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How To Fight Infidelity Like You Really Mean It

I'm a dad, husband, and Christian first. Second, I'm an educator & organizational development professional.

How do you prevent yourself from cheatin?

How do you prevent yourself from cheatin?

It may start from just glances then it ends up in the bed (in an alley, backseat of a car, in a meadow full of butterflies, anywhere actually just take your pick). With that, your relationship just gets screwed. Some are too casual about sex. However, there is more to this than just fiery loins. Obviously, I value marital commitments. Fidelity is a must, not a suggestion. Unfortunately, many go astray. And many do so with a sly smile on their faces. OK, you can wipe that smile off your face now. Up to 74% of men and 68% of women would cheat if they know they wouldn't get caught. Would you?

Infidelity has gotten too trivial that there are websites and online communities that promote such promiscuity. Likewise, you can find temptations in familiar places like work, gym, Walmart or even within your circle of friends. Veer from these temptations! (Cue in the lighting bolts and thunder!) The allure of physical pressure can be overpowering. After all, hormones are strong - just ask a newly turned vampire or werewolf. And coupled with lax societal values, the sacred union of marriage is distilled down into mere satisfaction of physical pleasure.

With affairs lasting an average of 2 years, it has evolved from mere one night stands into a lifestyle. Infidelity is so common all you have to do is click. Oh, the wonders of the Internet. It is like flesh via clicks. Gone are the days when people see infidelity as taboo. But there is still hope.

Here are some strategies you can do to ensure that temptations don'ts screw you.

The devil will make it hard for you to resist temptations

The devil will make it hard for you to resist temptations

1. Move Away From Temptations

People say, "it's ok to look at the menu even after you've ordered your meal" or "I'm just looking not touching." Some even go as far as saying it's just "harmless flirtation." But allow me to put it simply: DON'T FEED THE BEAST! I have seen "harmless" turn into nasty quickly.

Temptations are everywhere. And the battle starts in your head! Dude, not that head, the other one. And cutting it off is not an option.

Focus on what is important

When was the last time you're focused on work then a gorgeous coworker walks by and touches your shoulder a bit longer than usual. Then out of nowhere your focus shifts from finishing your report to "that is a hot-smackin', yummy babe." The I-gotta-have-some-of-that attitude begins to creep in. And yes, you keep on staring at her butt as she walks away. Yummy right? Right there my friend is the moment you take your keyboard and slam it on your head. You can opt for the CPU for better results.

According to InfidelityFacts, 36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a coworker. Likewise, the same percentage admit to having an affair while on a business trip. Many spend more time with coworkers than the family. It's no wonder why the workplace is a volatile place.

Here are some important ideas so you can keep a clean and clear focus. It may take some getting used to especially if you've been under the curse of the dark side.

Consume yourself with productive and relevant thoughts
If you are at work focus on your task. If you are with your family focus on your family. Of course we get distracted. But when we find ourselves astray, we immediately correct our heading. I find it useful to have a certain mantra in my head just to keep me in the clear. But chanting "I want that hot mama" is counterproductive. A simple prayer will suffice - more on this later.

Do not focus on the lust or sexual undertones
It is one thing to appreciate beauty and it is another to have lustful thoughts. I assure you this is easier said than done. Mainstream media has bombarded us with images of flirtations and sex. When was last time you saw an ad with scantily clad women or men? Sometimes huge billboards distract drivers with provocative images. Lust is everywhere. Also, I came across an argument on who is hotter of the two...Elsa or Anna of Frozen. Come on now, these are Disney characters. And don't get me started with Game Of Thrones. I am a fan. But I focus on the story not on Daenarys' bosom or some other woman's private parts. Sex is a commodity!

Moving away from temptations requires focusing on what is important. If it were easy our world would have no problems with cheating and infidelity. Suffice to say, it takes a lot of will power to fight the temptations around us.

Remove anything that promotes unclean thoughts

Another effective way to move away from temptations is to consciously remove anything that may promote unclean thoughts and behavior. After all, if you have fewer distractions, you can fight infidelity easily. Of course what drives your libido into submission varies. Find your weakness and start ditching them. Try these strategies.

Move away from materials that promote lust and promiscuity
Throw away those dirty magazines tucked deep in your closet you thought your spouse didn't know. And yes, throw away those VHS porn tapes. Plus, who uses VHS today? In the spirit of the animated movie Frozen...let it go. Dispatch items that promote lust.

