Andrea has been an online writer for 8+ years. She mostly writes about dating, couples, weddings, travel, interior design, and gardening.
How Do You Know When You're in Love?
Sometimes in relationships, or in the early dating stage, people are unsure whether they love someone or not. Falling in love can be tricky, especially if you're new to dating. Some people try out dating and treat it like a game. Some people are selfish and are just looking for fun.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you try to figure out whether you're in love:
- Love builds over time. Love gets richer as you stay in the same orbit of one partner.
- You develop feelings. Your body has responses, like butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, can't get the person off your mind, and some awkward clumsiness.
- You miss them when they're gone. This one is key.
When you really love someone, you mature somewhat. You care about the other person and make them a priority rather than a random connection in your phone. When you love someone you don't shy away from them when they don't look or feel their best.
Love is more than just the chemicals you feel. Love is about the bond you have with someone and what you're willing to put into that bond.
When you fall in love, you move away from the infatuation or crush stage. You see the person for who they are: you love them for what makes them shine and their faults.
Can't Tell If You're in Love? Look at Your Actions
I want to help you figure out whether you are in love or not. You could be on the way to loving someone, or maybe you fell out of love and need to reconnect with your partner.
Love is a strong bond. It should make you feel more at ease and comfortable with someone. We release hormones that make us feel good when we're around someone we like; we have a rush of endorphins and adrenaline, and our cortisol levels should drop.
When you're in love and someone loves you back the pieces of the puzzle naturally fall into place. You feel supported and they do too. It's not a battle to try to get them to hang out with you, you don't have to constantly remind them to spend time with you, and it doesn't feel one sided.
Unrequited romance isn't a fulfilling love; that's why people don't stay in unrequited romances their whole lives. It's a lot of effort to love someone by yourself when you could move on and find love that reciprocates.
When you fall in love, you should be happy. You'll spend a lot of time with this person and not as much with your friends and family. When you love someone you want them to be part of your world, you want to show them your favorite things, your favorite places to go, and your favorite people. Love helps you let go of secrets, it helps you to be vulnerable, and your priorities change.
- When you're in love, you'll try to make your voice sound pleasant. You may talk more gentle. The two of you will likely try to match each other in words, rhythm, and in tones.
- When you and someone else are in love, you naturally mirror each other. You sit near each other, you get on the same level.
- When you're in love you can't help but tell the other person any news you have, whether good or bad.
- When you're in love, you can't stand to see your partner in pain. You'll do anything to comfort them and help them overcome the pain.
- When you love someone, you become interested in what they love and want to help them be passionate about their dreams. You're okay with them finding themselves in the world and having alone time, even if it means you have to let them go for part of the day.
- When you love someone, going a week or more without seeing them will cause you to long for them. A month away from each other sounds dreadful.
- When you're in love you make plans together. You dream about the future. You make vacation plans, you think about things like buying a house, where you want to live, how to take care of aging parents, how many kids you want.
- If you're not in love, you won't see a future together. You won't have a vision of what it would look like to be together in the long run.
- When you're in love, you have dreams about your partner, crush, etc. Your dreams will be happy and reassuring. Maybe they'll make promises to you in the dreams.
Indications You're Not in Love
Love isn't all about a rush of feelings or cute stuff from first dates. It's something that builds and matures. Love makes you feel whole and at peace; you're not feeling anxious constantly worried that you've done something wrong. Consider it like this: after a really good intimate time behind doors — you likely can sleep better. Love relaxes you; it doesn't make you feel threatened or scared.
You want to be in a loving relationship. This means you're supported and comforted. Love helps lower your baseline stress, which is what we should all strive to make happen.
You're not in love if:
- You could go months without seeing this person and not miss them at all.
- You have nothing nice to say.
- You don't feel anything in your body at all. Not in your heart, not in your gut, not in your mind. Your body should want to draw to them in some way.
