I have been in this kind of relationship and I was even engaged to the guy. It took him up to 2 1/2 years before he raised his fist at me. But the rest of the time he was controlling me. I couldn't do this or that. I didn't look femaine enough. I wasn't allowed to leave a room when we fought; if I tried he would block the door with his body. If I tried to push around him to get out he would push me back into the room. I wasn't smart enough, I didn't say words or sentences correctly. If I used my accent he made fun of me and belittled me. If I was at home while he was at work, I was supposedly cheating one him. I couldn't go hang with my friends alone he had to come to make sure I was doing what I said. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair, dye it, or get tattoos. I was too fat, I needed to lose weight. This was all from a man that was 6 ft weighing almost 300lbs and heavy in size.
The night that changed the relationship from control and verbal abuse to almost physical abuse. Was the night him and I got into a fight while sitting in his car in a parking lot. At first we were talking, than voices got raised. I threaten to get out and walk home, I didn't care if it was raining I wanted out. Than he got out of the car. Than he got back in to the car. Than we started yelling again. Which at this time he started screaming get the F out of my car over and over. But I couldn't he had locked the car doors and I couldn't get them unlocked. Because he was holding down the power lock switch. I said something to him and that was when he raised his fist at me. Right than and there I knew, "HELL NO! He is not going to hit me!"
Yes, I will admit I went a little psycho on his ass. I looked at him my 5ft 2in 190lbs pulling all the strength and all the determination I had into me; I looked him square in the face and said, "Go ahead hit me, and I'll go psycho on your ass." I also had my cell phone in my hand ready to hit 1 (at that time 1 was for 911) "Hit me and I'll call the cops, call my parents, and have your ass thrown in jail. I'll press charges and take your ass to court for domestic violence."
There the fist stood in mid-air, his whole body shaking, anger raging in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to follow through with the hit, that if he did would hit me in the face. I wasn't backing down, I straighten my back, put as much aggression into my eyes as I could, my teeth were clenched. My cell was still in my hand. I was ready to defend myself.
Suddenly the tension in the air left and he knew I would follow through with what I said. I was no longer going to back down; I was done being his mat to walk all over. I had found my voice and I was going to learn how to use it from than on. After all the anger left him or at less boiled down, he took me home.
Of course our relationship was never the same after that night. Things only progressed to get worse. From that day I was the reason why he couldn't find a better job, I was the reason he had no friends, I was the reason he wasn't happy, and on and on it went. I no longer cared about the relationship, from the night he raised his fist me I was planning how to get out of the relationship.
I knew I was no longer safe. I wasn't safe during the whole relationship, but I kept believing things would get better, he would change, he didn't mean to do the things he did. After he raised his fist; I knew through the whole relationship I had making excuses for him, and not wanting to see him for who he really was.
After that day I saw him for everything. I knew the relationship was over and as I looked deeper into my heart I knew the relationship had been over for a long time in my heart. I no longer loved this man.
First I talked to my friends to see how they truly felt about him. Told them what happen and asked them what they thought I should do. I got their advice. I thought some more, than I went to my parents. I sat down with them (I was still living with them at the time) told them everything. Told them what my plan was and how I planned to break up with him. As all fathers when they find out their little girls have been hurt they want to hurt the guy back, but my father saw in me that I was ready to handle this. I was just wanting them to be there in case my bf tried to do something.
My plan didn't go as planned. But I did break up with, I didn't do it where I wanted. But I had a large group of people, that were there if I needed them. It went as I expected. He of course blamed me that the relationship didn't work out because I had been brain washed by my parents, I was playing mind games, and on and on it went. But the good and best part is that the relationship ended that day.
So what is the reason behind my story, you ask? Basically what I am saying is if your bf raises his fist at you, than he will and could hit you. All he's waiting for is a good excuse for the reason why he hit you, and than work on making you believe you deserved to be hit. So, if I were you, I would leave the relationship. Don't do it alone, have friends with you, have the cops number on your or your friends cell ready just in case. And if he has already hit you, and you have decided to leave the relationship. After you have ended the relationship or before even, got to the cops and find out how to be a restraining order on him.
I decided it was better to live in hell for a short time, than to live in hell for the rest of my life.
shelly on March 05, 2012:
hi i have been married for nearly 4years we have one babe boy, my husband has never hit me but he has always raised his hand to hit me, i don't know what do to, i feel like sometime he will hit me. please help
Denise Handlon from North Carolina on June 06, 2011:
Excellent hub. Bravo to you! I hope you did not experience any further harassment from him. You give some great survival tips here. Thanks.
Julianna from SomeWhere Out There on March 08, 2009:
Nobody should stay with anybody who abuses them physically ,emotionally or mentally. If the do it once, they will do ot again. Go for you for dumping his behind. His insecurities caused his issues and I am certain that his up bringing played a part. You were a good woman you walked away as you are to important to stay in that. Love yourself and love will come to you, repsect yourself and respect will come to you and never ever settle for less!!:)