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Can You Turn a Player into a Loyal Husband?

Sabrina loves to write about love, life, and everything in-between in a candid yet humorous approach.

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When you're in high school or even college, dating a bad boy doesn't seem like a terrible idea at all. In fact, it's rather very exciting and exhilarating. At that period in your life, you're probably not looking for anything too serious and the thought of getting married and settling down is probably the last thing on your mind. It's all about having fun and enjoying life. There is nothing wrong with that because it's most likely the last time in your life where you will have very few responsibilities and can make plans at the drop of a hat. This is when the dating the bad boy is thrilling. Especially when he rides a motorcycle or drives a fast sports car. And those tattoos on his arms are sexy too.

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As you get older, nearing milestones like 25 or 30, the idea of dating a bad boy seems less and less enticing. Experience has taught you that he can't be depended on and will more than likely leave you with a broken heart and your best friend or mom trying to put you back together. When you're young, that all seems worth it. If nothing else it was a good time right? Later on, a few too many bad boys seems like more work than it's actually worth. You start to mature and discern the type of man you really want to date. You realize your worth and that you deserve a man who keeps his word and doesn't lie and cheat on the regular.

Even with all the knowledge and experience under your belt, you still might not be immune to the charms of the bad boy in your later years. You could meet him online when you're 29 and think he is the most interesting person you have talked to in a long time. You won't call him a bad boy. Oh no, at that age he's just a man with a past who's learned from his mistakes. He's been through his fair share of woman and is at that point in his life where he wants to settle down right? That could be the furthest thing from his mind, but that's what he's telling you and you're soaking it right in. He's charming and you can't walk away. The truth is, you might be marching right into the biggest trap yet.

At first, you'll probably believe all his stories. Sure, he's dated a lot and was once a player, but he's looking for something more now, a greater connection. He might be tall, blonde, and handsome and drive a great car and live in a nice house. He has a stable job that can support a family and the only thing that's really missing from his life is a woman to become his wife and share his life with. It's a wonderful concept that most woman would completely fall for, hook, line, and sinker. But you know better, right?

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Do I believe men are capable of change? Of course. Do I believe all of them when they tell me that? No, because I wasn't born yesterday. I think of myself as a realist more than an optimist or a pessimist. I see things as they are, not as I would like them to be. Do I think many men have a lot to offer and are genuine with their true intentions? Yes, I do. But I sense a lie when I hear it, and as beautiful as it may be, it is still a lie in the end.

When it comes to someone I would seriously consider settling down with and staying for the long term, I prefer a man who hasn't been around the block too many times. Sure, I get it, they were just in their "player" stage and have since changed, but I don't really have time to get played. Would I give a man a chance if I believed he had truly moved past the mistakes in his life and aimed for something more? Of course. But if I had to choose between a good man who was always a good man over a reformed bad boy I would always go for the good man. There's simply less risk and at this point in my life, I just can't gamble on something unless I know it's gonna be a win for me.

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I don't think it's too much to ask to want a man who is ready and doesn't need to be changed. Not that a woman should ever try to change a man, but rather to motivate him to become better and give up the bad habits. I'd rather have someone who already has all their ducks in a row. And if they happen to have a bad past, it's so far back that it's no longer a ghost that's following them around. That's the thing with bad boys, they usually come with a lot of baggage. When you're young and strong, that baggage may seem light and doable, but as you get older, you simply become too tired and want someone who has their priorities straight to begin with. Yes, Jaxon Teller from Sons of Anarchy was attractive, but we all know how the show ends for the woman in his life right?

The good news is, there are men out there who are ready to give you the world if you just give them a chance. Maybe there's not as many good guys as there are bad boys, but like a needle in a haystack, they are possible to find, you just have to look a little harder and have patience. Many good men want the same things good women want. They are also tired of being played and lied to. Isn't it always the good people who have the most experience being manipulated because they are simply too nice and others take advantage of their kindness? Maybe it's all about finding that kindred spirit and building a life with them. It makes things simpler because from the start, you are already on the same page.

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Everyone wants to live a good life, but most people don't really understand that in order for that to happen, you must surround yourself with good people who bring you peace and not stress. Dating a bad boy comes with a lot of drama and unnecessary headaches. When you're constantly wondering if an ex-girlfriend will come back into the picture again or whether a former hookup that turned into a female friend is looking for something more, it becomes more of a hassle than a happily ever after. It makes you wonder if there's something better out there, something simpler that will make your life easier and you happier in the long run. Sure, we might have to fight for our happiness sometimes, but consider what you're actually fighting for and if it's even worth it in the end. Sometimes the happiness you really crave in your life you won't have to fight for, it'll simply find you at the right place in the right time and you won't have to do much more than just be there and make it yours.

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Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 GreenEyes1607

Comments

ScoGem on July 10, 2020:

@dashingscorpio

Except that being a great lover won't save you. That's what most Scorpios need to learn. Suffering is the only way to tap into that ego-centric power.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 23, 2020:

The problem with "nice guys" and "nice girls" is they are seldom attracted to each other! Most "nice guys" want to be with hot cheerleader and most "nice girls" want to be with the "bad boy".

"Isn't it ironic? We ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."

— Ellen Hopkins

It's only after several heartaches and disappointments that people attempt to go against type by dating someone they wouldn't ordinarily consider to be date/relationship material.

On some level they have chosen to "settle" for stability and from time to time still fantasize about that "bad boy" or "hot chick" who use to make their heart skip a beat and "rocked their world" in bed. Seldom does anyone marry the best lover they've ever had.

Some folks even after marriage will cheat/hookup with those same types. It's not just whether or not a "player" can change but rather can a woman stop being attracted to sexy mysterious players? Some learn to settle for vibrators and wild fantasies!

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