Jerks, 5 miles ahead...
Looking at the sign above, guys could easily assume majority of women would form a very long (and eager) line in the direction of "jerks". Is it a subconscious mentality? Is there any hope in sight for a nice guy? Or is it a learned psychological defect somehow rooted in the biological/evolutionary make-up of women? Would women knowingly pick the jerk out of a line-up of eligible bachelors, even above a nice guy? If you're dying to know, read on...
The dating game: I realize we live in the day and age of cyber sex, chat rooms, and on-line dating (as if that's progress). In reality we haven't come that far from a corny 70's-90's TV show called "The Dating Game". I am a child of this time period and distinctly remember the show.
**Don't give up yet though- Arnold Schwarzenegger was on the show twice and didn't receive a date either time. He's proved himself as a bad boy, being a cheater and liar. This might mean there's hope for the nice guys!
Back up a bit: On this dating show, a woman would ask specific questions to a panel of three eligible bachelors, hidden from her view,...sound a little like on-line dating? See, we haven't come that far really. After the men answered the bachelorette's questions, she would then decide whom she would date from the panel of men. Bachelor number one..."Will you treat me nice and respectfully or like trash and likely have multiple affairs only to break up with me every other week and spend our rent money on booze?" Just kidding here, but you are probably still wondering if women truly and purposefully pick jerks.
Today we have:
- A bigger pond to fish in: On-line dating, chatting, texting, and email.
- 50 Shades of Grey- Rising popularity of women exploring their sexuality, leaning toward vampires/paranormal and kinky encounters.
- The Bachelor and other TV shows featuring competitive dating.
- Fine line between genders- Women work and play a lot more like men now, both socially and professionally. And on the flip-side, men are more involved than ever in rearing children.
I believe there is a difference between bad boys and jerks though. Jerks are the truly bad apple among the bad boy bunch. I'd also label them womanizers as well. Some bad boys aren't' that bad, just more complex, aloof/loners, the one to stand out in a crowd (or not go along with the crowd), do what he pleases.
Does a woman always know whether she has just noticed the jerk or bad boy type of façade, but an OK guy under it all? No! Women are not able to pick up on the difference between a guy who doesn't follow the crowd or the guy that sleeps with a different woman every night for sport or the perfectly respectable guy who just has lots of tattoos. There are fine lines between all of these. The one common denominator is that most of these guys stand out, catch a woman's eye in the crowd.
For the ladies: One difference I've noticed is that guys who merely look like bad boys do not settle for any woman. These guys can actually be quite deep and insightful, truly looking for the right woman. Yes, they may play around a little before they meet her, but that's typical. A jerk isn't too low to take home just about anybody...any time.
- Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys
The main male character in almost any movie has a lot of typical bad boy characteristics. To be a hero, chase the bad guy, and save the girl, you need manly characteristics, resourcefulness, and a willingness to do whatever it takes, even break a few
Pickers- How Women Pick Men
With all the changes in society, one thing remains constant: Bad boys and jerks have significant advantages with the ladies. So how do women pick men in general? There are several theories on this topic:
Modern psychology theories believe women are looking for what they don't have and since they are able to achieve more nowadays on their own, this list is smaller than ever for a companion they actually need. This could mean they are looking for a great family man who can parent and clean house as well as most women or it could mean another advantage for a jerk: women looking to date causally as many are less interested in marriage/kids and more focused on independence, career, and traveling.
Our society is geared toward the "power of now" and instant gratification. More people than ever are not taking a job for long term benefits or making retirement plans. Just as women are focusing on short term goals like school and career. It used to be the main focus for women to search for a man to have a lifetime together and a husband to be a good provider. Things have changed so this leads to the question of whether the same rules apply for how women pick men.
It's chemical, it's physical:
"Ovulation: One University of California, Los Angeles study found that ovulating women have evolved to prefer beefy, dominant guys when they’re most fertile." The younger the women, the more fertile and this might be why younger women tend to go for jerks who place importance on looks and their own looks, or bad boys who seem a little tougher than most guys, or men perceived stronger as well. "Women subconsciously perceive macho guys as offering the most robust sperm."
I don't know how dating was back before the 70's era of dating theories and self-help books (i.e. Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus), but I believe today we place such importance on some magical formula or a list of qualities for finding love, believing there must be a method that always works right? Wrong! It's mostly biological and chemical.
Meeting someone is purely based on something we can't explain, but for starters it is based physically and chemically. No checklist as many self help books (and Oprah) have dreamt up. Ask any happily married woman if her husband was everything (or most things) on her checklist. Likely, he was not. We have taken the magic right out of finding our mates.
There is scientific evidence that shows certain chemicals and parts of the brain light up when we are around someone we are in love with, feel romantic toward, or a connection with. How could there be one formula or method for everyone, when it's so personal? But there are signs...
- Men who are jerks know/read women better (well, they've been around a lot more and have a lot more experience than nice guys). Women send out a lot of subtle signs, like eye contact- if you don't catch onto it quickly, there will be a guy who does. She may flip her hair, smile then turn away quickly. She may cross and uncross her legs, be talking with one guy but looking in your direction periodically.
- No fear: Bad boys and jerks have been rejected, but to them it's a numbers game. They may strike out, but they may not. They have a 50/0 chance of getting the girl. Whereas a nice guy may hesitate and not opt to pursue her until he thinks his odds are better. Bad boys don't wait or hesitate to pick up on a woman's cue. They beat every man in the room to her. Science within psychological fields repeatedly suggest that people are more interested in someone who likes them. Seems obvious, but many nice guys wait too long through the whole dating process- from contact to first kisses.
- Men Don't Always Prefer Feminine Faces, Says Science | Shine's Spring Beauty Guide - Yahoo Shine
A study of nearly 2,000 men from 28 countries published Wednesday found that certain beauty traits such as feminine faces, aren’t as
Cave days or common gender?
The Caveman Theory: According to traditional evolutionary psychologists, our modern minds are very similar to the human brains millions of years ago. In other words, you have to ask yourself if we have evolved enough to dismiss the caveman argument? By now you've heard the ancient explanation almost as old as the time period it refers to- The caveman mentality is supposed to explain psychologically why women prefer bad boys that may resemble our early ancestors.
Bad boys commonly display characteristics associated with cave men such as: aggression, lacking intelligence (or low importance on intelligence), taller, bigger, dangerous, strong and strong willed. The list goes on. But all of this is such an obvious detachment from what really brings home the bacon in today's society or what makes for a healthier man. The Marlboro man may look like a bad boy but he's destined to die prematurely with all that smoking.
Don't we all have the same tendencies and preferences that existed in cave days? Are men inclined to spread their "seed"? Are women searching for the most aggressive male? Ancient tribes hunted wild animals, lived in caves, and gathered in designated communities. However, women didn't necessarily "pick" their mates- the most aggressive male "won" or "took" his mate. Perhaps he had to fight for the best female or prove his place in the community.
Some scientists within Evolutionary Psychology also believe that because the human brain is so complex, it evolves and changes at a very slow pace over a very long period of time. Of course it would be difficult to pinpoint which aspects of the brain change slower or faster.
We could attribute some of today's mate selection to the caveman theory, but there is plenty in today's society that influence us to pick the way we do.Our media perpetuates the bad boy image as well. You have the star-studded couple, Kim Kardashian with Kanye West (a known bad boy, badass, and bad mouther).
(My) Common Gender Theory: As women progress, and compete with men, like men, women are taking on very masculine traits, displaying obvious similarities in the two genders. I was a former career woman and now a stay-at-home mom- I've seen how women act in both environments. I've seen myself act like a man to compete in the business world. I couldn't believe how masculine I had gotten from years of this environment and society's pressure for the equality of women. Yes, I dressed like a lady, but my drive, competitiveness, and overall personality traits would confuse anyone with the other gender. Not to mention keeping a boy-toy at my side.
The line between male and female is wearing thin in today's society. In cave days, men picked their mate, but today women typically decide on mate selection. Does a man have to be a bad boy to get noticed by women? Because the genders are blurring together, we know that women prefer a man to help raise the children and fill in where the woman can't. We can also assume that if a woman is seeking a bad boy, she is not thinking of raising children...yet. It depends on the woman's needs, on the type of man she picks.
Women also assume, even a bad boy will be tame over time. There might be truth to this. Men tend to mellow out their bad boy ways around age 40 and today women are having children later in life so this is an even match. From everything explained above, you can see why jerks/bad boys still have an advantage.
- Do Girls Really Love Assholes? | Psychology Today
I don't really like assholes, do I? By Jen Kim...
Psychology of Seeking
- Good guys seek or seem attracted to bad girls or damsels in distress while jerks seem to prey upon good girls. If you want to know how to pick out a good girl, ask a jerk. And likewise, nice guys seem to have a radar for women who need a lot of help (basket cases). This is why nice guys seem to end up in rebound relationships with a girl who has been duped by a jerk and in that moment of time she is a damsel in distress and not the best person to seek a relationship with.
- We are drawn to people that "entertain" us...a little. I had a seasoned psychologist explain this to me: I am as predictable as still water in a stagnant pond, but my husband is up and down, a little moody like an unpredictable ocean- clear and sunny then grey and stormy. Psychologically, that is entertaining to me. I remember some of my guy friends (who were nice guys) ending up with women that were on the drama queen side, but psychologically it was fulfilling (and entertaining) to them. A yin for every yang!
- What women want: It is with great relief that while jerks may attract more women, ultimately a woman wants who she wants so there is no reason to waste time pursuing a woman who doesn't want you.
Ladies...Have you had BAD?
- How to Be Confident: 9 Steps - wikiHow
How to Be Confident. We are all human and have flaws. Even if your physical appearance or social skills aren't what you wish they were, that doesn't have to stop you from exuding self-assurance. Here's how to believe in yourself. === Being...
Faux Bad Boys: A sheep in wolf's clothing
The best bad boy to be is the sheep in wolf's clothing. Nice guys pay attention! Personally, I was very attracted to the bad boy type and I was the stereotypical good girl. But attraction is just an initial feeling, based mostly on a short term physiological sensation. If you read that last sentence carefully...I was "attracted" to a bad boy, but when he turned out to be a real bad boy with all the bad habits, etc it turned me off. All nice guys have to do is attract a woman, and being genuinely nice KEEPS a woman (if that is the goal).
One thing I learned through the comment section of my other hub on this topic, is a lot of guys found more success with the ladies when they acted like a bad boy but remained a nice guy and true to themselves in the long run.
Ladies are similar with guys. We may not dress in sexy clothes every day, with lingerie under all of our outfits. When we're at home, we lounge in entirely different clothes than the type we'd ideally meet a man in. Ultimately we know that the sure way to get a guy's initial attention lies within peaking his visual interest and dressing the part. Nice guys must act the part of bad boy (or just similar to) to attract the ladies.
- I'm not encouraging you to hide who you are, rather be MORE of who you are. Put more of yourself out there. Amp it up guys! Something needs to stand out about you- appearance, mannerisms, attitude, confidence. Real life: I knew a guy who got all the girls in high school. Strangely enough, before we were in high school, he was the same guy I turned down numerous times. He ended up being most popular. His trick? First day of school he wore jeans that he reconstructed to have wooly material on the butt so girls of course noticed this right away and it made him available to get his butt pet by girls. Clever!
- Put your expectations on the back burner. Don't try to find your future wife in every woman you meet. Nobody wants to hear about how you're looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, especially during the initial dating stage and it pouts too much pressure on yourself. Nobody wants to be the face behind a cardboard cut out.
- Don't pick bad girls! So many nice guys wonder why they can't "get the girl" and then they tell me how they look in strip clubs or going back to a girl who keeps using them. Don't chase the wrong girl. Sometimes I think nice guys are destined to be lonely when they go around chasing all the wrong women and become bitter about them. Just like the women who chase the jerks.
BBA (Bad Boy Assets)
What do bad boys and jerks have that nice guys don't? BBA (Bad Boy Assets).
Confidence: This isn't a shocker. It's probably the number one listed characteristic that makes a bad boy a bad boy...and a woman fall for him. You can't fake confidence- you either have it or not. It's never too late to get it though (please see link to the right). In addition to those tips, I'd like to add that if you aren't confident, define why you aren't. Once you define your problem, you can deal with it.
Don't care what others think: I think women base their self-esteem largely on what others think, and we feel constantly judged...even by other women. Being around a guy who doesn't care what others think is refreshing. It's an escape. Our entire modern world is based on escapes from video games, to TV, to recreational dining, to drugs. A bad boy can be an escape from what others think. It's also a unique characteristic in a world with a lot of imitators and sameness. Jerks, on the other hand DO care what others think- they've got a big ego to feed. Women can fall prey to this because we feed that ego and in turn can feel needed by a jerk. Sad, but true.
Flaws are more attractive: Yes, it's true! I was astonished while in one of my college Psychology courses, to learn that people rated equally attractive people better if one tripped or showed a flaw. Contrary to all we think we know, women don't want Mr. Perfect.
Creativity: This also helps a man stand out to a woman. Just refer to my example of the guy I knew in High school. I rest my case.
I need you: Bad boys are a little needier, even a little more possessive while nice guys seem to have everything they need. What more could a woman possible add to their perfect life?
Stop second guessing! Nice guys seem to talk themselves out of all the right things to do to impress the one they're interested in. They often go overboard. All that second-guessing and gibberish talk in their head.
The Curse of Human Nature
This is the bottom line- logically most women do not seek out a jerk or even a bad boy. They stand out in a crowd. Just the same for men who's eyes are first drawn to the most attractive female in the crowd. It's human nature.
What else is human nature? Women have been brought up to see the best in people. Girls are raised vastly different than boys so many men may not understand what women see in bad boys. Women like to nurture. As I'm writing this now, my son is probably trying to step on a bug while my daughter is trying to nurse it back to health in her homemade bug hospital. This is innate- it's not a conspiracy against nice guys. Bad boys bring out the nurturer in women. We feel needed.
It's actually quite cultural too. We believe we can change anything or anybody and this can certainly be applied to women believing the bad boy will shape up if we try harder or it must have been our fault that jerk cheated on us. We are also encouraged to be positive and overlook the negatives or turn negatives into positives. People adopt stray pets with issues as much as buying a brand new pup at the pet store.
- Second Marriages and Step Families
For second marriages, the statistics are a bit more gloomy. At least 70% of those marriages fail. In fact, they are more likely to fail if they involve step-children. There has to be something to this statistic and not just because step mothers are e
Ahmed Khalaf on March 28, 2020:
This topic is great, please always keep it up
Jovan Matic on March 28, 2020:
hahaaha, nice i did not know that, very interesting
PM Selim on March 28, 2020:
It is a nice site.I will very helped by this site.I love this.
Charith on March 27, 2020:
"perfectly respectable guy who just has lots of tattoos" ???hmmm if he exists he is either "born again" or one in a billion.
Suzie from Carson City on June 21, 2015:
I'm sorry I missed this when it made the rounds the first time.....but now that I've found it, I DO, of course have a comment! LOL
Not all jerks are "bad boys"......and unfortunately not all bad boys present as jerks. Most bad boys are extremely charming in fact. They know all the right moves. A jerk is just hopeless. LOL
In my youth, I think I may have been slightly attracted to the bad boy type. My High School sweetheart was not a bad boy, per say......but for the '50's-'60's he may have been a bit of a rebel. Then again, so was I !!
In later years, although it was kind of difficult to see through the exterior facade.....I steered clear of bad boys and jerks as much as possible. Gee, let's face it....what's left?? LMAO.
You did definitely "luck out" with a reformed bad boy, izettl...because you get all the passion and machismo without the grief! Lucky you!
OK bottom line. At this point in my life, I have chosen the INVISIBLE man. Believe me, he's perfect for me! It's OK.....you can laugh. I laugh all the time when someone brings up my love life!! LOL...Peace, Paula....UP+++
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on June 21, 2015:
mikeydcarroll67 on June 15, 2015:
Interesting! I like your perspective on things!
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on March 31, 2015:
Nice guys do win in the end- I don't know one bad boy who is married and has what he wants- good job, happy family, a good wife. The problem is I see too many nice guys, for years, go for bad girls or the type of girls that are superficial and their buddies would approve of. Once good guys come to a certain age, they pick wiser and end up with a decent girl...typically. Not always- there;s always exceptions to everything.
Mickey on March 29, 2015:
"Nice/good guys win in the end."
NO, THEY DON'T!!!
Darkproxy from Ohio on December 13, 2013:
I want a robot to replace women so I don't have to deal with the overwhelming legal risk that comes when having sex with a woman.
LLcoolJ on December 12, 2013:
Very good article izettl,
I used to be one of those bad ass boys.
I firmly believe the only reason that ladies will go after a jerk/bad boy is because of peer pressure which usually wears off by as you age and mature. You hit the nail on the head when you said that women really care about what other think of them, and that can really backfire on them if they aren't careful. Most women grow out of the whole bad boy/jerk mentality by their mid-late 20s.
I have always said that 25 is the magic number, its the age when most people start to really think about what they want out of their personal lives and professional lives as well. Do they want get married and have kids or do they want continue living the life of the party. I didn't give two hoots and a haller about my life or the world around me before I turned 25, all I did was work hard and play even harder. Once I turned 25 it just hit me like a brick wall I decided that I really didn't want to continue the full life of a party I wanted to get married and start a family and balance my life out, and so I did just that. Nice/good guys win in the end.
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on October 29, 2013:
It could be available but I would not want something like that to go mainstream as with my issues with social media like Facebook. I see my friends far less since that site became popular. I miss having coffee with someone in person and no I don't want a robot or computer screen to replace that.
We can all be jerks. Im the type of person that let's a lot blow over (not get to me) but when it does, I can be mean. We all can. I also tend to walk away from bad situations so being with bad boys from time to time when I was young was easy- I could just walk away from the relationship. Now that I am older I have a lot more at stake and don't want someone who I'd be tempted to walk away from. I think it's what we want. Society still puts pressure on people to find their true love. It's in all the movies- even action dramas for men.
Most young people are after a certain type. I get what you're saying about everyone has different characteristics, but there is a type that is appealing to the majority. Men prefer a certain body type and look in women as do women who prefer a more dominant guy. Then perhaps it's age and maturity that makes us care less about the status quo.
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on October 24, 2013:
Do Women Prefer Jerks Bad Boys Versus Nice Guys, each guy has a unique character so all are not the same and that is what makes each guy so different their characters. Girls meet bad guys or good guys and even those jerks as you plainly put it but they learn from their experiences
samowhamo on October 21, 2013:
I have heard some women say you can't find a great man you just got to find one you can live with even nice guy are jerks. How are even nice guys jerks how can you be a nice guy and a jerk at the same time to me that doesn't make any sense.
Darkproxy from Ohio on October 19, 2013:
I seek artificiality to free myself from the normality of life not to maintain the status quo. If other seek the status quo fine just don't make me a part of it.
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on October 19, 2013:
Well DP I think there's flaws in both our proposals for artificiality in something that should come from a human.
Darkproxy from Ohio on October 19, 2013:
You seem to take the friend in freindzone literally. As for artificial semen good luck with that since all and I mean all animals born of synthetic gametes haven't lasted more than a week. Not to mention if a man got a robot over a woman he wouldn't end up like Tony D'aquila.
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on October 18, 2013:
I think many men have attachment issues as it is so robots replacing a chance for men to have genuine attachment to a female will hinder them psychologically. If this is OK with you then from a woman's perspective, all we need is synthetic semen, or semen generators. Why are you so afraid of being in the friend zone? Is there something wrong with being friends with a woman?
Darkproxy from Ohio on October 05, 2013:
Why are you so afraid of robots replacing women as sexual partners? I mean literally it will allow men to circumvent the friendzone, the dating world, and literally will be hugely cost effective. I see no reason to delay such robotic advancements
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on October 05, 2013:
I wouldn't want a robot cause that defeats the purpose of a mental connection and companionship.
Thanks and glad you got a good man too. Me too!
excellent point! I completely agree. I think there is more deception out there now that geeks can also be bad boys. OK, I'm all confused now. lol.
You are lucky to have a good man and not having to go through a bad boy phase.
I think that touch or taste of bad in a guy is nice to have--the irony of it all! But I like a guy who is real. My husband is an ex bad boy and the one thing he retained is not being fake and not tolerating fake people. He is extremely sensitive though and is very real and like I always tell people, with him...what you see is what you get. I think you pointed out something important for all of us- to engage our brain and out heart!!! Yes.
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on October 05, 2013:
Yes, I agree with you on this. Confidence is probably number one way to land a partner and a job...and other things to. No, it's not a "bad" trait.
All you have to do is guard your heart. Be careful who you give it to. You are a good guy and that's not a bad thing.
Great point. I think you're right to an extent. Funny thing is I've had the nice guys treat me worse than good guys. Nice guys had very high expectations, and hey, I'm not perfect. But yes, I do think we fear someone nice or as good as us, because it makes it pretty difficult to feel like we can fail. If we choose a bad boy, we can fail and fall.
I agree. I think when men are younger they are more likely to pick the hottest girl in the room and later in life they actually take the time to learn about someone and get to know them. Same goes for women and bad boys. We want excitement early in life and then we want to settle down.
Funny! But I think there are some yes's out there for sure. I would hope it's hell no, but probably not.
Robert Burroughs on September 28, 2013:
I liked reading this, it is one of the only hubs I have read from beginning to end. I've been guilty of being too nice too often. One thing I have learned is that you have to pick your battles. If you are too nice to a girl you like she ends up running for the hills. I think the best thing to do here is to find a happy medium where you can be nice but not to the point of being taken advantage of.
Darkproxy from Ohio on September 25, 2013:
It's a good way to get laid although I can't wait for robots to replace sexual partners that way you can avoid this bad boy, jerk crap.
drbj and sherry from south Florida on September 24, 2013:
Hi, Izettl. I think it was easier to tell the jerks and the bad boys from the nice guys years and years ago when most men were clean shaven and wore their hair neat and short.
Today, women make their picks and take their chances. Just sayin.'
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on September 24, 2013:
Love your story. It works out when you are both looking for the same thing...true love!
Glad to see you've broken the cycle. Best of luck!
as usual, I agree with most of what you say. It's just like how men want the hottest girl in the room but gripe when she turns out to only want him for money or she spends his money or she has no personality or she's a psycho. But hey, she looked fake so what do you expect- that stuff isn't free and she's invested nothing into her inner self and personality. She knows that men are visual so good for her!
So I don't agree with you on the friend zone stuff. A couple of points I want to make is guys and gals should be friends. We can learn from each other to better ourselves for an actual romantic relationship, possibly not with each other but others. It is the man's fault for providing any financial things for her or any extras. When I had guys as friends, I never expected them to pay for anything for me. If we went out regularly then we took turns paying or paid for our own. Whatever a relationship, friendship or otherwise is, it should be healthy and not one-sided. I've had boyfriends who paid for everything for their dude friends and God I hope they didn't expect sex in return. Some guys are moochers and some girls are gold diggers. Each sex is plagued with a spectrum from good to bad or jerks to nice guys.
Women prefer those bad boy jerks because not all are bad, just as not all hot women are brainless and fake. Love is a gamble- sometimes you win, sometimes you lose but YOU are the one playing, nobody made you.
And my other point about being friends is all my life I grew up with my parents telling me how I should marry my best friend well all I dated was best friend guys. the love and the sex was dull. When my parents divorced I realized all they were was friends...nothing more. When I met my husband I moved fast physically like I had never done with another guy. I knew his past and he was a bit of a bad boy. But it has all worked out. We are physically attracted to people first and jerks or bad boys have more appeal in that way- they are charming, attractive. Just like the guys who go for the most attractive woman in the room. We see with our eyes first, our hearts second, and our brains and common sense last.
totally agree with you and your "rant". Yes, so true...age and maturity.
Dust Fairy on September 24, 2013:
I am so glad that I got lucky and got a good man. I personally am not attracted to the bad boy type. But, I have a few friends that are.
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on September 24, 2013:
Many women seem to want a taste of bad in a generally good man. You have done a great job of exploring this phenomenon. Still, it's a challenge to make the right choice, and each woman must engage her brain along with her heart when she makes her selection.
Mike and Dorothy McKenney from United States on September 23, 2013:
Short answer to the title: "Oh, HELL NO!!"
Leena from new delhi on September 23, 2013:
I think we women are wired to pick the bad guys over the nice ones, at least when we're younger...lol
better sense prevails only later in life.
Daddy Paul from Michigan on September 23, 2013:
My experience is that women fear good men. I have seen women go from one fixer upper to the next.
samowhamo on September 22, 2013:
I could never be a bad boy I don't have a bad bone in my body. I am a very nice person and sometimes worry if any woman would find me attractive because I am nice and not afraid to show it because I have heard that old saying nice guys finish last.
ahorseback on September 22, 2013:
Sorry but I believe that "jerks "and most women are all too common as young couples , !Physical Attractions , lack of maturity , boredoms ? Who knows why , but "nice guys" always lose out , at least until a woman starts looking for her "security blanket " man ! My estimation ? ......in their thirties and forties even into their fifties , women become more interested in maturity , security of finances and emotional equality or someone to fulfill her needs as a real woman . ......sorry , just ranting ! Great hub for discussion !.....Ed
Darkproxy from Ohio on September 22, 2013:
Honestly the Jerk zone is better than being in the friendzone. Once you are in the friendzone you provide all the good boyfriend attention and rewards, but receive nothing in the way of a girlfriend’s support. Men will spend money and time in the friendzone with nothing in return; while, the Jerk is busy having sex with the woman who put the man in the friendzone. Although when a man does leave the friendzone it prompts women to write feminist articles about nice guys actually being jerks. And well they are jerks as they cut off a woman's supply line of free emotional and financial support. Looking at that from the view of a princess cultured woman that is pretty cold hearted. After all a good man simply provides for the princess and that’s about it. Bad boys and jerks get the most sex imaginable and even inform nice guys who to get laid by publishing books on the subject. Ladies say they hate jerks and bad boys but the first thing they do is open wide when the bad boy/jerk comes along.
writinginalaska from southeast Alaska on September 22, 2013:
I had two bad marriages in a row, for some reason gravitated to what I called " fixer uppers" ie "jerks" ? NO MORE!! I am in a wonderful happy drama free relationship with the most wonderful man in the world. Bye bye jerks, hello happiness!! Great hub!
kidscrafts from Ottawa, Canada on September 22, 2013:
I met my husband in high school. We were 12 years old :-) During high school (around grade 10 and 11), I have been harassed by another guy... so I became really shy and introverted. In grade 12, my not yet husband was looking for a "good girl" and I was looking for a "good guy".... so that was just perfect :-) We are married since 37 years.... and we just love and appreciate every moment :-)))))
L Izett (author) from The Great Northwest on September 22, 2013:
I lucked out and got a reformed bad boy. My husband used to be, but is far from it now. He's made a wonderful family man! Thanks for stopping by.
True about meat markets. I think there is more to pick from but not necessarily the best product at bars and online. I think leaving it up to chance somewhere else takes longer perhaps and everyone wants things when they want them.
Yes, true about honesty. Nice to see you on here again!
My husband has lots of tattoos and so he must be "born again". He is a wonderful family man at age 41. Was he a bad boy in the past? Yes, from what I hear. I did not know him in his 20's and not sure I would have gotten to know him. Does his past worry me that is who he really is? It did at first, but I've had 10 wonderful years with him so I'm not going to let his past spoil our time now. I know he doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs anymore....but he has gotten two more tattoos since we've been together (our children's names).
I had a thing for bad boys when I was younger. Many are more complex which can be more interesting to a naïve girl. I just want people to not judge someone because of tattoos. Many men are reformed bad boys and in their later years can be a great catch!
pia on September 22, 2013:
"perfectly respectable guy who just has lots of tattoos" ???hmmm if he exists he is either "born again" or one in a billion.
yssubramanyam from india, nellore. andhrapradesh on September 22, 2013:
every one wants honest partner.
Mel Carriere from Snowbound and down in Northern Colorado on September 22, 2013:
I think that there are still plenty of good guys, some of them even the alpha male types, and plenty of nice girls to go around. The problem is that people are looking in the wrong venues. If you go to the meat market all you are going to get is meat. Interesting hub.
Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 21, 2013:
Insightful hub. Many misguided and lost women believe that nice guys are nerds and are not cool. There has been so much discussion regarding the subject at hand. So many thus lost souls choose bad boys and men who are jerks because of the macho factor. They feel that bad boys and jerks and other undesirables for some inverse, Luciferian reasons are hotter and more spicy than the nice guys who are considered to be uncool and vanilla at best. Such misguided souls do not realize that they are HEADED for trouble down the line. They often REGRET their actions sometimes WAY TOO LATE.