Disclaimer: This article is not intended to impose religion but only to offer a view of the issues listed from a religious standpoint.
Do Real Men Live Off of Their Wives and Girlfriends?
I am not sure how I often catch myself in these situations, however, I often meet individuals who seem to have a sense of entitlement to me meeting them at the nearest hotel, or revealing to them certain parts of my body that even I hesitate to look at or touch, or hopping into a bed where I could spend the entire night with them with both of us completely without clothing...for whatever strange reason. Although these are not people I am married to, even if I repeatedly tell them, "No" they appear to misconstrue what I say as "Yes."
Out of concern for their welfare, I would usually ask these people if they got separated from their mommies and daddies and then look around for the nearest police station to see if I could locate an officer who could help me restore them to their parents/caregivers. I usually clock these folks for propeller hats or teddy bears or big ol' swirl lollipops but they usually have tattoos and five-o-clock shadows and smell like tobacco and aftershave and loose women, and often ask me these things while they are speaking to me from behind the wheel of an eighteen-wheeler or a Cadillac blaring loud music that reveals to me their poor tastes. Others have suits and ties and heavy beards, however I always make doubly sure that they are all above age 18, which usually takes several minutes for my disbelieving mind to register.
One of these people cheerfully told me, "So come on, girl! Let's get drunk! Let's watch some porn and give each other monkey bites all night. Take a shower with me. Scrub my back for me! I'll show you the time of your life, Baby."
Grinning sweetly, I said, "Thank you for the kind offer. I just don't know if that would be the greatest idea being that we just met, like.......10 minutes ago."
Some of them appear to mistake me for sustenance, telling me I look "delicious", and then, when they suddenly attempt to tear into me like bears into a bee hive, actually clawing into me and using their actual teeth to attempt to devour me, I then try to redirect them, suggesting that we raid the fridge, or order pizza, or ravage the cookie jar, instead. I don't know if maybe their tastes in food are different from mine, but for whatever reason, they then usually look at me as if I sprouted a pair of horns and then dismiss me as weird/useless.
One dude was a little more understanding, however. "I am sorry if I offended you in any way Rosana. I didn't mean to cross the line. I acknowledge my immature behavior, and never should have behaved like an teenaged boy around you. I promise my adolescent antics will never happen again."
"How sweet," I said. "It's just that, your statements would seem a little more convincing if you didn't have both of your hands on my boobs."
These incidents can be disconcerting to me in that 4-year-olds can be known to have a better attention span/understanding of simple instructions, ("Hands off", "No means no,"), than some of these grown men, (and nope, I didn't stutter, I stated "grown men"), which is why I feel that I would be cruelly and selfishly exploiting their juvenile mindsets if I were to grant any of them their prurient fantasies. Although they are all adults in age they are kindergarteners in mentality, so I never sleep with any of these guys for fear that I might get legally branded a pedophile and then possibly forced to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life, which would be kinda embarrassing.
Some of these are people I have worked with. One guy would tell me there was a particular machine he had in mind that he would love to bang to help "turn on" and another would tell me he wished he worked at a post office with me because he had an enormous package that he had been yearning to have delivered to me, which led me to determine that it might be an outrageous breach of my duties to get it on with my mentally impaired co-worker and then possibly end up being reported to my licensing board, my employer, being fired, or perhaps even prosecuted. I decided to check out the laws in my state, even if I would need to consult an attorney before I chose to hop into the sack with the "man-child". I didn't know what the law would say since these guys are of age, technically, however, in the end, due to their mental ages, (3 up to about 15, depending, in my rough estimate), I concluded that I could get accused of taking advantage of these men with all the legal repercussions that might ensue.
So why pick them of all people, someone with whom I couldn't have a relationship with more depth and cerebral meaning than what I am finding now? I asked myself. Either way, it isn't only the ones with the junior high school-aged hormones that I have been encountering. There are others who could display other types of juvenile aggression towards women that I believe are also worthy of noting.
In the area where I live, I frequently see men try to shake down single women, even pregnant women or single mothers, for liquor or other addictions they have, even when a large group of other men they could ask instead of are standing nearby. These men are usually more aggressive and intrusive with their panhandling with females more often than with other males and seem have no shame about their actions whatsoever. Even with our newly enforced 6-foot rule.
Many of them are not necessarily homeless. Some might be standing on the freeway holding "$ for Food" signs while dressed in rags and looking very sad and pitiful and then the following week can be seen wearing a spiffy pin-striped Italian-imported suit, loads of glittering bling, and a self-complacent hee-hee-so-loooong-suckers smile while driving off in a gleaming BMW into the sunset; others simply find it easier to gain something from someone else than to try to work for it themselves. I usually try to ignore all of 'em regardless. Even when I have tried helping them in other ways by pointing out the resource referral hotline number "211", or directing them to a shelter or a food bank down the street, (or one situated right behind them). Each time I do so, they go off on me and threaten me, even almost attack me on some occasions. Many panhandlers create a bad name for the ones who are genuinely deserving of help.
One said, "Excuse me, lady," the instant I entered a small convenience store close to me. Well, except that he didn't say "lady," he said "chicky" and in a tone so demanding and loud that my heart practically pumped up into my neck and brain and left me certain this individual would shoot me by the 4th time he repeated it, by which, he finally, miraculously left me alone. Although most of the male panhandlers in my neighborhood would ask females for money before they would ever ask another male (because, obviously, they deem women gullible and easy targets? just a wild guess) they conversely don't attack them in public if these women refuse because they know attacking a female would make them look less like men....a contradiction that sorta confuses me, at times.
"Hi there Chicky!" another dude said to me, scowling. "You look like you're homeless," he added pleasantly.
I don't know if he was trying to rile me up into ragging on him for clearly being the one who was in that position, but I didn't give in to his temptation to have me sink to his level, even though I couldn't understand why he would deliberately attempt to set himself up for getting ragged on by me in return. Not that I would ever see anyone less fortunate than I am as inferior, but I am sure that testing me and my reaction was partly his goal. l ignored him, entering into the said liquor store to go about my usual business.
Minutes later, the same dude met me at one of the aisles and literally, randomly got in my face, cheerfully waving around a bottle of whiskey and asking me if I could buy him another.
My immediate reaction was to react in more of the way a man would, which was by simply getting offended, turning around, and then continuing my shopping, except that I guess a man would have been more likely to punch him on the nose, which I sorely wanted to do. However, having had it deeply ingrained into me that a female behaving in a less than feminine way is not societally acceptable, and simply not deeming this person worth any jail time, I tried once again to ignore him, thinking, well, hoping, that was the end of it. But then, when I got to the next aisle, the man beelined towards me as if to shove or hit me.
I reflexively stepped out of his way; afterward, he followed me around the store, screaming, "Tramp! Slut! Whore! Prostitute! Skank! Hood rat!"
I smiled at him sweetly. "Thanks. See you on the streets," I said, simultaneously forming my hand into the shape of a gun and then pointing it at him while making a clicking sound with my mouth. "Maybe proudly advertising myself as promiscuous to the entire store will be enough to appease this buffoon, or at least give him the idea that I must be loaded with disease, and therefore unsafe to get close to, heeheeheeheehee."
"Bottom-feeding skeezer!" he shrieked, lunging for me.
"Whoops. Did I say that out loud?" I muttered, and then moved further away from him.
"Harlot! Strawberry! Street-walker! Jezebel!" he screeched.
I took pains to remain within sight of cameras and witnesses, hoping that I could tire him out if I ran him ragged. Or that he would eventually run out of synonyms, at least. But I kept up this fun and playful game of escape-and-evade, a technique I often used with my kids when they became hyperactive as toddlers. He then began hurling slurs on what he perceived to be my ethnicity, accusing me of being a racist, being that I was of a race starkly different from his; of course, it was not his race that motivated me to spurn him, it was his aggressive behavior, but how to explain that to a raving lunatic. Especially one who kept guessing my race incorrectly.
All I could think for what seemed an eternity was Boy, talk about a class act. I know this character wouldn't be dealing with me in this way if I was another man. And although I did discern that he might be homeless, I realized that even being legitimately homeless gives no one a right to behave this way.
I was younger at the time and a bit foolish for not being more aware of my surroundings but don't recall being all that scared because I had taken self-defense classes and know all of the vulnerable places to strike a man (don't worry, I won't mention my favorite ones); in fact, I was hoping he would give me an excuse to start throwing down any minute. Much to my chagrin however, the Tasmanian Devil finally left after the store clerk threatened to contact the police, "$@**&& that, that....chick!" being his sweet farewell. I guess it is important to interject here that the clerk was another man, by the way.
I don't know if bad luck just surrounds that particular liquor store. Even though it is convenient to me and has more of a variety of the stuff I need and is less expensive, to boot, I just long since stopped shopping there.
It's not so much that I fear standing up for myself, I just honestly don't have the energy to deal with the additional stress, on top of all I must deal with already, as well as all the civil unrest and other issues the world must now contend with. I now just shop online or at other stores even if they are more expensive and even though I usually have to go out of my way in order to get to them; it is worth it if I get to avoid the types I frequently encounter in the ones closer to me. I could swear one of their clerks even flirts with me. He frequently compliments me about my looks and has dropped hints that he wishes he could marry me. One of the female customers regularly shouts "Hiiiii, Gorgeous!" to me. (Hmmmm. Okay. That's a new one.)
It's not like I enter into a store because I am counting on being accosted, or trying to make friends, or looking for a date. I am simply there to get supplies and then leave; I don't know how much or how often men go through this sort of thing, but it is in fact unfortunate that women indeed appear to be more vulnerable to aggressive and assaultive panhandling and other types of harassing situations.
The following links provide information on what is considered unlawful soliciting in the state of California:
The below videos offer tips on how one could deal with, and remain safe from, aggressive/violent panhandling.
This Male Panhandler Harasses Way More Women Than Men :D
Men Who Survive Off of Their Own Girlfriends and Wives
Surprisingly, yet not so surprisingly, it might be discovered that "golddigging" in relationships and marriages are not only a female affair. Men attempting to use the women they court or marry to help pay for their bills and other basic necessities also appears to be an ever-advancing trend.
Whether or not a woman being the main breadwinner in a family is inherently wrong might depend entirely on the situation. A woman making more money than her husband is not common, but not unheard of.
If the wife happens to be the higher earner because her career just pays more (e.g., the wife is a physician, the husband is a high school coach), then in my view this is totally okay. I don't believe the husband always needs to earn more for the couple/family to be happy, and just because one type of career pays less than another it doesn't necessarily mean that it is any less important or needed by society.
There are also plenty of couples in which the husband is a stay-at-home dad (SAHD) or may have disabilities that make it difficult or even impossible for him to work a conventional job. Every family is different.
Contributing an equal amount of income to a relationship or marriage between couples is fine too. Some people believe that it should be a joint thing, which I won't knock either.
However, if the boyfriend or the husband is able-bodied, fully employable, not at home raising children, or just doesn't really want to contribute any income because he would rather sit around the house playing video games all day, then he is, in my opinion, a leech and a moocher.
Men who do this are looking for mommies, not wives. The good news is, I think the women they use are the ones that the kids give both Mother's and Father's Day presents to.
I believe that all fully adult people need to pull their own weight in their relationships and in their households. Whether that means paid work or not is between the couple, but it is only fair that both contribute something useful.
Sexist though I know it might sound, it feels natural for me to believe that men are more instinctively prone to being breadwinners, regardless of what culture dictates. There is a silent rift when the woman starts paying; it is emasculating to the man though he will never admit it and honestly, if a woman thinks long and hard about it, she would feel the respect for her man begin to decrease because he simply can't take care of her. If he genuinely loved her, he would. It sounds harsh and old-fashioned but true. A man expecting a woman to take care of him while carrying and bearing his babies while cooking and cleaning for him all at the same time is essentially a deadbeat, parasite and abuser and revealing his true colors.
I recently raised these subjects in an online chat room in which I shared my views with fellow commenters, and then one of the men replied to me, "Think what you want. I'm not gonna stop it."
I remember being a little spooked by his statements, not only because he was clearly giving himself away as a man who does this, but because, as an empath, I tend to pick up on energies from another person, even from miles away, and simply wasn't liking the dark, hostile, and creepy vibrations I was getting. He didn't even address any of the points I made, he just immediately leaped to his own defense. Looking at his profile photo, however, I reasoned that he might also be mad because he just got rejected from Ratatatouille casting.
When stuff gets this intense for me, I usually have to take a break from social media, whether for a few hours or a few days, in order to recover. Such as is the weirdness of my uncanny perceptions.
All this confirmed to me was that there are men who will not only attempt to use women for their bodies, but their money too. Some will exhibit no shame or inclination to change and I have accepted that, but realize there might be little to nothing I can do about it. As I mentioned, the term "golddigger" is often used to describe superficial, selfish women, but there are also men who are too lazy to work and prey on women with money too.
What I am relating here is simply old instinct. I am sure that if I was a man, I would scrub toilets before I ask a woman for money. Even as a woman, I sometimes feel guilty and weird about trying to depend on men in this way and would by far prefer to better myself as an independent Alpha female before looking for a rich guy to marry.
In turn, a man who sets out to take care of the woman he professes to love shows that he is a capable provider for her and any possible children in the future.
I recall watching a character named "Lester" played by the actor James Woods in the side relationship of the character "Ginger" (Sharon Stone) in the movie Casino and find that the archetype of such a personality in this respect was portrayed very accurately.
"Be a Man, Don't Be a &*%$#@ Pimp"
Identifying the Red Flags
Although it has taken plenty of practice for me, I think I am gradually getting better at handling potential freeloaders. Especially if they are aggressive, and male. When asked, "Hi, Chicky, got any spare change?" (can we all take a shot of tequila each time someone mentions my new nickname?) I always try to respond with as much politeness as I can muster.
"Sorry, I only have primary change."
"Why, you most certainly may............not!"
"Can you break a 20?"
"Change is within you."
"I don't work either."
I am not sure what these dudes have less of, money or f*cks to give, however, even though I have long since stopped contributing to the Help Me Get Drunk Foundation, bear in mind that some of these guys are my former boyfriends. That is what they remain, and though I naively tolerated a lot of BS when I was younger, I no longer have such guys in my life now.
The following link lists all the signs of abuse in an intimate romantic partner. As the site notes, "Controlling finances in the household without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money," is a red flag:
What the Bible Says
Tackling this matter by faith-based/Biblical standards, the Scriptures are clear that the man is the head of the household and if he isn't providing for his household, (when and if he is able), then he is a disgrace to his household.
1 Timothy 5:8 shows that it is a serious sin if a man does not take care of those who are his, especially those of his own household. It states that he has disowned the faith and is worse than those who have no faith.
The Bible additionally reads that the prayers of a man who mistreats his wife can also be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 states: "You husbands, in same way, continue dwelling with them according to knowledge. Assign them honor as to the weaker vessel, the feminine one, since they are also heirs with you of the undeserved favor of life, in order for your prayers not to be hindered."
As the book of Genesis states, God never rescinded the command to labor for our upkeep. (Well, before our foreparents jacked us all up, that is:) "By the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread."
I usually like to sic the Scriptures on the guys who mistake me for someone they can mess with; getting back to the human octopuses mentioned at the outset, the Bible always seems to serve as a sufficient turn-off for them. If I succeed in getting one of these dudes mad enough, he boots me out and forces me to walk home; either way, I always get him to keep all 6 of his arms and 2 legs to himself.
"Well, You Chose Him"
I often encounter videos that appear in favor of compounding a woman's problem by seeking reasons to wrongfully abuse women for the abuse that the men in their lives give them, using logic like "Well, you chose him". I don't know what it is about the statement "There is no excuse for abuse" that some people will never understand, but I have concluded that there simply are not enough Crayola Crayons in the world to explain this to some people.
Many of the promoters of such content perpetuate victim-shaming attitudes against women who become single mothers as a result of escaping from abusive relationships. Perhaps I am crazy for believing that civil liberties run an entire gamut, but for whatever reason, these vloggers, who are mainly men, even go so far as to vilify and discriminate against the entirety of women and children in this population.
Although my mind boggles at the degree of bullying that some sites accept, I realize it also shows how much society normalizes. Such permissiveness seems to continue to perpetuate this culture of victim-blaming, and, therefore, our endless cycle of men abusing women.
Looking at these dudes, I sometimes wonder why some of them don't worry more about staying out of McDonald's than about who is dating who, or why they think they are in a position to call the women they are bashing "used damaged goods" when some of their hairlines appear to go back to the Civil War. However, I have long since gave up on engaging in any uphill battles with 'em. Without them, I would know no one more deserving of making fun of. It is why I always take a moment to thank these men for their contributions. One must admit, in the following video, the host makes a rather compelling case for his thoughts on the matter at hand; it is difficult to dispute his logic.
Meth is One Heck of a Drug
Don't Feed the Trolls
Your Safety Comes First
As women, we have a right to feel safe, respected, and never taken advantage of, regardless of how much others might try to make us feel bad about our feelings, especially with "Me Too" and other growing movements. It took me a while to respect my own instincts about being exploited by a man, and to validate my intuition in sticking up for myself whenever I feel my space and boundaries are being violated. I find that being female, my inner alarm systems tend to sound off whenever I am accosted by a man I don't know for any reason at all.