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How to get over break up of a long term relationship

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Break ups?

All of us fall in love at least once in our lifetime. We will meet someone who we can go crazy for. We spend happy times with them. But a moment can come when the person you need the most will leave you forever. And that is the moment when the whole world crashes in front of you. You cannot feel anything but pain. You try hard to forget him/her but you can’t. What will you do at this moment?

In my lifetime I’ve seen a lot of break ups. They happen due to various reasons. But the worst part is when the person blames you for the break up. They believe that it is your fault that they can’t move on with you, when the truth is all you did was loved him/her like anything. So what makes us move on? Do you also blame yourself or do you blame the other person? Maybe you will try to fix this problem because you can’t live without him/her. But believe me, if you feel that you guys are not really made for each other, you’ve got to give up. Because it better to separate than to continue with the relationship that is not working at all even when you tried.

All of us have a different way of moving on.I cannot guarantee you that this would work.But this is what I did when I had no options.What I've written may sound like I do not value what happened already.But these were the things that helped me move on.If I'd stuck myself to his memories,I could never have moved on.


Believe in yourself and don't stay alone

Since my article is talking about how to move on, I’ll focus on those matters now. At first, believe in yourself. Don’t feel low about being dumped because one day you can fix it. Yes, your heart is broken and there might be a big hole. But you can fix it again. Believe the fact that at least you tried your best to keep your relationship alive. So it isn’t completely your fault. Tell yourself that instead of being in a relationship where you have no respect, it’s better to be single. Thank the one who dumped you by saying that he/she saved you from a big problem. Imagine you get deeper and deeper until you reach the stage of not being able to come out. Instead of something like that happening to you, it’s better you got detached earlier. The more time you spent, the more it would have hurt you. Second, try to make yourself busy with other works. It doesn’t mean that you start a fling with somebody else just to show your ex. By doing that you are adding a mistake. Making yourself busy means doing things you like. Go out with your friends and have fun. Go to the karaoke places and sing your heart out. Remember, do not listen to any romantic or tragic songs that would remind you of him/her. Play your favourite sports, watch funny movies and have lots of fun. But do not indulge yourselves in bad habit like taking drugs. By doing those things you will only make yourself look pathetic in the eyes of your ex.


Out of sight, out of mind

The third fact, try be go as far as you can from that person. You must have heard of the saying ‘Out of sight, out of mind’. Don’t see him/her ever again. The more you see that person the more it reminds of your happy times together. Delete him/her from everything. Your ex might find it rude for deleting him/her from facebook, yahoo, Gmail and hotmail. But that’s the best way you can stop yourself from sending any messages. If your ex- tells you that you’re childish for deleting him/her like that, tell him/her that you’re trying to move on. Remember it’s very hard to be friends like before, after you split. A gap is always there. Don’t ever make a call or text him/her again. Be strong you can do it. The fourth step, throw away everything that makes you remind of him/her. Throw away the cards, the gifts and the letters. Better flush the letters in the bathroom or just burn them. It makes you feel damn good. Repeat to yourself “I’m going forget you! I will forget you! I will!.” Repeat it to yourself time and again. Researches have shown that by repeating things within yourself, the subconscious will take action .And our subconscious has been proven to be controlling us.


Share your feelings and focus on other important matters

The fourth step, share your feelings with someone who is very dear to you. If you have a trustworthy friend and you’ve always been sharing things with him, don’t hesitate. The guys may find it embarrassing to share their feelings. But come on guys, we know that you also get hurt and you also need treatment to fix that pain. Sharing your feelings with your best friend or to some of you it might be your brothers, sisters, mother or cousins, anyone can help you a lot. However, don’t ever talk to someone who is pessimistic. That person might make you feel worse. If you want you can cry. We know that crying is a way of healing oneself.

The fifth step, focus on things that are more important now. Focus on your career, your business or the major parts of your life. Remember you were born for so many reasons. The pain you have undergone is just one of them. It is God’s way of testing you if you can really handle them. In your later stages of life you might come across with bigger problems. If you believe in God, then it’s like adding gold to silver. It would be perfect. Keep asking God to help you overcome the pain. Do not forget God. He is the source of miracle.


