Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.
Reasons why Marriages fail
"Do you take this Man / Woman to be your Husband / Wife till death due you part?"
Many of us who have taken those vows expected a fairytale end in our grandmother stories which said “And they lived happily thereafter.” But unfortunately marriage is not a fairytale. Believe it or not, Divorce rates all over the world are going up year after year. However, going for a Divorce or not depends upon the kind of relationship the couple has. Some relationships are worth working on, some aren’t. If a marriage cannot be saved, it is better to go for a Divorce than be trapped in a miserable and unhappy relationship.
Why do people get Divorced? 10 common Reasons for Divorce
There are many reasons why people get divorced. Some of the major reasons why marriages fail or people get divorced are given below.
- High Expectations: Many couples enter into marriage with high expectations and when they don’t happen it leads to clashes and then breakup. Divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage and are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues. Believe it or not People have even gotten divorced for reasons like snoring than treating and solving the problem.
- Adultery: One of the major reasons of Divorce is the infidelity of the Partner. Even after several years after the death of Princess Diana, the World has not forgotten her tearful admission that Prince Charles affair with Camilla wrecked her marriage. There are many such men and women who wreck their own marriages.
- Compatibility: Marriage is not just about physical compatibility; the couple should have mental compatibility as well to have a successful marriage. When the couple is not in tune with each others feelings then there is a higher chance that they might end up divorcing.
- Low Tolerance and Rigidity: Many couples exhibit a very low level of tolerance in marriage and stay rigid in their outlook. When both partners want to get things their own way and not compromise that may lead to a divorce. Many overlook the importance of compromise and flexibility for the successful working of a marriage.
- Dowry and Harassment: Especially in India Dowry is one of the main reasons for Divorce. It is rightly said that “Money is the root of all evil’. Some men harass their wives to bring in more money from her parental home and when her parents cannot keep up with his demands the relationship ends in a Divorce. There are also men who marry for the booty not the wife. As more booty can be attained by marrying more than once there are several men who simply get divorced to pave the way for another victim.
- Lack of Commitment: For many couples the marriage vows are just a ceremony and do not follow or keep the commitment made through the vows to the partner. They tend to forget that it takes commitment to nurture any relationship than looking for quick fix solutions and giving up too easily.
- Lack of Physical Attraction: As years go by its quite natural for the couples to lose interest in maintaining their beauty and health. Such a situation can get the partner to stray thereby resulting in divorce. Further there are men who marry ugly or physically handicapped girls just for the hefty dowry they could bring without giving much importance to their appearance. Once the money is gone their dissatisfaction can cause physical and verbal abuse resulting in the marriage breaking up.
- Family Pressures: There are several cases where parents have forced or blackmailed their daughter or son to enter into a marriage against their wishes. There are also cases where the parents have forced their daughter or son to break the marriage promising a better life or threatening to harm the partner. Interference of Parents or in-laws too some time ends up in divorce.
- Lack of communication: Lack of communication between couples can be a major reason for break up. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. Many expect their partners to guess what they want or what their problem is without communicating. Because of this sometimes even small misunderstandings end up in divorce.
- Family Background: People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than people who come from happily married households. Many of such children do not have belief or faith in the institution of marriage and does nothing to salvage the marriage. Divorce seems less like a big deal if you have seen your parents go through with it.
Apart from this cheating or passing wrong information about the bride or groom can be a reason for Divorce. Many times we come across cases where the parents of the groom hide that their son is a drug addict or drunkard or have an affair. When such things come to like the marriage can end in a Divorce. Also according to law there are provisions for Divorce in case of infertility, impotency or non-consummation of marriage under the Special Marriages Act, Hindu Marriage Act, Christian Divorce Act and Dissolution of Muslim Marriages Act.
A clear understanding of what makes a marriage work can help in having a successful relationship. There may be more reasons for Divorce which I might have ignored. Please feel free to add it through comments.
© Content Copyright Anamika S Jain, All Rights Reserved. This Hub may not be reproduced, distributed, modified or reposted to other websites without the express written permission of the Author.
- 6 Worst Reasons to propose marriage to a Girl
- Marrying a Girl or Guy of Parents choice
- Marriage of Compromise when still in love with a dead Ex
- How to know when to Leave an Unhappy Relationship
victor from India on August 26, 2018:
Well written article with practical reasons. Keep it up.
Paul McGowan from Rockwall TX on February 28, 2015:
I went to a counseling session and she refused to follow up.
She had made up her mind.
In Loving Leah the mother of Leah made a statement which I agree with. People leave, problems do not leave.
Brbpsu on November 18, 2012:
My wife and I have been dating for 12 years and only married for the past 4. We've done a lot of things to each other over the years that are difficult for each of us to forgive/let go of. Part of the complexity is that our 5 year old daughter is hers from a previously relationship where she cheated on me. We thought there was a chance it could be mine but didn't turn out that way. Now in our marriage she's made it clear that she's fallin out of love we me. We are both devote christiances and we look to god for the answers. I feel my obligation is to continue to serve my wife in hopes she'll come around. This goes without saying that it's pretty painful knowing your partner doesn't love you. We don't believe in divorce becaue of our faith and both feel trapped in making a happy life for her daughter. It's hard waking up everyday knowing the love isn't recipricated... Any advice?
jll3isallineed on August 10, 2012:
im married and have been for 4 years, my family is a very much modern blended family. I have two kids from a previous realationship and my husband has one, my husbands child mother has passed away when his child was 5, their mother was rarely in their life. I have heard nothing and seen nothing good from the mother. After she passes away my husband's mother who did tell me how much she disliked or how much a terrible mother she is to their baby did a complete 180 and is now obessed with always talking about my stepdaughters mom and pictures and pictures of my stepdaughters mother her background picture on her cell is of my stepdaughter's mother. It sickens me. this has been going on now for almost two years and makes me mad!! When i try to talkw ith my husband about he'll simply say why do you let he affect our relationship. to top it off, my mother-law only buys clothes toys anyting for my stepdaughter not even my kids. Only at chritsmas time she will get them something. Birthdays ha! forget about it. nothing nada zip zilch. I feel that beccause my husband doesn't or wont stand up for me it's ruining our marriage and im considering separation. Moral of the story, i rather run from my problems on this one.
1230 on March 25, 2012:
My humble request to all mother- in - laws is that please keep yourself away from your son once he gets married. Please do n't depend on him emotionally as well as monitarilly.He has got his own life to enjoy.
Prakash on February 28, 2012:
@Anamika S- very well written at least from the indian perspective.
Renee on February 17, 2012:
I dated a Greek man for 17 years. We parted amicably for two years, in which time he got married - an arranged Greek marriage. We rekindled but I did not know he was married. When I found out it was too late, he hid it well. I have met and spoken to his wife BUT WHY DOES SHE STAY MARRIED TO HIM WHEN SHE KNOWS HE HAS BEEN SEEING ME?
heartbroken on February 12, 2012:
why does people have to divorce?....
Larry L. Bishop Jr. on January 31, 2012:
It's so heart breaking to see people agreeing with what was written. The reason for so many divorces is do to the lack of respect for our Heavenly Father. People just don't fear GOD enough and take matters in their own hands. Take it from a father who just went through a divorce. This is no knock on women, but they come up with all types of lies just to get out of something because they feel the grass is greener on the other side. That being said, trust and believe that each one of you as well as the person giving the reason, we shall give an account for our lives. Romans 14:11 tells the true story... Stick to your marriage as long as it's not life threaten.
Impartial on January 20, 2012:
Why is it that this article only gives examples of men marrying for money, finding their wives unattractive, or having a substance abuse problems? These are all issues women are equally guilty of. Divorce is not only because of issues created by the husband. Clearly the author has some serious bias here. I find it hard to trust advice when it is so obviously skewed.
Sick on January 05, 2012:
I've been in a relationship with my husband for 17years we been married for 8 years right after the marriage the romance stop we don't have sex maybe once a month if I bring it up to him and when I do he may say something that makes me feel like he don't want to do it he say he just playing but after that it's just a turn off for me he makes me feel like I'm forcing him to have sex with me so I don't ask @ all so we don't have sex kiss huge hold hands nothing and I'm ready to leave him where he think he's doing nothing wrong we don't have a problem
Smilng thru tears on December 15, 2011:
I have been married for 18 years & most of those years have been unhappy. I can say from experience that there are many other reasons people get divorced than these 10 listed here. Okay, so, cheating should probably be no.1, many would agree. That and abusive relationships. Those are easy to explain when someone asks why you are getting divorced. It gets more complicated when neither of those are the reason. I got married because I was pregnant. I didn't love him or even know him that well. I wanted to keep the baby and when my future husband finally asked me to marry him, I accepted for what I thought was for the sake of the baby. I thought maybe we could fall in love if we gave it a chance. And this way my baby would know his father. From then on we argued about almost everything and have continued this type of relationship all these 18 years. We had 3 more children during this time. All through the early years I continued to believe things would get better but they haven't. Neither of us has ever been unfaithful or physically abusive, although I would say that some might consider all the "stupid" arguments over the most insignificant things would appear abusive in an emotional way. He also does this with our children over homework, grades, not putting things away, playing too long on their video games, etc, etc.... Lots of tears to say the least. He has left or threatened to leave our home more times than I can count. When he leaves, it may be for a night or two up to a week, then he comes home like nothing ever happened. I have lost pretty much any feelings that I may have had for him and my feeling is I really want to leave him before my whole life passes away. I am now 43. My kids are 11-18 years old. They are pretty tired of all the drama too. I feel terrible that we've put them through all of this and I want it to stop because I am miserable. Oddly though, he does not feel the same. He wants to stay together and "work things out". He even gets tearful when we even talk about separating. But I'm at the point that I don't want to work it out anymore. I'm not at that place anymore. I don't have feelings for him as a wife and I am just living a lie by being in this marriage. I want him to have a chance at a happy life with someone he can love and they will love him back. I want a chance to be where I don't have to fight and argue and yell and be drained by all the negativity that comes with it. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do or how to go about it so I stay, and stay and stay, and watch the years pass by....
Calgary Kings on November 27, 2011:
Come on everyone! We all know the root cause of breakups. At the very heart, people get to "boredom" and than they start looking to find a socially understandable reason. Cheating, money matters, abuse, lack of communication etc. all arise from this very one reason. None of this happens as long as you are enjoying the other persons company!!
JACOB on November 05, 2011:
AFTER HAVING A LONG STRUGGLE TO MAINTAIN MARITAL RELATIONSHIP AND IF FELT DOSENT WORTH IT I MAY SAY ITS MUCH BETTER TO GET DIVORCED AND BE PEACEFUL RATHERTHAN HAVING A PAINFUL LIFE TOGHETHER...
Lillianne on November 04, 2011:
Hahaha, looks more like a list of:
"WHY PEOPLE CHOOSE/CAN'T GET MARRIED"
Joseph De Cross from New York on August 20, 2011:
excellent and completely interesting!
kid whoes parrents are getting devorced on May 26, 2011:
it is almost the end of the scool year and my mom just started hagning out with one of her ols friends that has already almost ruened their marreg once and is about to do it again. but i think my mom is just wating till me and my two brothers get out of school. and the worst part is that she lost her job, my dad migh lose his, we cant paty the bills, i only have one pare of jeans, i have to borrow cloths from my mom, the lunch lady at my school takes money off our cards so i oew debt, and everythink is so freking screwed up.
Ibrahim Kaya on May 13, 2011:
I believe that if a man or a woman is happy at the house, they don't want someone else! Man and a woman has to know to treat each other and have to know their expectations.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on April 01, 2011:
@Julia I have nothing against those with disabilities, in fact I have several such friends who have proved themselves to be better than others. But what I have written is the truth. Especially in a country like India where the Dowry system is prevalent a disability is seen as a way to extract more money from the brides parents and once the money is gone the groom or his parents may harass the girl for more money.
Julia on April 01, 2011:
I thought this article was very well written but I was very angry to read the part about handicap girls guy marrying those handicap girls so that men do not have to worry about their phyical look. when are you ever going to learn those handicap girls are people too! why not learn to look them in the eye and threat them like the way you would like to be treated by the way men should marry a real woman even if they are in a wheelchair not girl like you stated! those handicap girl are called young woman why not learn to Look at our ablity and look beyond our handicap handicap word is so old please stop using the word handicap it sound like you looking down on us and saying oh these girls are stupid and retard and they do not know anything think again give us credit for god sake!we got enough to put up with in this world like getting scared at all day like some people never seen a wheelchair before! some kids are bad at it too not all kid my main point us woman in wheelchair are disabled not handicap retard girl! look at us in the eyes say hi and who know we just might say hi back and surprise you or depend on the woman she might tell you dont let door hit you on the way out!
gift genius wokoma on March 28, 2011:
people who marry to impress the society, fans, friends,and family member ends up with trauma and sorrow. marriage is for mutual reasoning
Connie Smith from Tampa Bay, Florida on March 13, 2011:
Hi Naomi. I know where you are coming from. My own marriage had a lot of family issues, just like most do. We were both married before and came to our marriage with children -- his grown and my small. We had our ups and downs over the years, and even discussed divorce once or twice during arguments over the years, but our love and respect for each other won out. He has been dead for almost 5 yrs now and I miss him all the time. Still, I do not wear rose colored glasses. Marriage is not easy. I was extremely fortunate because my husband was my best friend and number one supporter, who encouraged me in anything I wanted to do. I know that is unusal and it is one reason why I am still single today. Doubt if I could be so lucky twice. I will not look down on anyone who needs to move on, and, on second thought, it is not always the easy way out.
Naomi on February 21, 2011:
It takes a lot more than love and respect to make a marriage last. I've been married for nearly ten years, but the last couple have been...well, let me put this way...making me consider a divorce.
Not that the love and respect is completely gone. Oddly enough, I was happier when my husband went away on vacation last year. Sure, I missed him and was glad when he came home. But those few weeks alone were heaven. No arguments, no family issues to deal with, nothing.
Alex on February 20, 2011:
Regarding 5. point: I'm from Italy. Here things are totally different. I've hardly seen a case in my life in which a man took financial advantage of his wife's family. The opposite usually happens. I strongly suggest Indian girls to come to Europe if they run that risk in their country.
Marc @ Apres Divorce.fr on January 19, 2011:
@Connie : It takes two people to be willing to fix things. Sometimes individuals in a marriage get so caught up into hating each other that they forget about taking steps towards resolution.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on June 18, 2009:
Thanks for the visit Connie Smith and Hawkesdream
Connie Smith from Tampa Bay, Florida on May 27, 2009:
Divorce is the easy way out. It is easier to go away than it is to fix your problems. Of course, I do not advocate anyone staying in a loveless or abusive relationship, or a relationship that was obtained by money. Love and respect are the cornerstones of a good marriage.
Al Hawkes from Cornwall on May 26, 2009:
well written , thumbs up