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Apologizing to Your Partner—How to Do It

Mary is a 20-something-year-old who knows what's it like to navigate today's fast-paced, you-snooze-you-lose dating landscape.

Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

Disagreements are bound to occur in any relationship — with your parents, siblings, friends, spouse, children, etc. In romantic relationships, disagreements occur between partners over several issues. For any relationship to thrive, amends need to be made with compromises required at some point. Ego does not thrive in a healthy relationship. For this reason, one needs to be willing to let go of certain attitudes and characters in a bid to build a better relationship.

Apologizing to your partner when things fall apart shouldn’t be an uphill task. However, a couple of persons still find it a herculean task to apologize, even when they’re sincerely sorry. If you happen to find yourself in this class of people, worry no more. This article reveals six effective ways to apologize to your partner.

1. Don't rationalize your behavior

One way to sincerely apologize to your partner is to avoid rationalizing. Don’t try to make sense of what you have done that they didn't like and caused them to hurt. It’s important that you own up to your own part of the fault and apologize, without shifting blames. Also, avoid trying to point out their own fault. Trying to make them see their own fault may only make things worse. Rather, apologize for your wrongdoing. This singular action would surely move them to apologize for the part they also played in the whole thing.

2. Write a hand-written apology

Hand-written letters never go out of style! Asides from being a romantic gesture, it can also be used in the event of apologizing to your partner for a wrong done. Acknowledge your wrong, apologize, and give the promise to do better moving forward. A handwritten letter also helps you express yourself if you feel ashamed to face them. It helps you express yourself in a way you may not be able to with a physical apology. A text message could also do wonders!

Photo by Keira Burton from Pexels

Photo by Keira Burton from Pexels

3. Acknowledge their feeling, and don't undermine their hurt

When we get offended, it is usually because our feelings get hurt, we don’t feel valued or we feel disrespected. In such situations, we want to be acknowledged. Therefore, another good way to apologize to your partner is to readily acknowledge your fault, see their feeling as valid, and don't undermine their hurt feelings. See things from their perspective, and seek to understand how they feel, and apologize appropriately.

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4. Reaffirm your partner to make them feel valued

Another way to make your "I am sorry" more effective is to reaffirm your partner, to assure them of how important they are to you, and how dear you hold your relationship. Tell them that you do not take them for granted, and mean it. Say affirmative words, to make them feel valued. Don't simply say you are sorry, reaffirm that you love them and you really care about how they feel.

Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

5. Buy them a gift or do an act of kindness

Buying your partner a gift to apologize is not a way of running away from admitting your fault; it simply shows them that you still care. You can buy them a gift, help them with a chore you know they don't like, do an act of kindness, etc. This not only shows that you care, it also shows that you are willing to go the extra mile to make them feel loved. Should you help your partner with a chore, you just might be relieving them of some stress.

6. A changed attitude is the best apology

The best way to apologize to your partner? Do better! A continual apology without making conscious efforts to change and avoid hurting them would only take you through the same circle of hurt-and-apology.

Trust me, this is not healthy for your relationship.

No healthy relationship thrives on conflicts. Rather a healthy relationship thrives when both partners are willing to make compromises, to accommodate the other person's preferences and requests. This does not mean changing who you are to please them, it only means you are willing to do something that you would not do for others, for them; simply because they are special to you.

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