Gaydar = gay radar
Okay, I might get into serious trouble with this, but I've been asked dozens of times how you can tell a gay man or woman from his/her straight counterparts. ('Straight' means 'heterosexual' in modern gay parlance)
Some are obvious (I mean, do you need my help to know Richard Simmons and k.d. lang are gay?). But most are a bit more subtle, and it isn't usually a matter of how much product they use in their hair, or how much they follow professional sports, that really matter.
Some have said it's a sense that's difficult to describe, and I guess it is. However, I've distilled the following clues from my *years* (ahem!) of experience:
(Take it for all it's worth--I'm just having fun here)
#1) The walk
Gay men take short strides. It's true. Gay men walk like geishas wearing wooden sandals. Straight men, on the other hand, look like they're trying to compete in the long jump, extra slowly--very long strides.
Lesbians walk like straight men. A definite swagger. There's a reason there's a saying in the lesbian community: "If it talks like a dyke and it walks like a dyke, then it probably is a dyke."
#2) Awareness of people around them
Gay men need to look at every other person in sight. When in public, gay men are continually distracted by other people. It's almost comical (being so utterly predictable) when you walk in a restaurant or a shop, and all the gay men will whip their heads around to look at you. It's in our DNA, completely instinctive. Meanwhile...
Lesbians couldn't care less. Butch lesbians, in particular, are too concerned with their gadgets--they, like straight men, adore PDAs, CBs, BBs, and every other mechanical acronym out there. If it weren't for lesbians, the Radio Shack and hardware stores in the Castro and West Village would go out of business. (Restoration Hardware, on the other hand, is a favorite among gay men)
Gay men dislike nicknames. Gay men want their name as long and formal sounding as possible, like they really want to reclaim the name their mothers called them when they were angry. It's much rarer to meet a gay Chris than a Christopher, for instance. It's never "Tom", it's "Thomas". And forget calling a gay man "Andy"--it's "Andrew", or, even better yet, "Andrew Michael".
Conversely, lesbians will shorten their names to the most masculine sounding nickname possible. "Christine" is always "Chris", "Leslie" is "Les", and "Georgia" always ends up as "George" (no, I'm not kidding). If the name is impossible to shorten to a masculine-sounding nickname, like Jennifer or Virginia, then it's just a single letter: "J" and "V".
#4) Clothing fit
Gay men will wear it as tight as possible. For some odd reason, gay men are as obsessed with their pant size as straight women are with their clothing size. The difference between a 32 and a 34 presents as big a self-esteem issue for gay men (and, apparently, Jerry Seinfeld) as a 6 and an 8 does for a straight woman. It's not unusual to see a gay man stuffing his flabby frame into a too-tight size 32 jeans just so he can brag about wearing that size.
Lesbians, like straight men, like baggy and loose. Really butch lesbians will wear shirts as loose as possible in order to give the semblance of breastlessness (especially among those trying to look like 14-year-old skateboarders). Most of the butch lesbian women I know exclusively shop at the men's department, and that includes underwear (they prefer boxers).
#5) Music preferences
Gay men: bubble-gum Europop. Or House. Or Techno. No substitutions or exchanges. Gay men love Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, and Groove Armada. Unless you're a gay man or a European, you've probably never heard of them.
Lesbians love Country. Or Heavy Metal. Or Folk Rock. No substitutions or exchanges. Lesbians love anyone who has played at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. No one else even wants to go to Michigan.
#6) Smiling too much or not at all in pictures
Gay men grin from ear to ear in pictures. In an attempt to show as many of their pearly whites on celluloid (or memory sticks), gay men instinctively smile as widely as possible when their picture is being taken.
Lesbians, on the other hand, usually snarl. Maybe a pout. Maybe a threatening glare. But never a smile. Never. (Except the femmes)
Test your gaydar
Gay or Eurotrash? - There was also "Lesbian or German Lady?" from the same site but the link is now dead :-( I got all of these right (but keep in mind, they're not confirmed; I just agreed with the judges)
OKCupid's Gaydar Quiz - 10 male and 10 female questions, and I have to say some are a little tricky. I got 75% correct.
ABC's 20/20 Gaydar Quiz: Yeah, it's mainstream now. I got 8/10 right, but in all fairness, the picture is *small*.
Mariah Schnoebelen on June 12, 2019:
As a gay woman - this was a very interesting read. It's always nice to read how others observe others sexuality. It's beautiful - to get a glance of your perspective even if's the opposite.
Ooh La La Pig Spa on January 03, 2014:
Waaaaay too many stereotypes here.
1. I don't know about this
2. This is probably true
3. This isn't true for everybody. I'm tickled by nicknames.
4. I've met some gays who do this, but I prefer loose clothing
5. No no no no no. This isn't true.
GUY w/ Question on December 12, 2013:
I'm a guy and my lesbian friend told me if she were straight she would date me cuz I'm really nice. what does this Mean?
