Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.
What you as call me right now , Is a huge volume of memory. Your body is the way it is Simply because of the genetic memory that it carries. You have your mother’s nose, Your father’s complexion( the natural colour, texture, and appearance of a person’s skin, especially of the face), and something else.
Simply because what you call your body is a complex amalgamation (combination of two or more things into a new entity) of memory.
A very ancient memory lives in your body. What you call my mind Is 100% memory right now. So you are a huge heap of memory in many ways and memory goes into you in different ways. Through all the five senses, You gather memory –What you see? What do you hear? What you smell? What you taste? What do you touch? of all these five different ways of gathering memory.
What you see and what you touch are the deepest forms of memory. Especially, what you touch Creates a certain level of memory in the system. So when you say a partner, You have touched and there is a certain level of memory.
Now, Your break up means In some way you’re trying to rip that memory off and that’s not going to be easy for various reasons. But at the same time, The very fact that you’re going through your separation means You want to be finished with that memory in some way.
Maybe not erase that memory but someone who was a partner, Someone who was In many ways a part of your life, Slowly, for whatever reason, You have begun to experience them as a piece of baggage that you’re unwilling to carry. So, You want to keep the baggage aside.
But you find the baggage is not something That you voluntarily carry, It is something that compulsively sticks to you. So when whatever sticks to you compulsively, If you try to rip it off, There will be a pain.
See if you can get rid of your mother from your memory system. You will see it’s impossible. So similarly, memory has built up about your partner, You can’t just get rid of it just like that. If you do it even mentally, and psychologically, If you’re equipped to do it.
You will still see the whole system will go through a certain level of suffering, invariably. Even if emotionally, psychologically, you are in a balanced state that you can deal with it, the system will go through a certain process.
You will see that especially when you are taken away from your partner either through break up or death, You will see the memory within your system plays up much more strongly when they are not here.
Particularly, when death happens, You will see the memory of your partner's works In every cell in your body, If you have lived long enough together. It is not just an emotional and psychological process, It is a very physical process.
So breaking up or separating is a voluntary death. You have decided to kill something That is a part of you, in some way. It is because of this reason, having this understanding of the existence and the way the system functions, that they always told you, “Till death do you apart, You will not part” .
Because there is a physical memory about this and the body doesn’t have the balance of the mind.
The mind can decide and turn around but the body cannot turn around. The more memory you build into it, the more confused it becomes. So, one type of memory, body handles much better.
Now that you’ve chosen to separate ,for whatever reasons, If it could be avoided, that would be best. But for some reason,You have come to that situation where this has to happen. You need to understand this, That dissociation essentially means You have chosen to kill something, which is a part of you Because what you call yourself Is just a certain volume of memory.
Now, How to conduct this gracefully?
Most people think the best way to conduct a breakup is immediately jumping into another relationship and another relationship of the same kind. No, You will cause much more struggle and turmoil within the system by doing that.
The body must have enough time to work out the memory, the body has enough time to keep the memory at a certain distance. Otherwise, You will render yourself into space, Where making yourself peaceful and joyful Will become an extremely hard thing to do in your life.
So conducting this process gracefully and well is important as it is important to conduct every aspect of your life gracefully and well.
Now, two people, who have shared their emotions, their body, their sensations, and their living spaces, ripping it apart is because two memories have merged in many ways, ripping it apart is almost like tearing yourself apart.
Even though you might have begun to
almost come to a place, where you can’t stand the person anymore, still it hurts, simply because You’re trying to rip out a memory, which is you, because you are a bundle of memory.
If one does sufficient inner work to establish these energies, which is yourself You’re only breaking up with your partner, You need not to break up with yourself.
But you need to understand this, You have already broken up with yourself. You’re quite broken up from your own self. Your existence has been nurtured by making a bond, a partnership, or bondage –depending upon how you’ve conducted this –To make yourself feel whole in some way.
Most partnerships of this nature are made Because by yourself you would feel insufficient,Incomplete.But that’s not how life is.
This is a complete life process by itself. It does not need any assistance from outside. So now that you’ve come to a situation, It is time to turn inward and see. It is time that you find the completeness of what this life is.It is time you discover that this being is a complete being. It does not need any external assistance to be the way it is.
To conduct our life in a society, We may need we are interdependent. But the fundamental existence of this, The balance of what this is, the space of what this is, the possibility of what this is, Is a complete process by itself.
Our interdependence is only according to our external requirements But our inner existence is complete by itself.
You’re breakup with your partner, which is bad enough –
Do not break up yourself from yourself.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Ammar Sadiq