Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.
How to deal with a suspicious Spouse?
Is suspicion killing your relationship? Almost every day there are reports on TV Channels and Newspapers about suspicion ruining marriages. Sometimes the disease of suspicion could go to such extremes that the doubting partner goes to the extent of killing his/her partner. I have come across many such men and women who are suspicious about their partners. No matter how much you argue, disagree or reassure such persons that their suspicions are baseless, most of the time it’s useless. I can narrate many real life situations where suspicion ruined relationships. I get mails from many people who are affected by the deadly disease of suspicion.
Not long time back there was a report of a husband shooting a wife point blank because he suspected that she was having an affair with the neighbor. He was suspicious that their children were not his and made the children go through a DNA test. Not contented with that, he hired a guy to spy on her. Even after getting a report from the Guy that his suspicions were wrong, he kept questioning his wife about her non-existent lover. And one day he shot his wife dead leaving his 3 children motherless. This Guy is now in the Jail.
One of my ex-colleagues also was victim to the disease of suspicion. This Guy worked as a Manager in the Bank I worked and most of the times used to stay back at the office working late. He was hardworking and reliable. He also was very friendly with most of us. His work pressures and delay in returning home soon started making his wife suspicious. His wife used to accuse him of having an affair and every day would quarrel with him. Despite of him telling that he has done nothing wrong, she refused to believe him. She even started stalking him. One day he went out on a joint call with a girl in his department and was caught red handed by his wife. His wife confronted them and even slapped the girl who was taken by surprise. They both tried to convince the woman that they are just colleagues, but the lady refused to believe them. She created such a scene on the street and later at their house causing the Guy a lot of embarrassment. Three months after the incident, the Guy divorced her. He was bearing all the torture and suspicions of his wife only for the sake of their child. But when things turned unbearable, he thought it better to break up. My ex-colleague is still married to his job and his daughter is living with his parents now.
Given below are some tips on dealing with a suspicious husband/wife.
Are you suspicious of your Husband/Wife? How to deal with your suspicions?
What makes a person suspicious? How to deal with a suspicious Partner? Is there a Cure for suspicion?
There can be many reasons or causes of suspicion like insecurity, possessiveness, misunderstandings, lack of trust and jealousy. Life can be a nightmare if someone follows you all the time, keeps a close tab on whatever you do and wherever you go. Imagine the hurt or anger one may feel when he/she finds out that the spouse has been checking mobile phone calls, messages and emails for proof of infidelity especially when they have not done anything wrong. Defending or pleading not guilty is often of no use in such a situation. One has to help the partner to identify the reason of the suspicion and help him/her to deal with it.
Are you suspicious of your Partner? How to deal with your suspicions?
Marital Infidelity is quite common these days. But that does not mean every husband or wife would be cheating on their spouse. It is a very sensitive issue and has to be tackled with great care. Just because your Husband comes late from work or spends too much time outside the house is no proof that he is having an affair. So do not jump into conclusions without solid proof. Sit down and write the reasons why in a paper as to why you think your husband is cheating. Also write down the other probabilities of their occurrence. Place yourself as a fair judge and think on the written points. If they do not convince you that your spouse is guilty, then probably he/she may not be guilty. But if you are not convinced still, you may take the investigations further to gather solid proof.
For instance, a strand of hair on the husband’s shirt is not a proof that he is sleeping with another woman. It may have come when he gave a friendly hug to a colleague or a relative also. There can be many probabilities to the incident and judging someone without analyzing the situation would be wrong. To set your mind to rest, you may even ask your husband directly without offending him. If the explanation he gives is satisfactory, then the matter should end there. But if you are still suspicious, then investigate the matter yourself until the truth is revealed. Confront your Husband after you have solid proof in hand.
It is wrong to talk about your suspicions about your spouse to all and sundry. Keep the matter to yourself. Problems between married couples have to remain only between them and a third party should not be involved in it as far as possible. I have seen many men and women revealing their suspicions to friends, family and mere acquaintances which is wrong. If you need to consult someone, then find the right person who can give useful and wise advice. If your proof does not look like a proof to anyone except you, probably you are suffering from the mental illness of suspicion and may need expert help.
Effects of Suspicion on Relationships
What can happen to a suspecting spouse? What can be the effects of suspicion which is beyond ones control?
If Suspicion becomes a daily occurrence, it can be problematic. A suspicious person is often insecure and imagines the worst case scenario about their partner. Even a simple incident like a spouse not picking up the phone can make a chronically suspicious individual to think of the worse. By their negative way of thinking, such individuals not only make their own lives hell, but the lives of others around them too. Suspicious Individuals robs off the mental peace from the life of their partners
Sometimes suspicion of infidelity can do just as much damage as the actual cheating. If the accusations are false, the partner may take offense and end up dumping the suspicious individual. Sometimes, he or she may be tempted to actually cheat. This happened with a friend of mine who used to be beaten by her husband because he suspected that she was sleeping with her Ex Boyfriend. The lady was forced to marriage by her Parents. She never had any physical intimacy with her boyfriend before or after her marriage. But constant accusations and torture from her husband drove her to cheat on him. Now she is divorced from her Husband and happily married to her Ex Boyfriend.
Suspicious Individuals are highly insecure and can go to the extent of even killing the persons involved. They may even commit suicide because of their insecurity. So if you think that your wife/husband is suspicious of you for no reason, help them to clear their suspicions. If they are still suspicious, try to get them help before it is too late.
Have I left anything out? Feel free to share your experience through comments.
Yenaros from Miami, Fl on November 27, 2019:
A great article with very insightful thoughts and points. Suspicion is definitely big in today's relationship world where so many people are either discussing cheating or committing the action. Your words and understanding of this topic will really help with those suspicions and learning more about them.
Theresa Jonathan from Maseru, Lesotho on March 15, 2015:
Great Hub! Suspicion is the underlying reason why many relationships end drastically even to the point of death. It is a manifestation of a negative thought which is based on lack of trust and poor communication skill. All these point to the importance of taking your time to know each other before getting married. The key is to verbalize your discomfort immediately you sense discrepancy on those unexpressed hurts. Sweeping such feelings under the carpet will surely accumulate into resentment which denotes that a little discomfort has grown into a mountain, which justifies suspicion that one party is not giving whole self because there is someone else...
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on November 21, 2013:
Can suspicion kill a relationship? Dealing with a suspicious Husband or Wife you know suspicion is like alack of trust right? When a partner shows suspicion they are also showing that they don't trust the other. A useful and informative hub.
Cindy Murdoch from Texas on March 29, 2012:
what a great subject. You have created a wonderful hub here. Suspicion is bad and should never be in a lasting relationship that should be based in trust.
Bhawana from Australia on March 28, 2012:
I would agree that suspicion is the major reason behind killing relations.Very well written.
Jaspal Singh from India / Australia on March 28, 2012:
It's very nicely written article. Very useful and well pointed on subject. Suspicion kill relations so it should be handled very carefully.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on March 27, 2012:
Thanks for the appreciation billybuc. I have seen suspicion ruining marriages. It's really a very sad situation.
Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on March 27, 2012:
I appreciate the way you approached this subject; suspicion is an emotional virus that grows unchecked unless some reason and certainly some communication is applied. This is especially true for insecure people and it can really go to extremes. Great job of presentation!