Reformed Eve is a daughter of God, which makes her royalty - no matter what the world throws at her. She straightens her crown quite often.
Better To Sit On The Roof Than Hear the Nagging of a Wife
Something like that...
W. Somerset Maugham said this: “It requires the feminine temperament to repeat the same thing three times with unabated zest.”
This is from the collection of Ovid poems: “I've come to my senses, your profile leaves me cold. “Why am I different?” you ask. I'll tell you. Because you keep nagging For presents. That's what turns me off.”
Margaret Way wrote this: “You have got a sharp tongue, haven't you honey? You'll have to watch it or you'll go to a lonely spinster's grave.”
And finally, Elizabeth Peters shared this gem: “Emerson once remarked that if I should encounter a band of Dervishes, five minutes of my nagging would unquestionably inspire even the mildest of them to massacre me....”
I believe we get the message. Nagging is…bad. Nagging is annoying. Nagging is counterproductive. Let’s get to the root. What is nagging? According to the Oxford dictionary, nagging is, “constantly harassing someone to do something.” Nagging is repetitious. Nagging is pestering. Nagging is continuous. Nagging is an art of persuasion that men absolutely detest, and one that women have mastered. However, mastery of a skill isn’t always a good thing. There are books written about the gentle art, the fine art, the business of nagging. You want your man to do something? Nag. You want to see productivity, and less laying around the couch watching men in tights run after a ball? Nag. Perfect the art, and you will have him trained – he won’t like you, and he’ll complain about your nagging to his friends, but at least he took out the trash…right?
Nagging is Bad
Well, the Bible says you’re wrong. Nagging is wrong. Nagging is bad. Even the word nagging is annoying, so let’s flips the switch. The Bible talks against quarrelsome women. Quarrelsome – what is that? Quarrelsome people fall into fights easily. They don’t have to be physical fights. Synonyms for quarrelsome are combative, confrontational, feisty, bad-tempered, grumpy, and petulant. Quarrelsome means you are inclined to quarrel. What does quarrel actually mean? A quarrel, according to Dictionary.com, is an angry dispute, altercation, or disagreement marked by a permanent or temporary break in friendly relations. QUarel means to cause a hostile feeling. It means to disagree angrily, and find fault. Proverbs 21:19 in Greek uses the word “wakaas” as angry, and “midyanim” as contentious in place of quarrelsome. The word ‘wakaas” is found in Psalms 10:14 in the context of something being full of mischief, vexation, and spite. Proverbs 21:19 talks about it when speaking of an angry woman. Ecclesiastes 2:23 mentions this word in regards to something being full of grief, and painful. Either way, being quarrelsome sounds like a bad thing, but what, exactly does the Bible say about a quarrelsome woman?
What Does the Bible Say About Nagging?
Proverbs 21:19 says that it’s better to live in a desert than to be trapped with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24 mentions again that instead of being with a quarrelsome wife, it’s better to live in a corner of the housetop. Proverbs, again, burns the nagging woman by comparing a quarrelsome wife to a continual dripping on a rainy day. Proverbs 14:1, (hitting hard again!) mentions that a wise woman builds her house, but a ‘folly’ with her own hands, tears it down. Folly means tragically foolish, lacking good sense and foresight. This is all bad, but there is hope, so, read on.
Forget Mr. Grey
What’s the good news. Women are meant to be the crown of a man. Women are meant to uplift men and make them all that they can be. Women are the heart and soul of a home, while men are the walls protecting that heart and soul. This does not happen with quarreling, bickering, and fighting within these walls. I’m going to mentions something, briefly, that you’re going to hate. When I say this word, you will immediately think of that terrible movie, Fifty Shades of Gray. You’re going to think of women who only see through a slit cut in fabric. You’re going to think of head down, diminished, slavery, and even sadness. This word, this bad word, is…submission.
Submission? Oh no, Honey. No
Yes, I struggled with submission. I thought – submission is taking away a woman’s power. Submission sounds forced. It sounds like something a man uses to control a woman. Society has indoctrinated in me that submission is bad, and submission is akin to slavery and control. Bear with me, but, there is freedom in submission, and please let me explain why before you decide to hit the ‘back’ button and start scrolling mindlessly through your TikTok videos. Please let me explain.
The God Umbrella
Imagine a huge umbrella. That’s God. That’s the God umbrella, which oversees the ENTIRE family unit. Imagine another large umbrella, underneath the God umbrella. This is the Husband umbrella. He oversees the family unit. HE oversees and protects the wife and children. Then there’s a smaller umbrella. That’s the WOMAN/WIFE umbrella. She instructs the kids in the ways of the lords, keeps the home in order, and she helps the husband stay close to God. Ephesians 5:22 says this: Husbands, love your wives, the way that Christ loved the church, and the way that Christ gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as you submit to the Lord.” Colossians 3:18 repeats this sentiment. Ephesians 5:21-33 says that we are submitting to one another out of reverence, respect, for Christ. Our love, and our submission, and even sacrifice, in a relationship, is supposed to represent Christ and his love in a small, family-unit package. First Peter 3:5-6 even says that holy women submit to their husbands. We, as women, want to be holy, but we need to understand submission.
