Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
And So It Goes . . .
You sleep late, get up... and they're there from two nights ago . . .
You get two days off from work. ..and they end-up in your SUV . . .
You and the wife are having a Date Night.. .they see you in the restaurant, and never leave . . .
Know Anyone Like These People
you have to know a few. If you don't, you are a monk living in Tibet on the highest mountain. But sadly, you are as vulnerable as everyone around. Unless you move to Tibet, or to a deserted island, or die, annoying folks who I am talking about, are always going to be a threat. Similar to swimming in Gulf Shores, Ala., and find out that Great White's show-up and hungry.
Almost unbearable if you let it.
You have no ways or means for how to know where the annoying folks hang-out until time comes to pounce on you and ruin the good day or night where you are at. Oh, don't worry. These people are pro's. They don't miss a trick. Why do you think that they bear the name, 'annoying?'
They Really Don't Mean To
annoy you, but they really do. From the word, go. I do not know where these folks came from or received their A.T., (Annoyance Training), but whomever did, received a marvelous job. I know. I've been on both sides of this stick. But the annoying side of the stick is where I work to not be. The reason is right in front of you. Annoying folks ruin friendships; break-up relationships and marriages; get folks fired from great jobs and on and on. Like a never-ending list of people to annoy and the tactics are always changing. So us vulnerable people are always going to be used as targets painted on bales of hay for archery practice. Well at least, no firearms were used. But just wait. Annoying folks are working overtime on how to do this one before it's over.
Life is not perfect, according to me and those who have been embattled by annoying people. Another thing that I want to bring out is this: I am aware of the scripture about "a man shall reap as he sows," but . ..in the case of many of the annoying folks who have turned-over my apple cart, I have asked them if it was I who provoked them to get even with me? Most people would shake their heads and exclaim this over-killed reply, oh, that's how the onion peeled. How stupid. No wonder I was left humiliated by someone who I did not even know.
Believe me. I've swore to not be a victim of these pests every again . . .but a day or two from that moment, I was vowing the same thing all over again.
Oh, that's how the watermelon bursts!
I Can Prove My Argument Four Examples
and places where annoying people have gotten me with their rusty blades and again, I have asked, over the years, have I really made this many enemies? Then they would reply, but DO NOT fret. I will not use one of bumbling tongue-wagging statements again. Or least try to not do it.
The first believable moment of the theory of "Matching Familiarities" that annoying people use to always be where you are at all times. To give credit. The annoying folks have something like super powers--able to be able to think of the reason (first) of why you are challeging why they are wasting your time
1.) You are invited to attend the First Annual Optometrists' Banquet of which you have been in a member of good standing for over 22 years. For example. You show-up, present them with your invitation, tell the hostess how good it is to be at this event. Then you are sent to the open bar, "Macky," the bar-keep, gives you the drink that you've had every year of this banquet. But after you enjoy the first sip of your drink, an annoying pest suddenly appears. Proceeds to hammer you how long you've treated people with bad eyesight? Do you charge much? And on and on for 10 minutes. You finally reach your breaking point. Then ask the annoying pest, just who are you? He grins and smiles, my name's "Jimbo Stark,"nice to see you. "Are you an optometrist?" you volley back. "Wy' no, I'm not." "Well! What are you doing to this invitation-only party?" you ask very heated. "Oh, I washed-out of Optometry School, and went to Harvard School of Medicine, but didn't make it, so a cousin of mine helped to create this banquet and he gave me a ticket just to give my self-image a boost." Now. Annoying pest stays and stays with you until you cry like a baby. Then he laughs at you and leaves.
2.) The first one was long, but not this one: you are talking with an old girlfriend from college and now reconnecting. You and "Shelley," are going to start-up where you ended years ago. Difference in careers, you know. But as you start to kiss her, you hear, ohhh, hey, there. What's going on, 'Shelley?' She does not speak. You try to tell him to get lost, but now "this" annoying jerk says that he is a preacher. Then asks if you and "Shelley" would care to listen to him go over a sermon which he prepared for this Sunday. (This one is easy). NO! You both reply. And continue kissing. Annoying jerk failed.
3.) Barbecuing is always a great summer occasion, but look for Annoying *Bulgers. When you and your friends, say about 22, start to chomp-down those delicious steaks that you have cooked and there she is: very talkative know-it-all, the crowd-loving Annoying *Bulger. She talks to much, asking rank questions personal questions causing your friends to want to leave and she just smiles aggravating you. You could just tell her to leave, and eventually, you do, but not before she consumes most of the special steaks which are not all cooked. Never load-up on raw beef. Deal?
4.) The arrival of your first baby carries with it, a special brand of celebrating and yes, "that" Annoying Pest. He just had to show-up in the waiting room where you and the other dad's are waiting. When you are called to the glass in front of the nursery, Annoying Pest walks with you step-on-step asking your age, where you work and have worked, etc. You always break in two with anger. Then he tells you some bogus name and you ask him what he is doing there? He lies and says that your pediatrician is his wife's second cousin and he thought it might be nice to give him a hand, seeing that Annoying Pest is a diesel mechanic.
What To Watch For if You Think That an Annoying Person is Headed Your Way . . .
⦁ Scan the crowd. Always. Especially if you are alone or with your wife, girlfriend of uncle "Billy" eating at his favorite restaurant. If you see a man with glazed eyes and his lips running fast as they can . . .get up and take uncle "Billy" out of there.
⦁ If you are waiting on a cab or the city bus and then out of the blue, this woman with a huge smile is telling the waiter (pointing in your direction) that she wants to sit with you . . .run. Don't walk. This is all that you need for peace of mind
⦁ If an Annoying Individual starts-up with you telling some long, boring tale about his early years when he was a trash truck mechanic, you start-in with your equally boring tale and your walked ten miles in the rain and snow selling flour and meal, so Annoying Individual gets hurt feelings and leaves you alone.
. . .isn't this the way that it should be with all Annoying Pests?
April 10, 2021____________________________________________________
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