9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You and What to Do About It

Why Am I Being Ignored?

Is your boyfriend suddenly taking longer to reply when you text him? Is he not responding at all? Are you calling him over and over, and he won't pick up the phone?

If it's only been a few hours, then it's probably not something to worry about. He could just be busy or in the shower. However, if it's been more than a day or so, and your boyfriend is still acting like you don't exist, then no one would blame you for being a little concerned.

Assuming that there hasn't been some kind of emergency, it could be that your boyfriend is ignoring you deliberately. This will be especially clear to you if you notice that he is still active on Facebook or if he's still hanging out with your other friends. Obviously, if he can be bothered to "like" his brother's latest status update, but he can't even respond to your calls, then something is fishy.

What could be wrong, though? Why is your boyfriend ignoring you? Well, there could be literally hundreds of reasons why your boyfriend is ignoring you, but let's narrow it down to the most common ones. Chances are, he's ignoring you for some version of the following reasons mentioned below.

9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You

1. He's mad at you and can't deal with it.
2. Talking to you brings him down.
3. You always want something from him.
4. He feels smothered and needs space.
5. He is considering a breakup.
6. He's preoccupied with something major in his life.
7. He's cheating on you.
8. He hates talking on the phone.
9. He's tired of people.

1. He's Mad at You and Can't Deal With It

Have you ever been mad at someone, but didn't know how to articulate your feelings, so you just ghosted them for a while? This could very well be the case with your boyfriend.

In particular, if your boyfriend is ignoring you after a fight, then you can pretty safely assume that it has something to do with your argument. It could be that he doesn't want to jump into all of the negativity again and think about problems. Naturally, talking to you reminds him of all of that negativity.

It's kind of like the "gorilla in the room" situation. He can't see you without the hidden pressure of all of the unsaid things, but he doesn't want to talk about it, either.

If you want to get him to stop ignoring you, the first thing you need to do is try to remember your last interaction. Were you unpleasant to him? Were you unfair to him? Did you push him to address something that he didn't want to talk about, and he just clammed up?

While communication is important in a relationship, and arguments are just part of that, it's important not to get too personal in your fights. Even if he is ignoring you, he is probably reading your texts, so send him a message and tell him that you want to understand his perspective. Invite him to convey his feelings to you in a non-judgmental way, and don't blame him for what happened between you.

Does this mean that you should act like a doormat? No!

Don't approach him with profuse, needy apologies. Just tell him that you want to understand the situation.

The same goes if you didn't have a fight and he seems to be ignoring you for no apparent reason. Contact him and tell him that you want to understand what's going on. If your boyfriend is ignoring your texts even after you explain your intentions, then he could just need some time to cool off, or it's something else.

Maybe he's mad at you for no good reason but expects you to psychically know.

Some people are just like this. Every little thing offends them, and they will never directly tell you about it. Basically, it turns into a huge guessing game trying to figure out why they're giving you the silent treatment. My advice is to just forget someone like this and ignore him right back.

2. Talking to You Brings Him Down

"Why is my boyfriend ignoring my texts?"

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Maybe because you only text him to complain about your life.

Do you start most of your conversations off with negativity and complaining? This is actually really common. It's also common to be in denial about it. If your first reaction was, "Oh, no, I'm not a negative person at all!" then look through your text thread with your boyfriend.

What were the last few things that you talked about?

Were they mostly you complaining about something that happened during your day? Do you gossip about people? Do you bring drama into his life? Do you never seem to have anything nice to say?

Even if your boyfriend is the same way, he still might find it draining to talk to someone like this. If you are very negative, consider changing your mental habits—not so much for his sake, but for yours.

3. You Always Want Something From Him

Are you always asking your boyfriend for lots of favors? Do you ask him to do something for you every time you call? It may be hard to think about this objectively, but you may be asking more of your boyfriend than you realize. Your boyfriend might be ignoring you simply because he doesn't want to keep helping you with random tasks.

Some guys like doing their girlfriends lots of little favors, but most guys don't, and some guys really don't. One good way to tell that a guy doesn't have that sort of "helpful" personality is if he never asks you for favors either.

4. He Feels Smothered and Needs Space

This is another common reason why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. It's not a good reason since he really should be upfront and tell you that he needs space, but a lot of people who are afraid to speak their minds do this.

