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"After We Collided" Hardin and Tessa: What They Can Teach Us on Relationships

Jen has graduated from St. Thoms Aquanis College in May of 2009 with a B.A. in Communications. She loves writing about relationships.

After by Anna Todd

Anna Todd wrote After in 2014. It was not until April 2019, that the book became famous once it was released in theaters.

After is a saga and pretty much recommended for those who love "50 Shades" It follows the romance, passion and drama of Hardin and Tessa. The second movie After we Collided was just released this past spring.

Hardin and Tessa

After is considered erotic fiction. The demographic is for females and a mature audience. It sold 11 million copies.

Now, let's look at Hardin and Tessa. Like most rom-dramas. We have Tessa the straight edge, starting college. She is in a relationship with Noah her long distance boyfriend. Tessa always follow the rules. Things take a turn when She comes across Hardin Scott, who is somewhat rebellious.

Temptation occurs and she confuses lust with love....

How Hardin and Tessa Relationships are relatable

  • It's full of passion
  • It's off an on
  • They have fights
  • He's wounded from childhood trauma
  • Opposites Attract
  • She's impulsive

All the times we encountered a Hardin and Tessa experience

So many of us, have been with a man who have been like Hardin Scott. We have been head over heels for him and he told us "I am not looking for a relationship," or "I don't have to do that, your not my girlfriend."

It annoyed us, right? We got impulsive from time to time. We got stubborn when a man did something that we did not like and vice versa.

How do we deal with the man that is like Hardin Scott? The one that is so good looking but just will not commit to us? The one that all our friends and family tell us is wrong for us but we just keep hoping one day will change his bad boy ways and wake up? Why do we keep sticking around men that just simply won't grow up?

Hardin and Tessa's Personality Traits

Hardin Scott had substance abuse issues. He turned to substance abuse from his emotional trauma as a child that he never fixed. Then when he met Tessa, he brought all of his past into his present relationship.

Tessa had a narcissistic mother who never let her grow up. Tessa was off in college and she was telling her who she could date and even prevented her from seeing her father, when her father wanted to get back in touch with her. By Tessa's mom keeping her too close it made Tessa want to break loose and fall for someone rebellious like Hardin. She is logical, driven, and likes to be the one in control.

How Many times have that happened before?

It's very common, that you will meet a women who is driven, ambitious and she will fall for someone who has a dark past. Like the saying goes "Women love bad boys." It can be a matter of things, maybe she doesn't want to be alone anymore and all her friends are getting married (The Fear of Missing out), maybe it is Lust.... It can be a number of things.

There are many one sided relationships. It happens day in and day out. The women wants the relationship but the man might have commitment issues because he was hurt in the past so he says "I am not looking for a relationship," The women doesn't want to be alone so drama happens. That is how you get involved in a toxic relationship.

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How do you survive a relationship that is so Toxic?

Communication- Many people feel that when meeting people they have to hide their intentions. That is when things go wrong and it can lead into a toxic relationship down the line. If you just meet someone online and want a relationship don't say "I am looking to have fun," just to keep the other person around. State your intentions and if the other person won't stick around it is their loss. If you can't find someone that accepts you, there will be someone who will. Besides if you can't communicate open and honestly now, how can you once you are in a relationship?

Boundaries- State what your boundaries are. Do you want to see more than one person? What are your deal breakers? Talk about these things now, so there is no huge drama later.

Acceptance- We all have a past. When you love someone and want to be with someone, you love them for who they are. You accept their past and support their future. You are ready to give them another chance and see the best in that person. You do not belittle them.

Love- Love that person. Don't have the mentality "You have to treat me like a princess, I am better than you." That is entitlement. When two people love each other the relationship is 50/50. They work hard and maintaining the relationship and making each other happy. No one person is better than the other.

Empathy- Be There for each other on the bad days. We all have bad days. Life happens. We go through job losses, sometimes we have a fight with our family or friend etc. When we are in a relationship we are supposed to be a team. No one is perfect. There is no perfect relationship but there is always someone who is perfect for you.

Honesty- Don't lie to your partner. Don't try to hide the fact that you are in a relationship. Don't sneak around with other people. Be honest with your intentions.

Read After

So many people leave a person after the smallest flaw. "Oh, he's too messy," "She's too fat." The most common reasons people break up is due to financial and sexual differences.

No relationship is perfect. The reason why so many people are looking for perfection, is because they watched Disney movies growing up. Don't get me wrong I love Disney.

So many women think that that's real life and that's what a relationship and prince charming is. Then when their friends and family members go through a rough patch they tell them to leave him or her. They think that someone has to have everything on the list in order to be in a relationship. That couldn't be further that the truth.

Read After. It is relatable to those who are going through toxic relationships. The premise is that in a real relationship you will have fights but it is how you resolve those fights that matter. Arguing is healthy. Just doing it in a healthy way. No one is perfect and no relationship is. When you have someone that loves you and will be with you through thick and thin, you have everything.

Hardin and Tessa


This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 Jennifer Panaro

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