Jahzmin has a Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling, Bachelors in Physical Therapy and is a Certified Wellbeing Coach
5 Tips for getting over being Ghosted.
Ghosting, in essence, is the experience of interacting with someone only to have them exit the conversation abruptly, without warning. The person "ghosted" is left in limbo waiting for a response that does not occur. Imagine sitting with someone face to face talking and you ask a question only to have the person go silent and refuse to answer. You wait for a reasonable length of time first in anticipation, then eventually mild concern and impatience then emotions ranging from irritation to anger may ensue. You may try to coerce a response but it will be unsuccessful and a waste of energy. Here are 5 Tips to remember to help you move past this experience.
1. Being Ghosted is about the person doing the ghosting.
Poor relationship habits are a reflection of the person behaving poorly. If you blame yourself or allow their behavior to diminish your self-esteem you have mistakenly given them too much power over you. Don't allow another person to define your worth no matter what you feel for them. The more you rely on others to validate your worth, the more pain and suffering you will have in relationships when things don't go the way you expected or desired. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, that's normal. Acknowledge the pain, name it, journal about it, talk with a good friend/therapist but don't blame yourself or wallow in it. Learn about yourself from it. The person who Ghosted you is responsible for their feelings and behavior and you are responsible for yours. It may sound harsh but knowing this is key to moving on from the situation.
2. Focus on Caring for Yourself
Make loving yourself out of this experience a priority. Self-care is very important at this time. Go for walks in nature, treat yourself to what makes you feel loved and cared for. The goal is for you to feel better. Often we become too focused on the other person; wondering why they did it, reliving past interactions for clues, and answers to their behavior. Although understandable this will not help you on your quest to feeling better and moving on. Someone who would ghost you does not deserve that much air time in your head. If you find it difficult to stop focusing on the other person, try giving yourself a fixed amount of time to think up reasons for their behavior then when that time is up commit to interrupting, stopping, and replacing such thinking with a positive affirmation of yourself.
3. Closure is up to you.
People often feel that they must talk to the other person to find closure. This is especially common in women. Women are socialized to be the guardians of their relationships and often think they need to have closure by discussing the issue with their partners. In same-gender relationships often one of the individuals will demonstrate a more "feminine" energy around emotions and this person will also feel the need to "talk it out" in order to find closure. However, sometimes, as in ghosting, it will not be possible to talk with the other individual, and thankfully it is still possible to find closure and to move on. Closure is an inside job that will occur as you lovingly process your feelings and thoughts around the situation and let it go. Consider the possibility that knowing their reasons may be more painful.
4. Take a Higher Perspective
There is a Spiritual Law (ie The Law of Attraction) that says, "that which is like onto itself is drawn." Basically, it means we attract what is like us in some way, and conversely, we repel what is unlike us. Whenever someone Ghosts, you can choose to remember that spiritually what is happening is that you repelled that person for very good reasons likely unknown to you. Trust that if this relationship was good for you the person would not have left. Although the way they left shows their weakness consider that you have been spared being involved with someone unsuited for you in some important aspect.
5. Nurture the Good Relationships in your Life.
Find time to be grateful for the people you currently have in your life. Intentionally be present when you are with them. If face to face, make eye contact, listen twice as much as speaking. Everyone deserves to feel validated and acknowledged for the good they add to your life. Be more intentional in expressing that to others.
Poor communication and the lack of communication have always been a challenge in relationships. Technological advancement and the pandemic may have highlighted these issues as we've moved to more online interactions but ghosting is just a new face to an old issue. The opportunity continues to be the emotional healing and growth we can experience when faced with these relationship challenges.