Tantowi grew up drawing and designing. Now she makes videos for a living and loves every second of it.
Have you ever wondered why some people can set healthy boundaries with their significant other, while others crumble under the slightest bit of conflict? Many of us aren’t taught how to create boundaries in relationships, so we may find ourselves getting sucked into unhealthy situations from time to time.
You may find it difficult to set boundaries in your relationship. Most of the time, we feel that we should just give in to our partners' requests since they are just trying to help us. However, setting boundaries is difficult. Because you don't want your partner to dislike you, you probably say yes to everything. Set boundaries to keep your sanity!
What Are Boundaries?
A boundary is an invisible line that says, "You may go this far but no farther." It sets limits on what you will allow others to do. Setting boundaries in your relationship is an important part of self-care. Setting boundaries is one of the key skills in relationships because it has everything to do with understanding yourself, understand another person, and working towards reaching your dreams.
The rules we set around ourselves affect how we see the world and others. These boundaries may be physical, emotional or psychological. Having boundaries creates a zone of comfort and safety that protects us from feeling vulnerable or out of control. Having these boundaries can help us feel more confident, secure and able to handle stress internally. They can also help others see us as strong, capable individuals who can handle mistakes without flooding them with negative emotions.
Why Are Boundaries Important?
Boundaries are important because they help define what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Being clear about your boundaries can keep you from falling into depression. It will enable you to create healthy relationships and maintain a healthy emotional state. When you set boundaries, you are expressing how you expect things to work between yourself and your partner. Successful relationships result from respecting boundaries.
When both parties lack boundaries, they become too preoccupied with each other, and their attention wanders between each other's thoughts and feelings without ever focusing on the relationship at hand. If you consistently have arguments with your significant other, or if you are constantly worried about those around you, this is what will happen. If you do this, you won't be happy in the long run, and you may even feel resentment toward your partner.
Don't Let Boundaries Become Walls
Setting boundaries, also known as creating rules, is essential to a healthy rapport with the people you love. We all must have rules to co-exist peacefully with each other. Unfortunately, some of these rules are more effective than others. It's important to have clearly defined boundaries that support health and flexibility within relationships, not walls that breed resentment and inflexibility. Mindful communication is key to setting good guidelines for your relationship with the people you love.
You can demonstrate that you value what's important to each other in many ways. You establish a feeling of needing each other and collaboration when you make decisions together on important topics and spend time together. Boundaries are just the opposite of privileges. The ability to say no is often just as valuable as the ability to say yes. As a result, it is important to be aware of any boundaries you set, both good and bad, and to recognize how they are interconnected.
How Do I Set Good Boundaries in My Relationship?
Having good boundaries in a relationship means knowing what you will and won't tolerate from that person. It is clear, direct and honest communication about your emotional, physical and spiritual limits and boundaries. Boundaries in a relationship help you set and maintain your comfort zone and limit the amount of emotional or physical abuse or control you will experience. If your boundaries are all messed up, you can't even have a relationship that works at all, because it will always be out of control. It's impossible to be part of a healthy relationship if you don't know how to set good boundaries.
Each person must decide for himself or herself how far he or she is willing to go in trying to control another's behavior. Some people would say the boundaries should be decided by the person with the most power in the relationship. However, that is also not true. When it comes to relationships, each of us brings something unique to the table. It is important to keep in mind that certain characteristics make us better candidates to be set free or changed.
Practice Active Listening
There are three kinds of listening. There is passive listening, in which you simply try to understand what someone is saying. Then there's empathetic listening, in which you try to understand what someone else is feeling. And there's active listening, in which you try to do all this while helping the other person move towards some sort of resolution of whatever problem they've brought up. Active listening is a powerful communication tool that can create connection and intimacy in your relationship. In most relationships conflicts occur because people are not listening to each other.
Relationships Are a Two-Way Street
In romantic relationships, people often assume their partners should think, feel, and behave a certain way. As a result, when they don't, they feel chronic disappointment. On a daily basis, we assume other people will meet our needs. The problem is that other people often have their expectations and demands.
Most of the things we value in life are things that we get to exchange for something of value from someone else. Relationships are two-way streets. In exchange for the things you want and need, you give up your time and energy, and the other person gives back to you in the same way. Whenever you approach someone with a complaint or an idea, and they tell you they'll do their best to help you, it's because they genuinely want to help you instead of trying to get something from you. Most people are good at understanding reciprocity, and if you keep giving and getting reciprocated, eventually things will work out.
Building boundaries in your relationship is an ongoing process, especially when one or both of you are changing. How you work with your partner to identify and negotiate mutually agreeable boundaries can be greatly influenced by how much trust you have in the relationship.
You need to be able to seek help and support for that relationship to succeed and to handle life's challenges together. Intimacy is wonderful, but independence and individuality are also necessary for our relationships. Boundaries can help to preserve healthy relationships where we all feel closer and more connected while still maintaining the space we each need for living our own lives.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2021 Tantowi Gilang