Writing article as an analytical thinker and as an enthusiast about philosophy and psychology who always crave for more understanding
"Foolish, selfish people are always thinking of themselves and the result is always negative. Wise persons think of others, helping them as much as they can, and the result is happiness. Love and compassion are beneficial both for you and others. Through your kindness to others, your mind and heart will open to peace."
— Dalai Lama
Just Identifying "Selfish person" or "his/her selfish attitude" dont serve the purpose well. But there is also need to deal & handle such well known & well marked -Selfish Person -to ensure peace in one's life and get rid of every day toxicity projected by such selfish person on you, in your workplace or in your private space.
So in this article some -quick and easy ways are explained , acknowledging - Psyche and Behavior patterns of Selfish Person , to save readers to be victim of such evil creatures roaming freely in society for all the time.
(To learn how to identify -Selfish Person- , Please Refer this article :-https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/How-do-you-deal-with-selfish-people-who-come-to-you-only-when-they-need-you )
Deal Selfish Person With Watchful Eyes
Quick Ways To Deal With Selfish Person At Work Place & In Public life
1. Get angry of -selfish demands -of Selfish person
Once you identified a selfish person , then for your better mental being,break free from selfish people and deny his/her selfish demands , by getting angry.
( Getting angry does not mean ,you need to start shouting and throwing tantrum , but getting angry means -- conveying strict message -to selfish person that - "your no means no, that is all" )
Dont forget that - anger is not bad , and getting angry is not bad , but getting angry and projecting anger at inappropriate times and at improper person is bad , otherwise - "Getting angry" -is best defense to keep away trouble makers (as like selfish people) from one's life in most simple way possible.
Good Anger Keeps -Selfish Person - At Bay
2) Accept That Selfish Person Has No Regards For Others
When you’re dealing with a selfish person, you need to accept the way they are, without keep unnecessary rationalization of their -trouble making, nuisance causing nature
Otherwise, you’ll get frustrated, cheated and fooled by actions & behavior of selfish person.
According to Sarah Newman, MA, MFA in Psych Central, “Selfish people consume the time and energy of others and, despite what you tell yourself, there’s no end in sight to their narcissism.”1
While dealing a -well known selfish person that:
– He/She won’t care for your needs and emotions.
– He/She won’t be thoughtful and considerate for their claims .
– He/She is obsessed with only his/her need and wishful-ness.
Once you’ve accepted these things about them, you won’t need to regret of feel bad when they act selfish with you , Because selfish person is destined to act selfish and do selfish.
3) Give Yourself The Attention You Know, You Deserve
Selfish person as mentioned above don't care for your but he/she only want attention for his self/herself.
And there is no point trying to change a selfish /narcissistic person. According to licensed clinical psychologist Dianne Grande, Ph.D.,Selfish/ a narcissist “will only change if it serves his or her purpose.”1
So provide time & attention to yourself rather than wasting it on some "well known selfish person". in your vicinity..
Forget about problems of selfish person as , they are created by that selfish person on his/her own.
You don’t have to ignore your own needs for your empathetic heart , to give attention to a self-absorbed selfish person ,to let ruin your day or valuable time.
Learn To Keep Yourself First While Dealing With Selfish Person
4)Don’t Fall To level Of Selfish Person But Show Passive Resistance To Selfish Person
Selfish people are frustrating & self consumed . They only care about themselves and their first weapon of choice is manipulation and show off of drama to fool you to get what they want.
While it may be difficult to not be triggered by a selfish person’s behavior, there’s no point in attacking them. As Marla Tabaka points out in INC, your “energy is better spent in a productive conversation, which you’ll find elsewhere.”2
According to Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP in Health Line “don’t try to beat them. Two people shouldn’t play this game.”
So it’s crucial that you keep your wits about it and don’t play their game. If you feel like they’re manipulating you so you can help them out, put a stop to it.
In the same vein, don’t emotionally react to selfish behavior of selfish person but notify selfish person about your denial through your passive aggression by not allowing selfish person to lead your actions or thoughts ,directly or indirectly.
Learn To Deal With Selfish Person
5) Don’t Give Selfish Person An Unnecessary Attention
Selfish person crave people’s attention to satisfy his/her needs. He/She constantly look for sympathy. This is why they love to play the victim or to manipulate the truth & facts.
So if you want avoid such selfish person, then dont pay any heed to his -unnecessary show off , baseless stories & claims.
Best idea to get rid of "Drama of Selfish Person is to ask him/her a concrete proof about his/her Victim-hood or Baseless Stories."
Stop The Selfish Person From Encroachment Into Your Private Space
6) Don’t Allow Selfish Person To Explain His/Her Interest -Albeit – Talk About What Interests You
Self-absorbed person can sabotage your conversations so that he/she can talk about his/her self interest.
But when selfish person is well identified by you then -Be mindful of this and don’t let it happen and dont allow selfish person to keep pushing his/her interest to you.
But you must start to push in -your idea, your interest and your expectations from Selfish person ,this will give direct idea to selfish person that - he/she need to full-fill your need first , rather than use you as "doormat" to full-fill their selfishness.
