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How to Comfort Your Man

Mighty Mom is a keen observer of life. She shares her personal experiences and opinions in helpful and often amusing ways.

Men Are More Complicated Than We Give Them Credit For

There's a joke that circulates on email every so often about how to please a woman (a list of about 50 items) vs. how to please a man (Show up naked. Bring beer). Sure, that's all well and good for everyday. But what about when your man is hurting? Really hurting? Figuring out how to comfort a man is not that easy. One method does NOT fit all occasions. And picking the wrong approach can leave you needing comfort yourself.

Here are some basic comfort strategies for common male-ments.

Is He Having a Bad Day?

This is by far the easiest to deal with. If things outside the cave aren't going well, he needs to feel safe to come home and vent. Meet him at the door, take his club from him (lest he be tempted to wave it around and possibly make dents in the wall), and suggest he sit down and relax.

I am not advocating you wrap yourself in Saran wrap and get all Marabel Morgan with your man. If you like that kind of thing, go for it.

What I'm suggesting here is help him find his testosterone release valve. Ahhh. Can't you just feel the tension leaving his body ... and entering yours?

He may naturally decompress by sitting in his favorite chair and making the transition from day to evening. That may be all he needs.

Or, he may feel like sharing. If so, listen. Let him talk. He is not asking for your advice. He is letting off man steam. Do not interrupt him asking for clarification. It is not important that you understand the details. They are irrelevant. Nod sympathetically. Be supportive. Never, ever suggest he could have done something differently, or (God forbid) that he was wrong.

Is He Sick?

I don't know about your man, but I can always tell when mine is illin' because he becomes an absolute bear. Where other people cough or sneeze to signal infection, my husband snarls. I think pain is the same as irritation for him.

Dealing with a sick adult male can be tricky and hard on the nerves. When under the weather men become extremely dependent. But at the same time they demand complete solitude. It is your job as nurturer to determine which need to cater to at any given moment.

The "leave me alone, I just want to sleep" part is pretty straightforward. It's the laying in of supplies that can run you ragged. Because there's no way to predict what he'll want/need/tolerate today. Toasted cheese sandwiches were yesterday's whim. Today he wants (of all things) tacos. Do you want ice cream, honey?Ok. But can you get the kind with the marshmallows and chocolate swirls?

I never remember if it's starve a cold/feed a fever or the reverse. I do know one thing, though. When it comes to comforting a sick man, feed him anything he asks for -- and tank him up on Nyquil so he'll stop complaining!

Is He Worried?

For men, fear or worry is often experienced as anger. Come to think of it, every male emotion that isn't sexual in nature is expressed as anger:-)!!

If your man is worried what does he need from you? The best answer is: YOU. He needs to know you are there with him no matter what. Worry is fear over things we can't control or are afraid will happen (or won't happen). Knowing that you are there to help shoulder the burden really is comforting.

Sometimes we can ball ourselves up into such a knot that unraveling it seems impossible. There are many metaphors for this state, but it's basically the inability to see the forest for the trees. An objective person can see the trees, hand you a chainsaw, and voila!

I don't mean to overgeneralize here, but if you see your man struggling emotionally, that's the perfect time to be the rational partner. Talk to him about what he has on his plate. Are there areas or tasks you can relieve him of? How about if you work on some things together? How can you prioritize so that each problem doesn't seem so overwhelming?

There's a saying, "Do the next right thing." If you can focus his attention on that and only that, you've done your job.

Is He Mad at Himself?

Sometimes men can be brutal on themselves. When they fail to meet their own high expectations, they don't take it well. The same basic reaction pattern is used for minor letdowns like shooting 9 over par or major setbacks like getting dumped or fired or totalling his sports car.

If your man is walking around feeling like he's let someone down -- you, his family, his boss/clients -- or "just" himself -- what's a loving woman (or partner) to do? Is he looking for agreement or sympathy if he says, "I'm a bonehead loser" or is that a rhetorical comment?

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Actually, it's a trap. Be careful not to fall into it. You may be tempted to say, "No you're not! How can you say that about yourself? That's awful!!" Not only will you not change his mind, your accusatory words may actually have the opposite effect of validating his feelings. Men -- tell me, am I right about this, or what?