Tome_to on June 05, 2012:
Why THIS ARTICLE just rubbed it on to me! I was a beard! My ex hubby is very good at hiding it. Yet I scored 80% on Okcupid.com just now, Looking back, I think I was blinded by my love for him that I dismissed those little things I noticed in him. Like, how he crosses his legs when he was courting me (like a proper lady) , how he walk (like a geisha) but... he was built like a tank! square jaw like Rock Hudson he is handsome and well built and tall... He likes to wear as tight as possible for shirts and he thinks he is better at color coordinating, he chooses shirt color based on how he feels like often rejecting my choice of shirt for him and he even buys blouses for me and our daughters and I was surprised he is better at choosing which will fit me and the girls better even if he shopped alone. He loves shopping. I can't outdo him when it comes to shopping. He is picky and fickle. He adores Louie Vuitton, Prada shoes..but he loved sports like basketball, He loved Robbie Williams like he cant get enough CDs of him but he worked in Italy so it might explain how he knew Robbie Williams... He smiled ear to ear and YES he notices everyone within range - even how someone walks, minute things that escaped my notice. He also seemed distant whenever we are together or alone together. He makes love with no foreplay. Like he is in a hurry - unless he was drunk. I used to get jealous when he looks at other girls when we are together but I guess he was just faking it or times he spends more outside our home with his straight friends. He had numerous girlfriends before but none lasts more than a year, usually a month or two . Some girls are falling for him and twas the reason I broke with him, but a year later I received news from land afar that people there knew he was gay as he behaves like one over there and they didn't know he is married and have kids. he plays the playboy in the mainland. Still closeted. Now that I am looking at him from a afar, I would say he is gay. I feel cheated.
MetalBitch on May 28, 2012:
Hehe the part about music makes me laugh. I am lesbian and I do love my heavy metal. I used to get into fights with my gay friend all the time over music because all he wanted to listen to was techno and I was like 'turn that crap off please! I can't take it anymore!' Other than that we were pretty good friends.
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on May 12, 2012:
1. You might have missed the "(Take it for all it's worth--I'm just having fun here)" at the top.
2. I'm gay.
3. Take a chill pill.
What?!?! on May 12, 2012:
I'm shocked that they would allow such homophobic, anti-gay and just down right mean trash like this article on a gay site. Are you joking, or do you really believe this insulting narrow minded bigoted opinions you are writing? I do agree that some of your statements can be generally true in countries with very low education levels and extreme macho / feminine stereotypes and a high homosexual suicide and murder rate. But in countries with gay marriage, a higher quality of life and equality of the sexes, there are very few differences between gay and straight men.
Stu from Canada on April 28, 2012:
I just about died reading this, it was pretty funny because the formal name things is very true, I've found. Where I am gay and don't mind nicknames, there are some gay men I have met who are vehemently against it. To the point where they correct you if you look like you're about to give them one.
SeamlessDestiny03 from Chi-city on April 27, 2012:
OH and I will never go by "Chris." :-P
SeamlessDestiny03 from Chi-city on April 27, 2012:
You forgot the vegetarian food and the beaters for the ladies!
Ha! This is funny. Although I don't really fit any sort of stereotype, this is like 70% true :) I love my steak rare, walk like a straight girl, and wear my clothes to fit well!
Anonymous on April 16, 2012:
Thanks for being one of many who prejudged people according to what they LOOK like as to what they do in the bedroom. Who knew that being gay was so much more about style than anything else?
Armani on April 09, 2012:
I have to disagree with the formal name one. I changed mine from Alexander to Armani.
Ace on April 02, 2012:
I'm an ace female and with the exception of the clothes and the fact that I'm tech-dyslexic, I also have a slightly wider musical taste than the butch stereotype but I fit many butch lesbian stereotypes.
Now it suddenly makes sense to me what the other kids (yes, teenagers are still kids!) in high school were trying to do when attempting to interact with me; They were trying to asses if I was lesbian and I'm sure they wrongfully came to that conclusion, not that I care because I'm not only ace but also completely oblivious and that's okay with my gay friends who are too self absorbed to care what anyone else thinks. Okay, not all of them are, that's another stereotype.
I know I'm taking the above posts far too seriously. I also don't have a single picture of me smiling.
stefb on February 20, 2012:
stefb on February 20, 2012:
this isn't true at all, a lot of straight guys look at people who walk in a room. if someone is in your prtiphrtsl vision you're more than likely going to look at that person.
