How to Get Over Your Crush

Getting Over Someone

Have you ever liked someone for years on end? Do you swoon every time you see them but then you feel awful because nothing is progressing? Don’t be like Martha in Dr. Who. She pines for the doctor, and it makes their adventures — that would otherwise be awe-inspiring — laborious chores. Martha eventually says adieu to the doctor; she focuses on her own ambitions and grows her career.

Getting over someone is no walk in the park. Literally, everyone has had to do it at some point. Figuring out how to get over feelings that aren't going anywhere is just part of being human. This article is full to the brim with ideas that can help you navigate this time in your life.

Moving On

You have to have the right mindset if you want to move on from an unrequited crush. The only way to get over someone is to break the addiction your mind has concerning the person. I’m giving you a guide on ways you can set yourself free and break your pesky addiction.

My advice? Be excited for this stage of “lost love.” Throw on the jams from Nickel Creek’s Why Did the Fire Die or Royksopp’s The Inevitable End. Go old school and surround your ears with the broken-hearted smash hits by Fleetwood Mac.

There are more great songs about breakups and unrequited love than there are about lasting love. A song about loss and hardship tends to be a crowd favorite. "Someone I Used to Know" by Gotye brought the band instant fame. If you’re a creative type, unrequited romance might be the muse you’ve always needed.

This is a season in life, it's not something you'll go through forever. If you want to hit the fast-forward button and cut out the nonsensical crushing, keep reading.

Create a Master Plan

When it comes to moving on from a crush, a written-out strategy can help you tackle the unpleasantries of the process. Often the best way to get over someone is to distract yourself and get busy with other things. Cleaning, going for a run, and making new friends are all steps in the right direction.

Below I've written out ways that you can delve deeper into these tasks so that you leave less and less head space to wonder about your crush. First, I think the most important thing to do is clean up your living space.

Time for A Deep Cleansing

Sure, the term “cleansing” sounds witchy. It might be — who knows? But what I’m going to list is more about cleaning and how using the right ingredients in your kitchen can be a cheap way to pamper yourself.

Below I’ve listed several methods on how you can do a cleansing on your life, so you can relax and find a new purpose.

Clean Your Living Spaces

A home that's in disarray can make you feel bogged down. It can feel challenging to declutter and straighten up your belongings. If your home isn't squeaky clean, now is the perfect time to sort it. Getting over someone is an excellent excuse to clean, throw out things you don't need, and generally get your living spaces into shape. This is a great way to stumble upon things that remind you of your crush and to toss those mementos in the trash.

Here are some of my top sorting tips:

1. Clear your room. Get rid of any attachments you might have to your crush. Get rid of old papers, make your bed, take some Windex to the windows, fold up your laundry, take out the trash, and vacuum. Your room is your sanctuary and gives people a glimpse into your mental state. What does your room say about you?
2. Clean out the fridge. No one likes this chore. It’s great right now because it’s time-consuming! When you clean out your fridge, think about what silly things you’ve been holding onto in romance … that romance is like the mold that’s grown all over some two-month-old leftovers that you've refused to trash. Wash down the drawers, get rid of old items, get rid of gunk in crevices, and organize your fridge.
3. Organize your closet by color. You can also organize your closet by clothing type. Organizing it by color can help you to think about what colors you do want in your life. Do you want things to be bleak and gray forever or do you want a touch of red and pink? If you come across something that reminds you of your crush, donate it. Or burn it.
4. Deep clean the bathroom. Scrub down the toilets, bathtub, and shower. Add a plant that’s appropriate for the bathroom.
5. Deep clean the kitchen. Grab a sponge and scrub down the counters, microwave, stove, and sink. Get rid of items you no longer use and donate items when possible. Organize your pots and pans.
6. Burn some sage. A proper cleansing comes with sage. Burn some sage and unlatch yourself from your unseen demons. This can take out the pungent smell in your kitchen.
7. Throw some lemon or orange peels into your garbage disposal. Hit the garbage disposal button while the water is running. The peels will clean your garbage disposal and make things smell better.

