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Coming to Terms With Being Asexual

I knew that I was asexual long before I had the words to describe what I was. I did not know how to explain to people that I did not feel sexual attraction (and the fact that I also do not feel romantic attraction, and that I am outside the binary had not even something I had come to terms with yet). So, when I would be asked why I was not dating anyone, I would come up with excuses that would stop their questioning. There was just not anyone that I knew that I wanted to start a relationship with; everyone that I knew was already in the “friend” category.

It took time and exploration on the internet before I found the vocabulary that felt most like it described me, before I found people who had adopted similar labels for themselves (and who felt like they were part of the community that I belonged to). Before this point, I felt like there might be something wrong with me; the people that surrounded me, and the people I saw in the media, made it seem as though sex was something you were supposed to want, and if you didn’t, you were broken.

But finding that there were other asexuals in the world (that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t experience this kind of attraction), it suddenly made me feel as though I belonged somewhere; I started to feel that there wasn’t something wrong with me, and there was room enough in the world for people who weren’t gay or straight.

It took me a bit of time to realize that I was also aromantic, and even more to realize (and come to terms with the fact) that I was also non-binary. But because I had already gained that foundation of community by finding the asexual community, I did not feel as though being aromantic or non-binary was anything that signaled there was something broken about me.

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So, now, even though it may be hard for those who identify with a particular gender, and who are outside the asexual community to understand, I feel much more comfortable with who (and what) I am, and I have the vocabulary to attempt an explanation of what I am.

If you feel as though you might belong within the asexual community, or that you might be outside the binary, know that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. You are loved.

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