Shell Vera from Connecticut, USA on February 17, 2012:
This was so funny. I had to test my knowledge with the quizzes you provided and found out I can spot a gay guy quickly but would have a best friend kissing me all the time and not even realize she is gay! LOL I guess that is good since I am heterosexual and would not end up with a gay man, but kind of sad for the females who would probably think I am gay since I never smile, wear baggy clothes, and pout in my picture...oh, and let's not forget listen to country. Hmmmm... As far as the poster who asked about articles with masculine guys who happen to like guys, I have several gay friends and a few of them are not ones that pop up on most "gaydars". They are very masculine, enjoy 'manly' things, wear regular fitting clothes, and are not even the slightest bit metrosexual. In fact, unless you shop with them (they know exactly what to suggest to wear) or talk to them about their sexuality you would never know. I think it is harder to write a serious article about identifying the masculine gay men because they are harder to spot. Maybe you should write one so we have one to read?
TheSickRomantic on February 04, 2012:
Lmao! Omg! This shit is for real! ...i just found out some stuffs about myself i don't even know but just realized i actually do them.
I mean am lipgloss lesbian, and used to think i knew all there was to know about lesbians, i mean my gaydar is onpoint, i could tell if a girl is bi, lesbian or just curious, by just spending an hour with her. Am THAT good, and then am really cute so girls ALWAYS like me.
This article is really good though! U got me hooked with the gadgets and pictures part.
Nice one! (Y)
Callum from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) on February 01, 2012:
Your welcome Livelonger and thank you for responding too, I actually like being an exception to the rule lol :)
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on February 01, 2012:
There's an exception to every rule, Calpol! Thanks for your comment.
Callum from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) on February 01, 2012:
Good hub, I am a gay man but having read your article I am not like any of those categories for gay men I suppose I am just different lol, however I know of a few people that do fit the profiles lol :-)
Just for fun I have wrote below my answers to your topics and wondered what you would say people like me are?
I take big strides in my walking as am 6ft 4ins
I don't get distracted by other people
I love nicknames - mine is calpol
I don't wear tight clothes
I love al sorts of music
I always smile and never grin :)
Lol I guess I am just a different type lol :-)
seanbateman9 from NYC on January 11, 2012:
a few points are valid - Iam a bartneder for a living so each night I see hundreds of people...since chicks are always coming onto me Ill assume they're GAYdar if totally off since Iam Gay - and when a straight couple comes up to the bar - I always pay alot of attention to the guy even if I know he's 100 straight - straight guys love it !!! Iam like totally kind of coming onto the guy in an off hand kind of way - and they dig it but the chicks get so mad...like there are not quite sure what's happening but they just know Iam sending my energy to their husbands....its kind of funny - some women grab the guy closer almost like sub-cosciously and some totally know and stare me down like he MINE! bitch! but No Iam not a guy you could ever know was gay unless I told you and the funny thing is Iam totally out - and out loud man....the lesbians I have known have actually shortned there names like you say and yeah alof of gay guys will NOT shorten there names so that is on the money -- and yeah Gay guys are always checking everyone out....either for sex or for the hair - clothes and well just checking everyone out - and up and down...so some of it is true...
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on December 04, 2011:
melbel: That is hilarious! I think developing good gaydar is just about practice. That explains why you're better at figuring out gay men than lesbians. I've known so many lesbians that it's almost second nature to me, but I have been known to miss a few and register some false positives, too. ;) Thanks!
Melanie Shebel from Midwest, USA on December 03, 2011:
I think I have really good gaydar (when it comes to men), but I grew up in a really gay friendly community. (And in all fairness, I'm a hag.) My best friend, who I've known since we were like 7 or 8 is gay and I think I knew he was gay even then. He was the coolest boy evar! I mean, what other boy played Barbies with me other than my brother flushing Barbie's head down the toilet?
The only time I was way off is when my friend's friend brought one of his friends, Chris, over to hang out. I'd been told previously that Chris was gay. And I was really nice to him and after he left I was like, "Wow, he was REALLY nice." And my friend was like, "Yeah, you were kind of flirting with him."
"No I wasn't!"
"Well, yeah, you were and he said he's kind of into you."
"What? He's gay"
With women, my gaydar is way off. I think like I can tell like woman are lesbians but don't realize it. A lot of girls in school came out years later and when I'd heard each one was gay, I would think to myself, "Well, that kind of makes sense..."
AMAZING hub, by the way. I'm totally sharing it with a few of my friends.
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on December 03, 2011:
That's funny, although sadly not true. If I had a nickel for every dumb gay guy I've ever met, well... Although as far as stereotypes go about gay men, that's about the nicest one I've ever heard!
Tony Lawrence from SE MA on December 03, 2011:
I did have a woman assume that I was gay or at least bisexual. A mutual gay friend snorted and said "Him? Not a chance. He's just smart. That's what confused you!"
I thought that had some truth in it too :-)
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on December 03, 2011:
xethonxq: You're right. The femmes/lipsticks are much harder to distinguish from straight women.