A better approach is to diffuse the negativity and replace it with a positive. Don't even acknowledge that he's said something so ridiculously self-deprecating. Respond with a statement he can't dispute. Something like: "I'm so glad you're in my life."


Is He Sad or Grieving?

You know, for all their stoicism, men fall hard when it comes to caring for and letting go of loved ones. All those years of being manly men prepare them for the responsibilities, but not always for the emotions that come with illness and death.

It may catch you off guard to see your usually take-charge man change character like a chameleon. Some moments he's right in the mix with you, dealing with doctors (or vets), hoisting IVs and administering pain pills. The next he's emotionally exhausted and catatonic on the couch.

When the moment of truth comes (as it did recently in our house) to put the beloved pet down, he may turn the job over to you.

In dealing with the long-term decline of parents, I've found there are "on" days and "off" days. It's draining and thankless and scary and frustrating and we wish it wasn't happening this way, but it is.

So how do I support my husband in his day-to-day sadness and anticipatory grief? This is by far the hardest of all. I follow his lead. If he's in hyper-efficiency mode, taking his dad for chemo, I pick up the slack at home. If he needs me to run interference with his mom, or run to the pharmacy, I do that.

It's really sad to watch a parent slip away through Alzheimer's and cancer at the same time. And it's really commendable the way my husband is handling the pressure.

One thing I am trying to do -- and recommend to others in similar situations -- is to take time out. Get away, if only for a few hours or overnight. Feed your spirit. Go to the mountains, the beach, the museum, the opera, the spa -- whatever rejuvenates you as a couple.

I take real comfort in knowing we're in this together. I think my hubby does, too. I would go ask him, but right now he's got a cold, so I'll wait till he's feeling more like himself:-).

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


sweetstickyrainbo on December 16, 2014:

A woman who actually cares what a man thinks? Write down the date and time! Well to be honest, women always care what those male fashion designers think but most of those guys don't like women enough to marry one.

Coach48 on December 04, 2012:

I'm 16 and I like this post alot cus that's exactly what I want my girlfriend to do to me when I'm feelin depressed,but like how do I show her I want her to do these things you mentioned? Should I just show her this and say that's how id like to be treated when I'm feeling down or would that hurt her feelings?

Aimee G. from Providence, RI on September 03, 2012:

I am not yet married but do have a boyfriend, and he has both parents AND a dog who are aging. I found your advice helpful, inspiring and well written, and thank you for sharing from your heart and experiences.

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on July 26, 2012:

LOL, AHB. I've got two "little boys" one is in his fifties and one is twenty. When they're hurting, they want to be babied.

And it's all good with Mighty MOM!

ahorseback on July 26, 2012:

Well I must say , I always knew that women were so far advanced that they are catching up to our rears again ! You just prooved It ! I now feel like a little boy!.......:-}

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on July 07, 2012:

Dee, sorry for not responding sooner. Men can be real brats when sick. If your guy is normally nice and sweet but just a bear when sick, then do whatever you can to keep him well so he spends less time being mean!

dap. You raise a good point. I think we always in some ways look for our parents in our partners. We seem to alternate between wanting what we didn't have (in your case, a nurturing mother) and gravitating toward what we did have and what is familiar. I think the key is to recognize your needs and know that you deserve to be nurtured and it's ok. I hope you find someone that is as warm as you want her to be!

I can say for my own experience, look at the whole package of the partner and how she complements your own personality and skills.

And also, you are (potentially) looking at a partner's nurturing potential for your children. So I really hope you find a woman with lots and lots of love to share. MM

dap on July 06, 2012:

"But what about boys whose mommies didn't comfort them when they were little? Do they grow up to look for a partner to compensate and be uber nurturing? Or do they grow up to seek a partner who is more aloof like mom?"

I had bad luck of being such boy that didn't get much affection and now I try to find woman who's nurturing, the more nurturing - the better. Although I think there are many guys that share similar past to mine that would make mistake of getting partner that would resemble his cold mother.

Dee on June 20, 2012:

Hello, i find it so hard to help my man when he is being sick and therefore rude. It makes me feel awful to be helping someone who is being unkind to me in return. Am i supposed to just work through this myself just because he is a man and will act this way no matter what?

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 04, 2011:

Lol kaydenlee. Tell your husband to be careful of that stuff. It should be sold in the liquor aisle!