And for sure ,selfish person can’t handle this idea that , he/she want to full-fill your self interest forgetting his.her own selfishness , then selfish person will surely try to escape away from you in no time.
Expose & Teach -To- Selfish Person
7) Don’t Spend Too Much Time With Selfish Person.
When once , you have well identified and marked a selfish person then stop wasting your time your time with them. This discourage selfish person to see you as "easy bait" . And Selfish Person knowing that you are not going to pay any heed to him/her then Selfish person will automatically go away from you, knowing that you are intelligent enough to understand all moves and true motives of him/her.
Remember that - you have to respect yourself and your time before let it get wasted on some -well known selfish person. Selfish Person may try to emotionally blackmail you for not entertaining them , but stand firm and don't waste your energy on such selfish creature once more.
It Is Always Better To Avoid Selfish Person & His/Her Toxic Manipulation Exercise
8) Hang Out With Better People
The people you hang out with have a huge influence on your life or huge help to enjoy and relax with day to day life at least .
If you continually keep hanging out with selfish person, you might become selfish yourself or getting hurt emotionally or cheated for anything. So when you already knew that - X,Y,Z named person is well proven selfish creature , then keep away yourself from him/her and try to be with -better and good thinking and acting people around you.
Looking at selfish person , Just remember this for every time -that ,Your life is not joke to let it get wasted for the stupid ideas and means of some Selfish Person.
Choose Better People Than Wasting Time With Self-Person
9) End The Relationship With Selfish Person
This is a Final -step. If selfish person is really getting over you and seriously hindering your life with all above mentioned psychological tricks, then you immediately need to consider how your life will be easy and serene without presence of that "well known Selfish Person".
Many a times, selfish persons are a narcissist, & hence your existence and importance is nothing for them.Narcissists are all about themselves and they’ll do anything to get what they want.
So if Selfish Person is trying to peruse your beyond limit of your tolerance then you must find yourself free , to end all relationship with -Selfish Person , by remembering to that selfish person that he/she don't deserve you & your friendship/relationship, in strict and clear message.
End Relationship With Selfish Person To Get Rid Of All Of Toxicity Of Selfish Person Out Of Your Life
Trust Your Guts -To - Kick Out Selfish Person From One's Life
How To Deal With -Selfish Person Who Is Existing In Own Home ?
Things get thornier with parents and other family members-If they are carrying "Selfish Traits in Their Personality"
It is not much difficult to handle when -selfish person - is just friend /colleague/co-worker/ but when your own parents/blood relatives /spouse /siblings are carrying personality traits of "Selfish Behavior", Then all above mentioned "Tricks" to deal with selfish person are very hard to practice. As one cant deny existence for - own family member- for his/her selfish behavior patterns without taking extreme steps to cut all ties. So there need to use different ways to deal - Selfish Family Member who is surely reason for trouble making and clashes in Family.
So for - Closely related - Selfish Person , Psychological counselling can be done for him/her for unchecked selfish behaviour. But its ultimate result is questionable ,as for selfish person , person next to him is just medium to enjoy own wish fulfillment
So , for closely related Selfish Person one can practice:--
1. Maintaining distance in relationships
This can be done for such relations which don't involve -close interaction,so that "Selfish Family Member " can be kept away from one's life and to ensure peace and tranquility. But in case of-Selfish Spouse -one cant avoid close interactions , so for this case scenario ,there need to use next idea to get away "selfish behavior" of ones' spouse (as spouse cant be force to keep maintaining distance for all the time)
2. Maintaining silence with "Selfish spouse" to let him/her be aware about "unacceptable his/her Selfish Attitude"
One can practice - maintaining silence -against selfish spouse by preemptively identifying - his/her selfish behavior to let selfish spouse identify own - "wrong/unacceptable behavior" -and to provide opportunity for spouse to improvise it ( to avoid further clashes and fighting )
3- Before helping - Selfish Person( who is family member) then - always make remember him/her about his/her Selfish Behavior.
By helping such selfish family member one will be able to save the loss of peace of family & further trouble of other family members. But by remembering about his/her selfish behavior pattern , one can make that family member to be aware about his/her unacceptable -selfish behavior & even you will be able to introduce "Guilt" in his/her mind so that - Selfish Personality of Family member can be counter checked for future.
Be Confident & Well Determined ,While Dealing Selfish Relatives
In Short , one can deal -Selfish Person -in 3 ways to control his/her selfish behavior
- Dont miss opportunity to punish "Selfish Person", by introducing the idea of guilt in their minds
- "Selfish Person" must come to know that, other people are not fools who are helping them and already knowing well, their true-selfish- nature
- Protects yourself from -psychological or emotional manipulation orchestrated by "Selfish Person" by properly exposing the "Selfish Person" & offering help as per need of time or circumstances.
( Selfish people, if not helped, are always used to -defame their targets -in society to bring bad name for your social image. This helps Selfish People to justify their -selfish nature and behavior -to others in day to day life. So -"Dont forget to expose Selfish Person to Others"- & then only ,offer humanitarian help to Selfish Person, if you find it justified as per circumstances )
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2021 Dr Nilesh Jaybhaye