Sakhile has spent over ten years writing about love and relationships. He is an expert in interpersonal relationships.
It can be devastating to discover that ones partner has been unfaithful. Your marriage could be pushed into a crisis that will destroy it.
It's natural to wonder why ones partner cheated, but there's hardly ever a simple answer to why anyone cheats. It might be a sign of other issues in your marriage, something from your partner's old days, or entirely unrelated to either you or your marriage. Whatever the main reason, you'll have quite a number of difficult feelings to work through and a lot to consider as you decide what to do next. These suggestions can help you deal with the fallout from betrayal.
Accept Your Emotions
It is normal to experience shock, agitation, fear, suffering, depression, and confusion. For a while, you'll probably feel like you're riding an emotional rollercoaster. It tends to take time to recover from the pain of an unfaithful partner.
Even if you're aiming to pardon your partner or fixing your marriage, don't expect the mixed feelings and mistrust to go away. Your marriage has evolved, and it is natural for you to miss the relationship you used to have.
Do Not Seek Vengeance
Being betrayed by a partner can make you angry. In your rage, your first immediate reaction might be to punish your partner by trash-talking him or her to mates (or worse, on media platforms) or to consider having a sexual relationship yourself to take vengeance.
These actions may provide a temporary feeling of satisfaction, however they can certainly work against oneself, keeping you angry rather than concentrating on healing and starting to move on, either alone or together.
Think twice before telling your family. They will almost certainly have strong feelings about whether you should leave or stay. Nobody else understands what is going on in the other person's marriage. It's wise to keep the specifics private while you're deciding how to proceed.
Try to look after yourself.
Stress can cause physical effects such as nausea, nausea and vomiting, sleep problems (either little or have too much), unsteadiness, trouble concentrating, not desire to eat or overeating. After the shock has worn off, make an effort to eat healthy meals, stick to a schedule, sleep at regular times, get some workout each day, drink lots of water, but also, yes, have some fun.
Avoid Playing the Blame Game
Trying to blame yourself, your husband or wife, or a third party will not change anything and is a waste of time. If at all possible, avoid playing the victim or indulging in self-pity. It will only keep you feeling more helpless and self-conscious.
Keep your kids away from it.
This is a private matter that you have with your partner that really shouldn't involve your kids. Even if you have chosen to divorce, disclosing specifics about an affair will put your children in an impossible situation, causing them anxiety, leaving them feeling trapped in the middle, and forcing them to choose sides.
Seek Professional help
Don't try to deal with unfaithfulness on your own. Before you decide whether or not to stop your marriage, it's a good idea to consult with a couple's counselor, that will be objective and can help you understand what happened. You can ask questions and express your feelings to your partner without losing your temper.
An experienced therapist could indeed assist you in better communicating and processing self - blame, shame, and any other issues you may be experiencing. If you make a decision to end a marriage, you will know that you did everything you could to make it work.
Being Practical is Essential.
If you personally believe that somehow the affair will also most likely end your marriage, consider practical matters that include where you will reside, whether you have enough cash to cover your basics, and, if you've got children, the form of custody agreement you prefer. You should also consider having your partner tested for STDs, as well as yourself, if you engaged in intimate relations during or after affair.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.