Purge your hard drive of these materials and links.
Do not waste hard disk space with pornography, website cache of lewd information. Also, delete the account and email address of the person you like talking dirty to online. Plus, stop streaming and downloading lustful data. I assure you, your spouse will appreciate the proper use of bandwidth.

Can you stare at temptation and just say NO?

Can you stare at temptation and just say NO?

2. Say No To Infidelity To Protect Your Relationship

Just like drugs, you just have to say no. I know, how can you resist a free hook up? No credit card trials and no getting the other person drunk to like you. Like drugs, infidelity can be addictive. Once you get away with it, you may have a hard time stopping. After all, you got away once, what's the harm? Wrong!

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Walk away from temptation
I have friends who love going to bars for an easy score. I never joined them. I literally walked away! When temptation walks right up to your face, be strong enough to turn your back and just walk away. After some time, they'll have a new found respect for you or they'll think you're gay and just give up. Either way, you can easily say no to infidelity.

Do not put yourself in precarious situations
There are instances when we intentionally put ourselves in our libido's line of fire. More distressing is that we justify our actions with something that resembles logic. And with a blind eye we convince ourselves that it is good.

Here are examples of what I mean. Have you stayed later in the office to help out a "friend" because the deadline is drawing nearer? Helping out a friend is truly noble. But when the underlying motive reveals a desire for something more (wink wink), then you are in trouble. Having a drink with someone (you know is also checking you out) to establish a stronger friendship seems nice. But when you ask what benefits are included in the friendship then it is dangerous. A kiss on the cheek to say good night to a friend sound harmless. However when at least one of you wants more than just a peck on the cheek then that is volatile. Think about how it will affect your relationship if this harmless gesture turns out to be explosive.

It is more than just the place, the person or the situation. More often than not, we have to dig deep in order to understand the dangers. Likewise, it is not being anti-social or refusing to strengthen friendships. Rather, it is having a discerning heart and mind to act appropriately.

Happily unavailable.

Happily unavailable.

3. Be Proud Of Your Marriage

One of the happiest moments in my life was when I got married. I usually tell others that I am happily unavailable. This gives me a sense of pride in my marriage.

Tell everyone you are married or in a committed relationship
I am proud of having a wife who loves me dearly and a family who supports me. And everyone I know knows this. My family is my greatest pride. And when you let the whole world know this, you strengthen it more.

Renew your love everyday
No, you don't have to slaughter some ducks and livestock to celebrate your marriage everyday. The mere gesture of saying you love your spouse does more than giving her a huge diamond ring (although I am pretty sure a diamond ring will be appreciated). Live a life full of love. Moreover, strive hard to let your partner know this. They say it's the thought that counts. But don't just think about it.

When you take pride in your marriage you fight temptations with a steadfast heart.

Don't lose the spice in your life

Don't lose the spice in your life

4. Keep the Spice Alive In Your Relationship

When intercourse becomes a routine activity for the sake of expectations then you are in for a disaster. Let's face it, sex is fun. However, looking for this elsewhere is wrong. As such, keep the spice alive within your marriage.

Age does not matter
In a research on satisfaction among different ages, the seniors surprisingly have the highest sexual satisfaction. Perhaps physical limitations can be a challenge (we can only bend so far) but obviously age is not a hindrance. The physical union is a powerful force that we should respect.

Do you remember the time when you were very creative in bed (or some other place)? Well, it is not to late to explore. Add some new flavor to your routines. Change the venue, do something different, wear something new, try a different time of the day. Don't get stuck in a boring routine. Just don't break the law while being creative. Remember, this is not a chore that you have to accomplish. It is a testament to your union.

Set a special time for you and your spouse
When couples have kids, the "alone time" gets troublesome. The all-night escapades and the weekend madness are all gone. But this does not have to be this way. Sneaking a couple of moments alone in between your kids's nap time are all you may have. Do not waste this opportunity (everyone is always up for some "afternoon delight" right?). More importantly, intimacy doesn't always have to end with a bang. Meaningful moments together are more powerful and last longer than an orgasm.

Prayers can help fight infidelity

Prayers can help fight infidelity

5. Pray To Fight Infidelity

A prayer is more potent than a cold shower. More than just a mantra, prayers allow you to communicate with God. Let us face it, temptations are great. What better way to fight it than seeking God's help? Praying is like asking reinforcement to fight evil. Not that you will walk into the gates of Mordor with an elf, dwarf and Hobbit beside you, but you'll get a more powerful ally.

