travis from U.S.A. Ohio on September 21, 2013:

I love this hub. My husband and I have a daughter with Autism. For some strange reason it brings us closer. Like we are fighting for her. I don't really know. We love her very much and our love for each other is stronger. Hope that doesn't sound strange.

Thank you for writing this.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on July 09, 2013:

I'm glad you found me, too. Thank you for stopping by to visit and appreciating my work.

Writer Fox from the wadi near the little river on July 09, 2013:

I'm so glad to find another poet on HubPages. Enjoyed this!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on July 05, 2013:

Great wisdom and truth, DDE. We all have quirks and learn to love each other anyway. Thanks for your comment.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 05, 2013:

It is what true love is all about hating the quirks and loving the man, understanding and getting used to ones habit can be difficult but in time you see yourself also with quirks

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 15, 2013:

You're funny, PHILLYDREAMER. Thanks for stopping by.

Jose Velasquez from Lodi, New Jersey on June 15, 2013:

I probably have some of the most annoying quirks imaginable. I often think of my wife as the angel god sent me, because he knew no mortal person could ever live with me.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 09, 2013:

You are quite welcome, Eddy. Thanks for stopping by and liking it.

Eiddwen from Wales on May 09, 2013:

A wonderful share and thanks for doing so.

Eddy.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 08, 2013:

Yup, mr-veg, you're right about that. :-) Thanks for stopping by, glad you liked it.

mr-veg from Colorado United States on May 08, 2013:

Nice one Jan !! I love those quirks listed out here :) You know it's part and parcel of the game called Marriage :D

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 07, 2013:

Thank you, Faith Reaper. It's always a treat and a blessing to get a visit from you. I'm grateful for the votes and the sharing.

Faith Reaper from southern USA on May 07, 2013:

Yes, if one has been married for any amount of time, you will know and experience such "quirks!" LOL

Excellent points and I love your poem!

Voted up +++++ and sharing

God bless, Faith Reaper

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 07, 2013:

I'm so pleased with your response, glad you can relate. Believe me, I write from personal and professional experience and you are definitely not alone. Thank you so much for the visit, warm comments, and your votes.

travmaj from australia on May 07, 2013:

You have been reading my mind - well said, very observant hub. And most identifiable.

It reads so well and makes so much sense, I'm smiling and somewhat relieved to learn I'm not alone. You have stated some good points and the poem says so much. Thank you and Voting.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 07, 2013:

You're welcome, Mhatter. Glad you liked it. Arlene? Sounds like this hub has some hidden meaning for you. Guess it was meant to be and I was meant to offer it. My pleasure.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 07, 2013:

Thank you very much, Vacation Trip. I'm grateful for your visit.

Susan from India on May 07, 2013:

Great hub. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing. Voted up.

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on May 06, 2013:

Thank you for this background and great poem. I don't know how Arlene put you with this character.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 06, 2013:

Oh, prettynutjob, what sweet comments. I'm so glad you stopped by, appreciate your visit and sharing of this hub. Thank you so much.

Mary from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on May 06, 2013:

This is beautiful, they do drive us crazy but we probably do them too. I wouldn't trade one moment of it though, after a while it's hard to fall asleep without them. Great hub, voted up and shared.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 06, 2013:

Ha ha, that's funny and sweet rolled into one. Thanks for the visit and continued support, billybuc.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on May 06, 2013:

I figure if Bev can love my quirks then I can certainly love hers. :) I try to just keep my mouth shut except to say "I love you" often.