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A Passionate Man Pleases a Woman's Heart

No man will get and keep my attention if he is not a gentle, kind, thoughtful and loving person. I judge with whom I will spend my time.


The Beginning

The women of my generation grew up living in the land of fairy tales and handsome knights on white horses rescuing us from our fantasy perils. The fantasy did not end in elementary school but attached itself to our memories as well as our young hearts.

We were the ones who read all the books about love in the elementary school library. And I read all the books about the presidents, especially Abraham Lincoln.

Looking back on the boyfriends we filtered through to find the one who touched our hearts equally with the same teenage passion for life as ours became a tiresome job.

Most boys and men like to show their dominance with their macho ways, which I was not impressed with. My mother raised me to be a strong, independent person, so I looked at the heart of the man, pure and simple.

My Check-off List for the Right Man

Many of my friends still look for a man who can please them. Not the same old stick-in-the-mud couch potato who lives for "Football Season." And not the workaholic man who is absent when we need him.

My check-off list grows daily for men:

1. Does he wake you with a smile and a passionate kiss?

2. Does he fix breakfast for you for no reason, just because he loves you?

3. Does he give you a goodbye kiss in the morning?

4. Does he call from work to say he loves you?

5. Does he surprise you with flowers, candy, or wine?

6. Does he snuggle with you in the evenings?

7. Does he ask about how your day went?

8. Does he take you out on a date during the week?

9. Does he include you in his weekend plans?

10. Does he take you on night rides to look at the stars?

11. Does he take you on romantic picnics?

12. Does he surprise you by taking you in his arms and dancing through the house while kissing you?

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13. Does he touch you as he walks by to show he knows you are there?

14. Does he put his hand on your lower back to guide you as you walk through a door or a crowd?

15. Does he always care about his hygiene around you, smelling fresh and clean?

Where are the Passionate, Caring, Attentive and Loving Men?

One might conclude that there are no perfect or passionate men born yet for one to choose. And then, why are we still reading romance books that give us hope that there are men in the world who are still passionate, no matter what life has dealt them?

It is sad to think many women are stuck with---and yes, I will say it---selfish, unlovable, obnoxious, recliner potatoes, drinking beer, scratching insensitive jerks, gone on weekends golfing, hunting, fishing, out with the ‘Good Ole Boys’; everything but being home or spending time with the woman they are supposed to love.

They treat their women like second-class citizens. And how do I know this? Some of my girlfriends actually put up with this type of treatment---and they are the reason I am writing this for them to wake up and not smell the same old brown stuff their man is giving them.

Neanderthals are Still Alive--My Girlfriends Married Them

I believe these men fell off the planet of "No Manners." The reason for that analysis is that I went to pick up some of my girlfriends for a girl's night out; one of the husbands actually got out of his recliner and answered the door. And just when I thought he had improved, he put his hand on his business, scratched, and shifted gears in front of me. Then, he turned and hollered for his wife---the Neanderthal turned and left without a word, with his knuckles dragging the floor.

What a beginning for a girl's night out. My face stayed red for half of the night. The first act of kindness I did for my friend who lived with a knuckle-dragging man was to order her two glasses of wine to begin her night of fun.

How could she love that man? From the three of them that night, I heard the most amazing stories about their lives and living with men who might make the Neanderthal look appealing.

The Neanderthal Man Check List

They knew I would listen and never say anything negative about their lives, how they lived them or their men. However, I thought a lot, but I laughed at their unbelievable stories—while secretly it hurt my heart to know they thought it was normal to be treated this way.

The Neanderthal Man Check List:

1. He never remembers birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, or Mother’s Day.

2. He never surprises her with flowers, wine, or candy.

3. He never includes her in his plans for the weekend.

4. He barely kisses her at all.

5. He never asks her about her day.

6. When she has a migraine, he stands over her bed asking: "Where is my dinner?"

7. He never takes her out unless it is to one of his friends' barbecues.

8. He never walks with her; he is always ahead of her, telling her to "Come on."

9. He never goes shopping with her; he never buys the groceries or even brings milk home—because that is her job.

10. He never makes love to her---it is only sex like some rutting animal with no passionate kisses---it is wham-bam-with-a-no-thank-you-ma'am.

11. He never takes her to the movies---he just sits in his recliner, drinks beer, scratches and watches TV.

12. He never talks to her unless he wants another beer.

13. He never complains about her reading books because then she is silent, and he can watch TV in peace.

14. He doesn't respect that she works outside the home too, as well as does all the work at home; cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, ironing, and shopping for groceries.

15. He never cares about his hygiene or looking good around her; calling him a slob would be too kind.

Listen to Your Girlfriends Talk--it is Good Therapy for Them

And while the three of them talked and laughed that night about their husbands and their treatment, I wondered if this was therapy for them, to get it out in the open with other women who live in the same situation.

