The Influence of Attitude
Our attitude plays a significant role in the courage we have to face with experiences and problems. This attitude to "those out there" is a mirror image of how we view ourselves
Let me show you some hypothetical characters to highlight the extremes of behavior based on their own attitudes.
There are two groups of worriers:
- Past worriers
- Future worriers
Past worriers are harassed by the phrase 'If only I hadn't...', which is constantly repeated on their internal tape, causing the to blame themselves for problems that befall them.
Having made mistakes in the past they are frightened of taking risks in the present. Their confidence is reduced in case the same happens again. Their head is pointed backwards instead of living in the present ad facing the future. The emotion that erodes their confidence is guilt and their password is caution.
Future worriers are never where life really is - in the present.They are always out there anticipating problems. Their greatest skill is predicting pitfalls that never occur. They are run by 'what if...?' and see calamities at every turn. Risk-taking is foreign to their policy on life as it is fraught with too many dangers.
For example, while eating the main course they will worry in case there is no dessert. During the dessert they worry in case the coffee will be cold. They are run by concern. They make sure they are in control at all times and will not venture out of their safety circle.
2. Anxious People
Anxious people radiate electricity. when they walk into the room you know they are there. Their body language is full of fear. They sit on the edge of the seat, fidget and their eyes are always on the move.
They give the impression they are in imminent danger. They can't listen as they are focused on their fears. They may appear aggressive but this is a veneer acting as a defense mechanism. They are alert at all times, their internal alarm system constantly warning them of danger.
They have difficulties with decisions due to the influence of fear. They are constantly involved with their own needs, requiring reassurance at every turn.
The believe they have no rights. Everyone else is more important then they are. The have spent so long responding to the needs of others they no longer know what they want.
Their lives are run by 'should, must, ought to, and can't. They have no control of what happens to them and play a passive role to others' activity.
Fixers are focused on what they can do to change things or people. Any information received is channeled into 'What can I do to fix that'
They are achievers and are ' task oriented' in that they translate everything into a task which is followed by 'How can I fix it?' Other people's feelings are not taken into account when an outcome is in sight. They are in their heads more than in their hearts.
They are successful in their outcomes but have difficulties in their relationships. Often they try to 'fix; people and take others' burdens on their shoulders. Their confidence is high as they are achievers and are focused on the achievements they can create and the problems they can solve.
They are the opposite of fixers. They are not all bothered by outcomes. they are content to allow the winds of fortune blow them this way and that. They don't feel any need to fix anything. They "roll with the blows' and are able to cope with any outcome.
They are not successful in a material sense but value emotions highly - both their own and others. They are able to find benefits from whatever happens and 'control' is not a word in their vocabulary.
6. Depressive People
They have run out of energy; their battery is flat; they can't be bothered; they have lost enthusiasm. Their main activity is to wait till someone make a suggestion then negate it and tell you all the reasons why it won't work. Their main aim is to do nothing, as their energy level is low.
Their body language radiates the 'deadness' they feel inside. They have a major lack of self-confidence and believe that by doing nothing this may be kept hidden. Pessimism is their friend and ally.
Enthusiasts are full of vigor towards anything they are involved in. They are super optimists and only focus on positive outcomes. They minimize hurdles and use their energy to find ways around them.
Their focus is out there rather than internally. They are missionaries trying to convert others to share their joy in life.They are great fun to be with and you are sure of having a good time. Perhaps they are easier to take in small doses then as full-time partners.
8. Aggressive People
They believe that belligerence will achieve their aims for them. Whatever the question, aggressiveness is the answer. Their past experience has reinforced this attitude. They are insensitive to the feelings of others and are unaware of the difference between aggression and assertion.
They have learnt that they can achieve results by screaming at people so that is just what they do. Any discussion pointing out alternative ways is regarded as weakness. They are very proud of their achievements and not slow to point them out to anyone who will listen.
Deep down they are generally insecure and angry. These feelings are often blocked off from themselves and if pointed out will be denied with aggression. In order to gratify their needs they often surround themselves with victim personalities.
9. Shy People
Shy people do not take control of their lives, allowing others to do so for them. They hope someone will fix their lives. Being assertive feels like being aggressive and that is the worst feeling in the world. Perhaps one of their parents was aggressive and they are doing everything in their power to prevent that happening to them.
They know what they want but do not have the power to achieve it. Being quiet is what they do best. Their main aim is not to get in the way of others. They are run by their feelings and concerned about the feelings of others.
They undervalue their needs and overvalue the needs of others. Avoidance is the main way they cope with the world. They are always hopeful and realize the frustration of not being able to achieve their hopes by their own power.
10. Emotional People
They are complicated personalities but you will know all about them if you have been in a relationship with them. Their main ability is to find fault with everyone except themselves.
Their main weapon is blame and they rely on the guilt of their victim to gain control. They are never wrong and so take a superior stance. They are good with words so it is difficult to put a point view to them.
Deep down, they are extremely insecure and have built up layers of aggressiveness to cover this. Their emotional reserves are at rock bottom, so they drain the emotions of others in order to survive.
11. Confident People
Last but not least, we talk about confident people. They have qualities in perspective and are aware of feelings as well as tasks. They have an adult attitude and are able to be assertive without being aggressive.
They respect and accept themselves and know their limitations. They are also able to respect others and do not try to change them. They are balance between fixers and acceptors. They have no need to show off their abilities and are always ready to listen and learn.
They are aware of their feelings and also the feelings of others and treat both with respect. Their confidence allows them to be open about their shortcomings. They are aware of their darker side and don't try to hide it.
All the characters that listed above are extreme and over dramatized, in order to highlight some of the facets our personalities contain. We are all a mixture of different characteristics with combination in different proportions. Generally, one or two characteristics dominate our behaviors and attitudes.
If you have identified with one or more categories, check if you are happy to be that way. Perhaps find some categories that would suit you better. Ask yourself if the underlying driving forces that dictate your character are out of date or appropriate. If they are out of date, substitute more suitable aspects to the way you view the world.
The aim of this is to have a balance of personality types so you can maintain your individuality and also have choices to achieve what you want in life.
© 2020 Johnson Loh Yong Seng