Thanks for visiting and commenting.


kaydenlee from on October 04, 2011:

I had to laugh at the Nyquil part. That is my husbands cure all! Great article, loved the advice, and so true.

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on January 09, 2011:

Um, ok. I hope you run fast enough!

my god i will get well on January 08, 2011:

will run from black plauge

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on December 03, 2010:

Ha! Men!

The real problem with men is figuring out which layer of reverse psychology to use in the given situation.

If he is putting himself down and you agree with him, then you validate his fears that he is inadequate.

If he is putting himself down and you disagree with him, he thinks you secretly do agree with him anyway.

Next time your man gets in one of those moods it's probably a good time to give him some space. Shopping, anyone?

Thanks for visiting Purple One! MM

PurpleOne from Canada on December 03, 2010:

I had NO idea that I should not try to tell my man he's being foolish when he puts himself down for something that makes no sense! I always do this and it never works. Ha! Anyway, next time my man gets in one of those moods I will try what you suggested and just do my best to change the subject to something more positive.


Moons on November 10, 2010:

Informative. up

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 21, 2010:

I'm so glad you agree with me! But what about boys whose mommies didn't comfort them when they were little? Do they grow up to look for a partner to compensate and be uber nurturing? Or do they grow up to seek a partner who is more aloof like mom?

All I know is, my son's future wife better be ready:-)!

Thanks for visiting, acaetnna. I think you like gender/relationship issues!

acaetnna from Guildford on October 21, 2010:

In my opinion men are SO often like little boys and that's why they look for a partner or wife who will comfort them just like their mother used to do!

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on September 23, 2010:

So true. When we're feeling bad or vulnerable we just revert to children. But I feel that women are natural nurturers (not all, of course) and we also can withstand pain (having lived it monthly for years, plus childbirth). The men in my life really, really become boys when they're hurting.

Personally, I would LOVE to have someone to comfort me when I'm feeling vulnerable! I want my DADDY!!!

JakeMcMurphy from Chicago on September 23, 2010:

I agree with the first poster that men are a lot like children and sometimes need to be treated that way. Everyone feels vulnerable now and then and when there's someone there to comfort them it makes them feel safe and secure. It's just human nature. Women are like this also.

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on November 03, 2009:

PL -- Ain't that the truth! And the biggest misconception on the planet. Should we tell them? Or let them continue thinking they're the simple ones:-)???

poetlorraine on November 03, 2009:

you only have to tiptoe through some of these hubs to work out the complexity of the male species...... we are eazy peezy compared to their hang ups and needs

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on November 03, 2009:

Hi Liam!

Your IT guys must not be union. Mine work a whole lot slower than that. LOL. Leave well alone for "about half an hour" eh? I'm thinking half a day minimum.

Well, here's hoping everyone stays healthy and no swine flu in your household or mine! MM

LiamAnderson on November 03, 2009:

Speaking as a member of the less fair sex, I think I can say that you've got men pretty well sussed out.

My advice to my better half when I'm not having the best of days is do what you do when the network crashes, go have a cup of coffee and let the IT guys get on with fixing it!

I think most men have their own 'recovery program' for such situations, so other than producing some form of refreshment to speed the recovery program on its way, it's best to leave well alone for about half an hour.

Thanks for the hub, another good one as always.

Melissa Simmons from upstate NY on October 03, 2009:

Wow MM, it's like you know my husband. :) I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and know what you're going through there, my husband's mother passed away last September and it's been a trying year for the both of us. It's just like you said, he can be a chameleon, one day going through the house like a whirling dervish trying to get things "organized" (but really just making a huge mess for me to clean up :) ) to just laying in bed somedays til I have to give him a little nudge to get up and do something to try and make himself feel a little better. It's tough and yes, there are days when I want to throw up my hands and cry that men are impossible creatures but I know how lucky I am and if our roles were reversed I don't know how I'd cope so I shut my mouth, give him a hug and try and make him smile. Thanks for this great hub.

lyricsingray on September 28, 2009:

This was fantastic, Thank you MM!

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on September 27, 2009:

Hello Anath,

You obviously know how to make men feel good. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Appreciate it. MM

Anath on September 27, 2009:

A fantastic hub Mighty Mom! Understanding a man is not that difficult if you love him and really try to please him. I think the problem is that too many women are to busy with their own jobs and friends and personal affairs to have the time to comfort their men. Some women just expect to receive all the time without giving anything in exchange.

Mighty hub!

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on July 05, 2009:

Hi jtboswell, that is a happy coincidence! Good to find another hubber who sees relationships as they are! And yes, men are definitely monster babies when sick. But we love them anyway:-). MM

jtboswell on July 05, 2009:

Its so funny I just reading your article and you just comment on my moving on after the breaking up.. But this article is really good. and funny. Men are not like us when they are sick. They can be monsters. But if you give them what they want they won't complain so much and the house is quiet. At least for me.

rallenbrewster from USA on June 21, 2009:

My girl must read your hubs! I knew that Nyquil was just a trick to keep me quite lol Great post MM

lumberjack on May 20, 2009:

in the lumberyards, many men are injured. i have become quite adept at comforting a man in my time! thanks for some tips on how to not comfort one!! :o

i am such a medics

cindycare from usa on April 29, 2009:

men need love too. they have their ups and downs just like we do . you just have to have patience and understanding my husband will call me in the day and want to vent about his job . He just need me too listen to him then he feels better. so have patient and love

logic,commonsense on March 21, 2009:

Well blondepoet you don't have to knock, you can just walk in with that ribbon on. I won't mind! Probably won't notice what color it is either!

blondepoet from australia on February 16, 2009:

These are great tips mighty mom,as we all know men are strange creatures at times,and tend to keep a lot inside.Yes some men I have come across I can read like a book,others it is impossible.Your sensitivity and wisdom in this subject is awesome,a lot of women could learn from you here.

On a lighter note a good trick too,when he is just plain crabby, is to knock on the front door naked with a red ribbon tied around you,sure to make him smile,amongst other things

blondepoet from australia on February 16, 2009:

These are great tips mighty mom,as we all know men are strange creatures at times,and tend to keep a lot inside.Yes some men I have come across I can read like a book,others it is impossible.Your sensitivity and wisdom in this subject is awesome,a lot of women could learn from you here.

On a lighter note a good trick too,when he is just plain crabby, is to knock on the front door naked with a red ribbon tied around you,sure to make him smile,amongst other things

earnestshub from Melbourne Australia on January 27, 2009:

Alas no longer. I do have my family though, and am pretty happy around my kids.

I was married for a long time to a great woman, so I muster up some empathy from that experience. I am glad you like the "fragile bits" phrase. We men are so sensitive and fragile in the ego area that it even takes us by surprise. I am getting a bit better with age I think, but as you know, it will only be by baby steps that I develop some confidence in my untouchable male ego!

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on January 16, 2009:

Hello Earnestshub! I hope you have a comforting partner in your life, too! And thanks for reading. "Fragile bits" is a great phrase, by the way!!!

earnestshub from Melbourne Australia on January 15, 2009:

Mighty mom, I just had to read this when I saw the title. You have that secret ingredient that all men find sexy. You can have empathy for our fragile bits!!

Love the hub. It is all so true.

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 21, 2008:

Too right it is :)

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on December 20, 2008:

Hi Sheena. Nice to meet you! It's a whole lot easier to deal with men shutting us off once we are in a stable relationship, tho. I had a boyfriend who drove me stark raving bonkers with his moods. Oh well. My hubby is easier to figure out. Thanks for stopping in and sharing thoughts on our menfolk.

Misty -- you crack me up. Everything in your life is funny if you look at it that way, isn't it?!!

sheenarobins from Cebu, Philippines on December 20, 2008:

hi mighty mom,

great hub and nice topic. It is really difficult to comfort a man. Sometimes they just shut you off and you never know the reason why and it is best to leave them alone. Eventually they will talk.

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 20, 2008:

Thanks MM, yes in hindsight it was kind of funny, and he was okay once I explained my logic in not disturbing him :)

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on December 19, 2008:

I only wish that didn't sound so familiar. The best way to tell if a man is feeling sick is he gets c-r-a-n-k-y pants. Your example is sooooo funny. Men!

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 19, 2008:

This hub also reminds me of a time a couple of years ago when my Hubby was ill and took the day off work. I went into my job, and when I came home I tiptoed around the house to avoid disturbing him whilst he was sleeping. When I finally heard noises from upstairs and called out to ask if he was okay, his response was a miserable "What do you f*****g care?".

