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For Better or For Worse: Who You Marry Matters?

Brian is invested in the study of human behavior and seek to identify traits and characteristics that contribute to healthy relationships.

For those who are married or have a romantic partner, do you sometimes find yourself thinking and reflecting about your choice of a better half? Do you smile and say you have hit the jackpot and thank God for them or you were thinking of other possibilities if you had actually chosen another path instead?

Did I Make the Right Choice?

What do you think could have caused either response? If you feel good, it could indicate contentment and happiness as things are working out well and you would not trade it for the world. You feel a sense of fulfillment as both you and your spouse are contributing positively to the relationship. It also helps if both of you share the same goal and believe that there is a future in the direction that you are both headed to. There is also the realization that you become better people when you are together and complement each other very well.

On the other hand, you might feel dissatisfied if you think your partner did not meet your standards and could not provide you with the necessary fulfillment that you long for. As a result, you may get upset because your needs are not met and it results in disappointment. At times, it is perfectly normal to be upset or disappointed with your spouse over a certain issue. However, if the matter persists and becomes a regular occurrence without an effort made to resolve the issue, it might escalate into something bigger and eventually get out of hand.

Your partner is a reflection of you

Your partner is a reflection of you

Your Choice Matter in the Long Run

So, what is the big deal about the person you choose to marry? Believe me that love is never wrong, except if you fall in love with the wrong person. Then again, falling in love is not something we can control because genuine love is without explicit motive. The heart can fall quite easily and at times rather hard. It is wise to use your discernment and judgment when it comes to making critical decisions in your love life.

There are numerous questions you might want to ask before making it to the altar. Among the key issues to identify is whether both of you actually help each other become better versions of yourself when you are together? Do you foresee building a future together and does your partner possess certain qualities that you feel harmonize with your own? As ideal it may be to think that opposites attract, how different are you in terms of your values, character, and virtues that it supplements the relationship rather than repress it? Well, this is for you to find out and determine if you are both well-suited for each other before advancing to the next phase of your life together.

Marriage is sacred and the act itself carries blessings to the couple and their respective families, which is why such occasions are often celebrated grandly. It is not about being happy for a day when surrounded by families and friends, donning beautiful bridal gowns, handsome tuxedos, and having a luxurious reception. The formalities are only a passing moment, but it signals the beginning of the road that leads to either a sustainable and happy marriage or a brief and tumultuous one.

Here is a non-exhaustive list which depicts the aspects in which your spouse may have a strong influence in your life.

If you're happy, I'm happy too!

If you're happy, I'm happy too!

1. Your Level of Happiness & General Emotional State

Contrary to popular belief that your happiness is in your own hands, married couples’ happiness are very much dependent on each other – you no longer dictate your own happiness but influence one other through your collective actions and approach. Your emotion is very much influenced by your spouse, and so are theirs depending on your behavior and attitude. You experience the good, the bad, the happy, and the sad together as a couple.

Take notice on how your partner reacts when things are not going their way. Do they grumble, complain, and take it out on you or the people around them? How well are they able to manage their failures and disappointments and not let it influence their behavior? Do they embrace positivity or are they constantly harping on the things that went wrong? Their temperament will have an influence on the energy and dynamics of the relationship more than you can ever imagine.

You might also want to note if they are sensitive to your own struggles? Do they show care and concern when they realize that you are not having a good day? Having a selfless partner that strives to put your needs above their own is indeed a divine blessing in a marriage. Then again, do not misconstrue this as a free pass to treat your spouse as an emotional dumping ground. Being sensitive to each other’s feelings and looking out for one another demonstrates compassion and empathy, which contributes to a more happy and wholesome experience as a couple.

You may think that a happy household is one that is without fights or conflicts. It might seem ideal to have minimal to no arguments in a marriage. Nonetheless, having too much or none at all is counterproductive. It may be uncomfortable to approach sensitive matters that might upset your partner for the sake of maintaining the harmony in the house. Unfortunately, avoidance is the cause of anxiety and uncertainty; it actually drains your energy, makes you unhappy, and can cause a rift in the marriage. Your partners’ approach to tackle misunderstandings speaks volume about their desire to preserve the joy and happiness you both share together by getting the elephant out of the room. At the end of the day, it is really about you and your loved one against the world.

We win together in life. It's us against the world

We win together in life. It's us against the world

2. Your Success & Achievement in Life

Being married means you have another person in life to share your wins and cheer you on your respective triumphs and milestones in life. How wonderful does that sound? It gives you a strong purpose and drive to keep up the momentum to do better. You feel on top of the world when your better half says that he or she is proud of your achievements. A simple act of acknowledgement means everything because their opinions matter very much to you.

Even now that you identify as a couple, each of you are still entitled to your own individuality. The relationship becomes better and stronger by the actions and decisions you make together. Your individual wins contribute to the partnership and makes it blossom as you encourage and support one another. A healthy relationship is one where you and your partner always push each other to do your best. Even when you fail, the failure does not stop you from trying again because you know your partner has your back.

Unlike healthy relationships, toxic ones can inhibit a persons’ growth because it is filled with self-fulfilling acts that usually results in a one-sided win. A selfish partner may seem gracious to congratulate you on your accomplishment and yet let you know that they felt left out because all the limelight is on you. Some may even go to the extent of making you believe that you are getting too far ahead for them to catch up, causing you to slow down in an effort to match their pace. In other instances, your partner might never acknowledge that you are good enough to do and be better. They constantly put you down and highlight your weaknesses. This might lead you to feel inadequate and not pursue your dreams, leaving you with little to no self-worth and clinging on to them is your only hope for survival.

Determining if you are building each other up or tearing one another down requires a great deal of honesty to distinguish such patterns. Realizing it on the outset of any relationship will save you the heartache of having to deal with someone else’s insecurity and let it tie you down. This being said, being married is not an excuse to stop striving for better because you want to maintain the status quo and not outdo one another. Instead, it should give you every reason to rise up and do better because now your success means a great deal to someone other than yourself. In fact, a criterion to every successful partnership is that great partners will make it their mission to help you succeed as well.

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You can count on me and I'll be there

You can count on me and I'll be there

3. Your Ability to Go through Life’s Crisis

Life is unpredictable and it can come with a set of different challenges at various stages of our life. Some challenges or problems we face can wreak havoc on our mental, physical, and even emotional health. Just like how we want our partners to be there with us when we are basking in the glory of our success we most certainly want them by our side when we are at our worst. An understanding partner may not swoop in to try and solve all your problems for you but they make the bad days tolerable. As overwhelmed as you might be, your partner’s presence provide that much needed comfort and solace that helps you to stand your ground.

It is during such times of crisis when loyalties are put to the test. Instead of bailing at the first hint of trouble, your partner holds on and assures that you will both see it through together. Sometimes when difficulties arise, our survival instincts kick in and we often think of getting away to save our own skin first. However, when you have someone who is depending on you, how can you just up and leave them behind? This brings us to the marriage vow that every couple proclaims to one another at the altar- “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...”. Does that sentence bring no weight that we do not take it seriously?

What is the point of having a better half if you have to go through tough times alone? Be on the lookout for fair-weathered persons, who is there only for the good times but is nowhere to be seen when you needed help. It is given that when you choose to marry someone, you accept them for who they are and what they bring to the table. It is in times of crisis that determines if a couple is able to come closer together or drift apart. Of course, it is advisable to perform due diligence before agreeing to commit the rest of your life to be with someone. Otherwise, you will end up with their baggage and feel burdened from the undue pressure.

You are my destiny and you mean everything to me

You are my destiny and you mean everything to me

I Can't Live, if Living is Without You...

Over time, you might find it hard to live under the same roof with your loved ones; perhaps their idiosyncrasies annoy the life out of you. As tough as it might be to live with them at times, you find yourself not able to live without them either – they have already sealed their spot as your source of solace and comfort. They make life much more bearable and being with them makes you feel like you can conquer anything that life decides to throw at you. From a personal standpoint, my wife and I can get on each other’s nerves with our particular penchant on certain areas of our life. We do have our moments of disagreements and find ourselves at loggerheads at times. Nevertheless, we always agree to a compromise and it makes us more respectful of one another and the fuss just clears up because we realize we only want the best for each other.

Better Be Choosy Than to Settle for Less

Deciding to spend your life with another person is not a decision that you make abruptly or on a whim. You might not be aware that the ramifications of your choice will seal your fate and leave you with either a sweet or bitter memory. If you think that your choice of a life partner is really beyond your control, think again. Your selection could have been better if you had a benchmark on the qualities that will contribute to sustaining the relationship and the marriage in the long run. If you are a man in search for your queen, then perhaps you may benefit from knowing what qualifies a woman as a potential wife. Alternatively, if you are a woman looking for a man that will make a wonderful husband, then be aware of your worth and choose someone who is worthy of you.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2021 Brian


Brian (author) from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia on August 24, 2021:

You're most welcome, Pawan. Glad to know that you find this article interesting.

Pawan Kumar from India on August 23, 2021:

Amazing read. Thanks for sharing this interesting article. :) Keep it up!

Brian (author) from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia on August 21, 2021:

Blessings in return to you as well, Misbah. You have always been very generous on spreading cheer to others in the community.

Thank you for your kind comments. It is my pleasure in doing so to help others have an open minded perspective about the matter.

Brian (author) from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia on August 21, 2021:

Hi there, Liz! Yes, indeed.

Marriage is a blessing, but for some it can be somewhat a slippery slope. Have taken it up on myself to share some insights on the matter where certain mistakes can be avoided and how to maneuver this tricky terrain.

However, there is no hard and fast rule on this and everybody has a different set of expectations and level of tolerance when it comes to matters of the heart.

Misbah Sheikh from — This Existence Is Only an Illusion on August 21, 2021:

A very interesting read. You have made some very good points. Thanks a lot for sharing.

Blessings to you!

Liz Westwood from UK on August 21, 2021:

These are interesting reflections on marriage.

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