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Forget About One Love Language, and Practice All of Them!

Sheila is an artist who is often inspired by the beauty in the world.

Love is an ongoing action.

Love is an ongoing action.

What if you didn't focus on ONE love language, but showed your love in ALL of them?

It's been determined that we all have preferences about "love languages." Some of us like getting gifts. Some prefer words of affirmation. Some of us thrive on quality time spend with our loved ones. Some prefer touch. Some expect acts of love or service to show you care.

But here's a revolutionary thought: what if we started practicing all of them... all the time?

Today, I came across a cache of jewelry that was gifted to me by a former boyfriend. I guess I put them away to not be reminded of the "toxic" love that he gave me (emotional and psychological abuse, followed by physical abuse when he left bruises on my thighs during an act of "love").

I never really considered myself a "gift" person (in fact, I'm the most anti-golddigger I can think of), and yet, seeing these cheap trinkets brought back fond memories: he was a Cancer. They are supposed to be very moody but the most loving of all the horoscope signs.

I'm an affectionate, quality time type of Taurus, so pleasing me means you meet all my sensual pleasures: touch, smell, taste, visuals, sounds, and a heavy dose of making time for me because I want to have memories of all the loving acts you do for me.

So why did the sight of pretty little things I was gifted mean so much to me?

That's when I had this epiphany: what if we practiced ALL the love languages, all the time? Who could possibly get sick of any of them? And why would you stop doing them just because you're past the infatuation stage, or honeymoon stage?

Maybe because I've been single for so long is why I realized how important all of these "love languages" are. I really thrive on a physical touch, and I'm moved by someone who dedicates their shortage of time to spend it with me, but that doesn't mean that acts of kindness, gifts, or words of affirmation don't mean the world to me.

When I'm in a relationship, I tend to give my love interest my all. That means attention, affection, care, loving words, acts, plenty of delicious home-cooked meals, and follow up texts to see if they're happy every single day.

In my many years of researching relationship dynamics and trying to find a better way to relate to each other, I often came across the many love languages and the need to learn your lover's preference.

But today I realized that we should be embracing ALL of them to show our love, and not limit it to just our lover's "preference."

Hence why these trinkets of blown glass and cut cords for bracelets and necklaces made such an impact on me. I have never had a man show me he cared with random acts of love through gifts before this one particular man. Because of this, I was conditioned to believe that I wasn't worthy of such special little nothings.

But that's not true.

We all deserve to be treated with the kind of love and respect that we give people closest to us. I watched a video today from Matthew Hussey where he advised that we should consider how we would accept someone we love to be treated. I thought of my kids, and how I want them to be loved and respected. Then I thought of myself, and how I've "put up" with men treating me much less than that.

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We all deserve to be treated with love, respect, care, and ALL the love languages there are. Life is too short for bad food, bad company, bad wine, or bad sex.

Today I urge you to try to do an act of kindness for the one you love. And then show your affection by stroking them, and using touch to soothe their soul. Then make a commitment to spend quality time doing something you both love to do. Followed by surprising them with a gift to show you care (it can even be something handcrafted if you're financially strapped). Then prepare a breakfast in bed fit for kings. And by all means, say how you feel about them, tell them how much they mean to you, and remind them that they are the center of your universe!


Sheila Varga Szabo (author) from Southern California on October 14, 2020:

Wise words as always. Thank you for commenting, dashingscorpio!

dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 14, 2020:

"What if you didn't focus on ONE love language, but showed your love in ALL of them?" (I believe we all do in the beginning!)

During the "infatuation/honeymoon phase" of most new budding relationships you usually see (both people) bending over backwards to impress each other.

No one wants to say or do anything which might "blow it" and they make each other's happiness a priority.

For those with little dating experience it's very easy at this point to believe you've found your "soulmate".

However generally speaking once a commitment has been made and one (feels secure) in a relationship that's when they feel it's (safe) enough to reveal their "authentic self" without the fear of their partner instantly walking away or they don't care if they do.

You really don't know if you're truly compatible or naturally speak each other's "love language" until after you've had some major disagreements and misunderstandings. Only then do you see what each other's true expectations, boundaries, and "deal breakers" are. It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:

"He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."

The reality is it takes time to truly get to know someone.

Only through life experience and heartache do we come to understand the "infatuation/honeymoon phase" is only the first chapter and not the "happily ever after" ending in our book of love.

No one can "be all things" for very long. Eventually we all revert back to our "authentic selves".

The goal is to find someone who naturally speaks (our) "love language" beyond the infatuation phase. :)

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