Pcunix: I can think of one thing about you that I'm very sure your wife is happy with and wouldn't want to change! Maybe she just wants you to go "metrosexual" (that 1 month phenomenon that occurred in 2004; the 7 year backlash continues)
Tony Lawrence from SE MA on December 03, 2011:
Hmm. So, based on this criteria, my wife has been trying to make me gay for over forty years now..
Every one of those rules are things she'd LIKE me to do..
xethonxq on November 22, 2011:
This was awesome...I found myself smiling the entire time I read this because you hit the nail on the head with it...although I do have to admit that the lesbian one is very much about butch lesbians...just sayin' :)
English on November 06, 2011:
WTF!! the lesbian one is a stereotype.
food4you from Oklahoma on October 12, 2011:
Good hub. But, maybe you should have also mentioned straight people who look like they are gay... According to all of your observations, I must be a butch lesbian. (Not)
Helengi from London, England on October 08, 2011:
85% on the quiz. Totes gay! lol
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on August 05, 2011:
Haha, I'm better in general with girls than guys. Go figure! ;)
Melissa Barrett on August 05, 2011:
Okay, I got 80 on the quiz and was better with the guys than with the girls. Awesome Hub :)
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on July 14, 2011:
justmesuzanne: Considering he's homophobic, and sounds like Corky St Clair from Waiting for Guffman, I would say he's your typical "closet queen."
justmesuzanne from Texas on July 14, 2011:
So what do y'all think of Michelle Bachman's husband?
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on July 14, 2011:
Out since 1991! Thanks for the comment. :)
peanutroaster from New England on July 14, 2011:
Thanks for the insider information. When did you come out?
justmesuzanne from Texas on July 05, 2011:
I don't know if your observations are correct, but one time, I met a man in a coffee shop. We were sitting near each other and struck up a conversation. He was a regular looking guy who talked about his job as a carpenter. I thought he was attractive and interesting, and the minute he stood up, I KNEW he was gay. I cannot tell you how I knew. There was nothing overtly gay about this man, but I knew with absolute certainty that he was gay the very moment he stood up. We parted company and never contacted one another, so I've never been able to verify this, but I don't have to. I absolutely know that man is gay, but I have no idea how I know!
Interesting article. Voted up and helpful! :)
CJamesIII from Minneapolis, MN on April 02, 2011:
All of it true! LOL!!! It was the Robbie Williams reference that got me laughing out loud!
Atma on March 29, 2011:
Only the smile and occasionally the awareness applies to me. I refer to people to whatever they introduced themselves to me and will only use their long name if they can't hear me or something like that. I don't care about nicknames, you can shorten or lengthen my name all you want. I'd say the best thing to look out for is the smile, straight people seem to have problems smiling.
Alexander Silvius from Portland, Oregon on February 18, 2011:
I was not aware of the skateboarder type of lesbian, except whenever I see girls dressed that way, it makes me want to puke. Sorry, you can probably tell I'm not "openminded," nor do I wish to be.
All that aside, this was a really funny and insightful hub. I had to laugh at the new gay stereotype, it's so true. People who want to promote homosexuality (and every single human being should be treated with the same respect regardless of orientation), often like to point out that an apparently straight man might not be so no matter the fact he is married with children.
Well, I love trance music and I'm not gay. I also cry at the movies and hate sports. So much for stereotypes, unless... maybe... I'm gay???
Liz on February 04, 2011:
Ever since i came out to myself (i was hiding for years pretending to care about boys, hah, what self-torture), my gaydar has gone through the goddamned roof. I can spot all those closeted ones too. It's like I see them and I know what stage of closetedness they're in, because I was there too! My favorite, however, are the downlow men. I can spot them easy and always have the urge to tell their girlfriends/wives. I actually dated one of those. We had a good time together, but love was never part of the equation. It's funny the ways we find each other even when we don't know who we are.
mannyrolando on January 22, 2011:
I believe this 99% accurate! Hilarious!!!
Nick on January 13, 2011:
Haha I am a closeted gay 20 year old and this describes me 100%! No wonder people ask me every now and again if I am homosexual, and why I get hit on my every openly gay individual. Love this!
ganymede on January 10, 2011:
LOL, Very funny..! But actually, this is not real Gaydar. The author thinks these traits are subtle, but these are very obvious behavior that are consciously displayed by openly gay men and women. A gay man (myself included) uses his Gaydar to spot straight-acting closeted men who don't show any of the traits listed above. It's mystery why many gays have it, and most straights don't. I'd say it's resonance between same kind. When a "straight man" claims that he has a Gaydar, it makes me chuckle.... ;)
mick on December 04, 2010:
well i have to say, i have a nick name of johnno, or mick but never am i called michael. i take big strides in my walk possibly coz im 6'6ish im not sure but do not take small strides. i do not like tight pants but tight tops i do like, i do look at most people in a room, i'm your more straight gay man, not that i hate those that are prissy or femanine but i would never be cought dating one, give me your tradie/footballer/metal worker any day.....
