Make Your Marriage Stronger
Kwame and Adwoa spent the first few years of their marriage in bliss; everything was so magical and wonderful. As the marriage went on, the couple noticed they did not find the time with each other emotionally fulfilling. What Kwame and Adwoa had tried to prevent was happening. They wanted their marriage to work, but they realized the marriage was not strong and they were drifting apart. The gap between them kept widening every day. They held a meeting and resolved to take steps to prevent the marriage from collapsing, and to make it stronger.
What are some of the things you can do as a couple to also make your marriage stronger, if your marriage is going through turbulent times?
There are certain steps you can take to make your marriage better and stronger, even if it is going well now. I want to share with you these tips to make your marriage stronger.
Relive Good Memories
There are events in the past, days in your marriage, when you had some wonderful moments which made you laugh as a couple, or feel good about yourself, your spouse, and the marriage. Some of these events, and days, may be the day on which your spouse bought you a great gift you can never forget, or the day your spouse came home, enticed you into the bedroom and gave you the most incredible lovemaking sessions you have ever had, or a time when your spouse said something so romantic which you can never forget.
Set aside specific days on which you can remind yourselves as a couple, talk about these experiences, refresh your mind about them, and make jokes and laugh over them. The first Sunday of every month is a good time to schedule this activity.
This activity will help your marriage in two ways:
- It will help you to bond as a couple as you spend quality time together and reminisce on the good times you have had in the past.
- The memories you bring back can serve as a motivation to make you work hard to maintain your marriage.
Make Romance Exciting
There are certain activities you can engage in to make your marriage stronger. Some of these activities include making your romantic life more exciting. You can decide to set aside certain Saturdays of the year when you can have dates in your house. Make it a regular feature of your married life. It will help to make your marriage better than ever.
On these days, cook a meal together and take it to your bedroom. Eat the meal whilst you play romantic songs in the background.
Whilst eating, create jokes and laugh out loud. Make playful passes at each other. Focus on utilizing the time to connect mentally as you converse and eat. Appreciate your spouse by telling him or her twenty things you like about their body.
After the meal, dance whilst you are in each other’s embrace, to the cool music playing in the room. As you dance, smooch each other and excite yourselves until the feelings build up to the point where you both feel like engaging in marital relations. End the date by having a creative lovemaking session, which should involve experimenting with lovemaking positions you have never tried before.
This is one of the ways to make your marriage stronger.
Having these regular dates at home have certain advantages:
- They are cost effective—you do not need to spend too much money and time to organize them. You can prepare the meal with available food in the house, which will save you money which you would have otherwise used to pay the bills at a restaurant.
- It will save you time. You will not need to travel to a restaurant which may be located far away from your house. This also means you can have these dates on weekdays, after work.
- It will give you privacy to do things which you cannot do in a public place, such as laughing loudly, and being playful.
Leave Your Office Behind
Some spouses bring work from the office to the house and make the house an “extension” of their workplace. Instead of focusing on their spouse, having a conversation to find out how their spouse fared in his or her workplace, and to give moral support if they have to, they absorb themselves in more work. This does not make you look like a concerned spouse, and it can make your spouse irritated and lonely since he or she expects you to give them full attention when you come home.
Therefore, if you want to make your marriage better, when you are coming home, leave all work behind, and leave the irritations and frustrations you went through too behind. Don’t carry the office mentally into your home, even if you leave the physical paperwork behind, or put your laptop aside. Make up your mind to give full attention to your spouse, and to engage in meaningful conversation with him or her for the rest of the evening. This will help you to talk through outstanding conflicts, reassure each other about your love for yourselves, and to share ideas on how you are going to go forward as a family.
Leaving your office behind has another advantage. It will help you to regenerate yourself as you relax and converse with your spouse, and this will impact positively on your productivity in the sense that the mental rest at home will help you to be alert and creative so that you can maintain or increase your productivity at work the next day.
Learn to Forego Individual Needs for Couple Needs
As a couple you may have the same psychological needs, and many of your social needs may also be the same. Your spouse may look to you to play your part in satisfying many of these needs.
You should be prepared to satisfy your spouse even if you have to subdue your own personal needs in the process, if you want to make your marriage stronger. For example, if you are a husband who is working so hard to make money so that you can provide for the family, so hard that you do not make time for your wife and she feels neglected and tells you about it, you may have to let go of some responsibilities at work so that you can free yourself a bit and make more time for her.
If you are a wife, for example, and your husband feels you are misusing the family finances because you are buying too many ostentatious goods, such as jewelry or shoes, and he wants you to cut down on expending on these things so that you can contribute to the school fees or hospital bills of the children, you must sacrifice your desire to buy these things and humbly agree with him. This will prevent quarrels and fights, which tend to weaken the bond in a marriage.
How do you make your marriage better? By communicating well.
Communication is a two-way exchange of information, understanding, and ideas—You try to get an idea or understanding across to your spouse so that he or she can take an action, and he or she tries to get you to understand some kind of information that will benefit the marriage in the long-run.
Some couples make the mistake of thinking that because they talk to their spouse, they are communicating Talking to people is not communicating. Talking to your spouse does not mean you are communicating.
Talking down at people is even worse. When you talk at your spouse, especially when you are angry, it may make him or her feel you are treating them in a condescending fashion. Everyone has some self-pride, and when your spouse feels the way you are talking down on him or her is humiliating, he or she will respond in anger, and this can lead to fights.
If you want to make your marriage stronger, you must talk with your spouse, and actively listen to views. That is communication.
When you are angry and you want to communicate with your spouse:
- Take rapid deep breaths to help you calm yourself down.
- Then, in a respectful manner, talk with him or her about whatever issue is bothering you.
- Make eye contact.
- Look into his or her face, and speak slowly and gently so that your spouse will be able to assimilate it and take action on it.
If your spouse wants to put across a concern, or to pass on some vital information to you, stop everything you are doing so that you can listen. If you are watching a soccer game and your wife wants to pass on some information to you, it would be respectful to turn off the television, give her your full attention, and listen to that piece of information; turning off the television for a few minutes will not kill you.
If your husband wants to tell you something whilst you are cooking, and at the same time the baby is crying, ask him to excuse you for a few seconds if it will not be convenient for you to speak to him at that moment. Wait till you can listen with full attention before you listen to that concern.
Not listening actively is rude, is a poor way of communicating, and can make your spouse feel unwanted, and if this continues, your spouse may find someone who will give him or her the listening attention they want.
Communicating well is one of the things you can do to make your marriage stronger.
Show Consistent Actions
A spouse will generally respond well to a good spouse who shows consistent behavior, a spouse who is predictable in his or her actions. When you are consistent in your behavior, it helps to build trust in the marriage. Trust is extremely essential in any relationship, especially in a marriage relationship. When there is trust, then you feel more relaxed, and this makes you better able to please your spouse, which is an important part of making your marriage stronger.
Your spouse will quickly mistrust you when you blow hot and cold, when you do not fulfill your promises, and when your actions are inconsistent with what you say. And when your spouse does not trust you, his or her commitment to the relationship is weakened, and the marriage cannot grow stronger.
Showing consistency in your actions is one of the ways to make your marriage better and stronger. It gives your spouse a sense of security which comes from him or her knowing that you can be depended upon, and when your spouse feels they can depend on you, they are also willing to give their maximum best to the marriage to make it work and become stronger.
If you want your marriage to last till death parts you and your spouse, then put in the maximum effort to make your marriage stronger. When it is strong, then there will be no fears of a breakup or divorce, and you can enjoy your short stay on Earth.
Make Your Marriage Stronger
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio