Centfie writes empirical views based on observation, experience, and research.
How do you know if you are in the right relationship? I have asked myself this question severally when in a relationship with someone I cared about.
How many relationships you have been in is none of my business, but if you are like me, and experienced at least one failed relationship that looked promising at first, then it is likely you already know the answer to this question.
I was in a relationship that seemed to be going well but it was not. My friends saw the signs, my mother saw the signs, but I was too blinded by love and the desire to get married that I did not listen.
However, it turned out they were right. I had no peace, my mental health was threatened, and I felt like I was being pressurized to be someone I was not just to please other people. The advantage of going through such wrong relationships is that it teaches you to be grateful for the right relationship.
Identifying the Underlying Issues.
When you have problems in your relationship, and you can't go a day without an issue might or might not be a sign that your relationship is doomed for failure. However, problems and arguments are not always the only sign of a wrong relationship.
Arguments and disagreements are just the tips of the iceberg. They show that there are other underlying issues you need to identify and address. If they are irreconcilable differences, making lifetime commitments to your partner will be a catapult to lifelong misery.
Spare yourself from the miserable life of unhealthy relationships by identifying the underlying issues causing problems in your relationship instead of focusing on the symptoms.
8 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship.
Here are the basic ways to know if you are in the right relationship so that you can avoid unnecessary heartache and wasting time in the wrong one.
1. It is automatic not forced.
If you are wondering if your relationship is right, it probably is not. The moment you feel like you are trying to force yourself into someone's life, your relationship is no longer healthy. Partners in the right relationship are automatically loving and caring. One partner does not have to be begged to give love or show affection. Love, affection, and time are given freely. If you have to beg for these, something is not right.
2. It is full of trust, not doubts.
Doubt has crept into your mind for some reason and it is making you uncomfortable and hurt. Even in great relationships, people have doubts. The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is that one is full of never-ending doubts and the other trust and loyalty is the order of the day. A glaring sign of an unhealthy relationship is that, either you do not trust your partner or your partner does not trust you. If you have no trust, you have no relationship. Are you loyal to your partner or is your partner loyal to you? If loyalty is a value you hold in high regard, your relationship must include it.
A glaring sign of an unhealthy relationship is that, either you do not trust your partner or your partner does not trust you.
3. It is easy, not burdensome.
Relationships are hard if one or both of you are not committed. Otherwise, a great relationship does not feel like you are climbing a mountain alone. You are not a burden to your partner, and your partner is not a burden to you. whatever you do for each other, you do it cheerfully and not as if you are making carrying a heavy load. If you feel your relationship is struggling, it is because you do not love and respect each other enough.
4. It is healing, not hurtful.
The right relationship is like a healing retreat center in a serene, comforting environment. You find peace and happiness knowing that no matter how hard things are, you have someone to support you or to go through the tough times with. On the other hand, an unhealthy relationship is a source of unhappiness. Instead of being a place where you find comfort, it hinders your peace of mind.
5. It amplifies your strengths, not your weaknesses.
You can know if your relationship is good for you if it makes your strengths more visible than your weaknesses. Although your partner might be aware of your weaknesses, perhaps in character or general behavior, that is not what they focus on. Also, the right relationship motivates you to pursue self-improvement rather than enable your bad habits. The same applies to you. What do you focus on regarding your partner? Have you forgotten the good qualities you saw in them?
6. It is freedom, not slavery.
When you are in the right relationship for yourself, you are free to be who you are. You do not seek to think of a way out. You do not have to pretend to be someone else so your partner or people in your partner's circle can accept you. You feel free to pursue your ambitions and goals still. You do not have to lower yourself and curb your desires. You feel free to express yourself and get on with life. With the wrong partner, your relationship feels like a mental prison with little chance of escape.
7. It is selfless, not selfish.
The right relationship is filled with selfless actions and words. If you or your partner is always adamant about getting needs met at the expense of the other, that is an unhealthy relationship. There is no emotional, verbal, or physical abuse in a healthy relationship (unless you are the kinky type.) You will know you are with someone you have a real chance of a long-lasting relationship with if they treat you respectfully and are sensitive to your circumstances as well.
8. It is balanced, not unbalanced.
When you are with the person who is good for you, you feel value for the love you are giving. The love you give is returned in a measure you feel satisfied with. It is not a one-sided contract where one person gives more than the other. Both of you are equally committed to your relationship and your relationship goals. Even when you have disagreements or different beliefs about issues that affect your relationship, you find common ground and everybody is happy. When you need them, they are there for you. When they need you, you are there for them.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2021 Centfie
Centfie (author) from Kenya on February 17, 2021:
Thank you very much, Dora. Your comment means a lot to me, given your experience.
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on February 17, 2021:
Numbers 3 and 5 are my favorites. The relationship must feel like a reason to live. These are all very good pointers.