I am a mother of three wonderful adult children, and I'm also a born-again Christian. I love to share my personal experiences.
Separate the Users from those who are REAL
Being a priority and not a option should apply to all relationships that are supposed to be important to you right? I know that if I don't feel good; about the way a person is treating me...meaning not as a priority. I would only feel like I am just being this person's option.
That isn't a very comfortable feeling is it? First of all you have to know your own worth, as a person. You have to accept that no one is perfect and neither are you. But you understand the importance of being a priority in any relationship. That doesn't mean that you think that your better then anyone else. It only means that you care enough about yourself not to be put in a position of only being used or not taking serious enough because that other person doesn't recognize your worth.
Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, because we will assume that other person doesn't see us as being valuable. When in fact you are. If you can't see that about yourself then most likely others won't see it either.
You have to learn to separate the Users from those who are REAL. Don't sell yourself short just because you think you can't do better. You have to determine those who show you by their repeated actions, that you are not good enough or that your needs shouldn’t come first. If you don't communicate these boundaries and your the only one that seems to be giving and doing when the other one is always on the receiving end then you are just being a option and not a priority. STOP and evaluate the situation.
Priority: is defined in the webster: the things that someone cares about and thinks are important, the condition of being more important than something or someone else and therefore coming or being dealt with first.
Option:: something that can be chosen : a choice or possibility etc.
Never make yourself just an option that is making you a second class in their book. You deserve to be someone's priority!
Here Are Five Reasons That Show That You Are A Priority
1. Like that saying goes "action speaks louder then words" All the "I loves you s" mean nothing, if the person doesn't spend quality time with you. In other words he or she is putting things or others before you.
2. This person shows you respect, they return your calls and text. Keep their dates without canceling them for no important reason. Respects your life and everything about it. Doesn't make excuses.
3. Your partner cherishes the time that you have together is isn't just an after thought when nothing else is going on for them, due to a busy schedule full of priorities that are valued more then you.
4. Are you interesting enough, if your partner is viewing you as an option, chances are he or she is not showing the interest in you that you deserve. Your likes, dislikes happy times or sad are not important enough for being on their radar of priorities.
5. You inspire selflessness in your partner, (Betty Russell an relationship expert had this to say) your partner is so self-absorbed that you don’t make a blip on the radar screen, you are not a priority. You need to be a priority above other people and activities. At least some of the time!
Here Are Five Reasons That Show That You Are An Option
1. Both emotionally and physically your partner just isn't that available to you. You are squeezed into their schedule, while you are putting your life on hold and they are putting their own interest before you. That really sucks big time when you are only just being an option.
2. You are only allowed to tag along when it comes to your time spent and usually it is mainly what they want to do, the things that they are interested in.
3. There is no commitment they stick around waiting for someone else better to come along. You keep waiting around hoping for that commitment while they are waiting for something better. STOP being an option you deserve better.
4. Your gut feeling tells you that you are just wasting your time. But your heart tells you to give it time. There is nothing wrong with that except there comes a time that enough is enough.
5. You find yourself always being taking for granted that happens in long time relationships too. It shouldn't be happening in any relationship that needs to develop into a deeper committed relationship. Set some boundaries and allow only for those who show by their action that you truly really matter to them.
Relationship Red Flags
A Biblical Example Of Making A Person Their Priority
Even in the book of Mark it shows us how Mary made Jesus her priority. Martha just didn't get it when it came to making someone her priority. Or perhaps her priority was more in how she looked to others by fussing about the need to please others:
In the English standard in the book of Luke 10:40 will read "But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”
What was Jesus response to Martha when she was complaining about her sister not helping her? English Standard Version: But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, Jesus could of said: Martha, your right Mary should be helping you! But Jesus knew something that was more important and Martha just didn't get it. Just like we don't always get it, instead we are occupied and distracted everyday.
If we don't take the time to spend with the person or persons that we care about the most, then we really are missing it too just like Martha. Now I am not saying that Martha was wrong. Things needed to be prepared and she was doing all the work. What I am saying is that Mary wasn't wrong either because she was seriously at the feet of Jesus spending time knowing Him.
If Martha spent more time with Him she wouldn't have all the anxieties like she did... Jesus said: 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Mary had made Jesus her priority.
We can allow distractions in our life to cause us to ignore or not see what is most important. No one should be someone's option:
Distraction is caused by: the lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of something other than the object of attention.
I used a small part of the bible to try to make a point in how important it is to spend time with the person of your choice, don't waste time being just an option be a priority. I am talking about personal time just between the two of you. Like Mary.....
Mary knew where her priorities were and she made that clear by her own example of what was the most important relationship she had. She was spending the time to really know Jesus and to make Him first by allowing all the distractions to be put to the side, everything else will be taking care of. She knew her relationship should come before everything else. She knew that Jesus was her priority. Now that shows action inspired by true love.
My friend know your true worth and STOP being someone's option!
philipambrister from nassau bahamas on February 05, 2021:
dashingscorpio from Chicago on July 18, 2017:
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
It's unfortunate that many people are drawn to those who make them (earn) love, affection, and attention instead of being given it freely. Maybe they had to do so to get it from their parents.
"We ignore those who adore us and adore those who ignore us."
You could stick such a woman in a room with five men and have four them drop their knees extending their heart out toward her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she does not exist.
That will be "the guy" she wants to get to know!
To her he's a "mystery" or a "challenge" and she has to prove to herself that she can get him. She'll have to (earn) his affection.
For some people anything that comes (easily) isn't valuable.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
The choice is up to us. Choose wisely!
LorLinda (author) from Denver Colorado on July 15, 2017:
Thank you sweetheart for seeing that it does have truth to it
Midnight Writer on July 14, 2017:
Yes this is so true dear.