Destiny wants you to be with someone else

The sixth step, believe that someone is there waiting for you already. Remember, that you still have choice. You are beautiful and you will be loved. Maybe that was just not the right time and right person for you. Often it is said “It’s better to love someone who loves rather than the one whom you love”. Yes! You will find someone new definitely. Don’t worry, maybe that was your fifth break up and you might wonder, when that right person will ever reveal him/herself. Just have patience. Time is an important factor. People say that time can heal things and it does. You might have to wait for years. But waiting for the right person for a long time is better than getting hooked up with the wrong one in a short time. Have patience. Patience is something that can make us find gold. People didn’t find gold just by digging in a day. They were patient, determined, strong and laborious.

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Have control over your emotions

Control your emotions. Don’t make a call to your ex, don’t text them, don’t save the gifts you received from them. Throw all those bad memories. Don’t try to remember the good times you shared. That will just make you feel worse. Only when you move on and you’ve forgotten him/her completely, you can remember the good memories again. This is to make sure that all the bad memories would be deleted and good memories will still remain.


Yes!!All of us can move on!

I have said all things based on my experience .I’ve been hurt and have seen my close ones get hurt. But all of us tried and moved on. If we could do it, why can’t you? Sure you can. All you need is talk to yourself and assure yourself. Instead of running away from the truth and denying, be ready to face for what has happened. Of course, it is not an overnight process to forget your love but keep trying with the things I’ve mentioned above. Of course, it might be controversial and many of you might not agree with me. But believe me, by following these simple things a lot of people have felt good and they’ve moved on. If you need any help, I’m always here!

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Men stuffs


GardenofGreatness on April 19, 2014:

I saw this article about family reasons and the votes also said family reasons but I don't get why a little bit. I can see how family is a big deal yeah, but isn't family also a set of people where you have to get along with BOTH family members?! And you make a family of your own and DON'T live with mommy and daddy and whatever for if you get married?! So I'm a bit confused with this one.

jirel (author) from Philippines on November 04, 2013:

@Russell I can understand Russell. Things I mentioned above are helpful.But 'time' is the only thing that can make it better.Sometimes, when a new person comes and loves you more then it could be a heaven. This is all based on my and my friends' experience :) God bless :)

Russell on July 18, 2013:

Thank you for your words i feel really down i miss her so much but what you said is right thanks again

jirel (author) from Philippines on April 28, 2012:

Thanks K.Actually,I do not say that this is the only way.I do not guarantee it.But based from my experience and my friends' experience I wrote it.Yes, of course every relationship and memory is valuable.But it hurt me a lot when I kept thinking about the good times we had.The only way I became strong was doing the things I mentioned above.The gifts,the past memories just kept coming back to hurt me.Besides,I became the victim that's why the things I've wrote may sound immature.It's good that you were a strong independent woman,you could do it.But in my case I got very weak to handle it.All people have their own way of moving on.All of us have different opinions but those who were dumped or hurt by their loved ones,they could read this article.I should change the title perhaps.I do not know how irresponsible I have become by writing this article.But I wrote it because I've been through it and it's very painful ,more painful than death.I just wanted others not to feel the same kind of pain like me and my friends did.I could not find a mature way to heal myself like you asked.Moreover,it is people's choice.This is not the only way to move on.Anyways,thanks for your comment.

K on April 27, 2012:

This is not the only way to handle a breakup and I should know. I had my heart broken but the relationship just wasn't working. I was in love but I wanted to remain friends with this man and not throw the baby out with the bath water so to speak. We share tons of great friends and I manage a band that he is in. This advice is not for everyone, not for a strong independent woman or man that values all forms of love, friendship and forgiveness. In fact I would go as far as saying that it is quite immature and irresponsible to suggest your way is the only way to handle this painful situation! Every relationship is valuable and teaches us something and makes us stronger by learning to deal with it in a mature way. I choose to keep all my memories, and they were all good!

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