He could feel suffocated for many reasons. Some of them might not even be your fault necessarily; he could just be the kind of person who needs a lot of time alone, and you've been hanging around too often. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by turning you down, so he's just been ignoring you instead.

5. He Is Considering Breaking Up With You

It's sad but true: some people are just too cowardly to tell you the truth, so they decide to "ghost" you instead. It could be that your boyfriend is considering leaving you--or has already decided on it—and rather than having a long, painful conversation with you about it, he's ignoring you.

He might be contemplating how to tell you, but can't bring himself to face you in the meantime. He could also just be secretly hoping that you'll take the hint and disappear from his life.

Obviously, whether someone would do this or not depends on their maturity level and how much they value the relationship. Think back to the past: has he ever refused to communicate about something before? Did he ever avoid telling you something important because he thought it would hurt your feelings? Have you ever seen him give a friend the cold shoulder rather than discuss the issue?

These could all be signs that he has trouble expressing what he wants openly. If he really is avoiding and ignoring you because he's too afraid to tell you, then maybe you're better off single. It sounds terrible, but relationships like these really aren't worth it.

6. He's Preoccupied With Something Major in His Life

Your boyfriend's whole world probably doesn't revolve around you—nor should it. (And if your world revolves around him, then stop it.)

It is possible that he is deeply preoccupied with a huge life change or event, and has simply been too absorbed in that to contact you. Of course, that's no excuse to not say anything, but at least it's a reason.

Consider this possibility especially if you tend to be very demanding on your boyfriend's time. Ironically, if you don't have a tendency to call your boyfriend a million times per day, and calls from you are relatively rare, he's much more likely to answer.

However, if you constantly want to spend hours upon hours talking on the phone, and hours more hanging out in person, then he'll realize that replying to you is a huge time commitment. If he's short on time, he may put off contacting you and end up forgetting about your texts and calls.

Again, that's not necessarily a good excuse, but it's understandable to a degree. If you have a needy girlfriend who wants constant attention, but you are in the middle of writing your dissertation, you're going to ignore at least a few calls.

7. He's Cheating

Just because your boyfriend is ignoring you, there's no need to get paranoid and jump to conclusions automatically. Before you decide that he's unfaithful, you need to assess many different suspicious behaviors, not just one.

But if he's been ignoring you a lot and hanging out with other random women, then you might want to consider this possibility. Again, there is no need to go totally psychotic on him, but you should think about taking some steps to figure out if he has been hanging out with other women instead of hanging out with you.

8. He Hates Talking on the Phone

It could be that he simply hates talking on the phone, so he habitually ignores all phone calls. In that case, it's nothing personal; he probably didn't even know that it was you who was calling because he might have not even glanced at his phone.

For some people, it's hard to fathom how anyone in this day and age could dislike playing with their phone, but your boyfriend could be part of this minority. I've definitely been guilty of this myself and I have ignored phone calls from the women in my life. Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered with pressing a hot piece of metal and glass to your ear.

If you think that this might be the problem, then try texting him instead and just wait for him to get back to you. You could also try seeing him in person. You might find that he never noticed that you had called.

9. He's Tired of People (That Means You, Too)

Some guys are very introverted and regularly "unplug" from their social life. In other words, he could be ignoring you on purpose—but only because he's ignoring everyone else, too.

This might seem unfair to you, but it's just a fact of life that some people need more silence than others. It would have been polite of him to tell you what he needed ahead of time, but some women can get loud and complain about that sort of thing (which defeats the purpose of silence).

What do you do if your boyfriend is ignoring you because he just happens to be one of these intense introverts?

Nothing. You just wait. If you can't handle it, that's perfectly understandable. Let him know that a relationship like this just isn't for you.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You

Now that you know some reasons why you are being ignored, the question remains: what do you do? You can't just sulk in your room all day pining for your boyfriend to contact you, instead, you have to go out and do something productive.

• Hang out with your friends: Go out and meet up with your friends and do something fun. Doing this will help take your mind off the situation, plus who doesn't like having a fun time with friends? You can also try turning your phone off entirely during this time, so you don't obsess about your boyfriend contacting you.
• Do something active without your phone: Another great strategy is to disconnect and do an activity without your phone. Going for a run, hike, swim, or bike ride are all great options. Getting out in the world without your phone is a great way to relax and not dwell on the situation. Plus it's good for your health!
• Watch a movie or read a book: With Netflix and Amazon, you have plenty of options when it comes to getting movies or e-books at the touch of a finger. Pick something that will capture your attention and relax. Again, turning your phone off enhances this greatly as you won't become distracted by anyone.

How to Get Your Boyfriend to Stop Ignoring You

For many people, it is not so much the why but the how—namely how do you get your boyfriend to stop giving you the silent treatment? Here are some strategies to help you get him to start talking to you again.

• Remain calm and composed: Don't hassle your boyfriend and don't appear frazzled or upset, all that will do is make the situation worse. Instead, take a relaxed approach and wait for him to respond to you. Trying to call him multiple times or sending multiple texts will not help the situation get better, be courteous and respectful.
• Be straightforward: Let him know that you are concerned and that you feel that he is acting in a way that makes you think he is ignoring you. Don't go accusing him of anything, simply state how you are feeling.
• Change your perspective: As I've stated before, there are many legitimate reasons why he is not responding to you. Take a step back and try to see things through his perspective. He could very well have a lot of other things going on in his life that require his immediate attention. His world does not revolve around you, and your world should not revolve around him.

Comments

Lily on May 21, 2019:

My bf has suddenly disappeared. He won’t talk to his friends nor me. He won’t answer my calls. I am extremely worried cause this is the first time he’s done this. What should I do?

Riddhi on May 20, 2019:

I was doing many calls and msg to him even though he is busy and bcoz he was not giving me time I was fighting with him aso now he is not calling and not even talking to me he has block my number 100 times I said sorry to him. But then also he is not forgiving my mistake and not talking to me any mor what should I do

anonymous on May 03, 2019:

my boyfriend and i were very fine last week, we even talked on a monday. but now it has been three days and he hasnt bothered himself to greet me, i tried asking how he is doing and have i done anything wrong and he told me, :"nothing really", this showed that he is not interested or bored of me.... what shall i do?

Layla on April 30, 2019:

My boyfriend and I were talking just fine last week. Over the weekend, I tried planning something but he just never got back to me. I didn’t really mind.. but then his replies seemed as though he wasn’t interested in talking to me at all. Now, it’s been three days and he hasn’t talked or texted me on his own. I’ve been trying to talk to him and it’s like he’s bored of me.

Ashley on April 25, 2019:

The last time we had agreat talk is last monday he ask if i was okay because of earthquake, on tuesday morninh he called me but unfortunately the rung stopped before I answered it but i texted him right away but he never replied or call till now thursday so its been 2 days . He is not responding to any of my text :(

Lucy on April 15, 2019:

My boyfriend have been texting me back one day later lately, before that we were really fine. He is online a lot as well. Should I be worried?

Melanie on March 26, 2019:

My bf hasn't answered my text and when he was leaving home from school he didn't give me a hug or a kiss as a goodbye he just told me bye and left as soon as he left I wanted to cry cause I keep thinking that I did something wrong between me and him and that's why hes ignoring me

Jenny on March 21, 2019:

My bf is ignoring me for a month n few days. I had ask him many times tht he wants me or not but he nvr replied. Sometimes he dont open my msg n sometimes he just see n let it go. But whenever i ask him why is he avoiding me? He alwayz says im not. What should i do???

Iman on March 03, 2019:

Hi I had misunderstanding with my bf and since 2 weeks he has not been picking up my calls or replying my messages

jade on February 28, 2019:

My boyfriend works in construction a few towns away. We’ve kind of stopped texting and calling, I know he’s busy and says he’s not a big texted by whenever we’re together he’s always texting his friends. I feel like he’s losing interest?

