Challenges of gay people
I am bewildered sometimes at the sight of individuals who showed their awkwardness towards an innocent gay man. Yes, that face expression of awkwardness is very obvious and hurtful towards gay men. Gay man can somewhat be perceived as having a girly soft character that has always becomes a problem because it intimidates the straight man. I do not tend to discriminate gay society as a different group of people; I am just trying to portray the difference between gay people with straight individuals in our society. I am woman and 3 out of my 5 best friends in the world are a gay man. As you read on, you will realize that this hub will be focusing more on how gay men are coping with challenges in today’s society.
Why do straight men feel awkward around gay men? Let me ask you male readers out there. Have you ever been in a social gathering where you were introduced to a gay guy? Have you ever met a gay man make a friendly approach towards you but only to be greeted with a disgusted faces by you? Then you claimed that the gay man was the one being awkward because his intention of flirting with you? It is embarrassing if you were to conceit towards that extent.
Neil Patrick Harris
Gay men are a great listener
To really dwell on their personal lives and how they have coped with the society’s abuse is a tremendous achievement I would say. Gay men are much more sensitive than women. I am not talking about imbalance hormonal rage or unreasonable outburst. The level of sensitivity of gay men is surprisingly sweet. Due to the frequent and excessive abuse from their surroundings, they have acquired very deep understanding towards emotion. Their sensitivity sometimes can surpass a woman’s sensitivity. Believe me when I say they are the best listener if you want to share your problems. Sometimes it is not only soft men who prefer to hang out with girls can be homosexual. There are also masculine and strong men that has came out of their closet. Take a look at Neil Patrick Harris. Listen to the message he said in this YouTube video. He advised gay student about how the society now is attracted to individuals with different point of view. It is an amazing video when he stood up for gay students given his character as sweet talker playboy in the famous series of “How I met your mother”.
How do gay men get offended?
It is sad to see some of the straight men out there are still addressing gay men as faggots. As if gay men do not have any feelings. I think this is happening because most straight men are scared to think they will be molested when they meet a gay man. They feel uncomfortable and awkward towards gay man thinking the innocent queer is interested to sleep with them. Don’t you think this perception is absurd? Imagine this, you are a straight guy and feels like talking to a girl sitting next to you in a class, she noticed your presence and straight away gave an irritated look thinking you want to get into her pants and rudely walks away. How would you feel? Obviously the girl is acting like a total bitch. What is wrong about a guy wanting to make a friendly chat with an acquaintance? This is what happening to a lot of gay men. Getting an approach from a gay man does not mean he wants to sleep with you. That is very embarrassing if that is what you perceive. They are human beings with souls. They have personalities, skills and talents as well. The only difference is their sexual orientation. Ricky Martin is a celebrity who openly admitted that he is gay.
God and gay people
Some people might say, being gay is still wrong because it is frowned upon by most religion. To argue these “deity” individual’s point of view, the obvious reason it is prohibited by most religion is because human kind would be extinct if the whole population turns gay. Let us examine this one by one. Will all the human beings in the world turned gay? This will never happens because the natural selection as stated by Charles Darwin’s grand idea of evolution. Even if it does happen, the worst case scenario, we still have the medical technology that can compliments with sperm donor and adoptions. As long as the gay parent is capable to raise child with love and education, what is the morally wrong about that?
Apologies in advance if some of my points have offended some of my religious readers but gay people have never asked to be gay. They just happen to be that way. Parents who happen to have a gay child should love the son or daughter the way they are. If god has wired him or her to be a painter, why would parents want to force him into becoming a pastor? We are not god, and we do not know their stories. Given if we were put in their circumstances, how would we react? Since we have never been in their shoes, we are in no position to make that prejudgment call. If there is doubt, straight men should be lower their guards down and try to understand gay men's situation. By understanding and compassion, we could eliminate the presence of double standard in our society.
Mike on May 14, 2017:
I was/am a gay man but seeking Christ to change me so that I can be a better person. We all have original sin and my bondage is the proclivity of homosexuality and although many will and would think I am hateful of self and others that simply isn't the case. God loves us all and wants us to seek Jesus (who defeated sin on the cross) and in that we will be better people and be granted mercy if we try to follow God's laws as set forth in his book (The Bible) but know that in the flesh (in this life) we will have challenges due to the sin nature and as such with faith we constantly repent and seek out our father in Jesus name. Doing these things at least will make us better people. Again I expect no acceptance of what I say but know through my own experience that this is a better way to be.
Jack on May 13, 2017:
Yea the main reason I feel uncomfortable is because I'm afraid they might make a move on me, and then that would be very weird. Thanks for this though
superkan on January 15, 2016:
Yes Tweetmon am in with Anthony Giles. Please do.
Anthony Giles on December 22, 2015:
See I'm 17 yrs. old and still in high school . But sometimes I think a guy or boy is cute and gay. By how they act or walk. An I'm gay as well as that. Tweetmom how can I determined a guy or boy that's gay . Please help me out cause I really want a boyfriend?
Michelle from California on June 24, 2015:
Some of this might be assumptive by nature, but generally I think you're probably right but more in the respect of anything that isn't a heterosexual male. This isn't intentional hatred but more an inability to relate in my opinion such as the typical behavior of talking about how attractive a woman might be. This isn't always true though because not all gay people act obviously gay and can usually play along just fine because after all they are of the same gender if we are only talking about gay males. But good consolidation of thoughts overall!
Brem on June 22, 2015:
I think that this is a sweeping generalization that is actually not quite true.
What might make some heterosexual men uncomfortable is the extremely flamboyant gay guy who exaggerates his behaviour/mannerisms. It makes him look invasive.
Most gay guys don't behave in ways that you might consider "threatening" for heterosexual guys.
Reading this type of statements/assertions makes me think how strongly stereotypes are rooted in the mind unabling people from seeing things from the right perspective.
It is obvious, at this point, that far too many heterosexual people have reductionist and stigmatising view of non-heterosexual people. Very dehumanising indeed.
robb on April 20, 2015:
straight men are afraid of there own sexuality hey boys it does not rub of own you just be your self and appreciate all that you can learn from every ones sexuality or religion peace darlins
Aaron & kris on April 20, 2015:
thanks for being a really cool mom we need more like you . but yes i have noticed when im around straight men they think i want in their pants or they're so obsessed with them selfs to where they think every one wants them i know this because regretfully im friends with a straight man like this lol. so funny
Jason on January 04, 2015:
Straight men I know do not feel awkward around gay men. They are comfortable in their own sexuality. The straight men that feel awkward are most likely uncomfortable with themselves and their sexuality.
