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50 Things Real Women Don't Do

Linda (Kaywood) Bilyeu is a self-published author. Her books are available on Amazon. She writes from the heart—there is no other way.


In all fairness to my article 50 Things Real Men Don't Do I thought it would be entertaining to create an article for women also!

OK, I also had a few requests for retaliation.

Regardless men and women are still awesome and without them where would any of us be?

Something to ponder before you read the list.

Mind you, it wasn't as easy to create this hub since women are near perfect!

Yet I was able to come up with 50 things with a little help from some friends.

You will notice that some of the things that I listed about men I also listed for women because they fit the criteria.

Once again I will emphasize that this list is based on opinions. Feel free to add your opinions in the comment section.

Are you a real woman?

  1. Curse and swear like a trucker, unless she is a trucker.
  2. Flip another driver the bird, if cut off in traffic.
  3. Drink a man under the table.
  4. Or do anything else under the table.
  5. Take her hormonal rage out on an innocent bystander.
  6. Sleep with her mate's best friend or any other friend for that matter.
  7. Wear spandex in public.
  8. Dress like a hoochie unless you are out clubbing or you are a hoochie.
  9. Act like a man, but yet they have balls.
  10. Neglect a mammogram due to a few seconds of discomfort!
  11. Neglect a pap or colonoscopy because it's degrading!
  12. Drive erratically in their oversized SUV's because they can't reach the gas pedal and the cushions they are using shift while they are driving!
  13. Go bra-less in public. The girls need the extra support.
  14. Apply makeup or tweeze their eyebrows while driving!
  15. Have hot flashes, they have power surges.
  16. Forget to look in the mirror before they leave the house to be sure that everything is in place.
  17. Yell at their kids in public or slap them.
  18. Yank their babies out of their strollers by their shoulders instead of hanging up the cell phone to tend to their offspring.
  19. Tend to their yardwork in heels (yes I have a neighbor who does this).
  20. Start drama, but love drama in movies and books!
  21. Mentally, physically or emotionally abuse anyone!
  22. Expose their g-string panties when bending over. That string is on the dirtiest part of their body, do they really think that's attractive?
  23. Wear clothes that are too tight which emphasizes a muffin top.
  24. Wear more make up than a clown, unless it's halloween.
  25. Have fingernails that are more like talons or claws.
  26. Aren't selfish or self-centered.
  27. Trash their mate for the benefit of conversation or humor.
  28. Wear shorts where the bottoms of their bottoms are exposed.
  29. Burp or pass gas in public.
  30. Talk while chewing food in their mouth.
  31. Expect the guy to always pay, dutch treat is their preference.
  32. Quit before trying and they never give up. Ever.
  33. Cook and clean every night, they believe in take-out and a little dust never hurt no one.
  34. Expect someone to make them happy, they believe happiness comes from within.
  35. Chow down on popcorn, slurp sodas and constantly chatter during a movie at a theater.
  36. Talk behind their friends back and then invite them to lunch as if they are BFF's.
  37. Floss their teeth at the dinner table.
  38. Fabricate stories for attention, unless they are desperate for attention.
  39. Demand to be catered to, they cater to others.
  40. Walk away from a commode without flushing it. They know no one wants to see their business.
  41. Whine or complain. They get the job done. No ifs, ends or buts.
  42. Go fake. They accentuate the goods they were blessed with.
  43. Kick a friend to the curb because so and so said so and so about so and so. They think outside the box and use their best judgement from prior experiences with so and so.
  44. Take things so serious. They can laugh at themselves and can laugh at others also!
  45. Never need to touch a public toilet seat, they are trained professionals in how to use the powder room without contracting a deadly disease.
  46. Wear swimwear that they are spilling out of. They make sure everything is tucked in it's proper place before appearing in public.
  47. Hold up the grocery express lane with more than 10 items!
  48. Judge people because they are unique.
  49. Blame their parents for what's gone haywire in their lives! They take responsibility for their actions.
  50. Do not need a list to tell them they are a real woman!

