Anifar, a well-nurtured mentor and counselor who is passionate about sharing her ideas on relationships.
Have you ever been into a toxic relationship before? Let me believe that at one time you found yourself there. No relationship is all perfect, there must be at least some toxicities in it. Sometimes, it’s difficult to identify toxicities in your relationship. However, there are signs which can tell you that all is not working and these include:
1. Feeling Sad and Lonely
What does it mean to be partners or be in a relationship? It’s just simple. Your partner should be the source of your happiness. Spending time together should be the most exciting time to be waited for at every moment in your life. But what triggers your mind when all of sudden you start feeling sad and lonely when you are together? Automatically something is wrong somewhere that needs to be fixed.
2. Separation From Friends and Family
How much does your partner care about you having friends and family by your side or does he really know the importance of them being around you? You may be in a relationship where your partner does not appreciate that you have friends to hang out with or a family to care for you. They may make an effort to destroy those relationships by soiling them with a lot of negativities which eventually makes you separated from them.
3. Ignorant About their Actions
If you are in a relationship where your partner does not care about your feelings, that's a real turn-off. Caring about how your partner feels especially in a romantic relationship matters a lot. Some actions can hurt someone's feelings without even noticing unless they are too open to speak up and tell you that is wrong. Your partner's heart should be your priority. Don't be too comfortable in doing something that you really know it's wrong.
4. Sacrificing For Their Happiness
Its good to sacrifice for your loved ones but what if your efforts are not being recognized? You love your partner so much and you are willing to give everything he or she wants but in the long run they keep on disappointing you in as much as you try to make them feel happy. What could have contributed to this? The fear of losing a loved one can change make you become what you never expected. Your happiness should be your priority. Let go what does not deserve your sacrifices and live happily.
5. Financial Issues
Being in a relationship comes with a lot of things such as managing finances. A couple may decide to contribute equally or open an account together to save their money for upkeep which is good. But some partners will always pull you back by not contributing or by spending a lot of money on unnecessary things. Or maybe using money without your consent. This may bring a lot of problems such as constant quarrels which may end up destroying your relationship.
6. The Feeling No Support
It is good to sacrifice for your loved ones but what if your efforts are not being recognized? You love your partner so much and you are willing to give everything they want but in the long run, they keep on disappointing you as much as you try to make them feel happy. What could have contributed to this? The fear of losing a loved one can change and make you become what you never expected. Your happiness should be your priority. Let go of what does not deserve your sacrifices and live happily.
7. Hoping For Your Partner's Change
If someone is built on cheating on you while in a relationship or maybe has behaviors that are unpleasing and you are still clinging onto it hoping for change, that’s a red flag. For how long will your partner say sorry just because he has been cheating you constantly? Sometimes, we find ourselves loving our partners too much which is accepted. But here comes the problem when you are taken advantage of because they know you love them too much to an extent they can disrespect you anyhow. Longing for change may take a long time and hence wasting your energy and hurting your feelings each and every day. The earlier you notice this, the better to move on with your life or talk about it instead of waiting for change that will not come.
8. Destroying Your Self Esteem
Some partners can ruin your self-esteem at some point in your relationship. They do it by just making nasty comments that make you ask whether you are good enough. When this question strikes your mind, just know it is not well. Some comments such as “don’t like ladies who wear makeup”, “don’t like such dresses”, “I like girls with short or long hair”, and “I wish to marry a lady that has this or that”. These comments can be heartbreaking. A good partner should appreciate you always.
9. Negligence of Self-Care
Signs of toxicity in a relationship come from both sides. You too are a contributor to it. Self-care should be your priority in any relationship. You should make all efforts to take care of yourself accordingly. Avoid too much stress, dress well, go out with your friends and have fun. Be beautiful or handsome always. But if you notice that you no longer do any of them, that’s a red flag and you should watch out. Maybe you are becoming irresponsible because you are already tired of the relationship and you don't care anymore for whatever happens.
10. Feeling of Insecurity
Love and trust matter a lot in a relationship. When you find yourself always insecure when around your partner, that’s a red flag. These may be contributed to your partner not giving you all their concentration or always on their phone when addressing you even during an important discussion. This may make you avoid being around them.
11. Sense of Irresponsibility
Responsibility should be the number one key in a relationship. When your partner cannot involve in doing some simple tasks in the house or maybe doesn't take care of you when you are sick, there is already some level of toxicity. If Telling them to help in doing some chores brings disagreements always, just know that all is not well.
12. Giving a Cold Shoulder To Important Issues
When last did you bring up an important issue and your partner gave you a cold shoulder? It is always saddening when this happens. You begin to wonder why things are changing so fast more than you expected after all you have gone through. Your partner should be more engaging when it comes to discussing issues that are vital in your relationship. If not, then your relationship is on the verge of dying.
13. Constant Stress
Stress can also be a sign of a toxic relationship. When you constantly think about issues concerning your partner such as how they are not treating you right or the change in them that makes you uncomfortable can be distressing to you. However, not only your partner who can cause you stress. Stress can also come from family issues that you are not able to overcome. This can drain your relationship to an extent that you never expected since all your focus has been driven to thinking about how to solve those issues. This can really be a scale back, especially in growing relationships.
Related: 35 Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship.