The distance between us is soul crushing. I crave her touch at all times.
Peace is important, but to get there you need a little persistance.
Anyone familiar with the mindset of the ones who attend anonymous meetings? Well, in those gatherings they press hard about living for just one more day. They make you realize just how easy it is to allow the craving to pass. Which is never as hard as people think. You see someone else who is putting on a dramatic show and others just sitting in the corner. I was always in the back corner. They feed off each others souls and steal each others energy. Although probably not intentional, but that is one way that you can find peace. Find someone who is peaceful and let them rub off on you. If you are unable to light your own fire that is. It is hard to imagine that not one human being on this planet earth is not addicted to one human vice or another. It is impossible to visualize.
That is all around us as humans. Or haven't you noticed? Everyone is addicted to something in some form or fashion. Some just handle their dependence better then others.
For example, I get a cup of coffee within minutes of waking up. Every morning I do this and I start to panic when I notice that I am running low. Let's just say that I have an addiction to the silky smooth black liquid that makes my veins pump blood. Something about the bitterness and jolt I feel when it hits my stomach is like nothing else. It is comforting to feel a warm drink run down your esophagus and hit your stomach. When I don't have some form of caffeine then I feel different. I would express feelings of irritability and it will also cause headaches at times.
If you were to step back and analyze that, it is definitely safe to say that coffee is a pretty common drug. So I feel like I am safe to use that reference. But roping these words back down into the picture I need you to see in your head. If let's say that I was to not get up the second I crave the coffee, but not because of any reason but because I chose to. How about then, I know that there is coffee in the kitchen and I know that all I have to do is walk in there and get a cup then I will be happy. But to imagine that I am not happy now and I need a boost is just a little frightening. I have never been comfortable with the idea of being addiction to something or having to depend on anything to survive.
I do drink coffee everyday, many cups. But those days I choose not to it almost seems like time goes by at a lagging pace. Although time is a series of seconds and milliseconds, some people feel like time is going by too fast while someone right next to them could feel like its dragging by. It is all in the perception.
Which brings me to another thing that I am addicted to. Meghan Richards. I have reason to believe that my heart beats different the farther away she is from me. I can feel it as she drives to work in the morning, I am alone in bed and I look at the clock and then feel that she is approximately 20 miles away. Kind of weird and hard to explain but because of my deep connection to her is one of the reasons for this article.
I know that I am not the only one that has had to deal with what feels like "long distance love," I rarely get real time with her because she goes to work in the day and I just sit here then she gets off when I go in. It is kind of a wretched arrangement we have got going on here, thanks universe. With that being said, I have to remember that perhaps I am being taught a lesson. I haven't put my finger on what exactly that could be, but I have always believed that if I just keep my mind open to possibility then I will see the lesson, take the opportunity or make the move. Now that I am merely a couple days away from my 30th birthday, I feel like I am running out of time. Which I recognize is a myth and another demon just trying to play with my emotions. So I ignore the gnawing negativity that keeps knocking trying to get it. Just the knock itself is disturbing but that has become nothing but a normality these days. I have grown very tolerable to certain manipulations, (thanks to my job as a correctional officer).
Everything looks different once crossing the bridge, in other words if you do not understand my metaphor's, when you view a situation in your mind it appears one way. But 9 times out of 10 the situation ends up not being at all what you imagined. That is a pretty normal occurrence, so with that I have tried to be more patience and look at life as I did when I would regularly attend AA meetings.
Just. One. More. Day.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
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