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A Confused Friendship

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing opens the mind. I live in a foreign country learned a foreign language .

Follow your Heart

The attraction between two people that brought them closer and their moments spent together are the most special moments. He is now married and still is concerned about his lady friend.

His friendship lies in his heart. He knows she will always be special to him and won't tell anyone. He married for so many other reasons except for true love. The woman is happily married, but also enjoys the company of her friend. A situation that is already complicated in many ways.

He pleases his wife into buying her all she wants and deep down wishes he could have for his lady friend. Unfortunately, that is not possible. When all four individuals are together, he pays attention to his wife with kisses and hugs while the lady friend looks on.

She knows his heart belongs to someone else as her heart belongs to her husband. The married woman has lost his friendship, but sees that this man still cares for her. Occasionally, she observed his behaviour. He paid more attention to her and is friendly.

Do you think he is trying to make the lady friend happy in that way?

Is he trying to please both his wife and the lady friend?

Has he developed feelings for the lady friend?

It is difficult to work out when he often does the same all the time. His way is to please others and in pleasing both women he cares for in his life that would make everybody happy.

He once kissed the lady friend and hugged her so tightly, he showed her then that he cares for her. Married and committed to his wife, but has feelings for the other woman,

Can he be confused in his marriage?

Their marriage is based on materialism and she is happy with him showering her with gifts that are her priority. Their happiness is about just that and he feels more for his lady friend. He knew his lady friend at least two years before he had met his wife and is still learning more about his wife.

Do you think he had fallen in love with his lady friend and had not told her about it?

The lady friend knows more about him and his wife is only now coming to know more about him as they are only married for five months.

A relationship between two people that grew a friendship had developed into something more. It is normal to fall in and out of love. Whether you are married or not keeping the faith between two people is not always the case is in this one.

He cares for his lady friend and shows this in the following ways: When at functions with his wife and in the presence of his lady friend, he pays more of his attention toward his friend.

Recently, he put his arms around his wife and his lady friend and had a photograph taken in that pose. He makes sure to say hello to his friend. Little moments are special to him when he is with her.

They have not spent alone time together always among people. The acts of the lady friend and the now married man have grown closer and he feels happier when with her. His time with his wife is mostly about materialistic living. When he is with his lady friend it is more about her life, the simple kind of life.

Do you think he truly loves his wife?

Love binds two people together like glue sticks to a paper, but when that glue starts to fade so does love.

In this case, he married someone he barely knows, and the lady friend is already married, but their friendship over time had developed into something more than just a friendship.

What do you think of this situation?

The lady friend does not share his values and is married. He found someone with whom to share his values, and his tradition and that is all that matters to him.

If he truly loved his wife, then why would he pay more attention to his lady friend?

Is this friendship grown into a confused relationship?

Is he a more forgiving person?

You choose a partner to spend the rest of your life with, because you love them and want them to be a certain way. He chose her because she shares his values.

It is traditional to have an arranged marriage, but is he happy with his wife?

People choose to do things like it has always been done from one generation to the next and he has done exactly that thus far in his tradition.

The relationship with his wife is different not that it is not expected to be different, but he prefers to stay by his marriage in a traditional way. The lack of communication skills allows for the replacement of materialism.

Do arranged marriages last longer than love marriages?


Marriages can last short or long. It is difficult to say how long or short a marriage can last; it all depends on each situation. In some arranged marriages forgiveness is mostly present. However, this is not valid for many arranged marriages.

In other arranged marriages forgiveness and willingness are not shown to one another. A barrier is naturally formed and resentment in any marriage and in an arrangement, divorce is discouraged.

Forgiveness is automatically seen as a greater effect. In love marriage forgiveness is not always the way to go and thus the reason for the hatred and holding onto grudges, and divorce often is the getaway answer.

Also, when you marry, you do it for your sake.

The beliefs of two people allow the arranged marriages to last longer. In certain traditions the marriage lasts longer due to personal beliefs. If marriages are of deep value arranged marriages are good to stay. He is caring for both women, but loves his wife not his lady friend. Life for him has changed since marriage and he wants the lady friend to feel happy.

Even though he is married and knows that he now can be much of a friend to her. The friendship will be there, but only in his heart. Expressing himself to the lady friend was in the past as he did in a hug and a kiss.

What was for him now can never be; he is now committed in his marriage and chose to please both women in his own ways. Whether it is an arranged marriage or a love marriage, it can last with pure happiness.

What matters most in a marriage?

In my marriage communication, trust, respect, acceptance and love all matters to us. Our happiness grew from day one and that showed us more values in ourselves.

A true love marriage is forever

When a couple walks by, hand in hand and laughs at what their partner has spoken of that to me is a well-bonded marriage. You are together and working it out truly. Happiness is very important, and no one can give that to you. It is normal for you to experience happiness from within, not from the gifts.

If you depend on materialism in a marriage when the money dries out, what would you have to stay together?

A true value of a marriage is about special moments spent together. The fact that you can experience all times through together can hold for you and your good marriage.

Relationships and Friendships

Love shows in your actions


Good relationships

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2014 Devika Primić


Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 28, 2015:

Hi Vellur thank you kindly for stopping by. Love does mean more in a relationship.

Nithya Venkat from Dubai on February 25, 2015:

Great hub, love is an important ingredient in a successful marriage. The marriage would be empty and bare without love.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 06, 2014:

lyns I appreciate your efforts and time made to comment at my hubs thank you very much.

lyns from USA on July 05, 2014:

This is an awesome true hub on relationships and marriage, and yes true love I do believe last forever and sometimes the husband will unfortunately go with their wife best friend, (Cheat), but in those cases was that real love and is that a true friend, I doubt great hub. Voted up and plus thanks for sharing 75214p lyns

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 18, 2014:

jtrader thank you kindly for stopping by.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 17, 2014:

D.A.L.'' My own opinion is that you can not help falling in love with somebody ,but you can help what you do about it.'' Well mentioned and so true. Thank you for all votes and for sharing such helpful comments

jtrader on June 17, 2014:

He is handling it in a wise way by not telling his lady friend how he feels, I think.

Dave from Lancashire north west England on June 17, 2014:

This subject as with all your others that deal so well with human emotions is going to attract many comments and views. You wright in a straight forward no nonsense manner which is always very interesting to read . My own opinion is that you can not help falling in love with somebody ,but you can help what you do about it. Voted up ,interesting and useful

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

AudreyHowitt thank you very much for stopping by

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

Hi Shyron thank you for sharing your mind here.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

Hi MsDora thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

ChitrangadaSharan thank you for stopping by

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

grand old lady so true as i looked at this situation. I appreciate your thoughtful comment thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

cecileportilla thank you very much for sharing your mind here.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

word55 thank you very much

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

Harishprasad, You shared a great example here and I am always willing to your thoughts openly. Speaking your mind is what writing and commenting is all about. I appreciate the vote up and shared. Thank you kindly.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

billybuc thank you as always you share a thoughtful comment.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 16, 2014:

Bk42author thank you for sharing such a thoughtful comment I appreciate the vote up.

Audrey Howitt from California on June 16, 2014:

Interesting! I tend to think respect is probably the most important ingredient in a marriage--and in my book, that is earned over time--always an interesting read!

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on June 16, 2014:

Devika, very interesting, relationships can be complicated and this one is no different.

You give us a lot to think about.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on June 16, 2014:

Yes, people become confused over what is (and what is not) acceptable from a friendship which is threatening a marriage. The dividing lines are often not very clear.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on June 16, 2014:

Another thought provoking hub from you! This kind of situation is quite common among men.

Like a celebrity husband, before accepting his relationship with another woman said sometime back and it was in the newspapers, 'I love her but I am not in love with her.'

Thanks for this engaging hub!

Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on June 15, 2014:

I think the man stays with his wife because this is the life that he wants, true to the values he adheres to. In this sense, he loves his wife because she fits the picture of the life that he believes is ideal. The other woman -- he loves her, but if he were with her he would lose everything else that he also loves, the life values, his concept of wholeness, everything. So he loves two women for different reasons, and stays with one.

Cecile Portilla from West Orange, New Jersey on June 15, 2014:

I like your views on what matters most in marriage DDE. I enjoyed your video.

Al Wordlaw from Chicago on June 15, 2014:

Hi DDE, It's always interesting to read any of your hubs. You leave a lot to imagine. Thank you *

Harish Mamgain from New Delhi , India on June 15, 2014:

I read a real life story about a married aged Professor who fell in love with his student who was quite a young vibrating lady. Both loved each other and didn't care for the society. When asked why he wasn't happy with his wife, he told that he didn't receive the warmth and reciprocity from his wife that his beloved lady gave him. I think fulfillment of desires play a major role in establishment of relationships. You have rightly termed this relationship as a confused friendship. This man is split between his two preferences, one his values and other his love. He is walking on two paths at the same time and this will not take him far. He would lose both. There is a nice quote in this hub " Love is not found, it is built ". Marriage is a wonderful platform to build on a true lasting bond between two guys irrespective of love marriage or arranged marriage. Love is to stay with each other in storms and cool breezes alike, understand mutual feelings , care for each other and experience each other's mind, heart and soul. Some tiny skirmishes notwithstanding, making efforts for spreading an ocean of love in one's married life leaving no confusion whatsoever. Devika, you always bring forth thought provoking and great analytical hubs. I couldn't resist my urge to speak my mind. Voted up and shared.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on June 15, 2014:

Your perspective is always interesting. Thank you for this.

Brenda Thornlow from New York on June 15, 2014:

Relationships are so complicated. I absolutely believe you can have romantic feelings for more than one person. I a situation like this, it sounds like one of those instances where he may still love his wife but there's something missing in the relationship. He meets this woman and she's probably very different in a lot of ways from his wife so she stirs up an excitement that he hasn't felt in a while. Doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love his wife anymore (maybe he doesn't, only he knows) it does mean though, that he needs to try to shake things up with his marriage - in a good way - before he does something to jeopardize it. Great hub. Voted up!

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