Pray proactively
Don't just pray when the temptation is there. Pray that you don't get into weird situations. Constantly ask for guidance and strength.

Pray with faith in your heart
Prayers are not just empty mumblings. Of course you don't have to shout out and waive your hands uttering words of praise right in the middle of an inappropriate arousal (do at your own risk). A silent faithful prayer is louder than words devoid of faith. If you truly want to fight infidelity, pray.

Pray for others
When the world sees fewer infidelities it is easier to live. Pray for those who have gone astray. Pray for those who need guidance and strength. Pray that your next door neighbor shuts the blinds when changing her clothes.

Don't argue that your partner is imploring the help of the Almighty when he/she calls out "Oh, God, oh God don't stop..." My friend, that is not praying, that is blasphemy. Prayers come from a sincere heart that truly wants to change. In many instances we can't rely on our own strength to fight temptations. It comes from a stronger power. No, not Dumbledor or Gandalf, but God.

How did you deal with infidelity?

The union between spouses is sacred. Your wedding vows underscore the commitment you have. And in many instances it is ruined by infidelity. Although cheating is common nowadays, it should not be tolerated. And it takes considerable amount of courage to resist temptations. However, when you really want to, you can fight infidelity and strengthen your marriage. Stop screwing around so you won't screw up your relationship.

When you decide to fight cheating you have to become an advocate of love and fidelity.

Share your ideas and experiences to help other couples.


JP Carlos (author) from Quezon CIty, Phlippines on February 01, 2016:

Hello Karen, I am glad to put a smile on your face. Enjoy love and marriage.

Karen Hellier from Georgia on January 26, 2016:

I enjoyed your sense of humor in this article. Here's to keeping our marriages intact with no cheating!

JP Carlos (author) from Quezon CIty, Phlippines on January 25, 2016:

Hello there dashingscorpio,

It is nice to see you again. Thank you for this in depth sharing. Your insights on the topic are appreciated. I am pretty sure that many will learn from what you have shared here.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on January 25, 2016:

The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.

Whatever they deem to be "missing" in their marriage does not quite rise to the level of "deal breaker" which would motivate them to file for divorce.

Essentially they cheat in order to STAY or tolerate their unhappy marriage. Having said that I believe there are 3 basic cheaters.

1. The Incessant Cheater

This person is always on the look out for something "new". They get bored very easily and most likely have never had a long-term monogamous relationship. Their motto: "Variety is the spice of life!"

2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater

This person is not "proactively" looking to cheat. Someone who they think is "hot" or possibly have a "secret crush" on one day hits on them!

They can't believe it! An opportunity arises to make a fantasy a reality. Therefore they end up caving to temptation. Maybe they were out of town on business and met the other person in a hotel lounge...etc

This cheater has sometimes been known to confess weeks, months, or years later to absolve them self the burden of guilt they carry.

3. The Discontented Cheater

He/she blames you! If (you) hadn't stopped doing or starting doing something they never would have stepped outside of the marriage. Essentially they felt taken for granted, unappreciated, or no longer special. Someone else came along who put a smile on their face and in their heart. Passion was once again ignited and they felt special again.

Nevertheless both cheating and monogamy are (choices) the individual makes! I believe there are three reasons why people (don't ) cheat.

1. They are "in love"! (They feel lucky to have their mate!)

2. They don't want to do anything that might cause their mate to leave.

3. They know how hurt they'd be if their mate cheated. (Bad karma)

Whenever a couple is no longer "emotionally invested" in their marriage they start thinking of themselves in terms of "You & Me" instead of "Us & We". What may feel "best" for one may not be best for the marriage. Most cheaters are looking to "compliment" what they already have not {replace} one relationship with another.

As you noted it's best to avoid temptation but it's also important to acknowledge being tempted and ask yourself: Are you "in love"?

The day your answer is not a resounding "Yes" is the day you need to put more work into your marriage. Innocent flirting leads to sexual innuendo which leads to meeting for lunch or whatever, and confiding in what another about issues at home/marriage, and empathy leads to affection.

We romanticize cheating: "I met the (right woman) at the (wrong time)."

Later you tell your spouse: 'We never meant for this to happen.."

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