20 Simple Ways to Tell if He Wants a Relationship
You can tell he likes you; what you don't know is if he's wanting to start a serious relationship or not.
He Likes You, But Does He Want to Pursue a Relationship?
He keeps staring at you, giving you compliments, and randomly gives you hugs. Is that enough to say that he wants you to be his girlfriend?
Not so fast — this is where things get tricky. There are a number of reasons why a guy might think a woman is cool but doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with her. If you’re investing a lot of time and energy into this person, it’s important to know his motives before you fall too hard.
Even though you guys might spend a lot of time talking or hanging out, it’s hard to know for sure if someone wants a commitment. Here are a few signs and subtle hints that he wants to start a serious relationship with you.
He likes spending time with you, but does he want a relationship with you?
1. He makes time for you.
He consistently makes a special effort to be around you — being “busy” will never be an issue. He is busy, I’m sure, but he’ll still manage to make time for you and figure out how to bring you into his life and as often as possible. If he isn’t seeing you in person and making that effort, then he probably isn’t that interested in a relationship.
2. Guys who seriously want to date you will do so in person...
If he likes you then he’ll want to be with you. He doesn’t limit contact to texting, chatting, or other mediums. (Including actual psychic mediums. If he’s trying to talk to you through a psychic medium, he probably is just looking for some side entertainment… or a way to get bankrupt.)
3. Does he like you enough to court you?
When someone likes you enough they won’t have trouble initiating. So it may seem faster to just go ahead and initiate everything yourself but that probably means you’re in a one-sided romance. If he cares about you, he should be willing to put himself out there every so often.
4. He aligns his plans with yours.
The key to all relationships is sharing. This includes time, possessions, meals, hot gossip, and yes, plans. If he makes sure his plans line up with yours, that means he’s serious; otherwise, he’s fickle.
If he can’t come up with any plans for you, don’t expect him to come up with bigger plans down the road. Planning dates is the easy part. Planning your wedding, buying a house, and raising kids — that’s challenging. If he can’t make date plans, drop him like cold chicken wings.
5. He is consistent.
Your interest is somewhat predictable. They work like clockwork. You’re not thrown to the wolves wondering what he’s doing for the weekend. You wouldn’t describe him as aloof. He has proven he can be consistent, loyal, and stable.
Hint: often men are aloof for a reason. They’re likely busy with work, busy getting to know other women, or busy playing video games/watching sports.
If a guy wants a serious relationship with you, he'll make an effort to take you to nice places and spend time with you.
6. He makes an effort to take you out and buy you dinner.
He makes a reservation, he picks you up in his car, he gives you an idea of what to expect, and you might see a movie later.
Don’t get too excited yet: not every guy who buys you dinner wants to be in a relationship with you. A guy who does want to get serious will take you out to somewhere nice. Think an upscale Italian joint. He might take you somewhere with a dress code.
Some guys are posh and like to hang out with ladies in pretty black dresses, but really? How often? If he is taking you to somewhere fancy, he is likely interested.
7. Speaking of wearing something nice
If he gives you jewelry on a whim, he probably sees you as more than just some pretty girl he hangs out with. Guys don’t usually splurge or take time to look at pretty or interesting jewelry for someone they’re not interested in.
8. He asks about your family and genuinely wants to meet them.
Does he seem interested in meeting your parents? Unless he is a salesperson and is desperate for a sale, he probably wants to get more serious with you.
People don’t usually have an interest in other people’s families unless they want something serious. He wants to get a feel for your family, which people are your favorites, and which make your life a living hell.
9. He wants to introduce you to his family, his dog, his cat, his neighbor, his best friends.
Basically, he wants to introduce you to the world. HIS world. He might also introduce you to cars, house plants, and ice cream. A man who is impressed by you doesn’t want to hide you. He isn’t Hades taking Persephone with him to the underworld for six months. . .
10. He sends you handwritten letters.
In the age of texting, emails, and Facebook, who has time for letters? Only people who are serious, like family, best friends, and people who want to stare deeply into your eyes and talk to you about getting old.
My suggestion: analyze those letters with some of your best friends and bring along the wine.
11. He brings you flowers.
Consider the flowers he gave you. Were they romantic red roses? Were they weeds he found under roadkill? Were they black dahlias with a farewell note?
In most scenarios, when a man gives a woman flowers it is a sign of affection. The more effort he put into the gesture, the more serious he is about you.
12. He gets protective of you—and not in a misogynistic way.
Misogynistic tendencies are red flags: let those red flags guide you far, far away from Mr. Chauvinism. But if he is gently protective of you, he’ll try to make sure you feel safe. He’ll check for bad guys, but he’ll also teach you how to use a baseball bat to knock out spiders or whatever. And, above all, you feel safe when you’re with him, which is a high compliment for a man.
A guy who likes you will try to keep you safe in a respectful way.
13. Questions, questions, questions, followed by more questions.
A guy on the hunt for a relationship turns into a detective. He wants to know everything about you, and it can feel like he's taking notes on a crime scene.