Joy on February 19, 2019:

Ma boyfriend is not reply to my text and call for 3weeks now but he still save my no with my love wat should I do

anon on February 19, 2019:

hi my boyfriend is training out of state, and he left me on read. WHAT DO I DO???

loice on February 18, 2019:

My boyfriend has not been responding my calls for three days now..what is wrong

Ruhi on February 17, 2019:

I'm a bit depressed these days because of my parent's harsh behavior, and my boyfriend knows this. Whenever we talk about this, he suddenly stops replying to my messages. What should I do? Please someone help me

Anonymous on February 16, 2019:

I have depression and my boyfriend knows that. I don't come to him anytime i get a little sad because i don't want to be that girlfriend. But the last conversation we had i was having a very hard time. Long story short i i was having some suicidal thoughts and came to him (like he insists i do), and in the middle of the conversation he stopped replying. I eventually had a cutting relapse and told him (again. Like he has asked me to do if it happens.) And it still took almost 24 hours for him to respond. Help.

Natalie on January 21, 2019:

My boyfriends ex came to stay with his family for the weekend. And now it’s day 2 and she leaves tomorrow but he’s rarely texting me, and leaving my messages on seen on social media. What does that mean?

Corina on January 13, 2019:

A man I met while travelling with whom I had a brief encounter but formed a deep bond, kept in touch through friendly and romantic emails regularly, until one day when he stopped very abruptly. I related him a traumatizing experienced in which I had been nearly raped and murdered, and I unwittingly made a slight allusion that he was to blame. Although he had replied upon seeing my email assuring me that he will read it and reply in detail, he has since then, disappeared. Repeated emails I sent remained unanswered, so I interrupted any contact with this man. I remained deeply hurt and confused, and 2 years and half, later I sent him a very angry email in the middle of a depression crisis, without knowing if he received. I never understood why he disappeared and never replied anything anymore, until I decided to search for him and ask him why, in person, 3 years later. Then he explained that he had felt guilty, and he tried to ignore my existence and the existence of my email, with which he could not deal or reply to. Only now I understood that it had been my fault for his disappearance. I also understood that he had been so scared by the words I used in my second, angry email, that he believed I had returned to search for him to kill him. I have been unable to convince him otherwise, and the rekindling of a friendship between us was impossible. Following my departure, we tried to remain in touch again, through email and chat. He did one episode of silent treatment, almost immediately, he stopped writing abruptly because of something that upset him apparently a lot, although it seemed irrational to me. When he did this I got very angry and told him so. And my words upset him very much again. I apologised, although himself didn't feel as if he had hurt me with his cruel and unexplainable silence. He always did when it happened to hurt me the most, when myself was more emotionally demanding of him. It happed again, a third time, and this time it's definite. I tried to contact him in any way to find out what had upset him, but he is rejecting me violently and avoiding me at all cost, in an apparent state of extreme fear, even terror, which has no explanation. He is hallucinating about acts of violence that I am allegedly doing against him. Am I guilty of abuse, or does he have deeper wounds from the past causing him to perceive danger and threats from others, without a real base?

Sam on December 29, 2018:

He’s been ignoring me for like a week but everything I post on social media he’s the first person that looks and I do Be posting things but it doesn’t be about him and he would text my friends but not me and he will open my text and not text back I think I should just give up and move on

Rosie on December 28, 2018:

I’ve only read the beginning and I can tell this is ridiculous. It’s automatically placing blame on the woman. Yes, one person can be emotionally abusive, needy, rude, and drive their S/O away. But if someone is purposely ignoring you, you deserve to know why. Listen to your gut, you know whether or not you caused this.

Faizw on December 28, 2018:

If asked my boyfriend if our relationship is over, but he didn’t respond. What does that mean?

Judith on December 21, 2018:

OK, you girls all are very young I asume. Take some advice from an "old girl". Never, never ever make a boy friend , husband your priority in life!!!! You are an independant individual with an own life, live it!!!

No man can give you the meaning in your life, no relation ship can fill you characterwise!!! Find your path, your goals and dreams and go for them, if you find some one who might share them with you fine, but your life is yours, your happiness is priority so never ever become a "we" alsways stay an "I". Life is too short to be wasted on bad relationships and unmatching people!!!

San on December 20, 2018:

My boyfriend is ignoring me, but he says he's not moving on with no other new girlfriend, what must i do?

Jessixa on December 10, 2018:

My boy friend of 7 years has nobeen slowly pulling away for one year now. It started by jim not texting me then i xiilnt talk to him at work jow he has his own room and has just started to stop having sex with me what do i do i depend on him financially

Juliet p adetunji on November 01, 2018:

My boyfriend has been ignoring close to one week and my mum called that he sent money to her.is he still interested in me?

