Handling a breakup is a tough task for everyone. It becomes more difficult if both of you share the same working premises like college or office space.
Here are some simple tips to the question “How to cope with a breakup?”
1. Wear a mask:
Everyone in this world puts on a mask. They are accustomed to hide their inner emotions, instincts, since most of these emotions are unacceptable and scorned by the society.
Occasionally the mask slips and their original appearance is visible. These are occasional glimpses to find their real thought pattern.
So, you too put on a mask, to hide your emotions.
That is the “Mask of happiness.”
Why should I put on a mask? You may question.
- You can start believing that nothing had happened. If you start behaving as if you are happy, gradually you begin believing that you are really happy.
- You can successfully overcome real sympathetic looks and fake sympathetic looks that say “He deserves it.”
2. Remove every trace:
Believe in a proverb “Out of sight, out of mind”
If you keep away from something for a considerable time you can successfully forget it. Otherwise the visuals poke into every memory , that you spent together, that is buried deep down in your mind and awakens them. If these demons wake up, your life becomes a hell.
So, take every precaution to let them buried.
Remove all the traces of these memories like photos, messages, e mails, reminders, recorded voice calls etc from your mobile and computer. Don’t forget about social media. Certainly you would have shared photos on Facebook, Google plus, twitter and others.
- Take time,
- Find them,
- Erase them.
Remember, not only electronic data, but also erase physical paper prints also.
Take necessary care not to be disturbed by these memories.
3. Time to go spiritual:
Yes I mean it . It’s the perfect time.
I am not referring to any religion here, I am suggesting to be spiritual.
Do you know, who is the greatest teacher in the world?
Pain is the greatest teacher. There is nothing it can’t teach us. Just listen to it.
Don’t run away from it.
Don’t blame it.
Don’t hate it.
It is your best teacher.
It brings you wisdom.
It enables you differentiate between friend and foe.
It enables you differentiate between good and evil.
Spirituality takes you to a higher plane where all these things look trivial. You become unaffected by sorrow, grief, loss.
That doesn’t mean you would become a lifeless robot without feelings and emotions.
You do have all emotions, yet you will have the ability to control them.
Spirituality and pain are closely related. If you look into the lives of great spiritual masters like Buddha, you can easily realize this truth.
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”
- Anonymous saying
4. Don’t believe your feelings:
Feelings are often illogical.
After a breakup, you certainly feel depressed.
I will tell you a little incident.
I have a friend in my hometown.
His name is a quite popular one and it is not an exaggeration to say that the name can be found in every home.
One day I took my friend to a hospital for a medical checkup. After receiving the diagnostic reports, before taking them to the doctor, he went through them. By looking at the reports, he became pale. His hands which held the reports started trembling. He shuddered and collapsed into the chair. I reached him immediately and found there is some bad news in the reports.
Both of us sat there for a while trying to assimilate the news.
My friend has drenched with sweat all over his body.
After few minutes he said with a trembling low voice that he had pain in his chest.
When I called for medical help suddenly the lab technician came running there and almost grabbed the papers from us and gave us another set of reports saying the reports were misplaced due to the name and apologized.
The reports were normal.
I could see the overwhelming joy in my friend’s face.
We returned home.
After hours, I started pondering about what had happened.
I struck at one question?
My friend was normal when we entered into the hospital.
Then panicked, collapsed and felt no energy.
At last energized and bounced with joy.
How a news made him sweat, tremble and nearly had a heart attack?
At last I found the answer.
He trusted his feelings, as if they were real.
He believed there was something wrong with him.
When he started believing them, all his organs, all his senses started believing that there was something wrong with them.
So, they acted accordingly.
All the time his physical health was absolutely good, there was nothing wrong
Whatever physical, psychological disturbances he felt in that time is due to trusting his feelings.
So, listen to your reason and just don’t believe blindly whatever your feelings tell you.
Be rational, think logical.
5. Life has to go on:
Life doesn’t stop for anyone. You have to go on.
The Indian writer, Ruskin Bond In his story “The meeting Pool” depicts this concept very well.
Three friends, Rusty, Somi, Ali decides to meet after ten years at the same pool where they enjoyed swimming, fishing, dancing and buffalo riding. After that stipulated time, when Rusty reaches there, He becomes disappointed that his friends did not keep up their promise unfortunately he finds the whole location has been changed. The stream has been disappeared. After few minutes wandering in the forest he discovers another pool there and a group of kids playing. He remembers his childhood. Rusty doesn’t feel any bitterness towards his friends and realizes priorities change with time.
The ultimate message of this story is “life goes on, come what may”
6. Whatever happens, happens for good:
Don’t get intimidated by every obstacle you face in life. Don’t be frightened.
Believe this…. Everything happens for our good.
We are worried about things because we see only a part of them. We don’t see the big picture.
Just like travelling in a car at night.
We can see just where the head lights reach, beyond that we know nothing.
But in broad daylight , we can see the big picture. And the big picture is everything happens for your good.
7. Take care:
In this turbulent phase of life, usually anyone could lose interest in everyday chores like taking proper food, sleeping and shaving. You lose the desire to appear handsome. You might be unwilling to answer your phone calls. You lose interest in everything.
You prefer to stay indoors, keep yourself isolated from society. Even if you know that the entire society has nothing to do with your breakup and they are mere spectators in most of the times. Yet you feel betrayed by the whole society.
Take necessary steps to participate in social gatherings.
8. Avoid Self pity:
At this point of time you are easily vulnerable to stress, anxiety and especially self pity. Unfortunately many do not categorize self pity as an evil. It’s a Trojan. It appears to be soothing but starts undermining you from the inside.
How to identify the symptoms of self pity?
Self pity is sympathizing with yourself more than needed. You strongly believe you deserve condolences.
Here are some examples:
“Why this happens to me only”
“What have I done wrong?”
“I am the most unfortunate person on the earth”
“God doesn’t like me”
This kind of thoughts can be the beginning of self pity.
At first these kind of thoughts may soothe you. You may feel comforted by these thoughts since they make you feel you are the Mr.Perfect guy and the circumstances are entirely against you.
You need to eliminate self pity from your life, in the beginning itself.
9. Get out of the environment:
The easiest way to recover a break up instantly is to go on a tour, preferably an adventurous one like
- Mountain biking etc.
Our mind is designed in such a way that it can’t concentrate on two different things while going through these kinds of adventurous sports.
Here, you need to keep all your senses on the sport, hence you can’t think about any other thing.
Chakravarthy D S (author) from India on August 01, 2014:
thank you for your feedback.
Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on August 01, 2014:
You made a lot of extremely important points here. That example you gave about the person who needed to believe that there was nothing wrong with him, is very meaningful. Our body definitely does react to our feelings. And bad feelings can negatively affect our health.
Staying in control of feelings when one breaks up with someone, by using the methods you mentioned, can help a great deal with moving on.
Chakravarthy D S (author) from India on July 31, 2014:
thank you Suzettenaples for your valuable feedback.
Suzette Walker from Taos, NM on July 31, 2014:
Very astute article. You give great suggestions and mind control activities to get over a traumatic breakup. Kudos to you!