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- How to Get Over with Your Ex: A Heart Break Healing Guide
The feeling of being alone again is unimaginable, but it does happen. It happens & you are left with no choice but to accept it and move on. Read through this guide to help you get over with your ex.
- Maybe in another lifetime...
An excerpt from Kay Kuzma
No one enters a serious romantic relationship anticipating a breakup, but it can happen. And no relationsip is immune. Breaking up with someone you deeply care about can mean a bitter fall from the heaights of joy to the depths of rejection. Dreams can turn to nightmares and desires drown in depression. However, a broken heart need not leave you in pieces. When your relationship is on the rock, here's how to keep your self together.
1. Don't Fall Apart.
Instead, take a deep breath. Smile, even though faintly and calmly say, "I'm sorry you feel this way. I was hoping our relationship would be a long- term one. But I respect you too much to try to force you to love me. I hope we can remain friends, but the most important thing is to allow God to lead us." This speech can blow the other person away- and hopefully pave the way for a continuing friendship, even though it's not a growing one. You don't have to part as enemies.
2. Don't Do Something Foolish.
A break up is not the end of the world, regardless of your pain. The feelings of rejection are temporary. Don't do something impulsively that may alter your life significantly.
Unsconciously, you may feel that if you do something traumatic, your ex will feel sorry for you and come back. This seldom happens. Instead, your foolich actions are a message to the person that you are unstable and that the break up was probably a good idea.
3. Don't Turn Bitter and Try to Get Back at the Person Who Has Rejected You With, What I Call Psychological Murder.
Words said at the time of break up can be deadly. No matter how and angry you may be because of the way you have been treated, if you say hateful things and his or her character, it's almost impossible to resurrect a friendship. Remember vengeful feelings and actions have a tendency to boomerang and you may end up being the person hurt most deeply.
" Oh John, I just can't live without you. You mean everything to me. Please, let's try again. Please, please, please..." If that's your attitude, the person may end up going to great lengths to avoid you and the guilt feelings you have caused him or her ti experience. No matter what you think, you can live without that person. You may not feel that you can- but you can! keep telling yourself that.
5. Don't Isolate Yourself After a Breakup.
When you're hurting, you need friends who will support you. Allow your friends to comfort you and to be a sounding board for your feelings. Rejection makes you want to hide rather than socializze with others who may ask questions or feel sorry for you.
You may want to spend some time alone to sort out your feelings, but as soon as possible, get back into society. Do things that you enjoy. Keep busy. Set new goals and move decisively in that direction. Step out and get involved in helping others. Healing will come much more quickly this way.
6. Don"t Be Ashamed to Grieve over You Loss.
The more serious your relationship, the more painful a breakup will be and the more you will need time to grieve. During this time you may go through four different stages. At first you may deny that the breakup is actually happening. "He's just infatuated with this other girl and will return to me" or "It's just her time of the month. In a week or so things woll be OK."
As it begins to dawn upon you that this breakup is real, you may experience anger toward the person. Here's where you have to guard yourself carfelly so don't act out your angry ffelings in an attempt to get back at that person.
The third stage is to blame yourself for what has happened. "If only..." You may need to discuss your feelings with others so they can help you sort out reality of the situation from your irrational thoughst. Talk about what you did ir didn't do to cause the break up. Don't blame yourself unnecessarily: this will ony add feelings of guilt to your load of grief.
Finally, true grief takes over when you realize and acceot your breakuo. Probably the best thing you can do when the full impact hitds is to have a good long cry. Sob your heart out, it will help., it really will.
During this grieving period you can find comfort in the scriptures. See if it isn't a comfort to read such passages as Psalm 23, 27 and 121. And remember, " the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart" (Psalm 34:18 New King James Version).
7. Don't Jump Immediately into Another Relationship.
You need time to heal. The more serious your relationship. the more time you'll need. You may be very vulnerable during this period. Because you are used to being close to another person, you now may crvae loneliness.
8. Don"t Punish Yourself.
Rejection causes feelings of self-doubt and sometimes self-hate. DOn't fall into the trap of equating your value to whether or not you can hold a relationship together. Accept God's value of you. Because He made you and died for you, you are supreme value to Him. To help you over this period of self- blame, you may have to practice some positve self- talk. remind yourself of all your good qualities.
9. Treat the Other Person Kindly.
There is good counsel in the proverb that says, " If your enemy is hungry, give him food! If he is thirsty give him something to drink! This will make him feel ashamed of himself and God will reward you" (Proverbs 25:21-22, The Living Bible). Why not do the unexpected and say something nice about the other person? I have a feeling it will surprise him or her, and you will probably find your feelings of rejection will heal faster when bathed in a positive spirit.
10. Don't Give up on God.
Now is the time to lean on Him. Let His Spirit talk to you and minister to your needs.
By now yo may be thinking, I could never react with such undestanding. That's because most of us allow our feelings to dictate our actions. Breaking up causes feelings of guilt, alienation, rejection and revenge. Too often, without realizing it, we react negatively. God's way is the opposite. As Paul the apostle says, "So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. DOn't be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don't be fools; be wise: make the most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to" (Ephesians 5:15-17, The Living Bible)
I like to hear your thoughts, leave your comments below.
China Abarquez on May 12, 2015:
Letting go and moving on is a very hard steps that we even don't know if we can succeed. But being positive and looking for a brighter clearer future makes us do this things. Though in my part, its really hard to move on but from time to time I learn to let them go.
phoebe180 (author) from Philippines on April 23, 2014:
hello zama, first of all, thank you for dropping by. Yes. I agree with you, getting over is not really as easy as it seems... but you'll get through it. at least not now but with determination and positive outlook I'm sure you can! look around you... everybody been's broken hearted but everybody got through it. so you can also do it. good luck!
zama on April 22, 2014:
Getting over someone is not easy