Otto23 from Clarkston, Michigan on November 25, 2010:
haha this is awesome. Great hub page :)
Albert on November 20, 2010:
Found the gaydar for lesbians:
Please edit your article. You were looking for that in your article.
Candice on November 05, 2010:
Funny - I'm a lesbian but none of these apply to me.
Maryanne on October 17, 2010:
I have to rush and tell my gay neighbor I read this, because he is always having to point things out. I always wondered why he notices so much in the neighborhoos and I am oblivious. Poor man, I have been exhausting him with my questions about the gays and the lesbians, I get so turned around, especially about the 'queen' name, which I thought was a cross-dresser. But I died laughing when I read about the flag lapel pin, because I lived in D.C. in the 80's, and ran with a friend who worked with the Republican Senatorial Committee, Moral Majority, and all that. Well, it wasn't till years after I moved, I learned about some of them, through death from Aids, and stuff that has come out. I guess I must have been a 'beard', but I could be using that wrong. I sure went to a lot of dancing, and clubs, and had lots of fun, because I liked to dance. I even went to Reagan's innaugural ball, the most sought after one, with dress and everything provided. I didn't know what all those 'connections' were all about when this was offered to entice me to be a dance and date at these events. I mean I never expected anything different at the beauty salons, but, I loved to dance because my parents danced, and I could do all the jitterbug, walse, foxtrot, etc., so I guess I was a good beard. I guess the innocent ones are the best.
The only thing I knew little about was the country western dances. They would drive up to Maryland, but they sure ran into a lot of their friends up there, and I never wanted to go back, I felt like a rag doll, so many people asking me to dance, all moral majority and republicans. I'm not a republican, just a girl that loved to dance.
Still oblivious, but reading this was great. Don't get out much anymore. Have MS.
Surviving Florida on August 24, 2010:
not my gun...my gaydar...lol...nonetheless...I like your article.
Surviving Florida on August 24, 2010:
LOL. Great article. As a lesbian or whatever I'm called these days, "futch",you made me laugh. You shouldn't worry about getting into trouble. I think I have a pretty good gaydar myself. The switch on my gun can also be moved from Gay to Confused/Closeted. It's a touchy subject isn't it. Keep it up! :)
Jay on August 18, 2010:
Im gay.... And these arent facts. Lol
I take long strides wen i walk and ppl always complain i walk to fast
And im the least observant person in the world....
mickeyblickey on August 18, 2010:
hahaha!!!!!!!!!! i ALWAYS ALWAAAAYS tell ppl i have excellent gaydar and it has never failed me yet. and i must say, these ponts you bring up are mos def on the money. they may not apply to all gay ppl, but if someone possesses them, they are gay. (NO MATTER HOW THEY MAY DENY IT!!) i laughed with each point i read. because i can totally relate to how my gaydar just GOES OFF when these things come into play. of course, there are also other EVEN MORE SUBTLE things that most ppl wouldn't even look for/notice. but thats what makes my gaydar excellent. hasn't steered me wrong yet.the problem comes in when i think of how loud the gaydar siren goes off when my female friends' bfs come around...uh boy..
India Arnold from Northern, California on May 23, 2010:
livelonger--You are hilarious! I enjoyed your writing and fun spirited observations. As a Dyke who doesn't walk, talk or look like...well you get the point, I laughed my rear off.
Thanks for a moment to laugh at our own expense and feel a warm poke-in-the-side over some real tongue-in-cheeky words!
If you get a chance to read my hub, let me know what you think. Have a great day and keep writing!
DaddyD on May 03, 2010:
Ya, I agree with Taeoh.
I'm gay, but I much prefer going by a nickname, I only listen to screamo, and rock. And I NEVER smile in pictures.
It's all just stereotypes.
Taeoh on April 28, 2010:
I completely disagree with this article. nothing here applies to me. I have great abs and a size 34 waist. I'm 6'5'' so any smaller and i would look sick. As for music i listen to Rap and i mean luni coleone thug shit. I don't smile in pictures either, i prefer to mean mug. I also don't go by my entire name, why pronounce 7 letters when i can go by 3! lastly, i get into my gadgets. My i-pad is my new favorite toy. this hub needs some tweaking!!!
j on February 16, 2010:
leave it to me to fit all the lesbian stereotypes aw well who cares im already out and proud
nix on February 13, 2010:
some of these are vast generalizations, mainly the ones that deal with preferences (music, clothes etc)- but the mannerisms are spot on. I'm gay and I never noticed before reading this that I ALWAYS look at everyone in a room, from one person to the next.
jenny on February 06, 2010:
hi! this is so helpful i want to discover whos hiding in the closet among ny friends. thanks
RaveeDior on January 20, 2010:
Okay, well, I am a gay man, and I found this article extremely generalized. What a person looks like, acts like, and talks like has nothing to do with who they are attracted to. I've known many guys who I had thought were gay, but they turned out to be straight and vice versa.
