Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.
Guys, You Need to Know When to Call it a Day
I can't count the amount of times I would quite happily have paid a guy to go away and leave me to sip my vodka and soda in peace. But no, I was incapable of being blunt, or let him down politely even. It was a standing joke amongst my friends in my single days: You'll kiss a guy just because you don't want to seem impolite they'd laugh. That might have been a bit of an exaggeration but not much. I could never understand why it wasn't obvious that I wasn't interested. I thought it was, but then again I was still smiling, and to some guys that's a green light to carry on. I can't help it. Smiling is like a reflex action to me. I notice myself doing it, even when I'm having a bad day. I wonder where on earth it came from because that's not normal is it?
But guys, women can smile at you, laugh with you and even be nice to you. It doesn't mean we fancy you. We are not like you. Men are far more obvious when they aren't interested. They might even go as far as to actually say so. Whatever next?
I know a woman who bluntly tells guys where to go. They look at her incredulously, like you can't be serious? I cringe with embarrassment if I'm in the vicinity. But why should I? She's putting them right from the start and cutting out all that polite nonsense chit-chat. She says she's doing them a favour and I suppose she is really.
When She Keeps Breaking Eye Contact
If she seemed interested at first and now she's looking elsewhere, anywhere other than into your eyes.
If she looks down at her drink or over your shoulder at the cutie at the bar. If she looks over at her friends longingly. She isn't interested. She wants you to leave her alone and she wants you to notice that fact all my yourself so that she doesn't have to embarrass you by spelling it out.
When She Turns Down A Drink
If a woman is into you, then she will accept a drink whether she wants another one or not. It's a way to keep you talking and she thinks you might think she isn't interested if she declines. If she politely says 'no thanks' then she is probably not interested.
When She Won't Give You Her Number
If you ask for her number and she tells you she doesn't know her own number and her battery is dead or she has lost her phone. You can pretty safely assume that she's not interested. This is the time to move on, not to offer her another drink or ask her out on a date. Don't put the poor girl in that position.
She Says She's Not on Social Media
She tells you she doesn't believe in social media and has absolutely nothing to do with it. She doesn't even have Whatsapp and even if she did she wouldn't know what to do with it. She's severely impaired when it comes to technology. She doesn't get it.
This is the red light. Time to slam on the breaks emergency stop stylee. Make a quick exit. Tell her you have to go, it was lovely to meet her. Don't go on to look for other ways you can keep in contact. She's already told you she doesn't have a landline.
When She Doesn't Tell You Where She's Going Next
You ask her where she and her friends are off to after the pubs. She has no idea she says. She might go home early anyway as she has a headache and she has to work in the morning. You ask if you can meet up later, maybe share a cab because she lives a few miles from you. Okay, six or seven miles, but what the hell. She's already told you, she might go home. She says it again and checks the time on her phone. Wait....didn't she say she'd left it at home?
When She's Backing Away
She's pushed her seat under the table, she's putting her coat on and she's backing away while you are still talking. She tells you it was lovely to meet you but she really has to go. You ask if you can see her again....
Evie Sparkes (author) on June 09, 2019:
Thanks for commenting Elise. Men just don't pick up on the 'no go' signs do they? Women are far more perceptive.
Elise from Melbourne on June 07, 2019:
Yep, I agree with all of these points. Except I tend to break eye contact with people when I am nervous too. I wish the guy that became obsessive with me had read this article!
Evie Sparkes (author) on June 04, 2019:
Men can be dismissive quite easily. Women pick up on a 'no go' right away in most cases. however, I do have sympathy for men when it comes to picking up women. I suppose it's easier with social media these days but back in the day they had to bite the bullet and do it in person. Men were expected to make the first move back then.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 04, 2019:
"women can smile at you, laugh with you and even be nice to you. It doesn't mean we fancy you. We are not like you. Men are far more obvious when they aren't interested. They might even go as far as to actually say so."
There are definite gender differences regarding rejection.
It's sad we live in a world where women have to be downright rude to get guys to walk away. It's also sad that if a woman is polite or smiles a lot of guys assume it means she wants them!
One of the most popular questions in dating forums these days has to do with how to tell if someone likes you.
I know many years ago when I use to hit the nightclubs I use to get thrown off by women bobbing their heads to music and patting their feet but when you ask them to dance they have a scowl on their face when they say "no thank you". I'm like you came to a dance club to sit and drink NOT to dance. Some will go on a date without being attracted. That's how some women are.
An inexperienced guy turns around and asks each of her friends sitting at the table to dance and to his "surprise" they all say no! LOL! None of them want to be a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th choice.
Another rookie mistake a lot of guys make is buying a round of drinks for a woman's whole table or even simply sending her a drink.
I call it playing the "obligation game". The belief is if you buy someone a drink they should feel obligated to talk with you or dance with you. It's very similar to the "nice guy" entitlement philosophy.
Just because a guy is "nice" a girl isn't supposed to reject him!
Guys on the other hand reject women (indirectly) by not acknowledging them or approaching them. However you have to give women credit if they want to dance a lot of them will get up as a group and dance together. Most men would never do that! LOL!