It makes me wonder if their men are the people that joked about shopping at Walmart. The people whose pictures are shared on the Internet are the ones dressed in weird, unusual clothing; the unclean, shabby, unmannered, torn clothes, and an attitude that proves they do not care.

Men Who Need an Intervention

Then I look at these three women whom I've called friends for many years and who are living with or married to these men. I cannot wrap my mind around any reason for these beautiful women to select them. Is there a reason I am not seeing it? The only reason I know is that my friends are settling for third best, completely overlooking second best in my opinion.

These men need an intervention, but who would do it? Not their friends because they are alike, and not the women because they do not want to hurt their feelings.

Great Grandmother Valentine

This might be an issue that my great grandmother Valentine could solve. I said my bloodline is filled with hot-tempered, tenacious women, and she was the leader of the pack. This story, embellished or not, was told as the pure truth and written in the family Bible.

My great-aunt's first husband was a mean man, and when his business did not produce a profit, he came home and took his wrath out on my great-aunt. One day, my great-grandmother surprised her daughter with a visit and rode her horse up to their house silently. When she put her foot on the first step, she heard her daughter scream.

When she got to her daughter, her husband was standing over her, beating her with his leather belt. My great-grandmother reached for the cow whip by the back door and proceeded to beat the living daylights out of him. One of her sons walked in and took the good-for-nothing to jail. This was the first divorce in our family, and good riddance to him.


The 2021 Update

I started this article in 2015—skip forward to 2021— One of the three friends' husbands died in an auto accident—she was sad for a very short time and finally found a good man who spoils her and loves the ground she walks on. I told her I was jealous.

The second friend got a divorce and started back to college for her master's degree. She is happy just being alone for now; college keeps her busy.

The third friend has her husband in marriage counseling and he goes to every meeting. I am watching this very closely and with fingers crossed—I want the best for her. Honestly, I do not think this is the right man for her—however, it is not my business—as I ponder.

I stay busy, not minding my own business--because I would be bored. However, strong women are the ones men should pick as their lifelong mate—we are the best.

Lady--Kenny Rogers

A Passionate Man is the Zenith of All Men.

A lovable man who thinks of you first in the morning and what he can do to make you smile when he gets home from work.

I like a man who surprises me by calling at noon and saying, "Don't bother with dinner—we are going out."

He brings you flowers for no reason, and after a passionate kiss, he inquires about your day and listens as he pours you a glass of white wine.

He always touches you as he walks by--it seems he cannot be close enough to the woman he loves. When you've had this kind of man, you will never settle.

I love a bold man who can look me in the face and say sweet words about his true feelings. I want a man who will love me, spoil me, and make me happy in all the ways a woman desires.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2021 Barbara Purvis Hunter


Barbara Purvis Hunter (author) from Florida on June 12, 2021:

Hi Bill,

I know from years of reading your words that your father did a great job. I hope all is well in your world. How is Maggie?

Take Care,

Bobbi Purvis

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on June 12, 2021:

I was raised by a man who believed in treating women with respect. Those lessons never left me. I think I fall on the right side of this "debate." : ) I hope your weekend is brilliantly happy, my friend.

Barbara Purvis Hunter (author) from Florida on June 12, 2021:

Hi dashingscorpio,

Well, some women like to babysit these bad boys, but I have higher standards--to me they are a big waste of time.

Thanks for your comment.

Bobbi Purvis

dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 12, 2021:

The Neanderthal Man Check List #16 He'd die to protect her.

There seems to have always been this weird dynamic with dating.

Everyone's heard the old cliché: "Nice guys finish last."

However no one has ever heard of the LONELY "player", "bad boy", "a-hole/jerk", "narcissist", "gangster", or "alpha male". Is that a coincidence? Probably not.

A lot of women admit to going through a "bad boy" phase.

You could stick such a woman in a room with five men and have four of the drop to their knees extending their heart out to her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping a cocktail acting as if she does not exist.

That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

She sees him as being a "mystery", a challenge, someone she has to "figure out", and she has to "prove to herself" that she can get his attention. If she learns other women want him then his stock rises! (You then have "nice guys" becoming "bad boys".)

Any "nice guys" that cross her path are ignored or put in the friend zone. Some of these women admit they're uncomfortable being placed on a pedestal.

Their own "best friends" and family don't treat them like that. Others claim it creeps them out a little or is too boring.

"Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us."

- Ellen Hopkins

Eventually most of those women grow out of their "bad boy" phase. It's a practical decision on their part to start dating a "nice guy". They're fed up with drama, heartache, and betrayal.

Nevertheless many of these women feel as if they "settled" because they never quite have the same passion they had for the "bad boy". However that's what fantasies are for.

It's been said men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. However with age and experience comes wisdom. Men learn everything that glitters is not gold.

Women learn actions speak louder than worlds.

Too bad we spend so much of youth learning things the hard way.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

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