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Five Major Topics to Discuss on Your First Date

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I love writing about love and relationship matters because it allows me to help other people by sharing my advice and experiences.


Whether we like to admit it or not, first dates are interviews disguised as social outings because we see dates as a precursor to an actual relationship, so we would generally want to impress our dates. Although this was not the case on my first date. My first date experience was a disaster, to say the least. Of course, I liked the guy which was why I accepted to go out with him, however, this dude kept on talking about himself and I left the date feeling like he was a narcissist with a super rude attitude.

Understandably, on first dates one can get nervous and start rambling but how do we have a smooth flowing conversation without dominating the conversation? or what if, in your attempt to keep the conversation alive, it starts to feel like a job interview? How do we strike that magic balance of keeping it easy, light, and fun — but also sparking a connection? Because chances are you might not hear back from your date if you spend the entire date focusing on yourself without letting your date get a word out, which was what happened in my case. The guy never heard back from me.

Good news! I have come up with some open-ended questions that can help you get started on your first date and keep the conversation flowing. If you follow these, it will not only help you connect with your date but you stand a higher chance of getting to date number two.


1. Childhood Experience

You can never go wrong asking about their childhood experience. This is a good way to know them better and even for them to go down memory lane especially because our childhood has a significant impact on our entire lives, so when you ask someone about their childhood it will help you understand more about who they are today and why. As they start to speak you might notice that you share a lot of things in common growing up as a child. This is a great way to have a light-hearted conversation whilst also boosting your connection with them and having a better insight into their personality as well. When you ask questions like: what state or city did they live in while growing up? The schools they attended growing up? Chances are that you might discover that you went to the same school, especially if you grew up in the same community. Do they have any siblings? If so, how many? Are they close to their parents? Asking these questions helps you have a clear understanding if the family is important to them. Did they have any nicknames growing up? what were their favorite childhood memories?

Your conversations might end up in a fit of laughter after you have both shared your fun and embarrassing moments growing up which would add more spice to your date. Plus, people can go on forever about their childhood experiences and families, as they would get a little reminiscent with this conversation starter so this is a great one to gain a better understanding of their family life, and the people who raised and shaped them. It also shows that you care and are invested in learning who they are and their roots.

One should not be oblivious to the fact that some people might have had a traumatizing childhood and are not comfortable sharing it with you just yet, if that’s the case with your date, don’t push it, instead be respectful and understanding to sway the conversation to something else.


2. Favorite Tv Shows, music, movies, and books

The first date is all about showing interest and matching up how compatible you are and to do this you have to get into a conversation about what inspires them. As individuals, our interests are reflected in what we do daily. To keep the conversations alive, you can talk about their favorite tv shows, music, movies, and books. Who is their favorite artist or band? This tells you about their taste in music, you may learn that you and your date enjoy the same type of music and you can also expand your music repertoire as you learn about the genres and artists that your date likes.

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What are their must-see movies? Are they romantic movies addict? Sci-fi lover? Horror freak? or anti-movie? Their answers will reveal whether they have a dark, goofy, nerdy, romantic, sappy, or quirky side. Do they read to better themselves and their career, or read for pleasure? With these, you get a sense of their passion and intellectual interests.


3. Work

Our job tells a lot about who we are. Therefore, asking your date about their job is a way for you to ascertain if they are career driven and ambitious. However sometimes when we ask this question, it can come out rude particularly when we outrightly ask what they do for a living and how much they make, or what kind of car they ride. These kinds of questions make it seem as if you only care about how much they will be able to spend on you. Instead of asking the typical 'What do you do?' you can frame the question in an open-ended way such as 'how did you decide to go into this line of work? when did you know this was what you wanted to do?' Another way to approach this topic can be asking questions such as; 'is there anyone who inspired you to pursue your career or stick it out, though you may have faced challenges? If so, what’s the story there?' Getting your date to elaborate will reveal more about their personality and interests.

If you’re looking for more information about their background and line of thinking, rather than just a description of their job, you can ask about their skills and what they enjoy doing most about their job, as well as their ambitions and career goals.


4. Hobbies and Interests

Asking your date about their interests can help to create new opportunities for you and your date to get to know each other on a more meaningful level which can in turn land you a second date. But to achieve this, you would need to be compatible with your date, therefore you need to have something in common. Asking your date how they spend their free time, would give you an insight into how compatible you are. Ask your date about their favorite pastimes and passions. Are they introverted and would rather stay indoors all through the week? Or are they the extroverted type that loves the social scene? Perhaps they are a movie lover or avid reader? Are you fans of the same football team? When you ask these questions, it will give you a better idea of how much free time they have and how often you might be able to see them. That way, you are not only learning about the preferences of your date but you are also opening the door for them to learn more about you.


5. Friendship

It is often said that our personality reflects the kind of friends we have in our inner circle, they influence us without even knowing it. So, asking about who your date considers a friend will let you learn more about them and the type of people they associate with, and what kind of friend they are to other people. Since, people befriend others that share similar interests, values, and opinions, you might therefore be interested in what type of people your date hangs around with, and what they like to do together? do they have a big group of friends? Who is their closest friend? How would their friend describe them? What friendship has impacted them so much? You can also ask them about their childhood friends, this will reveal how they value relationships and loyalty.

Final Words

While we cannot exhaust all the likely topics you can discuss on your first date. These open-ended questions would help you get started if you are running thin on inspiration. While you are excited to learn about this new lady, keep in mind that it is a date and so do not be carried away by turning it into a job interview. Relax and try to make sure that the conversation flows naturally.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2022 Marissa

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