My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
Most of us hope to find love the "traditional" way, but in this day and age, that can be a lot harder to do than it sounds . . .
Where-oh-where are the men?
Ladies, does it feel like wherever you go, you usually see the same men that have now started to feel more like fixtures in a room versus ones you would want to date? As each year passes, the area you live in starts to feel smaller and smaller—as if there is a depletion of men. Getting dolled up to go out becomes less exciting. And, if you add your busy work schedule to the mix, meeting a guy can feel almost impossible. Don't fret. This is why dating apps were created.
Yes, dating apps can seem too robotic in how we meet a man, however, how successful has your dating life been relying on the "traditional" method? Why do we sit at home and sulk—claiming there are never any men to date—but then refuse to take the full initiative by putting ourselves completely out there on the dating market?
Putting ourselves completely on the dating market means covering all our bases to finding love. Dating apps have become one of those bases whether we like it or not. By believing we are "too good" to be on a dating app (or website) or that we won't "belittle ourselves" to be on one, means that finding love isn't a priority.
Dating apps are not for everyone, I get that. The good news is, not everyone wants to settle down or get married. However, when we are trying desperately to find love, and convince ourselves (and everyone around us) that our search for love is of dire importance—but snub even the idea of using a dating app—then I question if your search for love is as genuine as you are making it?
There are lots of men out there to date. Even though we try and have a self-pity party by convincing ourselves there are not.
Dating apps are a great way to view more men who are potentially up for grabs. I'm not saying that we won't come across men that we also see out and about on these apps—more people are looking for love then we realize. This can actually be refreshing to know that we are not the only single people wandering this earth alone. There are many men on dating apps who we have never seen or met before, which can restore our faith that love isn't as hopeless as we have imagined.
Let's keep it real, there will be many men that we won't be interested in. This isn't a negative thing. What's great about dating apps: we are brought a selection of men that appear on our smartphone which we can choose from—at home, with no makeup on, while lounging around in out comfy clothes. It's like being in a room filled with men that we can quickly scan through with our fingertips—without having to beautify ourselves up. Liking (a few) and disregarding (the rest) with a swipe of our finger—no fuss no muss.
Luckily, when we do come across men who don't appeal to us, they aren't alerted of this fact.
For all they know, when we do discard their profile from our possible match choices, it's because we haven't yet come across their photo and mini profile. Although swiping to the left—if we like a guy or to the right—if we don't, might seem like a cold hearted way of finding a man, but the reality, men are doing the same to us.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes we will unfortunately have to deal with emotional dating app games that can bruise our ego and heart:
- He makes contact (or we do—depending on the app)—we "app chat" with him and things appear to be going well, but then he stops contacting us. (Great)
- We go on a date or several—he stops making contact and magically disappeared from our app profile because he's deleted us from his app. (Seriously?!)
- He plans a date with us—and he doesn't show up. (Ugh!)
- We like him and he likes us too—but he never reaches out. (Hmm)
- We like him, he likes us—we reach out, but he never responds. (Really?!)
- We are a match, we app chat—flirting back and forth, but he never asks us out. (Frustrating)
- It's a match!—he plans dates with us, but consistently cancels last minute. (Ridiculous)
Also, the men on dating apps are no different from the men we might meet when we are out on the town. It's important to not get mesmerized by a guy’s photo, ask all the right questions before meeting him and don't be ashamed to Google him. Remember, if something feels off—it probably is. Listen to your instinct.
Types of guys on dating apps (and out there to date):
- Single men hoping to get laid
- Married men hoping to get laid (but they don't tell us they are married)
- Men who lack confidence in person, but hope their profile will attract a woman
- Narcissistic men who need to know how many women like them
- Men who are looking for "the one" (yay!)
- Men who are divorced and wanting a woman who can help raise their children
- Business men or entrepreneurs who don't have time to go out and meet women but want a relationship
- Serial dater who have no interest in committing
- Men who are afraid to be alone, but aren't emotionally ready for a relationship
- Older men who are lonely looking for younger women
- Younger men looking for older women
- Men who are ready to have kids
- Men who travel a lot and want a traveling partner who they can be intimate with
- Men who are predators (be careful, they are on dating apps)
- Professional athletes or stars who have a hard time meeting a genuine women
Try not to let this list discourage you from getting on a dating app. Instead, let this list empower you as a dater.
Ladies, dating apps can be a great tool to dip our toes back into the dating scene and bring us closer to finding that lasting love we are looking for. Obviously, not all the men on dating apps are going to be a love connection, but, if we stay hopeful and not get discouraged we might find our prince among a few frogs.
Marlene from FL. on June 26, 2017:
Good points. I totally agree with your views especially on the types of men that you are most likely to meet on dating apps.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 12, 2017:
"Putting ourselves completely on the dating market means covering all our bases to finding love." Very true!
It's important for people to remember dating apps and online dating sites are nothing more than a "tool" for meeting (new) people. It's up to (you) as an individual to have your own mate selection/screening process or "must haves list".
Just as a (fork) is a tool for eating; which can be used to eat a garden salad or a slice of double fudge chocolate cake.
Nevertheless no obese person would blame their fork for their weight gain! And yet people who have bad dating app and online dating site experiences will blame the whole industry!
Each of us (chooses) our friends, lovers, and spouse.
Nothing happens until (you) say "yes".
It's not (how) you meet but (who) you meet that counts!
You're responsible for (your) own choices.
One man's opinion! :)