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Dating a shy girl - 10 Things guys should know

Dating a shy girl can be like learning how to open a gift that has been intricately wrapped, without tearing an inch of the wrapping paper

Dating a shy girl can be like learning how to open a gift that has been intricately wrapped, without tearing an inch of the wrapping paper

Dating a shy girl can be one of the most rewarding experiences for a guy, if dealt with the right way. Boys, you will have to work hard to bring her beyond her inhibitions, physical shyness and awkward moments to connect with you on your date. Reading this will not make you a Casanova overnight. But what it will do, is give you crisp advice and tips on how to deal with your shy date. Read on, be your romantic best and impress your lady love!

1) You choose the place

Are you going on your very first date with a shy girl? It is likely that your date may not want to be left with the daunting question of "Where should we go?" It is better that you choose the place because as you can imagine, a shy girl already has many things to worry about in her mind.

2) A compliment should be your first words

Yes we all know that it is considered one of the basic dating etiquette to compliment your woman. This could not be more true in the case of a date with a shy girl. The very minute you pick up or meet your date, you should look into her eye and tell her how beautiful she looks. The reason? Your compliment will give your shy girl a quick confidence boost and make her feel more comfortable with you.

3) She may look away from you

If you have been used to maintaining eye contact with the girl that you are dating, things may be a bit different in your date with a shy girl. Looking into a date's eyes is not exactly a shy girl's domain and you must understand this. Don't be put off if you fail to make proper eye contact. Ease her into falling comfortable and once you finally manage to break the ice, she will gaze into your eyes till no end!

4) Understand that shyness is not arrogance

If you're dating a shy girl, you may be in for what may seem as a rude reception. Shy girls will generally take their own time opening up and that may sometimes be perceived as rude or high headedness. On the contrary, this may not be the case here and your date may only be taking her own time getting to know you.

5) Do the talking for a change

Dating a shy girl can be tricky for a guy who likes the women to do the talking. Are you one of them? If you are, you may want to know beforehand that this may be your time to do the chatting. Shy girls and for that matter, all shy personalities are not too much of talkers unless they share an extremely close bond with the other person. So be prepared to charm your lady love by chatting her up. Keep your conversations subtle and engaging. Don't engage into too much of flirting straight away because that may make her conscious.

6) Don't come on too quick and too hard

It really doesn't matter how great your date is going, one of the first and foremost rules of dating a shy girl is that you should give her space. Lots of it! If you are planning to floor her with all the charm in the world and woo her into locking lips with you on the dinner table, chances are that you are going to be left disappointed. The key to impressing a shy personality is to ease your way into their personal space and domain. Remember this, always.

7) Don't ridicule/mock her

It is generally considered okay and acceptable to make jokes or mock your date in a fun or playful manner. In fact, it may help breaking the ice quicker. Not, with your shy girl. You may want to be extra cautious in this regard because a silly comment of yours that may have been in jest, may end up hurting her feelings or making her over-think it. It is okay if you don't understand this, all you need to do is choose your words extremely carefully if you are going to try to engage in a teasing or mocking conversation with your shy woman. At best, avoid it.

8) Hold her hand

Remember watching the oh-so-romantic scenes in Rom Com movies where the actor holds the actresses' hands and she blushes till no end. Well your date with a shy girl is your chance to be the actor in real life. Shy personalities may not be too comfortable with the 'touch factor' straight away into a date. So once you've been chatting away and feel like warming things up a bit, candidly hold her hand. But gentlemen, make sure that you don't make any sudden movements else you might just scare her!

9) Don't be pushy

One of the key traits of a shy personality is that they may find it hard to say no. You must take note of this fact because if your lady subtly tries to avoid something, don't be pushy. For example, if you say "How about we head out to the bar after this meal?" your shy date may reply "Umm the bar? Not sure" By that, she means "No" Take subtle hints from your shy dates and work along it. You will definitely reap the rewards for your patience.

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10) Inside the bedroom with a shy girl

The bedroom - Don't expect to be here on the first date. Don't expect to be here on the second date. You are lucky if you are here on the third. The point is, that shy girls will think many times, and rightly so, before heading into the bedroom with a date. It will take a certain level of confidence and more importantly, trust for her to walk into the bedroom with you. And if you think that a few drinks is all it will take to get your shy date hammered and in the bedroom, only for you to walk away the next morning, you bastard!

Shy personalities are not exactly queens in the bedrooms. Well, at least not until they are comfortable with being naked and stripped of their protective layers in front of you. Shy personalities are complex to decipher especially in the bedroom because they may feel vulnerable or may be physically shy. So instead of penning down confusing and nonsense tips on how to deal with a shy girl in the bedroom, here are a few straight forward pointers that you should keep in mind.

  • Don't expect her to make the first move, at least not the first few times
  • Don't rush into undressing her - Spend more time with your clothes on than you generally would in the bed
  • Undressing her should be a deliberate, patient and sensual act
  • Under no circumstances should you instruct (or ask) her to perform sexual acts on you straight away – it may be out of her comfort zone
  • If she withdraws when you touch her in a particular area, avoid touching there until her comfort levels are sky high
  • The notion "Don't go for the goodies directly" applies more to your time in bed with a shy woman than anyone else
  • Caress, don't grab


shi on January 24, 2014:

nothing was left out but the main issue is not to rush anything...i've dated shy female's and the ine thing that gets them comfortable is ask thwm questions that you know they would want to talk about.

Lilla on August 19, 2012:

I'm actually a girl who read this out of boredom to see if guys actually know what they are talking about. I'm happy to say this is actually spot on.

Dean Cortez on February 08, 2012:

These are useful dating tips..thanks for sharing them :)

princesswithapen (author) on November 13, 2011:


Yes, shyness, more often than not is misinterpreted as arrogance or a high-headed attitude. But only a shy person will tell you otherwise. I hope that the guys you talk about stumble upon this hub and get some much needed advice on how to take their dates with a shy girl to a whole new romantic level.

Thanks for stopping by on this one.


Phil Plasma from Montreal, Quebec on November 12, 2011:

Great hub, I just fear that the guys who could benefit most from this kind of information probably don't spend any time looking for information like this.

I think your point #4 is a key - often silence or shyness can be misinterpreted as being smug or snobby.

princesswithapen (author) on November 11, 2011:

Hi Nia

You're rightly pointed out 'patience' as the key word here. Yes, it sure does pay off.

I'm really glad you liked this, specially because you could relate to it!


princesswithapen (author) on November 11, 2011:

Hi Keith

Firstly, congratulations on finding the right life partner for yourself. I bet you have cherished each and every moment of the 23 years you have spent together! That is quite an achievement. You both are extremely lucky to have each other.


princesswithapen (author) on November 11, 2011:

Hi tsmog

I too felt that the image was apt for the title. Conveys a lot, doesn't it?


NiaG from Louisville, KY on November 10, 2011:

Love this. My shy days are gone but those are the exact feelings one goes through when they are shy and it can be difficult to get through the walls of shyness so men have to remember to be patient. It could be well worth it.

Keith Schroeder from Wisconsin on November 10, 2011:

I agree with all you say with concern about #10. Getting to the bedroom by the third date seems a bit fast for me. This assumes non-shy guys jump in bed with guys on a first or second date. Wow! Personally, I want a full, committed relationship before I even consider such a move. Of course, I have 23 of marriage under my belt. My wife and I never regretted waiting until our wedding night. Maybe that is why we are still married.

Tim Mitchell from Escondido, CA on November 09, 2011:

A very beautiful image.

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