He had actually taken offence to the fact I had NOT disturbed him to check he was okay!!! No win situation :)

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on December 19, 2008:

Hi Cindy -- well, that would be a pretty short hub, don't you think? In my experience, most times when a man asks my opinion he really wants me to agree with him. And you're right. Women do it too. But I am fascinated by the topic of how differently men and women think and communicate. When he says X he really means Y... And yes, I do give the men who braved this hub kudos. There are some gems here on HP!

Smart Cat -- welcome! Don't get me started again on sick men. Can you even imagine if they had periods? Good Lord! It's a bit frightening to think I'm some kind of "expert" on men, but shoot. I've rarely not had one in my life since I was 15 and I'm -- well, probably old enough to be your mom:-). Thanks for commenting. MM

smart cat from Kentucky on December 19, 2008:

I had to laugh so many times when I read this thinking of things I have to do for my boyfriend when he is "sick". I don't have nay kids, but I feel like I do when he is sick. OMG! You are right about the nytequill. I hate to say it, but all the things my mom and u said about men are true. LOL!

cindyschulson from San Diego, CA on December 19, 2008:

Awesome hub MM and I love the discussion you started. Kudos to all the men who read this and saw a little piece of themselves on the page. How about a hub about what happens when a man asks for your opinion on something but doesn't really want your opinion, he just wants you to agree with him. That might be something both men and women do. Any thoughts?

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on December 19, 2008:

Yes, I do know you men. You have basically two reactions. Things either makeyou angry, or that "h" word you alluded to (hint: Austin Powers). LOL.

Thanks for stopping in. MM

Jim Batuyong from Anaheim, CA on December 19, 2008:

You know us men, we hate the truth when we see it. It makes us ANGRY! LOL Really great Hub!

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on November 24, 2008:

Hi Mezo, thank you for commenting. I am the lucky one, really! And yes, Shadesbreath always says something that sticks out for its brilliance. Usually he's tongue-in-cheek so it's extra special to get a genuine, heartfelt comment!

Motaz from Egypt on November 24, 2008:

nice hub, what a lucky husband, i likd what Shadesbreath said also :)

countrywomen from Washington, USA on October 28, 2008:

Good tips for a woman who hasn't yet tied the knot. Great to see so much activity in pacific time zone and I suspect now even I am addicted to hubpages. I am in office and keep checking every couple of minutes. I guess I may need to join Hubpages Anonymous group very soon...LOL

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 28, 2008:

sixtyorso -- now THERE's a positive idea! spend some quality hub time getting to know the "real" hubbers and their work instead of vainly trying to follow the crowd/action (which, like you, I will never be able to keep up on).

Kindred souls = always welcome.

Clive Fagan from South Africa on October 28, 2008:

Mighty Mom you could so easily be. LOL You may find a kindred soul in our lives if you have time to read some of my stories.

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 27, 2008:

LOL Sixtyorso. How do you know I am NOT your dearly beloved writing under a penname and avatar???!!! I am glad you get babying and coddling from your woman. I bet you give it out, too.

I feel for you on the staying up with the latest threads problem. Most of the action does seem to be on Pacific time, although Spryte being in AZ stretches both forward (into Central) and backward, depending on who's staying up late. I suspect that being a Spryte she does not require sleep, just a good dose of Denny's now and again. And yes, I agree, Shadesbreath's parody was brilliant!

The nice thing, however, is that many of these threads stretch out over several days -- so you can drop in with a comment and pick it back up later.

Thanks so much for commenting. I am glad to know YOU!

Clive Fagan from South Africa on October 27, 2008:

Great hub. I see you have been talking to my dearly beloved. She could almost have written this hub. All men nedd loving and babying and yes when we are grouchy we are very grouchy and touchy and unreasonable. I am like that now chasing hubs and rainbows arriving last at the party as it moves away to another hub. What makes it worse I am on a different time zone and have to go back 24 hours to try and catch up. an impossible task.

But Shades got his revenge on his Spite hub. Brilliant parody.

Mighty Mom you sound like a great person to know.