-I have long legs, so I have long strides.
-I do not smile ear-to-ear in pictures.
-I do not prefer the long version of my name.
dirtplay on January 02, 2010:
well crap I guess im either str8 or a lesbian, and to think all this time I "thought" I was a gay man. I am nothing like any of the "gay" charachteristics lol.
David on December 28, 2009:
I concur with almost everything but the nicknames part. I am so sorry, but WE DO LOVE NICKNAMES. Moreover, people be aware of the circumstances, everything varies upon each culture.
Person on November 10, 2009:
I'm gay, and yet I don't meet any of those qualifications. I wear baggy jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. My name is Ryan but I don't lengthen or shorten it. I smile in pictures, but not some weird demented Jack Torrance smile like the one that is described. And I hate the music that "All gay men like" So basically, you are full of shit.
TreyTable on October 31, 2009:
This article is so out there. I listen to progressive rock and j-pop, I prefer baggy clothing over tight clothes, I never smile, and prefer short nicknames over my full name.
What color is the sky on your world?
Dean Adams on August 13, 2009:
really horrible article. I am a masculine gay guy, and struggling to find other masculine gay men.
To best exaplin, I come across as the guys from brokeback mountain. I don't do any of the things that the article says, yet i am a gay man. I guess tehre are many gay guys out there like me who would be coined as str8, which is not correct because i am a masculine guy who just happnes to like other guys. No hard feelings, but I would be really happy if you wrote a more useable article about gaydar taht can help masculine gay guys who are searching for other men. Much appreciated - thanks.
Tom on August 08, 2009:
Wow. I get that you were just having some fun here, but this is so ridiculous, stereotypical and offensive.
I walk like anybody else, I'm not ultra-aware of other people, I go by a nickname, I wear average fitting clothing, I like rock and folk and country, and I smile in pictures in a pretty typical way. I'm gay but I guess I wouldn't show up on your "gaydar"
MISS E KIWI ?! on July 08, 2009:
so i'm gay and this applied to me XD except sometimes i do walk like a girl =] also, i don't wear extremely baggy clothes because i like wearing stuff the shows my body although it could be that certain areas are so big i can't become "breastless" in a baggy shirt XP
Enelle Lamb from Canada's 'California' on July 07, 2009:
What a great hub :D - certainly stirred the pot :D
I took the gaydar quiz and didn't do too badly (guess I'm just not a good guesser LOL 70%) But it did show me that I know shit about women (something I have always known)!)
urimidden on June 07, 2009:
I just read some of the comments on here...HILARIOUS! Why do people get so offended? It would seem that if one is gay then they are already nearly forced to laugh at theirself. But maybe that is what causes much of the angst and sensitization. Refusing to laugh at one's self when necessary. I certainly know I enjoy the activity often.
urimidden on June 07, 2009:
Hilarious! And pretty much hits the bulls-eye. There are a few other things to consider though, and there are plenty of very tough, very large and nearly indistinguishable homosexuals out there that one needs to inspect very closely. If you have ever spent much time in Micronesia or Hawaii, then you know what I am talking about. It is amazing some of the huge Somoan and Tongan mahoo's calling those places home. They are as big as a house, but twice as "sweet", if you know what I mean. That is a place where you really learn to tune the gaydar extra fine, because far too many of them dance around in grass skirts, and hula efeminately like women, but they are not gay.
So, does the gaydar go on tilt around the Keannu Reeves types? He's a ringer for sure. Yes ladies, disagree with me if you like, but he is certainly taken...lol.
padabe on April 27, 2009:
i like this girl buti can't tell if she is a dyke help!!!!!!!
Matt on April 04, 2009:
Also, i would go so far as to say unless you have a sexual interest in the person and are considering pursuing them, it most definitely is not your business. Even then if you aren't of the same sex as them, you only really need to know if they are interested in you.
People are desensitized by the media and think they are asking a slightly personal question but let's put this in perspective.
I don't ask married couples i see on the street if they practice sodomy.
matt on April 04, 2009:
These are so rediculous. These guidelines basically state every over the top stereotype that a person flaunting their homosexuality intentionally might display.
Congrats, you wrote a guide on picking out someone who is intentionally trying to seem homosexual out of a crowd, or the over the top gay character in a movie/tv show. A hard task indeed.
A Homosexual is a person who is aroused only by the opposite sex. It has less to do with your music taste and sense of style and more to do with what is going on in your pants.
If you are reading this, please do yourself a favor and forget it as soon as you are done. The only reason most people probably won't view this as openly offensive and prejudiced is because it is a media hot topic and "acceptable".