The Perfect Bath for a Cleansing

Pampering yourself is better than beating yourself up for not attracting some cute person you've adored since they moved into your neighborhood. Indulging in a bath or shower can improve your mood. Here are some ways you can take your bath to the next level:

1. Wash your hair with coconut milk. Buy fancier shampoo and conditioner that makes you feel like a god or goddess. Giving your hair the best treatment possible might help you to find a new lease on life.
2. Make a skin scrub with olive oil and sugar. This will help remove dead skin cells, giving you a more radiant look. Plus, it softens your skin. Add lavender, vanilla, or rose to your olive oil mixture. Don’t add cinnamon which can harm your skin. Epsom salt scrubs also work.
3. Throw some teabags into your hot bathwater. Earl gray tea is good for your skin. Jasmine smells nice. Green tea has antioxidants.
4. Candles. Take a bath in the dark with only candles.
5. Facial mask. Give your face a spa treatment with a store-bought mask. Revitalizing your skin might make you feel younger.
6. After your bath, place a clean, new towel on your pillow. Silk pillow sheets often help produce bacteria. A fresh towel can help slow down the growth of unwanted microbes.
7. Throw a bath bomb into your bath for all the fizzles and delightful smells.
8. Replace the showerhead with a new one that has different settings and can detach from the wall. A showerhead with massage and mist settings can make the showering experience far more enjoyable.

Mental Cleansing

You may have obsessively thought about your love interest for many weeks, months, or years. Now it is time to rewire your brain.

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Being in love, even if it is just unrequited, is like a drug. The first few days may be easy, but you’re bound to have withdrawals. Scientists have done studies where the brain scans of those in love are similar to those on addictive drugs. It may take time to get over someone, it may even hurt but try to relax and give your brain something else to think about. Getting over someone will help you to take control of the wheel to your life.

Here are some suggestions to improve your mental outlook:

1. Try listening to meditative music, binaural beats, or an audiobook. Try bringing new ideas to your mind to take your focus off your love interest.
2. Disconnect from social media. You may want to snooze him/her/them on Facebook (deleting might be too strong, and may signal the wrong message to this person). You may want to unfollow his friends or family — that way you don’t come across his name by accident. Don’t follow her on other social media websites. Try to create a different path for how you surf the Internet. Stop stalking them.
3. If you follow a religion, now might be the time to get more involved. Curl up with a book that’s important to you. Meet people who have similar views. Get involved in community projects. Approach existential questions rather than run from them.
4. In private, talk directly to your mind. Tell it that you’re not going to hang onto this person anymore. That you are okay being single. You know there is someone who is better suited for you, and you just have to be patient for the right time to come. You don’t need your crush anymore. Take your hands in a triangle and push away the bad thoughts — it may sound weird, but this physical action can help reset your brain.
5. Cleansing comes with creating more positive emotions. Do what you can to laugh. Get out of bed — you don’t need to sit there like a lummox. Be creative. Follow your passions. Life is too short to waste it focused on someone who doesn’t spend time with you, isn’t going to be there for you, or just plain isn’t involved in your life. Learn a new language, learn a new musical instrument, or take up dancing, pottery, or poetry.
6. Try making an intentional space that you use to refocus yourself on cleansing. This does not mean that you force a new love interest into your heart. Be patient. It may take time, but the right person will come along, so focus more on cleansing.
7. Water is your friend. Drink lots of water. Take showers and baths. Go to the ocean. Play in the rain. Dehydration can lead to anxiety, so drink your daily H2O.

Make New Friends

Go out with your friends or make new ones. A new social atmosphere will give you a fresh look at life. If you have a new group of friends you’ll be presented with new opportunities.

Your friends will want to bond with you, encourage you, and bring joy into your life where you might not have appropriately been receiving those blessings. Friends will keep the conversation rolling, keep you busy, and help you find someone new when the time is right.

Things You Shouldn’t Do

Take a hard look at what you do on a regular basis. There are likely things you can cut out of your routine. We all have habits that don't serve us or make us happy. Now is a great time to rethink your day-to-day actions.