- You don't care about the details of the person. You're not interested in their favorite color, their middle name, their dog's name, their favorite ice cream flavor, their birthday, what they do for a living, their favorite sports team, their preferences for just about anything.
- You're not excited to see them... ever. Spending time with them sounds boring.
- You could care less if they get sick, hurt, or have short comings. You would be annoyed if they brought up anything like this.
- You only see their faults.
- You spend more time with someone else and prefer that person's company.
- You have no plans for them. You're not excited to take them places, you're not excited to buy them gifts, and you could care less about whether they hug or kiss you.
When you love someone, you'll communicate with them through the five love languages, which includes:
- Words of affirmation
- Giving gifts
- Spending time together
- Acts of service
You shouldn't really have to think too hard about this. If you are conveying love, you are in love. We show love through the five above expressions. Some of us rely on certain love languages more than the others, and that is okay. Your partner isn't falling short of love if they don't use all five.
Words of Affirmation
When you love someone, you have nice things to say. It's easy for you to compliment them, give them reassuring words, and support them. You don't have to rack your brain for something nice to say; it comes naturally to you.
You use words to flirt, charm, and build confidence. You want them to see you as a positive person, you want them to come back to you, so you make sure what you say is full of honey. You'll always win people more with honey than vinegar.
You don't just use words as flattery. You think carefully ahead of time about what you'll say. You make certain that what you say is supportive and ultimately nourishing. When you want to be a nourishing person in someone's life, that means you want to express love. Maybe not always on an aromatic love, but something positive nonetheless.
- You write notes and leave them in places to brighten their day.
- You send them positive text messages and emails throughout the day.
- You make a point to express positive feelings to them.
- You feel comfortable saying "I love you."
When you love someone, you want to reach out and touch them. You want to be close to them. You look forward to hugs and kisses. You like holding their hand. When you first started dating them, these things might have given you a rush. You may have taken it as a serious compliment to hold his hand.
Couples who stay together still maintain physical contact. It's not all what happens under the sheets, it's about the little touches of love throughout the day. You give reassurance by reaching out and holding her hand. You make her feel special with a gentle kiss. You know how to relax them with a head massage. You get a high from braiding her hair. You're not strangers who act like there is a great deal of bubble wrap between you.
Falling in love comes with gifts and displays of love. If you're creative, you'll have the impulse to write them songs, paint them something beautiful, or write a poem. If you have the money, you'll buy them what you think they'll treasure. You're not trying to buy their love: you're trying to express your love. You buy them what you think they want, what they need, and what will make their day better.
You want them to be surrounded by items from you so that they'll remember you throughout the day.
The gifts you give expresses how you feel about this person. Do you want to buy them a house? Do you want to buy them a diamond ring? Only someone with really strong feelings wants to buy these big item type of things. You shouldn't feel like you have to buy these things. You want to buy them. You want to have that milestone proposal moment with them. You want to have a house where you can share memories for the long run. You want to ultimately spend your life with them; the greatest gift you can give them is your life.
Spending Time Together
It should be obvious, but if you like someone then you'll want to spend time with them. If you don't want to spend time with someone, then you probably don't have feelings for them. People who are in love look forward to getting to spend time together, having adventures in public, and eating dinner together. Getting to see this person and spend time with them should be a highlight, not an annoyance.
Take a moment and reflect on how you like to spend your time and who you want to spend your time with. You should look forward to dates and adventures. You shouldn't be rolling your eyes at them and dreading their presence.
Acts of Service
When you love someone, you want to do things for them. You want to make sure their needs are met. You help them take care of chores, you work on the budget together, you do errands together.
Acts of service might not sound as exciting or as sexy as other love languages, but it is the most durable and steady way to convey love. When you're in a mature relationship, you care about the little things. You care about your partner's needs.
Acts of service can be expressed in multiple ways from cooking a meal, making sure their car has gas, folding laundry, cleaning sheets, taking their elderly mother to go shopping, and tidying up the office.
© 2021 Andrea Lawrence