The mind-blowing moment that completely changed my view on submission was this: Jesus was submissive to God, and this was clear, crystal clear, in the Garden of Gethesmane. In Matthew 26:39, Jesus said, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Jesus was afraid of what was to come. He was human, and he felt the fear, the uncertainty, the doubt, the anxiety of what was to come, and he even, briefly, asked God to spare him from this. But in that one breath, he mentioned, he will submit to God’s will. This is pure submission. This is true, unadulterated, beautiful, majestic, life-changing submission. And do we think less of Jesus for doing God’s well? Do we think Jesus is lower, weak, pathetic? No, we don’t. We don’t.
With Submission Comes Great Humility
In fact, with submission comes humility. You can not have submission without humility. The Bible speaks volumes on how humility will raise you up to a higher status. First Peter 5:5-7 says this, “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” If we are humble, if we become submissive, like Christ, there is a beautiful reward. We get alleviations, understanding, from our anxieties. We become exalted and we are truly cared for by God, just as he cared for Jesus, even when Jesus was riddled with doubt and worry. We aren’t humble and submissive for the rewards, though, we do it for the glory of God. We do it to praise God, respect Jesus’s sacrifice, and make a positive impact in the world. As women, we are submissive to our husbands to uplift him, to show him what humility looks like.
Doormats Vs. Helpers
Does all this mean we are to be doormats? No. We are helpers. The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.” Proverbs 12:4 mentions that an excellent wife is the crown of her husband. Even though he is the head, she is exalted as the crown, as the centerpiece fitted perfectly over his brow, elegantly, something with precious jewels that exemplifies how glorious the family is through, and with, Christ.
Alternatives to Nagging
Instead of nagging, pray for your husband. Read the Bible and study it. Know this – Try hard, do your best. Help him get closer to God. If he wants to keep sinning, or not being a good defender of the family if he rather play Xbox or watch YouTube all day instead of spending time with the family, keep trying. Why? Because HE, your husband, the head of the household, HE is the one who has to answer to God as to why the family is failing. HE is the one who will reap the consequences of his actions, or inaction, by God’s hand. Leave the Judge and Jury in God’s hands, and keep being the woman that God wants you to be. Proverbs 31:16 mentions that a godly woman opens her mouth with wisdom, and has the law of kindness on her tongue. First Peter 3:1-6 mentions that there is an incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit and that this is, indeed, precious in the eyes of God. Trust in God. Focus on God. Pray. Study the Scriptures. Worship through uplifting music. Imitate God. Seek Help from God. Continue being an example. Nag less, and let God work more.
The Meek: Future Trendsetters
Heed the holy spirit when he tells you to calm down. Don’t you know that the meek, the gentle, the ‘soft’, these will inherit the world and the Kingdom of Heaven? Blessed are they, blessed are we that sometimes deal with barbarian, rude, reckless behavior and oversights, and mistakes. I will say this: Who is first in your life? It’s easy to say “GOD”, but study this – Who is on the pedestal? Do you talk to your husband more than you talk to God? Do you glare at him for hours, hoping he will ‘get the hint’, instead of reading your Bible? How do you spend your time when you are mad at your husband? Start there. He will make you mad. HE’s imperfect. He’s commanded to love you, but sometimes, you don’t feel that he does. He is failing God if he isn’t loving you the way God wants him to. And if he doesn’t change, that’s going to be between him and God. Just keep being the kind of woman that God wants you to be.
How to Be a Godly Woman
Fear the Lord – Respect him
Be reverent in Behavior
Do not slander
Do not get drunk
Teach what is good
Create a comfortable home environment
Be productive as opposed to being idle
Do him ‘Good’ –, not harm
Provide healthy nourishment
A good example to her husband and family
Wear modest, non-provocative clothing
Focus on inner beauty – have a gentle, quiet spirit
Focus on bodily strength and fitness
Consider and make good purchases and be wise with money
She opens her hand to the poor, reaches out to the needy
The church submits to Christ, Christ submits to God, and therefore, we submit to our husbands.
Finally, Proverbs 31 says this: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” Let us be a good example. It’s hard, but let’s not do it for the compliments and the Earthly rewards. Let’s do it for the glory of God and his Kingdom. First Corinthians 11:3 – Read it three times. Understand it, and it will change your life. “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” – 1 Corinthains 11:3
Proverbs 18:22 - An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Let us be a gorgeous, bejeweled crown. We are beautiful. You are royalty.
Corinthians 31: 30: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Do your part. God will do his.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Reformed Eve
Reformed Eve (author) from USA on November 08, 2020:
Thank you so much !
James C Moore from Joliet, IL on October 25, 2020:
So true. I hope you're sharing this even beyond Hub Pages.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 25, 2020:
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
"While we are free to choose our actions we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions." - Stephen R. Covey
Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 24, 2020:
Interesting article. Useful tips.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on October 24, 2020:
Nagging can be a constant problem.
There are moments when one says I am nagging that I don't even realize I am.
You are correct in saying that whatever he does is between him and God's hand.
I do believe that prayer can be said for anything...just sometimes hard to bite that tongue.
Great points though.