Disclaimer: As a woman I thought this list would be much easier than the list for men, but it wasn't. Possibly I am correct and women are near perfect!?!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2012 Linda Bilyeu


Fabio on May 31, 2020:

How about cheating? You listed that for men.

Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on August 11, 2017:

I love your clever list, though, Linda. Go get'm, Tiger!

Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on August 11, 2017:

I'm a real woman but by my own standards. Hugs!

Scroll to Continue

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 21, 2017:

Scratch away!! Ha!!

Suzie from Carson City on February 20, 2017:, yeah, about that "roar." At my age, I must confess my roar is more like a faint "Meow." But I still scratch like a mad Tigress!!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 20, 2017:

Amen, Effer! We are women, hear us roar!

Suzie from Carson City on February 19, 2017:

AH! Who needs sleep? There are jobs that only we women can do....missions we must accomplish! Stay out of our way!!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 19, 2017:

Hi my Effer! I am guilty of living, laughing and loving which leads to lack of sleep! Ha! Love you!

Suzie from Carson City on February 17, 2017:

Guilty?? Huh?? Did I hear someone say, "Guilty?" No way, not me. Whatever it was, I'm innocent!

Oh, wait a minute....I AM guilty of missing my SFAM! Hi girlfriend! Hope your livin, laughin and lovin.....we'll catch up one of these days!

Be HAPPY!.......Love, Effer

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 17, 2017:

You aren't the only one guilty of that! :)

Nicole K on February 16, 2017:

Oops, I'm definitely guilty of applying makeup while driving... mascara and foundation at stoplights.... and lip gloss gotta stop that habit one day!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on April 03, 2015:

LOL! The tight end...isn't that the reason most women watch football! :)

Suzie from Carson City on April 03, 2015:

OK....I'm game for another round at this hub! Yet another reassurance that we are INDEED real women! Real women can spot a REAL entire football field away! He's the Tight End!...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Suzie from Carson City on June 24, 2014:

REAL women...most definitely run on over to Linda's Big Birthday bash!! Don't be late....It's Rockin!!

Martie Coetser from South Africa on August 11, 2013:

Oh, goodness, I have failed the test again!

lovedoctor926 on August 10, 2013:

Hi Sunshine, some of the these are hilarious especially #22. Me thinks they're trying to bring sexy back. lol. Fun hub and funny too. Voted up!

Marie Hurt from New Orleans, LA on August 10, 2013:

Fun read. I didn't get 100% as I have been know to swear like a trucker. Guess we all have something we can work on. . .

Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord on August 10, 2013:

Very good list. I will visit the one mentioned about men. Up, across and sharing.

moonlake from America on August 10, 2013:

I walked passed a woman in the store a few weeks ago. Just glancing at her I thought isn't that cute she must be due any day now. All at once I realized I knew her and that she was not going to have a baby she just had her shirt on so tight it looked that way.

Can't stand women that are rude to waitresses or anyone else that they seem to think are beneath them.

Loved the number 22. Enjoyed your list and agree with all of it. Voted up.

Suzie from Carson City on August 09, 2013:

If ever there was a list that deserves a's THIS one. I loved it then and I love it now. I see that I commented 15 months ago....on #10 on your list. It's kind of spooky, gf...If I didn't know better, I'd think you saw that Rx order, hanging on my fridge; to make an appnt for a mammo! It's been hanging there for 2 months. I'll get to it.

It's also kind of funny how my reaction to the things on the list, have changed a little in only 15 months! Hey! There's # 51! "Real women do not stay the same, year after year and become stagnant. They keep on movin and groovin, getting better and better!" YEAH!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 09, 2013:

Thanks for stopping by Tills! :)

Mary Craig from New York on June 03, 2013:

And the list go and and the lists get better and better. How do you do it? Fifty is a lot of things.

You snuck this one by me, but not to worry, I caught it on FB.

Voted up, useful, funny, and oh so interesting!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on April 05, 2013:

Hi Torrilynn, I'm glad you enjoyed this hub! I had fun creating it :)

torrilynn on February 25, 2013:


really nice and interesting hub that you have here on

what women should not do when they are in public or even

in general. thanks.

voted up

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 25, 2013:

Renegade...Thanks for sharing your point of view!

I also agree with you LL Woodard. I see that far too often then I want to. Thank you for sharing!

L.L. Woodard from Oklahoma City on February 25, 2013:

I didn't notice it on the list, but would like to add that I'd prefer not to see real women out and about in pj's and slippers. It's cute on kids; not so cute on grown women.

Thanks for providing a laugh or two. Great hub; voted up and Shared.

Carolyn Dahl from Ontario, Canada on November 28, 2012:

7. Wear spandex in public.... thank you for pointing that out!! It really disturbs me to see women wearing spandex pants with mid-drift tops, especially large women (I'm sorry but its not flattering- I don't want to see your underwear through your pants!!). This has become a pet peeve of mine and I see it all the time on the street. Fashion faux-pas!!!!

I love your list and I'm so glad you took the time to compile it! I had a good laugh and I think you are bang-on!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on November 12, 2012:

Levertis, Sharkey, Old albion ... Thank you for joining in on the humor. I appreciate it! :)

Graham Lee from Lancashire. England. on October 05, 2012:

Hi Sunshine. What a great hub. I laughed at some, could not believe others and smiled at the hidden meanings that came to mind. First class, Thank you.

Voted up.


Jayme Kinsey from Oklahoma on October 04, 2012:

Awesome. I totally agree with #27. As well as many of the others that involve unladylike behavior.

Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on October 04, 2012:

Your hub is informative, funny, and real! I voted up, useful, funny, and interesting.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 11, 2012:

We are all a bit guilty of some of the violations. Don't sweat it:)

Rfordin from Florida on August 06, 2012:

Thanks for the laugh I voted as a work in progress because I deifnitly am guilty of the above mentioned more then a few times. Good hub!


Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 06, 2012:

Hi Pfenning, I appreciate your comment. Thank you!

Pfennig on August 05, 2012:

Excellent list Sunshine! Reminds me a little of the Proverbs 31... the perfect woman, in that both are describing the admirable characteristics of a quality woman.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 05, 2012:

bac2basics, Absolutely that counts! :)

Hi Patty! I'm happy to hear Josh shared this hub so you could ROFL! :))

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 05, 2012:

I agree Cyndi! Way to go! :)

Patty Kenyon from Ledyard, Connecticut on August 05, 2012:

Josh had shared this Hub and I had to read it!!! ROFL, this was very entertaining!!!

Anne from United Kingdom on August 05, 2012:

Hi Sunshine I may not be even one times a lady let alone three...but as the lisa Stansfield song goes, I am " All woman" does this count lol:)

Cynthia B Turner from Georgia on August 05, 2012:

This was lots of fun to read. Go real woman! Cyndi

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 05, 2012:

Jennifer, I won't even begin to tell you all the places I'm at when I check, it's simple to do with a smartphone :)

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 05, 2012:

Josh and Jennifer your comments are too funny! You both enhanced my list even more! Thank you for sharing your witty, wonderful humor! was about time you heard the truth. Ha! Jennifer, enjoy the festival! Ha!

Jennifer Stone from the Riverbank, England on August 05, 2012:

Hmmm... sorry, meant "passed" not "past", I'm at a festival and a little tipsy....

Jennifer Stone from the Riverbank, England on August 05, 2012:

@ Josh, what's so funny about the women being near perfect comment? LOL Sunshine625, great hub, really funny! I almost past except I drive a big white van and swear like a trucker whilst doing so... and I can drink my man under the table (but at least he's under there instead of me!!) LOL

Voted up and stuff, enjoyable read! All the best, Jen

Joshua Zerbini from Pennsylvania on August 05, 2012:


Awesome hub! I was laughing before I even started the list! "Mind you, it wasn't as easy to create this hub since women are near perfect!" LOL

Funny list with even some serious ones, Thanks for sharing this and giving me a laugh his afternoon! I will now share as well!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on June 20, 2012:

Hi Lisa, Goldie Hawn will always be adorable. Joan Rivers believes in plastic surgery also OMG she's totally plastic and eerie looking! :)

Thank you for stopping by!

Lisas-thoughts101 from Northeast Texas on June 20, 2012:

Sunshine, though I disagree with one or two.... As Goldie Hawn says, plastic surgery is just good grooming :) .... I think it is a great list and a cute hub. Voted up. I'm off to check out your men's hub. It should be equally fun. Thanks for the entertainment.


Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on June 05, 2012:

Hello Vellur, Annart and Cogerson! Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing your thoughts!:)

UltimateMovieRankings from Virginia on June 04, 2012:

A very interesting list. I will have to check out the men's list now. I would say my favorites are #16, #31 and #8. Voted up and very interesting and funny.

Nithya Venkat from Dubai on June 04, 2012:

Enjoyed reading. Hilarious and entertaining. Voted up.

Ann Carr from SW England on June 02, 2012:

Voted up and funny. I like this so much; it's good to have a laugh at ourselves and we all know those who do all those things!

Nithya Venkat from Dubai on June 01, 2012:

Enjoyed reading,we need to let our haor down and enjoy. Great hub, voted up.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on June 01, 2012:

Ruchira you are always welcome!:))

Ruchira from United States on June 01, 2012:

Sunshine...i LOVE this hub and I do realize I am revisiting it. Makes me proud to be a

forwarding it across.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 31, 2012:

Hi M, be sure and post pictures if you should try the heels! LOL!

DragonBallSuper on May 31, 2012:

LOL! Love #19.. gonna try that!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 19, 2012:

Hi Nell, I totally agree!!:)

Thank you for the visit girishpuri!

Girish puri from NCR , INDIA on May 18, 2012:

that's very interesting, my wife likes all these points

Nell Rose from England on May 17, 2012:

Um so your saying that its not ladylike to do these? Ah! lol! really funny, and yes I have met some of these women and no, don't want to again!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 17, 2012:

LOL your hub is awesome!!!

bmcoll3278 on May 17, 2012:

Oh thanks . Sorry I forgot. I don't put links in comments. But I did here because you had asked me to do a part 2. Yours is better though It has many more comments than mine. LOL .oops real men don't use LOL

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 17, 2012:

Hi Brian, You already did in your comment above, but I went ahead and added another link.

bmcoll3278 on May 17, 2012:

Just wondering if you were going to link to part two.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 17, 2012:

Maria that's an excellent song for 50 Things Real Women Don't Do! Thank you for sharing! xo

Howard...that could be a fact, i'll ask my neighbor!:)

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 17, 2012:

Hi Tina, whichever you are comfortable with you have my support!:))

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 17, 2012:

Oh no Christy say it isn't so!!!:)

William A. Howard IV from Baltimore Maryland (USA) on May 16, 2012:

I thought #19 was a way to aerate the lawn.

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on May 16, 2012:


Very cool, very funny list, Linda!

Love this! Voted UP & FAB. Hugs, Maria

Christina Lornemark from Sweden on May 16, 2012:

Fun list but I must admit that I have some work to do before I pass this list:) I will take it as a challenge or maybe I will go for number 50 and work on the others in silence! Voted up, fun, interesting and I enjoyed reading!


Christy Birmingham from British Columbia, Canada on May 16, 2012:

I am guilty of #30 some days.. there's just so much to say! hehe. Thanks Sunshine for a great look into women and also how society views women :)

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 16, 2012:

Hi mts, I'm with you 100%! I'm so glad I'm a woman:))

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 16, 2012:

Hi drbj, Gotta love the power surge! Thank you for stopping by and your votes!:)

mts1098 on May 16, 2012:

When I read the men list I wondered if you were going to create the women version...I can only say that the list is funny and I am glad I am a guy :)

drbj and sherry from south Florida on May 15, 2012:

This list was perfect, Linda. Loved the 'power surge' euphemism and being 'trained professionals in the powder room.' Very clever, m'luv. Voted up.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

There was never a doubt that you would pass with flying colors Annie!! Thanks for the votes!:)

Annie Fenn from Australia on May 15, 2012:

A very comprehensive list Sunshine, I think you have covered everything and I am pleased to know I am a real woman :) We definatly are the more dignifed of the two genders, without a doubt!! Awesome pick me up reading!!! My votes and best wishes to you.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

Thanks for sharing Julie! You are too funny!:)

Thank you jainismus for your comment! Very entertaining!:)

Deb, LOL!!!

Deborah Neyens from Iowa on May 15, 2012:

Uh-oh. I couldn't make it past the first one.

Mahaveer Sanglikar from Pune, India on May 15, 2012:


Jools Hogg from North-East UK on May 15, 2012:

A great list but I fail on two fronts - I swear like a trooper and I don't look in the mirror - it's savage amusement most mornings, I need fresh air not nausea.

Voted up, shared et al.....

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

LOL Cardisa! Good addition! Maybe!:)

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

Hi Rika, the last one is the clincher. It makes up for 1-49. Ha! Thank you for stopping by:)

Carolee Samuda from Jamaica on May 15, 2012:

What an extensive list. I would have added that a real woman knows that size doesn't matter....well maybe not!

Rika Susan from South Africa on May 15, 2012:

Yet another Sunshine classic. Linda, thanks for lots of fun reading this. I loved the last one - the real ones don't need a list. They just compile lists...

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

Alocsin! Your opinion always counts and is appreciated!

Stephanie, Thank you kindly!

Dawn, Your comments are a riot! We don't use the bird too much in Orlando, we have some maniacs on the road!!

Thank you all for yoru comments!

Dawn Conklin from New Jersey, USA on May 15, 2012:

Definitely a perfect list! I only really violated 2 of these. I rarely look in the mirror before leaving the house, I don't usually wear make-up and on a bad hair day it goes up into a ponytail.

I have yelled at my kids in public, but only a couple times and they behave quite well in public now. I must note that when I yelled at them, they were acting out badly in the store.

Oh yeah and I am a NJ driver so yeah, I have had a moment or two of a couple choice words behind the wheel- but not all the time and no bird came out :)

Stephanie Henkel from USA on May 15, 2012:

Only a real woman could have come up with this great list! You have a great combination of very funny, yet true, traits of mature real women. Great hub!

Aurelio Locsin from Orange County, CA on May 15, 2012:

I am going to diplomatically leave the judgment on whether these are good or not to the female gender. An entertaining list, as usual. Voting this Up and Interesting.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

Thank you for stopping by Vinaya and sharing the traits of the fabulous women in your life!!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

GREAT job with your list Brian!! Let me know if you want to play again!! Back to back lists are always fun!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

Ruchira and Made ... two women who know what it's like to be a real woman!

Thanks for gracing us with your presence :)

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:

Yay Maria! I'm glad you are aboard the HubPages train! You know where to find me if you need anything. Baby steps are the best way to go!:)

Ishwaryaa Dhandapani from Chennai, India on May 14, 2012:

A befitting sequel to your hit hub! Once again hilarious and engaging. I thought I am a real woman till I saw point 34! - yes I have that trait! Now I am not 100 percent a real woman! My mom will take home the real woman crown! Well-done!

Thanks for SHARING. Funny & Interesting. Voted up.

bmcoll3278 on May 14, 2012:

Ok you asked for it so here you go. Hope It is half as good as this hub.. Another fifty things real women don't do.

Madeleine Salin from Finland on May 14, 2012:

Funny and outstanding as usual! :) Now this woman has to wake up her kids, take them to daycare and then go to work.

Ruchira from United States on May 14, 2012:

OMG...After reading this hub...I am feeling so GOOD and PROUD of myself...LOL

loved this hub.

Something Shiny from Louisiana on May 14, 2012:

So, you got me to join! I used to write often and I think it's time I get back to it. Baby steps. LOL

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 14, 2012:

Yay bmcoll, bring it on :))

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 14, 2012:

LOL Maria!! Good job for looking out for your girls.

bmcoll3278 on May 14, 2012:

Ok I may need time to prepare. But your on .I will do one for women as well. We had a man list from both a woman's and a man's point of view . I guess we need one for the lady's as well

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