If the poster was writing a guide on how to pick out jewish people because of how stingy they are with money and from their curly hair this post would have gotten a proper response.
If you want to know if someone is gay, ask them in a private setting. If you don't know them well enough to or would feel too nervous doing so, it is likely none of your business.
Kaylee on March 19, 2009:
The look of lesbians has totally changed, and FEW fit these generalizations and stereotypes you have applied and in fact I kind of find them offensive.
WTF BBQ! on January 25, 2009:
I can relate to some of this but otherwise it's unlike me.
#1 I'm not sure if I relate to this one or not, I meen my leg is pretty beat up cause of cancer and numerous surgeries so I can't run real well or stride or whatever.
#2 Ok this I can relate to but it's common sense I would assume
#3 Well usually I get called by my real name and I can or can not get embarresed by nicknames, I mean come on Logie sounds to kiddish while Logan sounds fine
#4 I like baggy clothes, they feel comfortable
#5 I like listening to Linkin Park and Red and all of that stuff so this is something I disagree with
#6 I HATE photos! I'm camera shy so I really don't like pictures and if I get one taken I usually don't smile
Another thing, I'm young and yet on a gaydar test I did 75% better at picking out gay people from straights than all other test takers, in fact I'm 12 so meh that can also be untrue, I guess it depends on if ur a good guesser XD but then again it might have been easier for me cause I'm gay. *shrugs* I'm not sure...
mc on December 30, 2008:
Oh no, there seems to be no room in the world for a gay man stuck in a lesbian's body...
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on December 23, 2008:
Zi, have you learned nothing from my tips? You can't necessarily tell by their interests and dress anymore. Reread my gaydar secrets above and pay attention to the more subtle cues.
Zi on December 23, 2008:
Ok I have a question. This may sound really dumb but I just can't figure it out. There's this guy I know, he's an artist. he comes across as very gay. Once he even wore a really tight shirt that sort of spread out around his stomach. He always shaves his hair off, and wears flip flops, once he wore pink velvet sneakers with matching pink velvet jacket, and he is sensitive. He goes to our local gay events...organised by the gay society. AND he researches exclusively gay history as a lecturer!!! Now he MUST be gay. But rumours were going around that he "definitely has a girlfriend". I don't want to ask, him! What do all think? Is he trying too hard to come across as gay? Is he bisexual? Or just bi- anal??!! im confused
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on November 30, 2008:
No, I didn't feel you were attacking me! I answered your question. If I had felt it was an attacking question, I would've simply deleted it. :-) Yes, fortunately, my family and most of my friends have been very supportive. Nowadays, it's rarely an issue for me in my daily life, although you still have to be a little discreet.
The Chinese symbol in my avatar means "mist." It's my I Ching symbol. :-)
countrywomen from Washington, USA on November 30, 2008:
Livelonger- Thanks for educating me. I hope you didn't feel that I was attacking you in anyway. It must have been tough to keep it all within yourself since childhood. I hope your family and close friends were supportive of your disclosure.
Btw this is separate question: What does that Chinese (or excuse me if its any other oriental language) symbol mean in your avatar?
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on November 29, 2008:
countrywoman: I accept all questions that are genuine and come from a position of curiosity, and not a thinly-veiled way of attacking someone.
I personally have been gay since I can remember: it is a fundamental orientation, and not a preference I developed. Pretty much every gay and lesbian person has said the same to me. I didn't have any bad experiences with either men or women - that is a myth. You really are born gay/lesbian. The only reason people "come out" at different times is because different people feel comfortable expressing their true orientation at different stages. I came out when I was 17, but, like I said, I knew since I was a child.
countrywomen from Washington, USA on November 29, 2008:
Livelonger- I expected this hub to be about some new technology like Radar(since I am an electronics engineer was curious). But never the less I read it and discovered what this was about. I will accept that I have very little exposure or interaction with people who like others of the same gender. As you said it is easier to recognize guys who seem feminine and woman who seem masculine but in a couple their would be the counterpart which would be the one more difficult to recognize. I also have another question but this is a bit more personal and you are free to ignore this one if you don't want to answer it. At what age or time frame do the people who like the person from the same gender mostly realize about this? Is it by birth or due to some bad experiences one seeks comfort in the company of the persons from same gender.
I do apologize for asking this question and face to face I would to be too shy to discuss this with anyone hence asking here.