Lipstick on May 15, 2014:
I'm not sure how old you are, but please work on your grammar, and differentiating between singular and plural nouns & adjectives.
I think it is sweet that you are writing this article, and that you would like to help gay men be treated fairly by straight men. However, the best way to accomplish that goal, is to do your research before you write.
Not all gay men are sensitive, nor do all gay men experience "frequent and excessive abuse from their surroundings". Yes, many gay men do experience homophobia at a level that can be considered abusive, and as a result may become more sympathetic people. However, some may simply become more closed off, and resentful of the world, or even commit suicide. On the flip-side, there are also many (though not nearly enough) gay men who have loving and accepting families, and an LGBT friendly environment.
Again, thank you for your dedication to equality, these are simply suggestions and critiques you can use to improve your writing.
John Wall on March 08, 2014:
We'll for me personally it is because every single time I have ever been around gay men I get hit on. Even though I am straight and they know it (usually they are a friend of my wife).
Kim on February 22, 2014:
I love this post. It's really heartfelt, personal, and to the point, even though it has grammar mistakes.
I now know why heterosexual men are so awkward around gay men.
Mo on December 14, 2013:
Well, if straight men feel uncomfortable than this can be due to the behaviour of a gay guy too. I as a straight man was being friendly to a gay guy since I have been moved to a new building cos of work. However due to being friendly the gay guy assumed unwanted a piece of him and since has made every effort to avoid me. I spoke to one of his close friends who told
Me the reason he was behaving like that was he thought that I was hitting onto him. Prior to that I could see that he was feeling uncomfortable and tried to speak to him to reassure him and find out what was wrong. Even up until today he still avoids me other than the odd time if he walks past he will say morning or are u ok? But he continues to be quite reserved towards me at work y! Can Anyone provide me with an explanation of this! Thanks
Gustavo Trejo from Bellflower , Ca on December 28, 2012:
I honestly felt awkward sometimes when I'm introduced to one of my friend's straight male friends and I'm like oh gosh he's going to get weirded out because I'm gay aha but I guess I get so into the conversation with my friend for whatever outing I'm at and don't keep anything a secret really but knowing how common straight guys get awkward makes me insecure at times
mountainguy7 on December 21, 2012:
I find this hub to be fascinating. I am a gay man now in my early fifties. I am one of the gay men that people cannot recognize by my mannerisms. I don't know if I consciously developed this as a defense mechanism, but I have lived my life being open with most people about my sexuality. I have been very lucky to have a family who loved and supported me and my lifestyle. I think that this is the single most important thing in a gay person's acceptance of themselves. I have heard the stories from friends whose families basically disowned them for being who they are. I have had more straight friends in life than gay. Of course I have straight girlfriends, but also many totally straight guys too. In my young days coming out, I was surprised more than once that some of my toughest acting male friends were so accepting of me and stayed my friend after finding out about my sexuality. I have never made any advances toward my straight friends, but have to admit that more than once they eventually made them towards me. I handled these advances like this. I would tell them that I was flattered that they were attracted to me, but that it might cause us to be uncomfortable with each other in the future, and that I want to keep our relationship on the same level as it has always been. Believe me sometimes this was not easy for me to do because some of them were very attractive, but was afraid they would lose their respect for me otherwise. For the most part good people judge others by how they treat them and don't care about their sexuality once they really get to know them.
jackiemac from orange county, ca on September 22, 2012:
Awwwwww......this article is cute :)
Dave on July 23, 2012:
Good for you Tweetmom. A nice read. The same ole line: I'm fine with gay men..... have no problem with them ..... just don't want them to make a pass at me or have them in the shower....... REALLY!! Seriously! MOST gay men are more likely to make a pass at another gay man. Most would NOT risky making a pass at a Str.8 for the fear of being beaten-up..... attack (lack of better word). Str.8 guys say there are gay friendly, but they are not. It's their OWN homosexuality that they are afraid of. Afraid of that they might some how...... in some strange way "become gay" if they get in touch with their softer side (not gay).
I have been lucky to know some Str.8 men (married with kids) who are open minded and not afraid of being a room with me, alone. Str.8 guys like these are rare and makes the best guy friends ...... of course women comes first.
Andrew on June 29, 2012:
The only reason I think straight guy have problems with gay guys is because we might have sex with them when we're drunk! Just sayin'
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Shalah Chayil from Billings, Montana on May 17, 2012:
When HE [Yeshua] appears, we shall be like HIM, for we shall see HIM AS HE IS. The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death. YHVH is restoring all things to the way it was in the beginning. The body shall be transformed into a glorious form that --- i am seeing transparent golden vessels in which the pure light of love shines through.
MikeShines from Springwater, NY on May 17, 2012:
One last comment on the subject broaches on the fact many denominations and splinter groupings have occurred in the name of truth (about ritual and interpretation) but which denomination is closest to the actual word of God. The splinterings, some and many occurring after Martin Luther (the great Reformer) saw many problems with Catholicism and with it a great freedom of practice occurred and with it also great migrations of sects, factions, denominations to America. Shahil and others ownly broach on the recycling of words or personal experiences and viewpoints but don't show evidence for their thoughts. Mind you I am a descendant of Martin Luther and perhaps these ideas have passed through this particular family tree but I know they are very important to me. I have heard the ideas of Flesh being evil and our spiritual, electrical energy (soul) being good but if so did God create our flesh and blood and physical realms only as a test to see if we should ascend to the spiritual realm? Or did God create nature and afterwards nature and energy simply change forms? Most cultures see death as an ascendancy to a higher spiritual realm but if this is the case what about the evidence of ghosts and the reason for their existence in a timeless limbo. I have heard persons make their own choices as to what they will be in life after death and sometimes God/ Jesus makes determinations of what a person becomes and where their "soul" goes. As time goes on I will continue to explore the endless treasure trove of ideas surrounding theology and the life after the physical state has long since surrendered to decay.
Shalah Chayil from Billings, Montana on May 16, 2012:
Because you asked here, I will answer here. Since you ask, it seems obvious you are seeking to KNOW the TRUTH. Yeshua is recorded by those who lived, slept, ate and followed HIM as having said, "If you do as I instruct, YOU will KNOW ME because I and My Father WILL MANIFEST TO YOU WHO WE TRULY ARE." In other words, if we do as HE instructs, He will make Himself real and known to us.
I have found that to be true.
What do I have to gain by sharing any of this? How do I profit in any way? Am I getting paid to share what I am sharing? NO.
I just know once my life was torment day and night and NOW HE is my PEACE, my JOY, and my LIFE.
