I had somewhat planned to go home during the summer break, but it felt too soon.
Davy and Marjie had been married just six months. Although I could say I was over it, I didn't believe me. I can't love someone all my life and then, when he marries my best friend smile and shrug.
I must have been eight years old when I planned 'our' lives together. And that was never going to happen so being in Hawaii, having no contact with Marjie or Davy allowed me to breathe. To form this new person.
When I told my mother I wasn't coming home she told me that she would come out. It would work. I would be alone in my Dorm room and she could stay here and we'd see the 'sites' together.
My Mother and I spent a few days together, and then, the night before her departure I said: "Okay, Spill it."
We were sitting alone at a table near the sea, drinking fruit juice, look at the sky. We'd talked about everything but the Elephant.
"She's working at her aunt's florist shop, he's at his father's construction company. They are living ... " she didn't need to say it. In my dreams I had married Davy and we lived on the second floor of his parent's house, where he was living with Marjie.
"None of them speak to me because it is 'my fault' you weren't at the wedding," my mother said with a kind of pride. I smiled honestly, because I could not, save in a coma, been at the wedding of Davy and Marjie.
The sound of the sea became louder to my ears as I sat there, somewhat confused.
I expected to feel pain, sorrow, misery that Davy, my beloved Davy, had married my Best Friend. But I didn't feel anything.
Davy and I had been best friends. We liked the same things, from our flavour of ice cream to sporting teams. We had always spent as much time together as possible without even thinking about it.
We'd walk to school, we'd walk home, we'd change into our play clothes and ride our bicycles or skate or whatever... together.
Marjie moved into the district when I was nine and she became my friend, then both our friend, and our twosome became a threesome.
As we entered puberty Marjie and I became closer for we had our 'secrets'.
When Davy asked her to the prom...asked her not me... I was devastated. I kept the smile on until I got home, then went into hysteria. My mother arrived, got the facts and said I was going to the Prom. She would get a date for me.
I didn't want to go but she said; "You must. Unless you're planning to slam the door on both of them forever, you have to go as if it doesn't hurt."
I cried for another fifteen minutes, then realised my mother was right. Unless I wanted a big drama in which confront them and make them feel horrible, I had to go and act as if there was nothing diverse.
She arranged my date with Jake who was gay but hiding it. Going to the Prom with him would dispel rumours and hints, and we could 'perform' with gusto.
Oh, and we did. The way we got on had everyone thinking we were a long time couple. And we left early as if... cracking up all the way. We had so much fun that Davy and Marjie weren't even a side thought.
I missed Davy's proposal to Marjie... which happened after we left. I heard about it, go to cry my eyes out, then, my mother had me apply to the University of Hawaii.
It seemed right
"Hey?" My mother called.
I turned to look at her as if uncertain of who she was, who I was, where I was... but it only lasted maybe ten seconds.
"I don't feel anything, " I admit.
She nodded slowly, her eyes scraping me.
"No, I mean it."
Meeting her eyes, plunging into them, I say: " I'm imagining what it would be to not be here, not be in University, not have a huge future in front of me with hundreds of possibles."
I had to look at the sea, the sky, the landscape, then back to her.
"The idea that my life would be working in a Florist shop in the same place I was born and grew up, married to a man working for his father, is ... "
"Repulsive?" my mother interjected.
"Yes. I never ... never saw... never imagined... a real future... a future as the one I have now. Never a present as this one." I had to pause a moment, then; "Mommy, I am at the University of Hawaii... I didn't even know it existed. I'm here, in this amazing place among people so different, with ideas and dreams... and I have dreams."
My mother made a kind of victory smile.
"I always felt that there was more for you than the boy down the block. Of course, I never said anything, because I could... it is not probable, but possible, I could be wrong."
"But I took his oblivion to your feelings as a free pass, and without him squashing your future, you could, you would... hey! You are here!"
"Yes, I am," I replied, almost surprised.
"Some day, maybe..."
"No, not some day, today, now, I am almost grateful that Marjie married him and is living the life that I thought was destined to be mine."
"Worked out didn't it?" she gave.
"Yes, it did."
qeyler (author) on June 02, 2021:
Sometimes you are so into your own feelings you don't see how the other person actually feels
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 02, 2021:
Interesting and so much to ponder on here. When boy meets girl they think they have it all but it doesn't always end that way
qeyler (author) on May 31, 2021:
I agree with you. Getting a complete life... an 'I' life, not based on any one else's ideas, demands, choices, should be the goal, not in linking with another person as if one is too frail to walk alone.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 31, 2021:
That's the thing about being young is (we limit our possibilities) based upon "right now". We don't realize our teenage years and early 20s is actually a period of discovery, exploring, and learning who (we) are and what what we want out of life.
Many of us treat our lives as if we're at a Sunday Brunch buffet but we only to stop at the (first food station) to make our meal!
It's settling without knowing you settled because you never realized what else was out there.
Very few people meet their "soulmate" at age 16 and spend the next 70-80 years living happily ever after!
Most people that age have yet to figure out who (they) are.
Our childhood/teens/20s are just one chapter in our book of life.
I think everyone should experience if they can (college life on campus, establishing a career, having their own apartment, making new friends based upon developing interests/hobbies, and traveling to other countries and Caribbean islands.
Life should be an adventure you fondly recall when you look back.
The world may not owe you anything but you owe yourself the world!