He'll ask where you live, if you have family nearby, where you work, what animals you have, etc. Enjoy this stage while it lasts. He probably won't leave enough room for you to ask questions about himself. You may have to remind yourself to ask him questions, because really—he's just a tad too focused on you to see clearly.
14. He doesn't normally talk about your body.
His compliments are more universal. He likes you as a whole package. And if he does talk about your body, it’s short-lived and sweet, like “Those are nice earrings,” “You have pretty hair,” or “Your smile is nice.”
If he is going on and on about your body then he is more interested in physical stuff. He’s not the serious type. He likes the benefits, not the emotional work. In fact, a relationship with you probably hasn’t crossed his mind.
15. Guys who want relationships often blatantly say it.
They're analyzing every move you make to see if you're interested as well, and sometimes what they're thinking just falls out of their mouth. You can really tell a lot just by listening to him.
16. He doesn't go on and on and on about other women.
If he is doing that, he isn’t ready to settle down. He could also be name-dropping so many women because he sees you as a buddy. The easiest way a man can friendzone a woman is to talk about other women and get their advice. This should effectively let you know he isn’t interested.
17.
17. The phrases “I love you,” or “I missed you.”
It’ll come out of nowhere. You may have gone on a vacation for two weeks then come back to some pottery class you’ve been attending… and then all of a sudden someone you’ve recently met there will give you sappy eyes and a, “I missed you. I thought you quit.”
The “I miss you” phrase isn’t as noticeable as “I love you,” but it’s endearing. We miss what we value. This person may not even know it yet, but there’s probably a spark/potential/confetti party/romance hidden somewhere in this connection that you should consider, especially if they gave you really big sparkly eyes while saying it.
Does he wait a while between texts to respond? Does he seem interested but afraid of coming on too strong? That means he probably wants a relationship.
18. A guy who likes you might be prone to sudden mood swings.
Unfortunately, as we grow to like someone, our bodies get stressed out and go through various hormonal shifts. He’ll get moody and confusing. He might have sweaty palms, complain of a stomachache, or exhibit signs of an adrenaline rush.
We get restless thoughts when we like someone and don’t know if they like us back. All that energy can get pent up inside. Either that wall has to come down, or someone is going to run away from you so they can hide or throw up.
19. He's more mature.
No one comes fresh out of the womb looking for a relationship. You have to grow up somewhat and that emotional clock is different for everybody.
Some people may be ready to get hitched at 21, while others are going to wait until their 40s or older. Everybody’s different. However, someone who is closer to their 30s is probably more likely to be thinking of getting serious compared to someone in their early 20s. They’ve probably gotten a few things they want out of life and now feel independent enough to handle a relationship, because let me tell you…it’s like handling explosive fireworks.
It’s going to be great — but if you’re not ready, it’s a lot of harmful, colorful stuff. You know, fireworks do come with warnings.
20. He took his sweet time getting your phone number or Facebook information.
Did he add you? Did he wait for an appropriate time to get your number? Did he wait a few days before messaging you so that he wouldn't seem creepy? What was the first thing he said? His hesitation to contact you means that he's probably afraid of coming on too strong and scaring you off.
Signs He's Not Interested in a Relationship
When a guy doesn't want a relationship, he is either going to be really clear about it or will avoid the subject. You don't spend that much time with him, he doesn't enjoy your jokes, and he probably doesn't think about you that much. Does he give you special attention compared to what he gives his friends and acquaintances? If he treats you like everyone else, he probably sees you as just a friend.
Signs He Wants to Be Friends With Benefits, or Just Friends
Here’s another thing to consider: Some men want to spend time with you, but don’t want the commitment and seriousness of an actual relationship. Here are a few signs he just wants to be friends or friends with benefits:
- He only texts you when he wants something from you.
- He doesn't want to be seen in public with you.
- He's always busy and doesn't make an effort to hang out with you.
- He doesn't talk about the future with you.
- He doesn't want to introduce you to his friends and family.
In any relationship, having open communication is key — after all, you can’t read each other’s minds! If you’ve looked at all the signs, thought of the time you’ve spent together, and still don’t know what he thinks about you, just ask. It just might be the start of something new between the two of you.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2015 Andrea Lawrence
Comments
lsaneliza on February 09, 2020:
this guy & i just started talking. we had sex but when i first told him i didnt want to he was so understanding. im in college so im not sure his intentions but im thinking they are decent. he always walks me back to my dorm & hugs me goodbye. he asks me to come to his fraternity stuff because i dont normally go to his house when they throw parties. he had me meet some of his friends. & he talks in future tense like we will still be talking to each other. but we have only really hung out casually he hasnt taken me anywhere. i just wasnt sure because this is college & we both didnt bring cars here so its mostly meal trade & dining halls. i guess he could borrow a friends car if he wanted to take me out but i dont know. just thought i would leave a comment & see what you thought.