I do have to stop and quiet my soul to hear HIS VOICE. My flesh does not always like being controlled as it controlled me for a very long time and it still, like a bad unruly child wants to stay in control.
The book of Romans reveals the problem. It says, "I do what I do not want to do because 'sin' rules me. O wretch that I am, who will deliver me? The letter to the Galatians informs us, The flesh lusts against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh."
the inner conflict is that the part of man that was bent by Adam's disregard of Father's instruction lives in us until we surrender ourselves fully to Yeshua to empower us to conquer its unruly desires and behaviors. YHVH is a good Father who desires ONLY the very, very best for us and wants to bless us.
indulging the bent flesh is like eating out of a garbage can. It does not strengthen nor truly fulfill us.
If we sow to the flesh we reap corruption. When we sow to the Spirit, we reap or find everlasting LIFE---that is the reality of who our Creator, Father truly is.
what we choose to focus our attention on is what we magnify. It is also what we become.
To overcome the lustful desires in my life I had to immerse myself in listening to the preaching of the word and cut off all things that stirred up lusts. IT was well worth it. I LIVE IN PEACE AND THE PRESENCE OF YHVH.
AND HE PROTECTS MY EMOTIONS FROM BEING RIPPED AND TORN AND JOSTLED AROUND by lustful desires. Are they normal desires---yes! However, normal desires that are out of priority are what cause us pain, unnecessary pain and torment. because then they are made idols
personally I do not care if anyone listens to what I say or not. I put it out there and persons may choose to benefit from it or reject it. and if anyone wants to mock me or call me a religious bigot or whatever, that is fine because it does not touch me HE is my Shield and my fortress.
I suggest that you get into the Psalms and read them out loud. YOU can cut off the pain of desire by turning your focus on the WORD WHO WILL SHOW HIMSELF STRONG FOR YOU IF YOU ARE SERIOUS. But one has to choose. Father will not indulge our flesh---we can do that on our own.
it sounds to me as though HE has been keeping you for HIMSELF. all you have lacked is proper instruction. I am not talking religious instruction either. I have no religion.
I have a KING who rules my heart, protects and defends me and keeps me in perfect peace because I SET MY AFFECTIONS ON HIM ALONE. MAKE SENSE?
WHAT LOVER WANTS OTHER LOVERS CUTTING IN OR SHARING HIS LOVE?
MikeShines from Springwater, NY on May 16, 2012:
To comment on the last comment - how do we know this to be true, just through faith or is there something else to it. I don't know if faith is blind and we have to accept it without any other evidence but perhaps this is the test of our creator or it is the will of certain individuals saying they cite Gods word??? I want to believe in the word but from early on I have learned not to trust in my fellow man because man deceitful acts for their own selfishness. Was there actual evidence of Adam and Eve and if so what about all the evolutionary evidence of early hominids having traits comparable to apes, being cross-breeds that slowly develop over time into today's man. Who's to say that Adam and Eve weren't the earliest of man, of whom were just branching off from an ape-like ancestor but with more uprightedness, bigger brains, and evidence of thought through the use of tools or weapons???!! To know something through faith is important such as I believe there is a Jesus and a God/Creator but it's just the minutiaae of details and seemingly knitpicking about man's behaviors that gets to be an uncertain thing. I do believe that religion does help to curb destructive behaviors and keep an order to moral behaviors and actions but how much is this is in actuality an actual "law" of God??!!!
Shalah Chayil from Billings, Montana on May 15, 2012:
Yeshua [salvation now/aka Jesus] taught, "If you continue in My Word, You shall KNOW THE TRUTH and the knowledge of that TRUTH shall set you free."
GOD is LOVE.
it's lust [the overpowering desires of the fleshly body and its emotions] that hurts and causes us such agony and pain.
I KNOW that agony and pain. I was in bondage to lust for the approval, the affection, the affirmation of a male who took full advantage of my woundedness and need. He played with my head, my heart and my emotions. AND because I had come to conclude I was not worth the dirt I walked on, I literally begged for it and in a way, taught him to treat me that way.
I say all this to say, desire burns within us for acceptance when we don't know God's acceptance.
Desire for approval burns within us when we don't KNOW Father approves of US, of who we are, but NOT of all of our actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviors. HE does not condemn us for those things, but HE desires to set us free from unprofitable thoughts, feelings, behaviors and actions. He may do that all at once, or as in my case over a period of years---painful years.
For years I burned with desire for this man's affections, love, respect etc. For years I begged God to make him love me. All the while I did not know that God, who IS LOVE was trying to love me all that time.
I do not know how He finally got it through to me, but HE did. And know I know HIS love, most of the time. I say most of the time because I still have some pockets deep within my soul that are sore and filled with what is called unrighteous longing. When Father lances one of those pockets----it hurts like hell! I get bewildered though I should understand by now what He is doing.
I often get so angry with God that I refuse to pray for days or even weeks, but eventually HE heals the hurt and brings me back into two-way communication.
The Spirit flows where it wills and no one knows where. And Father births children into His kingdom as HE wills. HE IS always calling but there is so much noise, that unless we learn to be still and learn to KNOW His communication in our own heart, we won't KNOW what He has for us.
The garden was perfect. Adam and Eve KNEW Father and walked and talked with HIM. That is HIS desire for everyone of us. Most times I walk and talk with HIM.
when Adam chose to disregard Father's instruction to not partake of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil sin entered the world---sin means to miss the mark.
man became bent to follow his own way and desires---and those desires became corrupt, twisted, bent, perverse. Those corrupted desires then became our master and we their slaves.
Yeshua gave HIS life to empower us to be freed from the corruption.
MY desire now is only to KNOW God as He truly is and not as I want to make Him out to be to justify my corrupted or out of proper priority desires.
I get mad at God when HE doesn't fulfill certain desires. That is my flesh and I know it.
when the man that abused me cut off all connection with me, I became enraged at God---that was also my corrupted flesh that had enjoyed the sin--that enjoyed the sexual gratification at my own expense because it was like a high. Sex produces a drug high and an emotional high if it's satisfying and believe me--it was. I convinced myself that it was right and that God has married us....
so desire deceives us...
and yes, desire confuses the issues
we are not made to worship feelings or emotions
We are made to KNOW and to worship only our Creator. And unlike those other things that bow us down, He lifts us up. All I can say is, Call on HIM to open your eyes to TRUTH and make Himself real to YOU AS HE TRULY IS. Ask HIM to pour His love into YOU and to penetrate the wounded places...
Because NOW instead of living in torment and pain, I LIVE IN TRUE PEACE AND COMMUNION WITH GOD --HIS PRESENCE IS NEVER FAR FROM ME. But when He withdraws His tangible Presence it is for me to believe that HE said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
MikeShines from Springwater, NY on May 15, 2012:
To be perfectly honest, I really don't know if the creator, my God, made me this way of which non-gay Christians would say he did not, while Gay Christians would say he did so. How do we really know? The Bible was written by human hands from which intreptations can be derived from the human mind in putting down Gods words. However it is the legitimacy and the bias (either more subjective or actually objective) of the human intermediary writing the words which makes my statements troublesome since we cannot know their state of mind in writing the word of God. Many would argue that Faith is what makes one certain of the "true" understanding of the Gospels and that is all fine and good in theory but whom is to know. Even the events which transpired in the Garden of Eden, if exact, how would one really know that they are if a record of the actual events at the time wasn't recorded? Did Jesus not die for our sins and if so wouldn't this encompass homosexuality too if it was truly sinful. Pentacosts believe that once one affirms to God and Jesus and is reborn in thorough belief of Jesus and the Cross then the sins of the past will not matter if one is remorseful of said sins. What if a gay man "enjoyed" (or gay woman) sex all their life but then was reborn just before death would that not favor their going to heaven? Some Christians believe that the "works" of man serve as no credentials of their status towards God and so it would make one wonder that if a depraved lunatic serial killer was reborn and was truly remorseful of all his/her sins would they be able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven........ one wonders??? Nothing to me is just a simple conclusion. Yes man and woman were made to reproduce but even so if said "straight" men and women didn't bond in a family unit and reproduce would they be condemned for their inaction?!!!
Being male and being gay it has always felt "natural" to have urges bound towards my same sex. Ever since I can remember I have felt strong physical attractions to males and of course I admire them or the attraction wouldn't happen to begin with. I will admit I grew up never really feeling comfortable with guys and more comfortable with the opposite sex, females. I didn't, however have effeminite mannerisms or interests but craved masculine interests (or as one would stereotype them). I will fully admit as well that I have felt awkward having physical relations with both males and females but having said that feel strong physicality toward males.
I don't know if gayness is caused by genetic or environmental factors singularly or a situational, experiential component combining both environmental and genetic factors. Personally I do feel shame in my feelings (temptations) not only because I grew up with Christian values but also because other gay individuals displayed or acted out reprehensible sexual behavior that consisted of lust, sado-masochistic tendencies, and just base and lewd physicality lacking the emotional maturity and caring I have longed for in a relationship. Again my feelings and take may be the result of my own personal experiences of which may have been very negative and made more so by my upbringing.
I don't believe in a "gay community" because this country is about our own individual freedoms within a representative political framework. I am not of the group thought and mentality that certain persons believe to be necessary to promote their own self-centered causes regardless of others thoughts on the matter.
So in conclusion my understanding of this gay matter is a panoply of confusion and experiential determinations.
Shalah Chayil from Billings, Montana on May 15, 2012:
I am going to simply put some 'observations' out there for consideration. I am NOT attempting to attack or offend ANYONE, BUT what I am about to say, no doubt, still shall offend.
If one takes a really good look at human male anatomy and female anatomy, one may quickly SEE that each has its particular FUNCTION. EACH HAS ITS PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
The female anatomy is designed to receive male anatomy perfectly. Male to male and female to female is NOT designed that way. Our Creator had HIS purposes in mind in creating things that way.
in the garden of eden, there appeared a serpent in the tree of the knowledge of good and evil that the FATHER instructed Adam and Eve to NEVER partake of.
What happened when they did? look at this world, draw your own conclusions. THIS would NOT have happened had they NOT disregarded Father's instruction.
the mind, emotions and will are extremely powerful. Feelings were NEVER meant to override TRUTH. Because something "feels right" NEVER MEANS IT IS 'RIGHT'. What I mean by right is truly beneficial and truly GOOD.
One of the first instructions Father gave mankind (and all of us who were still IN ADAM's loins and Eve's womb) is, "Be fruitful and multiply.." How do two males or two female do that? YOU CANNOT substitute adoption for being fruitful and multiplying.
"God" is both male and female! [no, it is NOT heresy].
"Let us make man in our image, in our own image, let us make them male and female." Read it and think about it and reread it and ask the Ruach HaKodesh/the female aspect or characteristic of YHVH [breath of LIFE].
The major issues with both males and females that believe they are way more attracted to the same sex for partnership and 'love' is being broken inside emotionally, fractured [ALL OF US ARE BROKEN AND FRACTURED SO I AM NOT PICKING ONLY ON GAYS---MOST OF US MANIFEST IN SOME OTHER WAY OUR BROKENNESS] and are in need of being made whole.
Attraction to someone male or female is generally due to the fact that we see something in that person male or female we GREATLY ADMIRE AND WISH WE WERE LIKE. What we fail to realize or SEE is that WE DO HAVE THAT SAME QUALITY POTENTIAL THAT HAS JUST NOT BEEN DEVELOPED WITHIN US.
Before getting all bent out of shape and taking offense and being mad, read and reread and THINK ABOUT IT ALL.
Honestly people, I am NOT smart enough to come up with all of this on my own. I am convinced that OUR FATHER and Creator has spoken through me. And I also believe that HE will bring healing to those that truly desire true PEACE [freedom from the fear, anxiety and conflict that comes with 'feeling gay'] and that HE will pour out upon all who are sincerely desiring to KNOW HIM and WHO AND WHAT HE IS TRULY LIKE---JOY IN FINDING THEIRSELF AS HE INTENDED AND INTENDS.
PLEASE BE BLESSED AND REMEMBER I DID NOT INTEND TO OFFEND ANYONE.
JE on May 12, 2012:
Well, I'm gay with many straight male friends and I have to be honest, I HAVE developed deep feelings toward a few of them in the course of our friendship...and I know they have sensed it. There is no single way that all straight men respond to the knowledge that you are gay, but most WILL cool off the relationship or abandon you outright if you let them know in any way that you have feelings whatsoever for them. I'm not talking about making a physical/sexual move on someone who is straight. Just maybe giving unconscious signals that you really like them on an emotional level and enjoy spending time with them. There may be no actual threat, but just the suggestion or perception that there might be something more going on is enough to drive straight men to seek cover. Which is sad but kind of understandable. A few straight men will be sympathetic (always a nice response) or look at you like you're crazy, then just get on with the friendship.
So, sometimes there IS a perceived reason for straight men to feel awkward, but it's usually just that, perceived and not real. I actually prefer the company of straight men because I DON'T have to deal with them on a sexual level, and their energy often complements mine.
Ron on May 09, 2012:
oh what is the big deal? I don't care what anyone says, everyone has a bit curiosity or gayness is in them. get with the program, this is not the 1950's anymore!!!
anonym on May 08, 2012:
i thing that gay people stay human so ... respect
jimmy217 on May 02, 2012:
Awesome post Tweetmom. I just agreed with all that. It made me sad sometimes. Anyway, I am gay but people thought I'm straight, gentle and polite man. I have to be in the closet due to the strong religious and culture against to homosexuality in my region. However, I'm glad to know your thoughts as woman toward gay. To make myself stronger, I have Mark Feehily, Ricky Martin and Neil Patrick Harris to become my idol in continuing my gay life.
ShalahChayilJOY . I like your point on how you hate your sister because you saw what you hated in yourself from her then overcome it with quality within you both have. It's true. I hated my brother before because of I hated the 'thing' he have that I have and hated.
I think this applies to the straight man. The fear of exposing the hidden 'thing' that they hated within them caused that kind of 'so defensive' attitude towards gay man. Honestly, I myself too will feel awkward and uncomfortable when a known gay person/stranger approach me. That may be that I knew they possess the same 'thing' that I hated inside me so sometimes I felt I need to defend myself.
MikeShines, yes I agreed. I found it is annoying and weird that most straight people nowadays talks and jokes about gay and gay sex act a lot despite hating it. If they hated them, they should stop putting those things in mind.
Note: I found this hub pages site interesting. Maybe I will register next time.
KMS.Student on April 10, 2012:
I'm 15years old n I have a friend that I like but idk if he is gay or not be cause I love him with all my heart but he thinks I'm straight. What should I do if I'm ready for a gay relationship?
Shalah Chayil from Billings, Montana on February 26, 2012:
The answer to why a "staight" male may feel discomfort around a "gay" male is simply the fear of their OWN femininity within and not knowing how to appropriately connect with it and express it. Every society and culture has 'images' of what male and female roles are.
Many people are simply mirroring those roles instead of finding themselves in the mirror of TRUTH--the WORD of the Living God illumined by HIS SPIRIT. ONE needs both to see things clearly.
Just the written word alone is like reading a dead letter. Emphasis on the "Spirit" can lead one to emotional excess--one needs both to rightly image the Father and express self as HE intended.
We fear (and hate) what we see in another that we don't know how to express that IS within ourselves. Males that express too much emotion are often ridiculed or viewed as not masculine. So they hide or cover their true emotions and are disconnected from their true selves and maybe even from talents that were given them to prosper and move them forward in life.
The same is true of females. Females generally were taught to stay in the background and 'just be wives and mothers' (granted that was a long time ago), but some may overcompensate by being too overbearing and too aggressive instead of finding a place of balance and moving forward into a place of authority under the rule of GRACE.
Insecurity in all of us cause us to act or react in ways that may make others feel uncomfortable. The only sure way to become truly sure of self is to find self IN the power of I AM, the one that created us. I hesitate to use terms like "God" because we all see everything through the filters of our own hurt emotions. And we overcompensate by forcing our 'view' on others.
That is NOT what I want to do!
For too long I hated my sister because I could see in her what I hated in myself! That kept a wall between us and caused me to treat her cruelly. It took me a long time to look at the quality I saw in her within myself and overcome it in myself.
We are all disconnected from our true selves until we learn---key word, learn how to connect rightly to Creator in truth, and NOT be making HIM fit into our distorted images to put bandaids on our hurts and play victim.
josh on February 20, 2012:
i had a gay friend in high school and i was never awkward around him. However if a dude approaches me on the street to talk to me and i know he's gay it's awkward...why would you just randomly walk up to me? seriously creeped me the hell out, i wasn't a jerk but it was creepy...the dude followed me around the park and when i sat down at a bench he came up...not cool.
MikeShines from Springwater, NY on January 31, 2012:
I am gay and appreciate your understanding of gay men. I do not even like being labelled gay because labels immediately divide the public into sides of acceptance, rejection or indifference. Perhaps this is why I am gratified that there are people like you, who can appreciate gay people, simply as people and not totally different and separate from the masses. I think your intuition is spot on because I have faced indifference and ostracism from straight men's support and inclusion. Ironically I see straight men talking and joking about gay sex all the time??? Why the interest if disinterested? I also know of a supposed straight male coworker of whom makes sexual advances on me with inappropriate touching and fondling and if I didn't like the guy I probably would be offended. This individual is very rare among straight men and I "like" his attention and intentions although do not know the motivations behind them. I am after all human. I do not date or carry on sexually and that is probably due to my own conflicts with being a gay man and being a christian man as well. I wish I could advocate gay behavior but do not know if it is a quality I appreciate due to my confusion about God and his "actual" thoughts on the subject. I DO KNOW I have been queer since puberty with an attraction to the male body. I didn't want this attraction due to the hostility it causes many in our society and wish I could choose to not have it, but I cannot and can only come to terms with it in a way that I feel good about and safe about in my environment.
DeMarcus85 from Georgetown, SC on January 28, 2012:
Plain and simple. Straight guys always think Gay men want to jump their bones. I am a gay male and i have straight friends. I am cool with them, and i dont want any nookie or get sexual vibes. I have gay male friends and its the same way. At the end of the day, its all about Straight men and how comfortable they are or can be around gays..
Mikey on January 17, 2012:
By the way, I'm talking about a 20 year friendship where there's been a lot of mutual deep sharing of life experience, so I've learned a bit about what gay men really go through from a very mature individual 10 years my senior who lived through the Stonewall Era as a young adult.
My straight friends got married and disappeared. My phone rarely rings. I see my one friend and his partner a couple times a month. That's my social life and it's unfulfilling. It doesn't lead to sexual relationships. It doesn't lead to new people. It leads to the same clique of incestuous former lovers become friends and various single gay hangers-on. I can relate to the lonliness some of these guys feel as we all enter midlife, but there's no reason why any of them shouldn't be able to find loving relationships if they want them. The three guys I'm thinking about specifically have incredibly unrealisitic standards for partners. Two of them have some serious sexual behavioral issues, only one of which is in therapy for it.
I don't give a damn about sports and can't stand to listen to men or women! talk smart about football or hockey or whatever else it is that they are into. But that's one reason I think it's harder for me to connect to other guys. I really do not take an interest in traditional male bonding subjects such as sports, hunting, fishing, motorcycles, boating, pickup trucks, or any of that other shit. I really couldn't care less about those things.
I read. I write. I think. I challenge myself to evolve in other ways. I wonder about life and death. I'm intuitive. I'm emphathic. I'm very sexual...much more so than most guys who are just having sex with the same woman year after year and hating it. I could never live the married life. I've never been interested in having a family or paying down a 30 year mortgage. That sort of puts me off the beaten path as a heterosexual male.
If I seem to have a problem with gay men, it's probably because I spent too much time with them over the past 20 years of my adult life.
End rant. Thanks for reading.
Mikey on January 17, 2012:
I really don't know what you're talking about. Maybe I'm an exception because my best friend is gay and I'm often the only straight guy at his parties. I've never felt sexually threatened by him or any of his gay friend. They know I'm straight and respect that. However I have had gay friend and acquaintances who didn't give a shit and truly didn't respect that and made repeated advances until I ended all contact with them...and they act offended that I'm not interested! So yeah, from my perspective there are reasons for straight guys to be wary of gay men unless they have some clear intellectual or business interest they share. There has to be a basis for friendship other than, "Gee you're kind of a nice guy."
I found your blog because I Googled for help on how to deal with gay friends because lately I'm not getting what I need from the gay crowd. Over the holidays there was a gay man with a very rich queeny affect that really annoyed me. I was just like, "Come on man, you don't need to lay it on that thick." I just don't get it. I don't believe it's all just the way some gay guys are. They really put some extra effort into their sass and yeah, that makes me uncomfortable because it feels like a sort of codependent invitation to participate in some personal identity bullshit. I know for a fact there are gay men who feel the way I do about this, though they might express it a little differently.
For a change I'd like to be hanging out with straight guys. SINGLE, cool straight guys who still know how to enjoy themselves and not be uptight in public. I might actually meet more women if I had some straight friends. None of the gay men I know ever bring straight women around.
I'd also like to give some perspective on this idea that straight women and gay men have some sort of special opportunity for bonding. For starters: Straight men are not your problem. Stop blaming them if you are, whether you're a woman who believes that gays and women share the same oppressor or you've just had unhappy relationships with straight me. Make an attempt to understand in your personal relationships what is going on and what YOU may be misunderstanding about straight men. Don't assume that it's homophobia because it might not be. Everyone assumes that straight men need to change. Maybe women and gays need to do some changing in their own perceptions of what's going on with straight men.
Feminism is a political and social movement. I notice that my gay acquaintances seem to equate feminism with their support of their female friends. What's really going on is a political alliance that's actually misplaced. Gays and women and the worlds they live in are quite different. I know because I've had friendships with both. I've also seen women use their gay friendships to seek support in whatever oppositional position they are taking with their spouses. Really incredibly rude behavior, so again, just don't assume that this alliance between women and their gay friends is something all men should just accept. It's more complicated than that.
I've also met plenty of gay men who live with a deep insecurity all their lives because they are not as masculine as some of the men they admire. That's not my fault, but such gays usually have a very nasty mean streak that I've had to put up with.
rick on December 30, 2011:
wow wow,today has been the greatest day of 2011!!!!icame to fix a PROB on my pc and fond your hub.god knows i have alot of prob.withme,yes im gay geez since 8 y/o.i was born on the east coast-vermont at kindergarden you cant even haave a gay second like moving,talking,anything that looked gay you got the class harashing you i finely had a man to man relationship when i turn 25.my life has been very hard im 42 now,only had 4 boyfriends,1in vt,1inct 2 in ca,the 2nd guy is very at times helpful been with him for 12 years!too bad its not the way it was...bascially theres no sex,we dont do things anymore,80% he negativly put me down,,coming out at 25,andages1-25 in vt i acted straight and dated women.basically zero gay bars if gaymen need something you go go truckstops restareas ect.between 25-30 i guess you could say i was unmatured gay man,in ct let loose in the space between the bar,orin bars several mens pants unzipped ordown to his feet...all these guys were masculine very hot.my looks even now men if i go to bars are always after me age23 i did some modlework for clothing jeans to leather so everyone thinks im hot i think im not.here's my probem i cant find my own idenity and g** d*** it is so true and this relationship for 12years he isn't a boyfriend or even a friend hes been to italy uk gemany many cruises manyforien land not once has he ask me to go,,,,,,,,,why when i try talking to him he say whet a second because he on phone compture tv watching like i piece of dog poop to him.all this has to change.last8 years ill i do is work look at the tv ceiling floor imgotta find rick again.all of your hub responces are great and opened my eyes.but all these lonenly days nights i have to find my identity to the great things you can do in san diego,like the stright guy thing if a guy looks at him he thinks he want to be pick up.at time when i go to a gay bar i get nervous yes lotof guys talk to me thankgod and just drinking a beer the guynext to me feels my sack.igot to learn just be myself gay outgoing and to to flicks eagle and have the fun getmuch more friends.....geez rick what's wrong be proud your gay thanks
mr. belief :) on December 15, 2011:
biologists frequently see homosexual behavior in other animal species, and in livestock ranching, homosexual behavior is so common it is considered a problem. Homosexual behaviors have been noted in every primate species so far studied, and in man's closest living relatives, the bonobo chimpanzees, bisexual behavior is universal.
Among humans, homosexuality is found in all cultures and with about the same frequency it is found in America. Cultural norms seem to have little influence on the incidence of homosexual behavior. So the claim that it isn't natural becomes rather difficult to support.
snowclone on November 01, 2011:
As a gay man, with a Mormon back ground, returned missionary, temple marriage, active in the Church and knowing I was gay has been a source of great distress over the years. Suppressed homosexuality in a straight society is a burden no person should have to carry. I separated from my wife approx 15 years ago and then spent the next 12 years fighting the urge to be with another guy.
Last year I came out to my sons and was surprised at the support I have received from them. It has taken me a long time to get over the "moral" wrong as instilled by religion. I love the Latterday Saint Church and believe in it's teaching and family orientation. I am also aware that I no longer have a place within that religious environment due to the fact that I am gay. The Church has some what acknowledged that there are people who are born gay and that it is not a fad thing made popular in modern times by the media. The only acceptance within the Church is for total celibacy, that is the total abstinence of any sexual activity including masturbation.
Gay men are encouraged to go away from the place and influences where they live, live with another Mormon family and to have all movements from the place where you live monitored. That there should be no contact with other gay men in any shape or form and social contacts should only be within the Church community.
In other words condemned to a life of loneliness and unhappiness. Well, I am weak, I have over the past year been a slut as far as for making up for lost time with guys is concerned. Have now settled down a bit and have a casual relationship with a couple of other men. I have have found a peace within finally after years of pain and misery.
Many thanks for having this blog. For you straight guys, we "homos" are not wanting to get into your pants, we are normal people who like to have normal friends, straight, gay, lesbian, whatever, the same as you do.
Funny though when you think of it we are all "homos" homosapiens. Also the term "Gay" what a misnomer, the gay community has one of the highest rates of suicide and depression. Always brought up thinking Gay was happy.
Again thanks for the blog
kaelancahors from Denver, CO on October 14, 2011:
I absolutely love this post. I grew up in a small farming community, and I was always being introduced by friends as "my gay friend". I never mind the introduction, but the reaction was almost always expected, but usually, the people who were put off by it got to know me and are now some of my best friends. I do find it hilarious that many straight men think that gays want any guy that walks past. No, just like everyone else, we have standards. :P In regard to a few comments I read, some mention that they don't find it awkward as long as the guy is not overly flamboyant. In that sense, I even feel kind of awkward around overly feminine men. I don't judge my feminine gay brothers, but if you are not used to that level of flamboyancy, it is kind of unnerving until one gets used to it.
naturalsolutions on September 21, 2011:
Well i can't find it really awkward. Its ok to be with gay man when you are a straight man. It is not malicious and we have to be professional.
Jobs well done, it is a worth reading hub.
marqau from Sydney on September 20, 2011:
This is a very interesting, important and topical subject and there are a lot of cultural taboos about discussing it honestly. I will probably offend some people here, but here goes. If it were not for hormones, all of us men would be gay. Just like we still have nipples, the human foetus develops by default as female and then hormones change the body (and brain) from female to male. That includes from attracted to male to attracted to female. But there isn't a gay/straight on/off switch in the brain. The brain is not like that at all. The result is that most straight men have some minor lingering sexual attraction to other men that they are not (usually) even aware of. The mind / personality therefore develops defence mechanisms to support the identification as "straight". These defence mechanisms manifest in various ways and with strength in proportion to the strength of the attraction the straight man is unconsciously feeling towards another man.
The irony is that straight men with very little unconscious attraction to other men feel comfortable around gay men. "Straight" men who are homophobic, aggressive or violent towards gay men are likely to be experiencing strong same sex attraction (and may well be aware of it).
So straight men who just feel mild anxiety or awkwardness when relating to a gay man are completely normal but if they want to develop a more healthy and mature personality, they would do well to try to become aware of the origins of their anxiety. I'm not suggesting that they go out and have sex with another guy, just to try to be aware of their (completely normal) feelings.
The reason that this topic is important is that misalignment issues (a difference between a man's biological sexual preference and his identification) is a serious cause of behavioural and psychological problems. We have probably heard from the American Psychological Association the kinds of damage therapies that aim to change a person's sexual orientation (identity) practiced by some "Christian" groups can do, but the same kinds of issues also exist for straight men who do not come to terms with some natural minor same sex attraction. Some cases of rape have been attributed to men trying to prove to themselves that they are not gay.
Xavier Nathan from Isle of Man on July 16, 2011:
I have come over to visit your hubs because i only just noticed a comment you left on one of my hubs "Trust on the Internet" two months ago and I don't know how I missed it. I apologise for that because ethe comment was really insightful and I really did appreciate what you had to say.
I only recently wrote a hub called Bigotry which was my answer to a hubber who thinks it is wrong for gay people to be allowed to be married so you might be interested in that.
I really liked this hub and feel that you have highlighted important issues that people need to address rather sweeping them under the carpet. You come across as a very caring individual but what you say makes sense and if more people listened to you the world would be a better place. Thank you. Voted up.
Jacob Smiley from Nebraska USA on June 28, 2011:
I've never felt awkward around gay men. As a kid I got the talk by my parents early because I wanted to know why my mom's friend never had a girlfriend. I have been around gay men since I was little and have never felt awkward. Some of my best guy friends have been bi-sexual or gay. I have had one man come on to me but I just told him I wasn't into dudes and it wasn't a big deal.
I don't understand why people would feel awkward with another man coming on to them. To me its the same as if a girl I am not attracted to at all comes onto me. I guess, to each their own.
jj on June 19, 2011:
it great to finally see a post that show a light on our side of story, especially after seeing tons and tons of negative and not so overtly negative media protrayls of gay men (the most recent one i can think of involve the interview given by mark wahlberg on brokeback mountains, where he stated that at least the intimate scenes in the movie was done tastefully, i think he actually was trying to sound accepting, but the homophobic undertone was quite clear' as a gay man , constantly to deal with type of message does sometime make you feel like you are abnormal or somehow deviant from norm or something, intead just of being accepted as a human being like everybody else
Tom Cornett from Ohio on April 24, 2011:
I was approached by a gay guy once. I simply told him,"I'm sorry, but men just don't appeal to me at all." The look he gave me....you would have thought I stepped on his cat!
Anyhow...it didn't bother me at all that he asked. Even if I was gay...it would have never worked out. He was 5' 1"...300lbs. and I was 6'....160 lbs.
We would have been stuck with a nickname...like"Pork and Beans."
You wrote a fine hub here and made good points. When people ask me how I feel about gay people? I tell them...love is love. :)
Tweetmom (author) from Newark on April 22, 2011:
Cheeky Girl, i always like to read your comments cause you always get the message that im trying to deliver in my hubs. Its merely impossible to make everyone to like one another, but what i want to see more is for people to be more tolerant and have a better understanding before making a premature judgement. Witnessing the discrimination towards the gay society by some unmindful people are really embarrassing. Anyways, thanks for reading my hub. :)
Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on April 21, 2011:
Gay guys and straight guys are fun. Girls feel safe around the queer guys because they would never make a "move" on them, and tend to be more in touch with their feelings and emotions. Women so relate to that. Straight guys do sometimes have a knee-jerk reaction to Gay guys and feel intimidated or threatened by them. I know some guys who have suffered abuse by a gay adult during their childhood, or know of someone like that. I don't think we will ever quite get everyone to quite love everyone else, but we can sure teach people to be more tolerant and understanding. Which is why I basically love this hub and I am rating it waaaay up! Cheers, Tweetmom!
Tweetmom (author) from Newark on April 18, 2011:
Thanks izettl :)
Lizett from The Great Northwest on April 17, 2011:
ignorance- that's the simple answer, but of course it is more complicated. i wish I could say that gay men should not take it personally, but it also isn't that simple. I have an ex boyfriend who literally thoughts he could catch being gay. We were really young and he's since come to his senses, but nobody really knows how gays become gay so it probably makes some men nervous that they would suddenly be gay if around another one. Understandable but not excusable. Great hub and wonderful comments here.
Tweetmom (author) from Newark on April 12, 2011:
@scosgrove I totally 100% agree with you there. You sound like a very loveable man that can tolerates with anyone. I like you.
@twilight lawns LOL! True that. They are a very great companion aren’t they?
Thanks guys for making this hubs more much interesting with your friendly and open feedbacks. I am loving this.
rodney on April 10, 2011:
i am a gay man(30) and i look like a straight man. but i love sex with other males.
Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on April 09, 2011:
Excellent and compassionate hub. There is a saying that "Every woman over thirty should have a gay friend". Gay men tend to not be a threat, are supportive and have good taste, so the woman knows that when she goes out, and he has something to do with what she wears, she is going to look great. This is a generalisation because there are some gay guys who have poor taste... it follows.
There is a joke I have heard many times:
"What is the difference between a gay man and a straight man?"
"Two pints of lager (beer)"
Scosgrove from Tampa, Florida on April 09, 2011:
Straight guy here commenting.
Personally, I've never felt awkward around gay men! I've had gay friends for as long as I can remember and there's never been an awkward moment. If a guy flirts with you, just kindly let them know you're straight. Most of the time, the discussion ends there. No harm, no foul (and you two can joke about it later).
Also, in response to "straight" men who are married and have kids, then don't "turn" gay. If you read up on men who have been through this, nearly all of them knew they were gay the entire time, they just didn't want to recognize it because of spiritual beliefs or fear of being ostracized by friends and loved ones.
Just my two cents.
The Jet from The Bay on April 08, 2011:
Haha. I'm sure that's never happening. Too fond of the ladies.
Tweetmom (author) from Newark on April 08, 2011:
I love the feedbacks and genius opinions that i have been getting for this hub. I will try to keep up with the comments one at the time :)
@sachinbille - We human beings are a curious creatures. One thing for sure changes is inevitable. The numbers of gays are increasing in the society. They are a good companion, you wouldn't know until you give it a chance to be friends with them. I really appreciate you comment. Thanks.
@the jet - If later you discovered you swing the other way, you know where to look for ;)
@rock_nj - YES! I agree. This has been a classic arguments of men and their egos. To prove their masculinity. But I do have to disagree on you about your 2nd opinion. Most women are very much confortable with gay men because they are very sensitive and easier to talk to compared to straight men. Plus they tend to look at our eyes more rather than the chest. Lol
@cogerson - Thanks for the vote. My lecturer is queer. We just need to get used to the changes in society or we might get left behind.
@cmeritt Hopefullly psychologist can conduct a study about this how the sexual orientation can change. There are cases where even a straight man who has been married and have kids could turn gay or swing both ways. Maybe if we asked them, we could have a better understanding. Thank you for your honest comment and i am glad you made such good friends with him.
@dearbbysmom Thanks you are too kind. People are people. Love it.
@tritrain I am abit worried if this might be a controversial topic. I feel that it is important to instill some arguments to defend gay people in our society because negative prejudgment can be bad for society.
And Drewson from United States on April 08, 2011:
The only time it bothers me is when they have "hit" on me, directly or indirectly. It doesn't happen these days, as I think I'm older looking and a little heavier. Thank you for writing on an interesting topic.
dearabbysmom from Indiana on April 08, 2011:
I think it's projection...men know what their own thought process is when they are around an attractive woman, and it makes them uncomfortable to think of another man thinking that about them that way. So I think it's a gut reaction, but not really logical. People are people, gay or straight, and inappropriate behavior is not any more likely from one group than the other. Great topic!
Chris Merritt from Pendleton, Indiana on April 08, 2011:
Honestly, I do not make any faces or have any dislike towards any gay man I have met. Now, I will say that if I meet one that is very "flamboyent", that might take me a little out of my normal character, but only because, I find that kind of behavior ... ODD. I don't think I would be rude to him or treat him any differently.
Now, with that said, I will continue to be honest, I have a hard time understanding HOW it is possible, that a man and another man can become intimate....that really does creep me out. It is not my business, and to each his own, but I cannot wrap my brain around that concept. That does not mean I have any hatred towards them...just find it hard to understand THAT particular part of them.
Other than that, I have zero problems with working with them or socializing with them. I have one friend inparticular of mine, wo is gay, that I would not trade the world for.
UltimateMovieRankings from Virginia on April 08, 2011:
I would say that as time has passed....I am much more comfortable around gay men......when I was 15-25.....I probably only knew two gay men....and yes ...I was very uncomfortable around them...I think basically because an openly gay man was very unusual back then.....in the last 25 years things have greatly changed, 20% of the population is now gay.....that means 1 out every 5 people you meet is gay...so seeing a gay man is now commonplace and I am less awkward around gay men.....except in the bathroom....lol......voted up
John Coviello from New Jersey on April 08, 2011:
The reason why, in my opinion, is because men go to great lengths to defend and display their masculinity, and gay men are a perceived threat to that lifelong effort to prove they are manly. That is the deep underlying subconscious reason for their angst towards gay men.
How do straight women react to gay women? I think they might feel uncofortable too for the same reasons cited above, such as being worried that the gay women they are talking to will make a move on them. But femininity comes more naturally to women, and does not need to be defended and displayed like masculinity is by men, so there is not such a core threat to womens psyche when interacting with a gay women.
The Jet from The Bay on April 07, 2011:
That's been said to me before actually. A homosexual dude sort of made a move on me in a bookstore while I was on a date with this girl and she was the one who said I should be flattered. lol.
sachinbille from Mumbai-India on April 07, 2011:
Good topic 'Tweetmom'......how did you got this idea? .....yes being a heterosexual men i really feel something weired or some feelings that I cant express properly in words....a little bit curiosity is also there about gay!
Many time we hetero keep ourselves away from gay.....!
By the way nice topic and nice hub too....:-)
Tweetmom (author) from Newark on April 07, 2011:
Thanks Jet, you always leave my hubs with insightful and honest comments. I was inspired to write this hub when I had an intense chat with one of my gay friend about how easy people make quick judgements towards queer people.
My husband was also in similar situation as you before, but after i encouraged him to be more open and getting to know the person first, he realizes that gay men can really be a great companion.
Hey Jet, even if a queer man made a move on you, I feel you should be more flattered rather than weird. lol.
The Jet from The Bay on April 07, 2011:
Well, as a straight dude, I do get awkward around homosexuality in men. It's nothing personally, really. I don't make disgusted faces or anything. I think what it is -- for me -- the fear of a homosexual man making a move and it would be weird. I would like to avoid that. That may sound a bit ego-maniacal. Lol.
Interesting hub. You're very open-minded. Good for you. Voted up.