Isaac is a graduate of the University for Development Studies and he loves to help people have great romantic relationships.
Questions You Need to Ask
Research has shown that asking questions before marriage can increase the chances that the marriage will work: finding out what kind of a lover you are and what you can give to the marriage can help you to work on yourself and make adjustments so that you can relate excellently to your partner to increase the likelihood that the marriage work.
So, here are some premarital Christian counseling questions you should ask yourself as you date, court, and prepare to marry that special lady or that special gentleman.
- What do you know about marriage? What intrigues you about marriage?
- What was your view of marriage when you were growing up? An enjoyable union? An institution full of heartache and pain? Has that view changed?
- How highly do you value marriage vows? Do you think it is just something said on the wedding day to make the occasion look grand? Do you feel that you must be committed to them throughout the entire duration of a marriage?
- Do you know my love language? Do you think I know yours? How can we synchronize them to create a strong bond of love?
- Some young people have great relationships prior to marriage, but have terrible marriages. What do you think we need to do to have a good transition from being a dating couple to being a happy married couple?
- Would you say you like comparing yourself to others? Would you compare our marriage to other marriages? Will you compare me as a spouse to other spouses?
- Do you think that we are a “team”? If we are not, what do you think we can do to help us become a strong “team”?
- How often do you think we should conduct marriage assessment meetings to assess the strength of our marriage so that we can deal with the weaknesses we see in the marriage? Weekly? Monthly? Quarterly?
- What are the strategies we will use to ensure that we keep loving ourselves forever? How will we put these strategies into action and make them practical in the marriage?
- Do you feel that you own this relationship? Do you put in your best at all times, or you feel that I own it and so I must put in more effort than you to make it work?
- Poor personal financial management skills is one thing that can cause the dissolution of a marriage. Do you know about money management? What do you know about money management in the context of a marriage?
- Do you think I am a good leader? Do you feel that I will lead the kids that we will have well? If you don’t think that I am a good leader, where are my shortfalls? What do you think I can do to become a better leader so that I will be a good example to our kids?
- Do you feel that I am a supportive partner? What can I do to become more supportive?
- What are the strategies we will use to keep building trust especially as the marriage evolves and we both develop close associations with members of the opposite sex in our various workplaces?
- Since the marriage will evolve and experience changes, I want to know how you react to change? How will we work together to shape the change so that it works for our benefit and not against the marriage?
- What are the risks to our relationship? How can we manage those risks so that they will not destroy our marriage?
- Are you a perfectionist? Do you expect me to be a “perfect” partner, or you will be okay if I am not perfect but I do my best to make progress as a lover as the marriage grows?
- What is your emotional plan for parenthood? Do you think you are well prepared emotionally to become a father/mother?
- If you are a woman, you may ask, “What do you know about pregnancy? Do you have any sisters who have been pregnant before? How did you relate to them when they got pregnant? Do you know some of the things that happen to a woman when she is pregnant? Tell me 10 things that a woman goes through when she gets pregnant? Can I expect you to give me the support and care I need when I am pregnant? What do you think you can do to help me have peace of mind when I am pregnant? What do you expect of me during that period so that there will be peace in the house? Have you held a baby before? How did you feel when you held him? Have you fed a baby before? Changed diapers before?
- Do you get bored with people easily? Do you think you will get bored with me after 5 years of marriage?
- Are you playful?
- Would you say you are a conscientious person? Do you think I am conscientious?
- What is the worst mistake you have made in life? Have you forgiven yourself for that mistake? How will you react if I make that same mistake when we marry?
- What do you do when you feel like giving up on life when you face very, very tough challenges?
- Are you comfortable when you make yourself vulnerable for the sake of this relationship? If you don’t feel comfortable, why?
- Do you try to make the most of life’s opportunities when things are going against you or you choose to grumble and complain?
- What makes you tick? What makes you succeed on a project and move on towards higher goals and accomplishments? How can you bring that to bear on our marriage so that we can make it work?
- Do you think I am a good listener? Do I make you feel that I value what you are saying to me always?
- Am I a poor listener? Do I disrespect you when you are trying to communicate with me?
- Would you say I time my communication properly? Do you understand my communication perfectly?
- Would you like me to talk a lot more when I am with you? Talk less? Ask more questions?
- Are you happy with the non-verbal messages and the body language I use when I get angry?
- Do you think I respond constructively when you hurt me? Do I show that I appreciate your views too? Do I respond destructively? Am I too dismissive or do I often talk about myself instead of addressing your concerns when you have issues that you want to let me know about?
- Does the way I behave inspire confidence in you that we can make this marriage work? Does it give you misgivings and make you feel apprehensive about our future together?
- Do you have the “we” feeling when you are with me?
- Do you feel that I am faithful to you? Why?
- Do you agree with the research that suggests that conflicts can help strengthen a marriage? Are you one of those lovers who easily get discouraged when conflicts crop up in a marriage?
- What are some of the things you think I can do so that we can get on well all the time?
- Do you have any date ideas which we can use to sustain the passion in the marriage?
- What can I do to make you fall in love with me again and again as the marriage progresses?
- What will we do to cope with holiday stress so that it does not draw us apart?
- Do you think I am romantic? What can I do to become more romantic?
- Do you think I have grown as a lover during this period of dating? Am I still the same person you met? Does that scare you that I may not evolve as our marriage evolves?
- Would you say you had a great relationship with your parent of the opposite gender?
- Did you have a great relationship with your siblings of the opposite gender?
- Do you see marriage as an exciting adventure that we will both embark upon and experience joys, or you see it as a “necessary evil” that must be endured and so you will just go through the motions of being a married person?
Premarital Christian Counseling Questions
Premarital Christian counseling questions you may ask may center around how both of you see marriage, changes you may experience when you get married, pregnancy, effective communication, and some spiritual issues.
© 2018 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio