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Am I Too Shallow to Find Real Love?

Michelle has struggled with choosing soul over outward appearance in dating leading to her meeting all the wrong people for her.

My type: blond hair and blue eyes

Of course, we all want someone who "looks" good. We have our specific types of what beauty stands for and we go out into the world searching for it. In dating, looks always come first. I have walked away from many good-hearted men because they didn't fit the aesthetic of my dream man.

My whole life, I've fallen in love with men that are pleasing to the eye but destructive to my soul.

Now 15 years after my first love and many more relationships, I'm over it. I'm over falling for beautiful smiles and dimples. I'm over falling for fit bodies and blue eyes. I'm over falling for silky blond hair and perfect jawlines.

I'm over falling for eye-pleasing men.

Heal your insecurities

Over the years, I have noticed that the person I have been seeking was directly attached to how I felt about myself.

For most of my life, I didn't love myself and didn't see myself as a beautiful person. This made me chase "beautiful" people thinking it would boost my beauty rating. I thought that if a beautiful man stood beside me, I would look good too. I would finally be considered beautiful. If I stood beside a man that wasn't considered beautiful by society, then it would make me look uglier than I already am. It would decrease my beauty rating.

How are you supposed to find real long-lasting love if you're seeking the wrong things in a partner?

I wanted a beautiful man on the outside but my soul needed someone who brought me peace, understanding, and pure unconditional love. Sure, a beautiful man could bring that but most I have come across have bigger insecurities than me resulting in unhealthy relationships.

I have scoured this world for unconditional love yet rejected beautiful souls based on what their faces looked like.

Lesson: You can't receive unconditional love if you are unable to also give it.

Everyone deserves love

I used to think that if I let myself fall in love with someone who was considered ugly, I was settling in love. But good looks alone are not enough to build a lasting relationship. What is beautiful and what is ugly anyway?

I fell in love a decade ago. I thought he was so beautiful. Blond hair and blue eyes. He was a cheater. That's how our relationship started - with him cheating on his girlfriend. I loved him anyway. He told me about and showed me his anger issues - I loved him anyway. He made fun of me, my insecurities, and my beliefs. He rejected me and never made me his. Over the years, his teeth deteriorated - I loved him anyway. I loved this man and sometimes I think I still do. Despite all of his flaws and ugliness, I loved him. He could lose his legs or burn half of his face off and I probably would have still loved him. But he doesn't love me unconditionally. Actually, he is FULL of conditions. It has made me feel unworthy.

Yet, in dating, I struggle to give men with aesthetic "flaws" a chance at loving me.

Everyone deserves love. Real love. Unconditional love.

So what if he's bald, his teeth aren't perfect, maybe he's missing teeth or he doesn't have a fit body.

What does his soul look like?

Your soul knows who's good for you

My soul is definitely tired of me. Tired of me ignoring her. So many times I've gotten in relationships based on their good looks while my soul didn't feel satisfied.

Your soul knows what it needs in a partner. Forget the surface-level shit. None of it matters. We all die the same. We all get old. All looks fade and change. Some get worse. Some get better.

You can't change souls so make sure that when you are choosing your life partner, it is because their soul feeds yours and vice-versa, not because they look good to the eye. Listen to your soul and to what it needs.

Mine needs simplicity, freedom, peace, communication, unconditional love, loyalty, and real.

Maybe when I find what I need, it won't be in blue eyes and a perfect smile and that is okay. I have one life to live. I will live it to the fullest with the best soul out there.

Soul or aesthetically beautiful

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2021 Michelle Brady

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