Trix on October 16, 2018:

My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. As the months go by, he spends more and more time sitting outside after work. He will talk to his friends and family on the phone or if they visit he comes inside for a while but barely stays inside long enough when it is just us to eat before he is back outside again and ignoring me. I stay home all day taking care of the house and our two dogs who have separation anxiety and can barely get out of the house sometimes. I am starting to feel lonely and depressed but he doesn't seem to care. He apologizes when I bring it up then does it again the next night. I get he works a lot so he deserves to relax but why can't he relax inside? Heck, he used to complain about not being able to play video games after work at his old job or stay up and relax, now he can but he would rather stay outside and kill his phone battery. What do I do?

Barbie doll on September 30, 2018:

My boy friend ignored me for 14 days i tried call and send text messages but he not respond

Anon on September 25, 2018:

So I'm going through quite a traumatic thing right now and my boyfriend knows about it. He hasn't replied to my texts or call for 7 hours. I've been spacing my texts about 3-4 hours apart in case he needs space but he knows that I really need his support. I'm a little Burt by it and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

camille on September 21, 2018:

my boyfriend is ignoring me for 2 days what does that mean?

Annette on September 18, 2018:

All too familiar...man chases woman, tells her everything she wants to hear, she falls in love and then once he has moved on she left feeling unwanted and loved, seeking his love and attention, bewildered why he is no longer there for her. We then get advise like this where we are not supposed to contact him....okay, overwhelming him with texts and messages or calls is one thing,but when you have little contact and you are still waiting it becomes a waiting game, a game where you no longer have the priority in this man's ;life you once had. Too many times we seek what we once had and then we ladies become pursuers and I think that's when things go wrong. Guys cannot appreciate the chase from us.

terri haymoire on September 18, 2018:

me and my boyfriend always fighting and annoys me around people and it hurts a lot he talks to friends and others girls on xboxs and annoys me all day and night and i don't like it i told him he always do it again and he lets his friend talk crap about me he won't stand up for me im getting tried of being with him but i love him but his not loving me right his hurting me i can't take another lie from him what should i do ?

Misha on September 15, 2018:

Hi I really need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and over the past few weeks weve become even closer. We were texting really nice things last night then I called him this morning and he didn't answer but text me saying he doesn't no what to do. I tried to speak to him to understand but he's refusing to answer the phone and is being really cold towards me. Is it me or is there someone else? I'm not the type to call him a thousand times a day we both have our own space so I know it can't be because he feels smothered? Do I ignore him when he does try to call?

Hana on August 27, 2018:

We’ve been dating for almost 3 months.. recently he doesn’t text me back but he still sees my messages. When I’m chatting with a friend through Facebook messenger I see he is online and I call him but then he doesn’t pick up my calls.. btw we are in a long distance relationship and he is in the marines (his base is in the USA) don’t know if to worry or not :(

Jenna on August 24, 2018:

Last time I think my boyfriend wants me just for sex. He ever says he loves me, he seem to care about me, he ever speaks about a common future so I think that maybe I am just paranoic. But I noticed that we really understand each other, and have good conversations just when we talk about sex.

LoveFrankie on August 23, 2018:

My boyfreind never tells me he loves me any more and he takes way to long to reply.he hasnt text me back in three days.Does he not want me anymore???

Kerry Adams on August 18, 2018:

I want my boyfriend back together for good this time he didn’t dump me if he does it not worth it anymore please support me

kayla on August 06, 2018:

my boyfriend talks to other girls in dms but i mean they r just friends so i dont wanna jump into conclusions but he's been ignoring me for the past few hours n im afraid he's hanging out with one of the girls idk what to do

paired on July 30, 2018:

my boyfriend is mad because i watched anime without him now he's ignoring me :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Anonymous on July 18, 2018:

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 months now but the last 2 months he has been ignoring me because he was preparing for his exam and I just assumed that he must be preparing because he ik the middle of nowhere dissappeared. I waited really long now and apparently he has another exam coming up and so its 2 momths now and he still wont come also i talk alittle to his sister so I KEEP GETTING TO KNOW About him. I messaged him on whatsapp because I know he has his phone and kept calling him and he blocked me with no response. Don’t know what to do...

Mal on July 15, 2018: