The right people will see your magic!
Don't chase the blind, they will never see you
For years, I chased him. I fell in unconditional love with a blind man. Not literally, but he might as well have been. I spent years trying to prove my love, my loyalty, and my commitment to a man who couldn't even see himself. He was blind to magic yet I killed myself to give him a vision. If only I did things enough times, he'd finally see me. He'd see me and fall in love with me too. Thing is, he didn't want to see. When you don't want to see, you're blind forever and no amount of love or dedication can reverse this fate.
Eight years is the amount of time I spent wishing this blind man could see my magic, my uniqueness, my strength, my heart, and my rarity. I begged for his attention. I begged for effort. I begged him to show up. I wished on full moons and shooting stars that he would pull himself out of his darkness and into the light, where I was standing.
But, to this day, he is still blind. And I am done chasing. And that is thanks to you.
Effort transcends distance
My whole life, I've avoided any type of relationship or friendship that fits in the long-distance category. I never saw the point because I am the kind of person who needs affection and face-to-face interactions with people I care about a lot. The times that I did try, I found it hard. It was a struggle to feel that emotional connection I crave. It was hard to be there for someone with only words. I struggled to feel like those people were there for me and genuinely cared about me. I blamed it on the distance.
Now I realize that distance has no merit and is no obstacle when TWO people put in the effort. When two people are truly connected, distance doesn't erase or block that. It's felt right through the screen. An effort can also be shown and be satisfying no matter how far people are by showing interest in their online activities, for example. Your long-distance relationships or friendships don't die because of distance; they die because of lack of effort.
What about physical affection?
One of the reasons I rejected any and all long-distance relationships was the lack of physical affection. I am not talking about sex here. I am talking about cuddles, hugs, kisses, looking each other in the eyes, and holding hands. To me, emotionally connecting includes all of these affectionate gestures. I craved these physical affections in the past, uncontrollably so that I figured long-distance relationships just weren't for me. I realize now though, that I was only craving physical affection because I thought that was the only way to be emotionally satisfied. I was wrong. Turns out I was just trying to connect with the wrong people.
With you, I don't get those cravings. I mean sure, hugs and cuddles would be nice as hell, but I don't get sad about not having them. When we talk, I am emotionally satisfied, the rest just doesn't matter. I am as happy after a text conversation as I would be after a long hug. Maybe long-distance relationships are not as bad as I thought?
How can I show support long-distance?
I am no expert, but these are some of the things that I and he have been doing to stay connected:
- Text every few days
- Show interest in their online activities such as Ig pages
- Reach out when you need to vent / Be there for them with advice, reassuring words, and reminders that they will be okay
- Tell them what they mean to you
- Thank them and tell them that you appreciate them
- Send pictures, not just of you, but of your surroundings, what you're doing, what you like, funny memes, romantic quotes, etc.
- Make plans for when you will see each other
- Confide in each other about your feelings, struggles, and hopes
- Uplift them and support them
- Encourage them to keep going
- Remind them that they are magic and why you are inspired by them
- Send letters and gifts through the mail
- ** Write an article about them LOL
I hope this list helps you keep your emotional connection-based long-distance relationship alive despite the distance!
Thank you for being the friend I need. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for showing me that effort transcends distance. Thank you for reminding me that when someone cares, they will show you no matter what. Thank you for opening up to me and trusting me with your feelings. Thank you for speaking your truth and encouraging me to speak mine. Thank you for supporting all that I do. Thank you for being there when I am falling apart and picking me up with just your words. Thank you for being you. Thank you for "standing" beside me for the last year. Thank you for opening my eyes further to what I deserve. Thank you for appreciating me for who I am. Thank you for all the compliments. Thank you for making me laugh when I want to cry. Thank you for being blunt when you need to, and gentle when it is called for. Thank you for teaching me the things I don't know. Thank you for never laughing at me or mocking me when I make a mistake. Thank you for showing me the world through pictures. Thank you for all of the effort you invest in me.
Thank you for being my friend. I appreciate you <3
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2021 Michelle Brady
Michelle Brady (author) from Ottawa, ON on April 24, 2021:
Ravi- Thank you so much for your input! You are absolutely right about it being easier these days. I found that as long as communication is consistent, open, and safe, I can go longer without physical interaction! Communication will always remain one of the most important components of any relationship. Thank you again for your comment!
Michelle Brady (author) from Ottawa, ON on April 24, 2021:
Brenda - Thank you so much for your comment! Let me ask you this: How do you trust someone who is standing in front of you? I have had people lie straight to my face and cheat while living in the same town! At the end of the day, any relationship or friendship is a risk you take, and hope that you won't get heartbroken.
Thank you! In the end, whatever happens, it was a huge eye-opener because like you said, it is torture to chase a blind man.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on April 24, 2021:
It is hard to have a long distance relationship.
But submitting yourself to the man who cannot see you is torture on yourself.
I honestly don't know if I would trust a long distance relationship. I kinda like those hugs & cuddles too.
Being supportive sounds great, but how do you know one us telling the truth when behind a screen?
Glad you found someone though to help you see there are other fish in the sea.
Ravi Rajan from Mumbai on April 24, 2021:
Long distance relationships were a bit tough to maintain in the earlier days. But now the advent of skype ,zoom and all those real time streaming software, things have become easier. Yes while I agree getting physical is still a challenge but the communication can be maintained constantly at any point of time. And at the end of the day, it is all about how much effort we are willing to make to keep the relationship alive. Thanks for sharing Michelle.