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 26, 2008:

Hello blessedmommy and valentine logar, welcome! Glad to have you here in the land of loving wives. I've just returned myself from a different kind of hubby therapy -- a college football game which makes mine very, very happy. And guess what he asked for for supper after hours on teh road getting home? Toasted cheese sandwiches! Thank goodness he isn't demanding homemade chicken soup!

Valentine Logar from Dallas, Texas on October 26, 2008:

Thanks for the chuckle. Having spent the past two weeks with a sick husband I can relate. "honey can you make me chicken not the kind in the can I want you to make it from scratch that is the only kind that will make me better." Really since when?

Love him to death...really.

Great hub.

Carisa Gourley from Oklahoma City Metro, Oklahoma on October 25, 2008:

"Do you want ice cream, honey?Ok. But can you get the kind with the marshmallows and chocolate swirls?"

I can certainly relate to that! My husband has his favorite soup that he always wants when he is sick, and he likes banana popsicles and Sprite. He loves to be babied and pampered. He's the love of my life though and he is worth every bit of it! ;)

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 25, 2008:

LOL, FP. Reminds me of my favorite Leon Russell song: I'm up on a tightwire, one side's ice and one is fire..

Shirley: We may need to move this vegemite discussion over to the food forum:-) and the dog and horse thing to the pets forum:-). Thanks for commenting tho!

Shirley Anderson from Ontario, Canada on October 25, 2008:

How can a person not like anything made from beer dregs?? Wonder if they sell this stuff in Canada. Thx, Ag!

Still waiting on the dog and horse thing, though. Soon?

Feline Prophet on October 25, 2008:

Great hub - you're very perceptive MM! But tips aside, I've decided trying to comfort a man is like walking a never know when they'll jerk the rope and send you sprawling in an ignominious heap!

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 25, 2008:

Now 2:56 am. I see you and Shades have found each other over in the forums. I lapped up my bowl of Dreyers slow churned (the kind with less fat and calories so you can eat a bigger bowl). Flavor is something like "all about cake" and dang if it doesn't taste like... cake!

Just posted my obesity hub and now must get some zzzs cuz my good wifey duty tomorrow is going to a football game (go Bears) with hubby. G'night Spryte! Sleep tight.

spryte from Arizona, USA on October 25, 2008:

I just posted mine...but I'm hoping that Shade doesn't find it for a while.  :)  Well, not until we have a wee bit of fun first.

What flavor ice cream?

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 25, 2008:

Shades? Are you out there?

Christoph -- we love you guys because of and in spite of your idiosyncracies.

Spryte -- good use of time! Hope you won. I wrote a new hub on America's obesity epidemic (while consuming a large bowl of ice cream:-).

spryte from Arizona, USA on October 25, 2008:

LOL! It took me a while to get it right...and then I had to get a towel to wipe off the monitor. That whole idea of "sounding it out" can be rather messy.

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on October 25, 2008:

I love the way you spelled "pppphhhhbt!*

spryte from Arizona, USA on October 25, 2008:

*spryte reaches out and grabs Shade's tongue like the bottom of a window shade, snaps it quickly and watches it roll up....pppphhhhbt!*

Yeah...I had to play tons of solitaire waiting for its return.  Do you think Shade went to bed yet? 

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on October 25, 2008:

Let me just say that these things, which you so graciously share, are the reasons men like to open doors, bring home flowers and a box of chocolates, fix the squeaky door, and all the other little things that make women happy. Believe me, we know how we are, and we appreciate when you respond to our idiosyncracies, just as, hopefully, you appreciate us. For that, I thank you.

countrywomen from Washington, USA on October 25, 2008:

Thanks agvulpes for responding. Yup I guess the best thing to do is always the simplest thing...LOL

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 25, 2008:

Well damn. I logged on at 11pm, with hubby snoring all nice and cozy next to me (no Nyquil tonight -- just knocked out from a long week at the cancer center with his dad). I thought: hey, this is GREAT! Party at my hub! Depraved, libidinous animals are certainly welcome here. We can start a new depraved, libidinous thread -- one that doesn't take 45 minutes to get to the bottom of to post. And so what happens? HubPages goes down. And stays down.

Now I don't know where anyone is, but I suspect you're all still over bashing Ken or maybe Spryte and Shadesbreath are back in the ring tonight (excuse me, this morning).