Below I've listed things you shouldn't do if you're trying to get over someone. These are destructive things that can make matters worse:

1. Don’t drown yourself in alcohol. A lot of people try to get over someone by marrying the whiskey bottle, and it generally just brings out all the wrong emotions and can even worsen any existing problems.
2. Don’t get into smoking, especially if you haven’t been smoking already. You don’t need to take up a new addiction to replace your crush addiction.
3. Don’t go bankrupt on buying a new wardrobe. Often people buy new clothes to feel a new sense of self. Don’t go overboard buying new clothes that you can’t afford.
4. Don’t text him angry messages. Your crush doesn’t need to know how you really feel. Don’t act like they’re missing out on something. Don’t be a drama queen. Don’t lower yourself to petty standards.
5. Don’t try to see if he is interested in someone else or stalk him when he is in a relationship. Get a hold of yourself! Don’t stalk someone when they’ve coupled up. You have to teach yourself not to care.
6. Don’t message his new girlfriend. You may have questions, you may have lingering feelings, or you may wonder what she has that you don’t — but don’t reach out to her, even if you’re just trying to “friend” her.
7. Don’t drive by where she lives, works, and hangs out in hopes of coming across her. You’re not over someone if you’re hoping to bump into them.

The Five Stages of Grief

There are a myriad of emotions people go through when they experience loss or have to give something up. The five stages of grief can apply to getting over someone. Here is how that can look:

• First, you may experience denial. You may be in serious denial that he/she/they got into a relationship with someone else. You may deny that things are not as bad as they seem. You might be in this stage for a while, but eventually, you'll come out of this.
• Stage two is all about anger. You might suddenly find yourself boiling with rage over the littlest things. Don’t do anything drastic! They don’t need to know about your anger, so don’t send angry texts or big group messages to express your red-hot feelings. Instead, relax. Take it easy. When you have the chance, think directly about your anger in private. Sort through your thoughts, acknowledge them, and move on.
• Three: bargaining. You may try to regain control of the situation. You may try getting his opinion again. You may try changing the way you look to see if that will help. Just know this is another stage of grief.
• Then comes stage four: depression. You’ll be super sad. You’ll listen to sad songs on a neverending loop. You’re almost done with this whole grief process, so just know this is a phase. Draw, paint, sing, and dance out those emotions. Make sure you have clean sheets and a really nice blanket or two if you are going to be stuck in bed … at least try to have clean sheets.
• Then, at last, the final stage: acceptance. Eventually, your brain and heart are going to let go of Mr. Handsome. And you know what? Hallelujah! Your heart is strong enough to break and recover! So, move on! Get over that lazy butt you thought was a divine god or goddess, and be the more happy, rejuvenated you.

Last Thoughts

When it comes to creating a plan to get over someone, it's important to give yourself some slack. Your progress isn't necessarily going to look like someone else's. It's great to write up a plan and put yourself on a path that gets you closer to what you want rather than pining over someone who doesn't care about you ... at least not in that way.

By focusing on and developing your interests, you'll figure out more what you want out of life in general and you may end up finding like-minded people and someone who is a better match for you overall. It's okay to be down in the dumps for a time. But don't stay there forever. Life is full of surprises and amazing things, so don't huddle down in sadness and avoid the good stuff.

Not every crush is meant to end in a happy marriage with two kids, a two-story house, a cat and dog, and a gorgeous backyard. Crushes are all varied and the end destinations are varied too.

Additional Reading

• Adamo, Natasha. Win Your Breakup: How to Be The One That Got Away. Lioncrest Publishing, 2022.
• Halpern PhD, Howard M. How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. Tantor, 2004.
• Trenton, Nick. The Art of Letting Go: Stop Overthinking, Stop Negative Spirals, and Find Emotional Freedom. Independently published, 2023.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2014 Andrea Lawrence

Comments

Stargrrl on March 20, 2015:

I enjoyed this hub. You brought up a lot of good points for getting over someone. Well researched and written, and voted up.