Andrea Lawrence (author) on August 02, 2019:
I'd dump him. He sounds awful. He's controlling, he expects you to be at his beck and call, and he's not telling you what he does with his time. You don't trust this guy, and I don't either. Sounds like he is manipulative.
Ntombi on August 02, 2019:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now we communicate everyday but he sometimes disappears for few days and come back with an explanation to why he was MIA, but most of the time when I call him I get him and the only time he is more open with me its when he is drunk n he wl tell me he loves me. He says he wants us to have a baby but he is always at work we get to spend time once a week when he is free from work only at my place since he stays at work , he gets angry and jealous when he can't get hold of me, wants to know my every move but doesn't take me out for dates he goes out with his friends and sometimes I get the feeling that he is in a relationship with someone else than me. Idnt knw whether to continue with the relationship or not.
Aish on April 24, 2019:
If a guy ask u need a body service? What do he mean by that
Andrea Lawrence (author) on February 21, 2019:
If he says he isn't in love with you -- then he means just that.
Sally on February 20, 2019:
My boyfriend is away from me, he lives in another country but he runs a big company and so busy. I feel love and I can’t forget him. Every day he send message good morning before starting his work. When he calls he is calling through FaceTime all the time. Sometimes he says he is not in love with me but sometimes he acts completely different.
I know what I want but his mood swings. He never says something against me. He gives me compliments on everything. He adores me as I do. I don’t know if he loves me or not.
Andrea Lawrence (author) on July 26, 2018:
Sex is a mysterious and bizarre thing that happens on its own timetable. Not everyone gives it the same preference or priority in a relationship. Some people see their relationship as more serious before sex -- and some won't let a relationship happen before sex.
Meeting parents can be really serious. They may want to be serious with you before seeing your parents.
Devine Hutson on July 19, 2018:
Been together couple months now havent ask for sex but wants a serious relationship but yet still not ready to meet my parents? Why? Just Curious!!!
Lauren Kaine on July 13, 2018:
I want a clear answer for my question .
Elizabeth on November 04, 2017:
He says hi to me when I go to use the bathroom in school. He sung a song for me to get my attention
Clarise on May 30, 2017:
I would like to get your thoughts on the following:
Me and my close male friend have been friends for the last 4 years. We get along very well and our conversations are effortless.
He does the following for me: He carries my sports bag together with his own when going to practice; we hug when saying goodbye, sometimes accompanied with a gentle back rub; he would pick me up and drop me off when we're going somewhere; he looks at me and listens when I'm speaking; found him about three times staring in my direction with no response as to what he's thinking about; has introduced me to his best friend (guy) who also happens to be a work colleague of his and the three of us have spent time together on three different occasions; he doesn't mind spending time with my parents and sister, of course in my presence; he called me once a week for seven months whilst I was out of town where the calls lasted for approximately 90 minutes at a time; he would sometimes find my sayings very amusing; he is willing to consider my situation or suggestions and adapt to the time and place we do our activities together, all to make me feel more comfortable; when I tell him about things that I experience that is bothersome he would advise me as to what he thinks would be the best thing for me to do; when there is a function at his club he, like the rest of the people at the club, just assumes I'll be attending it with him and he straightaway pays for the both of us and lastly he lately helped me move.
Now within the last two months I've noticed him acting more chivalrous than before I went out of town to the extent that he would let me go before him through a checkout point in-store, he would jump at the opportunity to get me a chair should there not be one immediately available for me; reserve me a chair next to him ready with a drink and would on occasions open a door for me. However during the last two months that these changes have come to the fore I have noticed woman mentioning to him that they notice he carries my sports bag for me and so forth, whereupon he responds to their remarks with "we are just good friends and that it is just being a gentleman and that he was brought up that way. However like I said earlier the changes of the last two months have not always been there from the start. It only came within the last two months since I have returned back home. Some of the people at his club have confronted me separate from him asking me what the situation with the two of us are and some even said to me that they think we should be a couple whilst others just refer to him as my husband. I must mention I have already liked him long before we even became friends as we were only acquaintances back then.
So I would really like to get your opinion on this as I really do not know what to think anymore! Who should be the first to make their feelings known to the other person?
Andrea Lawrence (author) on October 30, 2015:
@dashingscorpio
My best dating advice is grow a little older, get independent, and have your own 401K built up. By that point you definitely have learned yourself.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 30, 2015:
In order for women to truly be equal to men they have to learn to focus on what it is (they) want rather than what the guy wants.
Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Until one figures out who (they) are, what they want, and need in a mate they're likely to allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.
That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
These days it seems like everyone is obsessed with looking for "clues" instead of point blank asking the person what they're looking for at this time in their life. Once you hear it you can compare it to their deeds.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
It's also important not get carried way during the "infatuation phase" of any {new relationship}. It usually takes 3-6 months for people to reveal their "authentic selves". In the beginning both people usually bend over backwards to "impress" the object of their affection.
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself!
If something doesn't feel right to you it's probably not right for you.
One man's opinion!:)
