Leila is a freelance writer who targets controversial issues from unique perspectives and a pharmacist who practices the profession in Liban
“What’s in your fridge?” He walks in, opens it and his eyes glaze like a burning flame as he stares at a beautifully carved chocolate tiramisu; He thinks for a moment, shuts the fridge and strives away from the moment of temptation.
Taking pride in this successful demeanor at his attempt to reach his weight loss goals, his wife learns a valuable lesson that moment in exercising one’s will power. After several successful attempts throughout the day and as the night was setting in, he storms his way into the bedroom, rips her clothes and passionately “devours” his wife.
What just happened?
Roy Baumeister, an American social psychologist describes this psychological trick as a self-control muscle that might become both strengthened and drained when greatly exercised; it is what happens when your will power is drained and you tend to lose your self-control in many aspects of life.
An economist at the University of Michigan by the name Dan Silverman, who was struggling in resisting grave temptations on a daily basis suggested an approach in confronting them. Ironically, the best way to confront a temptation is to avoid it altogether from the first place.
In other words, you, a diabetic, can’t expect yourself to stay in compliance with your blood sugar control goals while feasting your eyes on a molten chocolate lava cake.
The question however here is; does this act of “resisting temptations” have to always be such a tedious task? Fortunately the answer is No.
This psychological trick has been used for years and years to create sparks of intimacy in relationships like never experienced before. In his book “The Honest Truth About Dishonesty”, Dan Ariely provides us with a genius practice in helping us indulge our primal selves;
He states that the next time you want to “let it all hang out”, try depleting yourself first by doing the following;
- Write a long autobiographical essay without using the letters “a” and “n”
(It is a hell of an experience but worth the try.)
- Then go to a mall, try on different things but buy nothing.
(In other words, be stingy af!)
- Now after resisting several temptations throughout the day and with all this depletion wearing and sucking the soul out of you, place yourself in the temptation of your desire and LET IT ALL RIP.
YOU WILL “DEVOUR” YOUR TARGET!
Now after the “devouring” process begins, the epic question here is how can you further upgrade your sensory experiences and amplify your touch perception?
Depriving one sense and Amplifying another!
Titan up my friends as we begin to navigate our journey into the deep mysterious world of the senses!
In his book “Evolve your Brain”, Joe Dispenza, a neuroscientist states that if an area of the brain is missing out on environmental information because one of the sense organs is not working, another region of the brain will compensate; In other words, other areas of the brain can be trained to process stimuli of the sensory organ that is impaired.
What does that mean?
It means if a person is blind for instance, experiments have shown that these people develop enhanced tactile and hearing perception; this is due to the fact that their visual cortex will now process sound and touch more than sight since they cannot see.
Apart from ego depletion and its use in creating sparks in your relationship, we can also deprive one of our physical senses and enhance the other by for example blindfolding our partner.
Blindfolding can help our bodies experience enhanced touch perception using our hands and tongue without the judgmental barriers placed by our physical eyes. It can also enhance our auditory experience and render us more mindful of the words being spoken by our intimate other making it easier to navigate through their souls despite their flaws.
The Whispers of Your Soul!
Speaking of words, have you ever wondered why certain whispers sound heavenly and send shivers down your spine? Well the answer is simple; this lies in the fact that what actually hits your eardrums when someone whispers are not words but vibrations; what is known to you as “words” is the brain’s way of decoding them into a language that you understand. It therefore makes sense why some voices can be so annoying despite the fact that the tone and pitch of these voices have nothing wrong with them. When you are a soul that resonates at a high vibratory frequency by practicing kindness, love and compassion, the vibrations that radiate from the sound you emit are translated by your significant other as a heavenly song that will create a long lasting firm foundation in your relationship.
And that is why training yourself to enhance senses other than the visual sense can help you step into a state of recognition with your partner’s energy and soul before you get to navigate their physical bodies’ one step at a time.
Making The Unfamiliar Familiar
Recognition is a very powerful word. It is said that we determine what experiences we are more likely to engage in based on the familiarity of the feelings those experiences will trigger. This is especially critical when dealing with partners who have low self-esteem and greatly fear the unknown. So how do we push ourselves into the unknown?
There is an example of a guy who once travelled to South Africa for a conference; after one of the sessions, he went out with his peers to eat at a restaurant. Unfortunately, crocodile was being served as one of the “not-so-bon-a petit” appetizers something that this man was definitely not in recognition with. Fortunately enough, he was the type that was receptive to culinary adventures and so after much hesitation he cut into the thick chunk of meat, stabbed it with his fork and popped it into his mouth. With “Well? How was it?” expressions painted on his peers faces, the guy replied, “It tastes like chicken”.
The moment this statement struck their ears, everyone was eager to jump in and embrace this new strange experience because it was now placed within the realm of their familiar experiences and feelings; i.e. the familiar memory of what a chicken tastes like.
Had this guy described the crocodile experience as something that tastes like a cross between a Salamander and a Gecko, would his peers have engaged in such an experience? Probably not because nobody knows what a cross between a Salamander and a Gecko tastes like.
This can also be applied in relationships. Exploring your partner's elements of familiarity like the people he feels comfortable with, the places he is in recognition with, and associating yourself with these elements can render your partner more receptive to your unfamiliar presence in his life and help him step into a state of recognition with your existence. And this is why recognition is such a powerful tool in our everyday lives.
Now that you have dived into some powerful tactics on how to level up your intimacy, please do finish your dive, go back to the shore, take a shower and go home. Your wife is waiting for you.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Leila Fawaz