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A Hopeless Romantic's Take on Modern Love

Sabrina loves to write about love, life, and everything in-between in a candid yet humorous approach.

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I want to start off by saying I’m a hopeless romantic. Always have been, always will be. I grew up watching Nicholas Sparks movies rather then Disney movies so my perfect guy is not Prince Charming in Cinderella or Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid, but rather Noah Calhoun in The Notebook or Travis Parker in The Choice. I get it, it’s based on fiction books, but can’t a girl dream that a guy can still have manners like they did in the South “back in the day.” Is it so wrong to want a guy who still appreciates courting a woman, bringing her flowers, and still being a gentleman in the process of it all? As I grew up, finding such a guy became less and less realistic. As the years went by, I grew more accustomed to the ways of the “modern” man and frankly it left a lot to be desired. I would rarely have relationships because nowadays that’s a recipe for getting lied to and cheated on. So it’s no surprise that my thoughts on marriage have greatly been affected by my experiences. If it’s not always and forever, is it even worth it?

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I wholeheartedly believe in marriage. I have a great example made by my parents who have been together for 33 years. They have stuck together through thick and thin and never gave up on each other. I don’t come from a broken home so I haven’t been affected by the troubles of those who came before me. My thoughts are completely my own and created entirely by the world of today. When I think of marriage, I think of forever. You do it once and you do right and it lasts. Or that’s the way it’s supposed to go. Nowadays it’s more like “until something better comes along,” or “until I get bored and stray.” People don’t have the same morals and values as they once did so marriage is a joke to them. I don’t find this joke of a marriage funny so I refuse to laugh. I’m rather old fashioned I guess, I believe you should fix things and work on them rather than throw them away. Try telling that to millennials though.. if their attention span is even long enough to hear you out..

I get it though, sometimes it’s not your fault that things don’t work out. Sometimes it really is the other person who lies and cheats and completely disrespects the sanctity of marriage. Sometimes you become the victim through no choice of your own because the person you chose to marry simply doesn’t have the same values as you do. It happens and it’s sad but that is the harsh truth. That’s why it’s so important not to rush into marriage. Many believe you should get engaged after a year of dating. I don’t find that to be true. There’s only so much you can learn about a person in a year and getting into a lifelong commitment requires longer than that. That’s the thing these days though, many people don’t even view marriage as a lifelong commitment anymore. People stick around only as long as the getting is good and then it’s on to the next. That’s why many are already on their second or third marriage.

In my old-fashioned mind, it’s always quality over quantity. I’d rather never get married than have three or four failed marriages. Then the problem is me and I’m the one who needs to take some personal time to learn about myself so I can choose better people to share my life with. I’m not judgmental by any means, but some things in this world just irk me like open marriages. If you’re even thinking about having an open marriage, there’s obviously something very deeply wrong in your relationship. Happily married couples don’t just choose to sleep with other people. Something’s missing and you’re obviously not happy if you have to look for pleasure elsewhere. Maybe the only third person you should be inviting into your relationship is a therapist? Just saying.

Also, if you’re a serial cheater, don’t even bother getting married. You know who you are and you know you can’t stay loyal so just stay single or sleep around and leave the people who are looking for a real commitment alone. Just “do you” and move along. Marriage to people like that is literally only a piece of paper and just because they obtain this paper doesn’t make them any better at staying with one person. It’s those same people that take their wedding rings off before they enter a bar in case they get lucky. I’m sure their spouses at home don’t feel so lucky to be married to such “wonderful” people. Monogamy is a part of marriage, get with the problem and take your wandering eye elsewhere.

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Yet others get married simply for the experience of getting married. I don’t understand this either. It’s one day, marriage is a lifetime. If you spent as much time choosing the color of those linens as you did your spouse, you might still be married. On the other hand, if you like weddings so much maybe you should just be a wedding planner and you can plan them all the time. Or even an event planner. Honestly it’s not worth getting married just for the ring and the dress and the guests. I’ll take a courthouse wedding to the right person over a fairy tale extravagant wedding to the wrong person any day.

In the end, I’m a simple person with simple needs. I believe in love. I believe in marriage. I just don’t believe in the modern definition of marriage. I’m perfectly content in not getting married unless I know for a fact it’s right for me. I’ll never do it just for the ring or the piece of paper. Both are worthless with the wrong person. I’m a hopeless romantic but by no means do I expect someone to be perfect. I only expect them to be loyal. In my book, it’s all or nothing. If I’m not enough for you, then you’re not right for me.

**After some research I have found that the novel "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks is based on the author's wife's grandparents. So somewhere out there, a Noah Calhoun once existed. There is still hope for humanity when it comes to love. That is all.

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 GreenEyes1607

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