Friends Of The Opposite Sex Can Ruin A Relationship
Although it may be true that you can have friends of the opposite sex, it can become a potential problem when you are in a committed relationship. If you don't know where your priorities are when you try to balance a relationship with someone and a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, it will eventually destroy your relationship.
You might not have meant any harm to your relationship when you choose to go to a basketball game with your gal pal instead of going shopping with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend took offense to you choosing to go to the basketball game with your gal pal over hanging with her in the mall. She may have tried to understand that you needed quality time with your gal pal. However, because your friend is of the opposite sex your girlfriend felt insecure about it and tried her best to hide her feelings from you.
Then it happened again, your girlfriend needed you, she had a terrible time at work and you choose to go off to your gal pal's house to help her paint her kitchen instead of being there while your girlfriend was upset and needed you. This choice has only damaged your relationship; now your girlfriend will be on the attack.
All you utter to your girlfriend is that she should stop being insecure, while she is accusing you of sleeping with your gal pal. Rightfully, your girlfriend has every right to feel insecure when you are spending all of your time being occupied with your friend instead of with the woman who is supposed to be your best friend and who should be of more importance to you.
You know that if the shoe was on the other foot and your girlfriend was talking to a guy pal and choosing to attend ballgames or help him paint his kitchen instead of being there for you, you'd flip out over it. In order for someone to feel secure in a relationship with their partners, they have to first feel reassured that they would be number one in their partners lives before anyone and the only way to reassure them is by not putting them second.
No one should be on the back burner, sidelines or just background noise to their partners. Usually when someone is tired or bored with their partners they drift away and find it more pleasurable to spend much of their time with a friend of the opposite sex. They can complain about their girlfriends or boyfriends to their friends and get that emotional support they feel is needed or missing.
Many relationships have failed because someone thought their friends with their gal pals or guy pals would progress into something more meaningful and that they could drop their present girlfriend or boyfriend. Sometimes they are mistaken when they learn that their friends of the opposite sex never wanted anything more than friendship with them.
And sometimes when you think the grass is greener on the other side you can be very sorry later on when you realize your gal pal isn't all what she seemed to have been, in fact you only see that your gal pal broke you up with someone very special. So your boyfriend is telling you that the girl he is chatting on facebook with is only a friend of his and that there is nothing for you to worry about.
There is plenty for you to worry about because you are supposed to be that best friend he goes to if he needs any emotional support. There may not be any harm in the beginning with your partner chatting with someone else, but when he is ticked off at you about something he will surely make it a point to mention what he is ticked off with you about to the facebook chic and she will belittle his relationship with you and let him know that he can do much better with another woman, preferably her. Emotional cheating is another form of cheating, it might not be physical as of yet, but it is emotional and can easily turn physical.
When your boyfriend starts chatting with another woman be wary and vigilant because in no time he will throw you over for her, if not now it will be later. It's best you let him know how you feel about his friendships with other women and that you do feel threatened.
He should know that nothing he says about her being just a friend will make you feel any better, only his limited time talking to her once in a blue moon for a short time or his not hanging out with her at all will make you feel better. If he insist that nothings going on and you can't stop him from being friends with her, it's time for you to analyze whether or not you want to remain second fiddle to his gal pal during this relationship. Moving on finding a loyal boyfriend will suit you better. There are other men out there in the world who will be happy to show you that they only need one good woman to satisfy them.
Sunny on August 29, 2019:
My boy freind has a young Co worker friend.we habe been together. For 20 years.Its okay to jave friends.Unless they come home treating you like shit.because they been out that person.Thats where the insecurty comes in.trust ive been through it.Once that trust is broken .its hard to get back.
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on August 27, 2014:
First of all, you have no right to call me insecure...just like I don't have a right to call you a numb skull. Whomever my article applies to should be the only ones interested in commenting. Are you guilty of throwing your girl over for her best friend? Perhaps that is why you replied.
JohnnyComeLately on April 13, 2014:
I think the other guy hit the nail right on the head...you sound like an insecure woman. For you to state that every friend of the opposite sex will become your competition is so unrealistic. I wonder...how many relationships you have been in lately? Who burned you? You do a lot of bashing when it comes to men. Why is that?
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on March 23, 2013:
There is nothing wrong with a man or woman having a long time friend, even if it was a friend he or she knew before they were in their present marriage or relationship. It would be no more than having a brother or sister. However, if this friendship was once a full blown relationship or even a crush in the past... it can become a threat to your present lover especially if feelings for the old girlfriend or crush wasn't resolved, and a man or woman treats the ex/friend better than the new lover... it can become a big problem. And I believe when you are in a relationship,
especially a marriage, no one should come between you and your love. Many men can't control themselves around an attractive woman and having a friend that they are attracted to can easily end up being an affair, if the ingredients mix and turns into emotional cheating that
leads to the physical. I believe no one who does not know how to control themselves should enter into a monogamous loving relationship and call themselves faithful to their wives or girlfriends when they have their eyes on another woman, someone they have fooled and pulled the wool over their partners eyes by calling that other person "JUST A FRIEND"
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on March 23, 2013:
The flip side of your statement, would be men who wants nothing more from his girlfriend or wife but to manipulate her into accepting his philandering ways. Most women don't like the idea of being a part of a harem, nor does she enjoys being second best when she is supposed to be his one and only.and best friend. Insecurity has nothing to do with wanting your lover to respect you. And this goes for men who does not like the thought of being second best when it comes to their girlfriends and wves putting them on the back burner because she has a friend of the opposite sex. You see it can happen to men too.
Kal Charles on March 23, 2013:
Trait smacks of insecure manipulative women with nothing much to offer but want the partner to stick with them ..this is the perspective of a small minded sheltered person..
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on October 09, 2012:
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on October 09, 2012:
Hi, I'm sorry to respond so late... I rarely get on hubpages that much. I'll try to do my best with offering you some advice. Most likely in your case you might not have a thing to worry about unless you are unsure of how your boyfriend truly feels about you. If you know without a doubt that he loves you, your relationship will be strong enough to handle him having a friend of the opposite sex. Sometimes boyfriends and hubby's spend too much time out with the buddies playing poker or at the pool hall. We don't like all that attention swaying from us and onto someone else. I am one that don't like being put on the back burner or neglected, so if your boyfriends friend move in town and he starts spending too much time with her... it is cause for worry. Tell him how you feel about his attention going towards another woman. If he loves you, he will understand and limit his time with her. Perhaps you can hang out as well with your boyfriend and his friend. It sounds like she's just looking for an ear to listen to her problems she has with her husband. That is something she should find with her girlfriends or female relatives. Many men don't understand or insensitive when it comes to women's issues especially when it involves relationship problems, so she should seek another female to confide in about such things, not your boyfriend.
Mary from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on October 04, 2012:
Great hub, voted up and more great advice.
NeedAdvice25 on August 18, 2012:
I need some advice on this subject…. I have been in a relationship for 4 years now and my boyfriend and I just moved into our first place together about 5 months ago. I knew all along he had a friend that was a girl and I have a best friend that’s a guy. We both are okay with us having friends that are the opposite sex. We had a conversation one night and I told him that I don’t mind if you have her as a friend as long as it’s professional and nothing would go past that. I told him like talking about each other sex life is not something I would not approve of. He told me that no one is going to tell him what he can or can’t do and he will discuss that with his friend if he wants to. He said he doesn’t talk about our sex life, but if his friend has a question about it he will talk to her about hers. His always told me that his best friend is selfish, competitive, and whenever they talk all she does is complain about her marriage and how unhappy she is. She is a very miserable person.
His friend doesn’t live in the same area code as us she live in another state. She is married, but her husband doesn’t like her having a guy friend. My guess his insure. I have never met her I have only heard of the conversations they have by my boyfriend. My boyfriend tells me that he does most of the listening when she calls, because all she does is complain.
I don’t know why this is even brothering me, but it is because she is an unhappy person and I am afraid if she ever divorced she would move back to where we live and try to spend as much time with my boyfriend. My boyfriends also told me that if she lived in the same area as us he would hang out with her at least once a month. I just feel like she would try to take him from me. He says they are just friends and nothing more, but I need some advice on this. Can someone please help?
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on July 08, 2012:
I must have touched a nerve. Megan... to each his own. Every one have different experiences in relationships and I am giving advice to folks who have been put on the backburner due to a mate putting their friends ahead of what is supposed to be more important. Perhaps you are that friend who hogs a husband away from his wife or a boyfriend away from his girlfriend. If you are eventually you will be the one who is hurt.
I'm far from being insecure... I am single and happy. I don't speak for anyone but I do speak for those who had similar experiences that I experienced in the past. If you have a mind USE IT... this article is for some people not the whole world.
Megan on June 19, 2012:
Have you ever actually been in a real relationship? This is high-school drama, at best. How sad that you think your experiences with insecurity and jealousy can speak for the rest of the world.
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on April 02, 2012:
There is nothing wrong with calling your Gal Pal briefly just to check in on her to see how she is doing and when you go out with her make sure you bring the wife or girlfriend along, incorporate them together so that they can become friends too. Don't leave the love of your life out of the equation.
crazykid813 on March 28, 2012:
yeah but what do you do with the gal pal? Like if you enjoy spending time with her are you just meant to drop her and never speak to her again?
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on February 20, 2011:
You're very welcomed, glad you liked the hub
funky23 from Deutschland on February 20, 2011:
well done topic thx for the tips !
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on January 12, 2011:
Thank You Shelvajay, experience is the best teacher... even though many times we are hurt from being taught some of our lessons.
Shelvajay from If You Know Me Personally, You Know Where I Am... on January 11, 2011:
This is very spot on. Thanks for sharing it.
Leslie Trotter (author) from New Orleans, La on January 02, 2011:
Yes, I know this from experience. Thank you for liking my hub
Rhonda Musch from The Emerald Coast on January 02, 2011:
Great hub. Spoken oh so true. Thanks for sharing it.