Anyway, all. I do thank you for visiting and for your kind words. MM

Peter from Australia on October 24, 2008:

Countrywomen, speaking from a man's perspective, believe me all you have to do is ask!!!

Peter from Australia on October 24, 2008:

Shades did get out of bed on the wrong side today!

spryte, confusus say:- flank only good if you know whose side its on!

countrywomen from Washington, USA on October 24, 2008:

WOW! Nice tips to cool & comfort husbands. What are the signals when men are willing to be receptive for comforting and when they may want to be left alone?

Shadesbreath from California on October 24, 2008:

lol Spryte, I wrote up this whole thing blasting you for being a depraved, libidinous animal and then realized this wasn't a hub that I should "go there" on. So, I'll just stick my tongue out at you for now.

spryte from Arizona, USA on October 24, 2008:

I'm all for flank!!!

Shadesbreath from California on October 24, 2008:

For starters, you asked that "men, tell me I'm right about this" on the reaction to him saying stuff like, "I'm such a loser" and the like.  And you are dead on.  If I'm pissed off at myself and say, "God, I'm a moron.  I swear, I suck.  No wonder I can't do" XYZ, don't argue with me.  I know saying, "No, that's not true, you're just..." whatever seems like the logical thing to say, but it's not.  Technically, you're arguing with me.  Just because I'm being unreasonable doesn't change anything.  You're just arguing with my unreasonable statement while I'm in an unreasonable mood.  You might even ask yourself, who is the unreasonable one at that point? lol.

MM's solution is perfect.  Take the conversation somewhere else.  Sometimes the best way to counter something is not by direct attack, but by coming in from the side.  Flank it!

Anyway, this is a great hub and you're husband is lucky to have someone who thinks as carefully and deeply about his needs as you.  I'm sorry you're going through a tough time together, but it sure seems like he's got real bedrock to stand upon as he wades through it.

spryte from Arizona, USA on October 24, 2008:

LOL! Aggie...I never said I was one of those "here let me take care of you" types. :) Thankfully my husband is a tough man.

MM - I'm really impressed by this hub and I'll tell ya why. Sure, it's humorous, but the humor is not all sharp around the edges so I can see past it to just how much you love your husband. He's a very lucky man, indeed. :) Nice job!

Peter from Australia on October 24, 2008:

Shirley I'll keep you in suspenders a little bit longer about that.

Vegemite is made from the yeast dregs I think originally left overs from beer.?

It is definitely an aquired taste, but nice on toast. I sometimes have it with a tasty cheese sandwich, the bread must be nice and fresh!

Shirley Anderson from Ontario, Canada on October 24, 2008:

Great hub, MM.  Sorry to hear that you're going through some tough times with your in-laws, though. 

I think you're a smart cookie to serve Nyquil cocktails.  This could just be the most important tip of the year!

Question for Ag - is vegemite like marmite?  Made with veggies instead of beef?  Please reply in the Queen's English.  I still don't know what a dog's eye and dead horse is!

Peter from Australia on October 24, 2008:

That spryte sure can dish it out? We do need some TLC.

I must admit I'm happy with the lady I married 47years ago. But  I'm gonna keep you a secret cos that good lookin dude Christoph will be over here and yibbada yibbada that's all folks.

I'd certainly like to try one of your toasted cheese and Nyquil?

You actually put the Nyquil on the toasted cheese? LOL??? I think!

You should try Vegemite.

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 24, 2008:

Oh Ag, I'd be honored to be Mrs. Vulpes, but I'm really hoping to stick this one out. I'll make ya one of my famous toasted cheese and Nyquil, tho!

Thanks for commenting. After all the ribbing you gentlemen are taking over on the Why It Sucks to Be Ken hub, I'm happy to provide a place of refuge!!

Peter from Australia on October 23, 2008:

Oh Mighty Mom I'm in love!, will you marry me?

Susan Reid (author) from Where Left is Right, CA on October 23, 2008:

Thanks, Misty

Men have their strengths, fo shur. But I think we women are natural nurturers. We have a different strength. You think for one minute men could handle cramps. let alone childbirth!?? LOL

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 23, 2008:

Great Hub, men are like little children so much of the time, we just need to humour them and remember any problem they are dealing with is 10 times worse than us experiencing the same problem. The only ones who don't understand this are the men :)

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