Elena. from Madrid on November 09, 2008:
Hi livelonger! I'm catching this kinda late after the fact, just joined recently, but wanted to say it gave me a good laugh. Thanks!
summer10 from my happy place :) on August 26, 2008:
What do you think of Whoopi Goldberg... To me she screams lesbian and for someone who seems so comfortable with herself has yet to "come out"... Great hub though, sparking interest and comments is the best compliment.
abcdefghi123 on August 14, 2008:
Your post was the first that I've seen about a prevalent sterotyping in this country, since the 90's. I disagree with #1 and #2: This depends on whether an individual went through school in sports (where long strides are needed), or the marching band (where the typical 8 to 5 stride is common). The "noticing" of people in a public place can be confused with people who are schizoaffected or paranoid. Although, men are not as picky about women - sterotyping has made in almost impossible for some heterosexual men to mate, where the women in this country have censured men based on "gaydar". Medications such as Risperidone can affect the gait of heterosexual people as well. In addition, the false-gaydar has affected job prospects, etc.
Anthoni on August 10, 2008:
I am gay and the only one that fits is the full name thing. Also, half the people I meet assume I'm gay, but the other half seem to KNOW that I'm straight, so either gaydar exists as something else (I would NOT have it) or I'm just weird. I like the page though.
joblot from Ringwood on July 27, 2008:
All this body language stuff is great! I suppose this is how it's possible to tell when someone is gay and hasn't worked it out for him or herself yet.
VanBergen on June 02, 2008:
OMG. I can't believe this is an article. I love freedom of expression. Keep it coming!
Kayla Vettese on May 21, 2008:
i think this is really help full and infomative.
bspilner from Altanta, Ga. on May 12, 2008:
I thought my gaydar was on target but this helped mine out. Mine was all about just go for who looks like they fit the part and assume they're gay. I think I the one where they look at everyone possible it right on from watching some of my friends. The best is when you see a strait guy talks about a more sensative male and that sensative guy ends up having the hottest girl in the place. I am strait and I get the biggest kick out of that because guys are so quick to judge. Very interesting - great write up.
lucky on April 29, 2008:
Sorry about the comment before I wasn't sure if my comment would come up and it would be perrty pointless if I wrote a lot and would not even come up.
My name is Amelia but a lot of my frends call me lucky. I got my nick name becues I kept loseing a lot of bets at one point. Alot of times Lesbains give nick names to there girlfrends becues thir parntes don't know. We don't do it cause we want to we do it to proctect our self from haters.
I do lissen to havey mteal. But that the thing IM
Maddie Ruud from Oakland, CA on April 13, 2008:
Re: Relache's comment some way up. I've actually been told by a friend that I am a gay man in a woman's body. No joke. Another one of my friends calls me "Queenie" for precisely the same reason.
seacrest on April 13, 2008:
Chan says:6 months ago
My gaydar goes off for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (Kid from Third Rock from the Sun, and the movies Brick, Latter Days, Manic, and Havoc)
OMG, Chan! Absolutely! There was a magazine spread recently (Vanity Fair I think) where he was posed in some very suggestive pix with Claudia Schiffer. She was smokin hot...made up to resemble Brigitte Bardot. He looked like he would rather be anywhere else. My gaydar went off right away.
S-Cast from Laurinburg NC on April 09, 2008:
haha! hilarious dude, and so true lol
Constant Walker from Springfield, Oregon on April 08, 2008:
Only matched one: #2.
flayed Hypatia on March 30, 2008:
Hmm. So when I was pretending to be an 'ex gay' (to make my church peeps happy), I used my whole name, which is ten letters long. Like a gay man. I hated to have it abridged in any way. Then when I went all professional, I simply had my students call me my initials, since I don't like any other nickname derived from my name. Like a dyke.
I don't swagger, but I do--what did you call it?--work it, I think. Strut? I loathe country music, gas-guzzling vehicles (the bigger the worse), heavy metal and having my picture taken. I love Europop (even the group by that name), trance music, and people watching. I'm a huge people watcher. When I was in my 20s (in the early 90s), I wore really tight clothing, as did my girlfriend.
On the other hand, even when I was going through that 'ex gay' phase, it seemed I set off every gaydar in the region, so I've clearly got that certain special something. But then again, I've always been cryptic as to what it is about me that makes me so lez.
Love the posting.
donnaleemason from North Dakota, USA on March 29, 2008:
LOL. and I thought Richard Simmons was married.
Now I am gonna have to go and change my comfortable working around the house shirt or someone's gaydar is going to go off. Haha.
nikyle on March 20, 2008:
you may be right in some points but i guess there are no typical stereotypes for gaymen or gay women. i can certainly see cross-overs with your criteria. it's really hard to pin-point if one is gay or lesbian. bottomline is - you really have to see them doing what a gay or lesbian usually do, meaning when two guys or girls do it. lol
Jason Menayan (author) from San Francisco on March 16, 2008:
I'm not a psychologist but I think actually withholding affection from your children makes them crave it even more as an adult. It sounds like he is affectionate but not in a sexual way. And giving him the tactile attention that every child needs is probably a good thing since his mother doesn't give that to him. He could be gay - would that really be so horrible if he was? If he is gay, TRUST ME, there is nothing you can do about that. You can only choose to be a loving, accepting parent, or not.